COMPLETE! NOW WITH SEQUEL!Diamond Tiara has moved away to Manehattan leaving behind a lonely and friendless Silver Spoon. Depression slowly sets in, but one Cutie Mark Crusader extends the hoof of friendship. The sequel The Spoon That Refused Polish

The Great and Powerful Trixie has fled from Ponyville because it's canon. Since this is a fan written story, she returns to Ponyville unintentionally and meets up with Twilight after collapsing on her doorstep. To spoil the first paragraph, both mares already harvest feelings for one another. Hilarity ensues as they try to live together by complete force of the author. Will they ever confess their feelings to each other? If they didn't then this wouldn't be much of a romance fanfiction now would it?

Picture by dw1482

WARNING: EXTREME LANGUAGE AND HOMOPHOBIC/RACIST SLURS. The views expressed by my characters are not my views. If you're easily offended by a piece of comedy, don't read. If you complain about it being offensive, then you're obviously not listening to me.

We're on Chapter 1. The majority of the major characters ahve not appeared yet. If this goes against the site rules, inform me and I will edit accordingly.

R. Lee Ermey wakes with a splicing headache. Where is he? He'll soon find out.

R. Lee Ermey crashed into Ponyville.

Join Ermey and the mane 6 as they work through a series of wacky adventures comparable to absolutely horrendous movies like 'Click', 'Jack and Jill' and 'AnyAdamSandlerMovieEverMade'. A completely nonsensical, fic. Written for the pure enjoyment of those mindless sheep who watch Fox News and Family Guy. Sorry Adam Sandler, Fox News and Family Guy fans. But your sense of comedy is just as terrible as mine. So we're all together in this one.

Twilight Sparkle may be the smartest pony in all of Ponyville. She may be able to understand non-linear magical field gains but love eludes her. Can reason and the scientific method shed some light on this mysterious magic? Twilight is determined to try. Surely it is only a matter of applying a proper rigorous series of tests and analyzing the results. It couldn't be any simpler.

Image by lovetomorrowlove

Not long after Nightmare Moon being defeated by the Mane Six and the Elements of Harmony, Luna returns to her normal life in Canterlot. Not long after being there, she learns of the Element of Magic: Twilight Sparkle, and learns more about her feelings than ever before.

(I intend to get part 3 started in January)

Rainbow Dash is having trouble coming to terms with something about herself and seeks the help of her friends.

Contains ponies with non-hetero sexualities. You have been forewarned.

Pinkie Pie's crush on Rainbow Dash is possibly the worst-kept secret in all Equestria. Rainbow doesn't really pay it much attention, though, until Fluttershy asks her to make an important promise. It sounds easy enough to keep ... but a promise, like love, is often harder and more complicated than it first appears.

Warnings for: Adult pony alcohol consumption, romance, and possibly implied consensual adult sexual situations. Involving ponies. As one does.

New cover image added 12/19. Picture is courtesy of my Beloved Spouse.

Trixie returns to Ponyville seeking to put things right between herself and the townsfolk. But when Twilight receives a letter from the Princess, Trixie gets the chance to live up to her previous boasting. Can she do it alone, or will she need the help of a certain purple unicorn?

Disclaimer: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is copyright Hasbro and was created by Lauren Faust. The Mane 6, the Great and Powerful Trixie, Spike, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and every other creature featured in canonical episodes are part of that copyright. All ponies not featured in canonical episodes, such as the Great Lapis Lazuli and the Powerful Pyrite, are original characters from the author's imagination. This is a non-profit fan work made in celebration of a great show and the absolutely amazing fandom that follows it.

The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned to Ponyville with a new act, much to everypony's confusion, especially Twilight Sparkle. Why has she come back to the place of her humiliation? Twilight merely wants to understand Trixie's reasoning, but she quickly becomes just as confused with her own thoughts and feelings. The answers must be in a book somewhere, right?

My fantastic cover image was generously made by nowego. Go look at all his stuff! http://nowego.deviantart.com/
Currently on hiatus. I intend to get working on this again soon; I'm just searching for my muse at the moment. I love this story, I really do; but it makes me feel terrible when I realize how much better it can be. Thanks for reading and I hope you can stand to wait a bit longer, I'm not going to leave you hanging for long.
-Fission 5/6/12

Inspired by the song of the same name by the Silversun Pickups.

All she needs is a shoulder to cry on. A friend, to listen, to understand, to comfort her.
And that's what Derpy's getting, right?
Or is it?
Is it enough to act like a friend?

This is the true test of a good friend. Can Derpy do what she knows is right? Or will she succumb to her torn emotions?

What is the right thing to do?

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Cover image by ~Stein225