Interpolation
Chapter 4: Interpolation
“Many things - such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly - are done worst when we try hardest to do them.”
Angel stood there.
“Please stop looking at me like that.”
The bunny’s ear flopped down.
“I know, I know.”
He selected a carrot and nibbled off the tip.
“Ok, you win, I will go see him. But it is awfully dark out. Maybe I should…”
Another bite.
“Are you sure you will be ok? Alone here? I mean, I won’t be gone long.”
He looked down at the pile of carrots spilling out of his bowl.
“Alright then. Don’t stay up late and don’t eat too fast; you will get an upset tummy. I will be back soon.”
Angel finished his carrot, watched her leave, and selected another.
The climb up the stairs to her room was longer than Twilight remembered. Each step took more effort than she remembered. Her hooves felt heavier than she remembered.
A glance at the gravity meter confirmed that the planet had not gained appreciable mass since yesterday, and according to the scale, she had lost weight since starting her sandwich and tea diet. So there was no reason for her to experience a larger force due to gravity.
The gravitational constant must have changed, she thought to herself with a huge yawn. In the morning I will find a spell to put it right. Another huge yawn. That could cause major problems if left... She never finished the thought as opening the door required all her mental prowess.
Finally, after a heroic defense, the door surrendered and graciously allowed her into her room.
“Fluttershy, what brings ya out this late?” As Big Mac said this, he stepped aside and beckoned the yellow pegasus inside.”
“Angel told me I should come see you.”
Big Mac accepted this without comment, instead ushering her into the kitchen.
“Sorry to be such a bother, did I wake you?” She took her usual seat at the table and gave her usual apology.
“No matter, Ah was jus’ readin’ this book from Twilight.” He gestured to the couch where a candle sat burning next to a copy of Greatness Feels Good: An Analysis of Narcissism.
“Oh, is it any good?” The pony on the cover stood staring into a mirror, transfixed by his own reflection. Fluttershy shuddered; for a second, she thought it had looked at her.
In way of answering, Big Mac passed the book to her. She took it and read the back cover. It didn’t strike her as particularly interesting, but what did was the corner of a photograph that was being used as a bookmark. A quick flip and she was ready to open to the marked page.
“Tea’s ready,” Big Mac said as he deftly traded a cup and saucer for the book.
“Why thank you,” she took the tea for which she had not asked. She never had to ask for tea. He always seemed to know exactly what blend suited her mood. Tonight he had selected a mild yellow tea and added a touch of honey.
The room was exactly how Twilight had left it, except that somepony had made the bed and restocked the candles. One ignited and floated along with her, suspended in a lavender field.
“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” she read from the inscription set around the candleholder, and frowned, but didn’t know why. She was the one who had put the inscription there, and remembered its meaning something, but precisely what, she didn’t know.
She was saved having to ponder such an existential riddle by the sight of the blankets. Her hoof could barely squeeze under the tightly stretched cloth. Centimeter by centimeter, she wiggled into the shelter. She felt safe here. The tight cocoon was almost the tender embrace of a loved one.
She looked up and felt a pang of sadness. She didn’t know it, but she was looking for her mother and father standing over her, tucking her tightly into bed. The memory was too old, too faded.
Big Mac assumed his normal place at the table across from Fluttershy and waited. She took a sip of the tea.
“I hope I didn’t wake anypony up; I know you all have to be up so early.”
“No, no, this family couldna be roused by a pack of stampedin’ buffalo. The snorin’s so bad Ah couldna git a wink if Ah wanted ta.” Big Mac covered his lie with the utmost ease and a gentle snort. The real reason he was still awake had nothing to do with Applejack’s impersonation of a chainsaw, and everything to do with a certain unicorn.
“Oh, good.”
He watched her take another sip of tea. It was probably too hot for her, but she made no comment. His expression was one of total neutrality, not even a hint of curiosity at her showing up at his door at one in the morning. Some nights, they would sit there for hours without either saying a word. Finally, the call of the rooster would dispel the moment, Big Mac would take her saucer, and she would depart in silence. Tonight would not be such a night. He could tell.
With a mighty effort, Twilight wrenched loose the covers from the left side of the bed, then with another jerk broke loose the opposite side. The bottom quivered, still pressed in place by the mattress. A swift jerk relegated the material to its rightful position. So prepared, she rolled back and forth until she was completely encased in the folds.
Her head found the pillow, and its cool smoothness promised a swift flight to the land of oblivion. Once more she looked up and saw the candle floating there, a silent nimbus of light. She pantomimed blowing it out and her magic extinguished it. Before the darkness could rush in, she had her eyes clamped shut.
Guiding the candle ever so slowly, she brought it to rest on the bedside table. A little more to the left, a nudge more, morrree, and there. The telekinetic force abruptly cut off, depositing the candle almost in the exact center of a painted target. In the morning, that would normally be a source of pride.
Mentally she relaxed each muscle. Her withers unknotted themselves as her eyes went slowly from tightly clenched to merely shut. “Breathe, in and out. That’s right, in and out.” Fluttershy’s voice was there, soothing her. She could almost feel her friend there stroking her mane and quietly intoning, “In and out.”
Slowly she began to retreat from the waking world, at last detaching herself from the mortal plane…
After an indeterminate amount of time Fluttershy spoke up, “Mac, I need some advice.”
The red stallion looked on passively.
“It’s about, well you know, Twilight.”
“Do ya love her?”
The pegasus blushed and took a sip of her beverage, now long cold. The tea seemed to fortify her and she responded, “Yes, I do, with all my heart, more than anything else.”
“Then ya should tell her.” His response was so quick and definitive that it gave her pause.
“Just like that? What if she doesn’t…”
“Ah can’t promise she will feel th’ same way. But wut Ah can promise is that ya won’ know until ya tell her.”
Without her noticing, he had refilled her cup. She took a sip and pondered his words. It was a long time before she spoke again.
“What if she isn’t into fillies? What if she thinks I am some sort of freak? What if this ruins our friendship? What if she hates me because of this? Or says she never wants to see me again?”
“Then ya will know. But ain’t that better’n sittin’ here wonderin’? Besides, I don’ think Miss Twilight would say anythin’ like that.”
She looked on dubiously.
“Shy, remember when ya were all worried ‘bout Miss Dash? Worried she would hate you because ya couldna fly fast? What did Ah tell ya then?”
“You told me to talk to her and if she didn’t like me then it was her loss. But Mac, this is so much different.”
“Ah ain’t finished. Remember when ya wanted to go ta Miss Pie’s party? But were too afraid about dancing? What did Ah tell ya then?”
“You told me to try, but this is completely…”
“Who said ya would be good as a bear chiropractor?”
Fluttershy mumbled out, “You did.”
“Even when th’ instructor told ya wouldna make it past th’ first day. Who said ya would be th’ best?”
“You did”
“And Ah was right, weren’t Ah?”
“Maybe, I wouldn’t say the best…”
…Drifting slowly into the world of nod, Twilight let out a small sigh. But, unbidden and unwelcome, a voice rose up. It was calm and reasonable, but carried a self-assured timbre. “What is Spike hiding?”
Whereas she had been previously floating away, she now fell back into her body, feeling the mortal aches rush back. Her eyes screwed up tight trying to fight back to the lost world, but this only made the large quantity of sand in them cut deeper. Her flanks throbbed, reporting their displeasure with sitting in that chair all day, again. Her head pounded and she could feel a pulse at her temples. Every cell reported in. All fully awake, and each screaming its status. The voice retreated, waiting patiently for its prey to tire itself out.
She rolled over and willed herself back to sleep. “Throb, throb…” went her flanks, entirely unconcerned about her demands. She rolled over again and withdrew a hoof from its chrysalis to beat the pillow into a more comfortable position. “Go to sleep!”
“Throb, throb, throb, throb…”
She flipped the pillow and again felt the soothing iciness. But now the blankets were twisted. With a grunt, she righted them, and then beat the pillow some more with her head.
“Throb, throb, throb, throb…”
They sat there in silence, Fluttershy contemplating Big Mac’s words.
“Just like that? Just tell her?”
“Eeyup. Just like that”
“Just come out and tell her, ‘Twilight I am madly in love with you!’ That doesn’t seem a bit over the top?”
“Ah wouldna use th’ word ‘madly,’ but yup.”
Twilight’s tongue joined her traitorous body parts in announcing that it was parched to a level never before seen. According to current scouting reports, all the moisture in her body was currently located in her bladder.
The voice saw its chance and struck again. “He is acting weird, like he always does when he has a huge secret. What could it be this time?”
“Throb, throb, throb, throb…”
Twilight lay there, knowing the battle had been lost, but determined not to give up without a fight.
After an indeterminate period of time, the losses became unsustainable. Her bladder and tongue finally accepted the terms of her surrender, and the candle flicked back into life, rising from its spot. The battle may be lost, but what her body did not know was that she was prepared this time. She climbed out of the battle strewn wasteland that was her bed, and tended to the needs of the victors.
When she returned, feeling much better, she carried a glass of water. Her tongue was confused, and asked her stomach, “You aren’t telling her she’s still thirsty are you?”
“No, are you?”
“No, then why does she have that glass?”
“Maybe for when we tell her she’s thirsty in the middle of the night.”
“Clever, clever filly. I always knew she was clever.”
But what neither her tongue, nor her stomach, nor even her bladder knew was that Twilight was far more clever than they realized. “Not tonight,” she spoke aloud with a savage grin, “Tonight I do what I should have done in the first place,” she announced.
A hush fell broken only by, “Throb, throb, throb, throb…”
Fluttershy sat staring at the centerpiece, bringing the tea to her lips every so often. Big Mac rose from his seat and moved to kneel beside her. He turned her muzzle to face his. She made no effort to stop him and he looked intently into her bloodshot eyes.
“How long ‘ave we been friends? And how often ‘ave Ah given ya bad advice?”
“There was that one time with the viper scale tonic, and then the time with the dragon breath freshener herb…”
“In mah defense, the viper’s scales never looked better and th’ dragon’s breath was minty fresh.”
She gave a laugh, and the emotional barrier broke. “Oh Mac, I’m afraid.” she was crying now, the entire evening’s emotions released in a torrent.
“Have a little faith, have a little faith,” he said as he took her head and held it against him.
She cried on his shoulder and he stroked her mane. Slowly, the sun’s rays spread into the kitchen, and he heard motion from the upstairs rooms.
“Can ya do that? Can ya have some faith?”
He got no reply, save a gentle snore.
From the desk, Twilight withdrew a white stoppered bottle and proceeded to read the extensive label carefully. With great solemnity two white ovals ascended from the bottle. She read the label one more time, resealed the foal-proof cap, and returned the bottle.
“She isn’t? Is she?”
“She wouldn’t! They scare her! Remember when she tried that sleep spell?! She wouldn’t!”
She did.
This time the candle came to rest a considerable distance from its target before being quenched. Contently, Twilight once more flipped her pillow, knowing that the pills didn’t take effect quite this fast, and the calm she felt was merely a placebo effect. But that didn’t change the fact she was calm. Her fear was gone, a casualty of the war. Her eyes stood defiantly open, waiting for the chemical bliss.
With the new found calm, she turned to the voice’s question. Now that her mind was no longer clouded with desperation, the question seemed important. “Why was Spike acting so funny?” She couldn’t remember when he started but it was around the time she had just started the Fluttershy tests. “Yes,” her mind cast itself back, “There was that one morning when Spike went missing for a couple of hours. He didn’t go see Rarity like I thought, because Rarity was gone, where?” Her muzzle screwed up, pondering. “That was only two weeks ago; why can’t I remember?” For a couple of minutes, she floated there wondering, gently rolling the query around.
“Oh yes, she went out for that… fashion… thing.” Twilight told herself that she didn’t remember the name because it was fashion, something that made no sense. She liked Rarity, but no matter how many times she explained it, Twilight still couldn’t understand why an astronomically correct cape was not “in.”
“Sure, it needs to be large and round, but that just means everypony can see it and recognize all the constellations. Surely accuracy counted in the fashion world. But apparently not. What was I just thinking about? Something to do with Rarity. No, wait, something to do with Spike.” She felt slow, but that was only to be expected after all she had… Done what? It wasn’t important.
“So if Spike didn’t go see Rarity, what did he go do?” the voice prompted, knowing that this time it had been defeated by the chemical cocktail, but not wanting to cede the campaign.
“Ah yes...” But her synapses refused to cooperate. Tank could have given them lessons on breakneck speed. “He obviously…” A fog seemed to be filling her mind, gently brushing pesky thoughts out. “…” Her fear rose up, screaming that her mind was under attack. This was her greatest fear: losing her mind, being reduced to a simpering vegetable. She couldn’t think clearly! Her memories were not responding! The fog was prepared, and had already isolated the fear, preventing its warning cry from being heard. Then the fog slowly moved in…
“Speaking of those undisturbed by rampaging buffalo,” Big Mac thought as he carried the unconscious Fluttershy upstairs into the spare bedroom. It was made up just for this situation and many a night had Fluttershy spent in it. He laid her down on the mattress and got out her favorite flower-patterned quilt. The dresser drawer squeaked, and he cursed.
“Ah need ta fix that,” he reminded himself for the fourth or fifth time. He draped the blanket over her and tucked her in, pausing to brush her mane out of her eyes. Then he blew out the candle and drew down the curtains, before retreating downstairs.
“If Ah move right quick, Ah can check on her animals and be back before the sun’s really up.” He grabbed a hoofful of oats, scolding Applebloom for being noisy when they had guests, and was out the door.
A certain photograph was tucked into his saddlebags.
“If only it really was that easy. Just tell her ya love her. Ah don’t even know where she is. And she probably doesn’t even know me.”
Angel stood waiting for him when he opened the door.
“Now don’t ya give me that look.”
Author’s note: Comments, criticisms, questions are all welcome. I am trying to improve as a writer, so don’t hold back.
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Um...I, uh...wow.
That was...well, brilliant. But...I seriously have no idea what happened. That's what usually happens when I read stories that are bogged down with details. It happened when I read Lord Of The Flies, Thatcher In The Rye, and many more. I'm not stupid; I just find it so hard to read stories that constantly insist on dragging the reader through every millisecond of what's going on with the fanciest of words that could be found in the dictionary. So, I'll admit, I kinda just skimmed through this. I love the premise of Twilight trying to understand love and Fluttershy seemingly being the one who loves her, but...it just hurts my brain when I see too many details bogging down the story.
You see (and this is just MY opinion; feel free to totally disagree and ignore this), a good story should be right in the middle of the road with details. It shouldn't have too few, since that wouldn't make it a good story at all...but it shouldn't have too many, since it just gets the reader bored and makes them skim, skip, or just stop reading altogether. Others might disagree with my philosophy, but I'm just giving my two bits on the matter. Your story was very good, VERY descriptive, and I didn't find any errors. But...I also don't really know what just happened. I'll try to sum it up as best as I can to explain what I THINK happened:
Twilight had to lay down after studying love too much. Her heart or body or flank or whatever is apparently throbbing rather loudly. She then used the bathroom and got a drink. Then, for some reason, she thinks about Spike and how he acted weird during Fluttershy's tests. Then, for some reason, she thinks about Rarity.
So...that's basically what I read. None of this is really meant to be insulting or anything. You did a great job and you should be proud. I really hope your real life issues get themselves worked out; no one deserves stuff like that. You really do have a gift for writing, even if it's not technically my preferred style, and I do enjoy love stories with Twilight and I am looking forward to see how this ends up. Good luck with the next installment, whenever it should come.
64671 Oh, I meant Catcher In The Rye...I type too fast sometimes.
My reaction when I saw a new chapter:
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes Yes!
Ummm.
She clearly has feelings for somepony, but her poor brain doesn't "get" it. Don't forget also, the fog of sleeping pills is taking hold going through this, so her thought process is scattered (well executed by the way).
She climbed out of the battle strewn wasteland that was her bed and tended to the needs of the victors.
I *really* like this line. In fact, I really like a lot of the descriptions in the chapter. I think the "dialogue (as most of it is internal dialogue and not actual dialogue here, though I can imagine her speaking parts of this to herself)" still needs a bit of polishing, but your descriptive language is *excellent*.
I'll give more feedback in the morning (it's 11PM here and I'm zonked).
Don't worry about the chapter being short. It showed you are still working at completion and the word play was quite nice. The only downside is that this chapter really NEEDS someone to read the previous one in order for it to make any kind of sense, and with the multi-week delay, it isn't obvious when you first look at it.
Good luck and keep writing.
I would graciously offer my time as a pre reader, but I have the worst spelling/grammar on the planet. So instead I will invest the appropriate amount of Internet points needed to hire a pre reader.
I think my brain is more fogged up then Twilights right now... I agree with Tails in that it was very over detailed, so much so that I had a hard time digesting it.
All I can register is that Twilight is having troubles sleeping, so tired she has a hard time thinking, she is suspicious of Spikes activities, she has sleeping pills and Rarity was out of town for awhile.
Nothing really happened in this chapter, but it was good.
64671 Thanks for the detailed comment. This is exactly what I need. I am the one who wrote the story so I have trouble telling if it is confusing or nonsensical. Just to be clear how are the previous chapters holding up? Upon rereading I can see that this one is a bit confusing. And I agree that too much detail kills a story. This chapter obviously shades into too much detail. How are the others?
What I was attempting to do was convey Twilight's increasingly mental distress over this entire ordeal. She isn't thinking the clearest and is suffering from sleep deprivation. The sleeping pills only are making the problem worse. I was also trying to subtly set up several important points that will come up later. Physically nothing really happens. She has trouble getting to sleep, takes some sleeping pills and falls asleep. What is important is the why. Unfortunately I appear to have been too subtle for my own good. I know, because I wrote it, every little bit. Conveying that is what I need to fix.
The next installment needs to be held up until I can get this chapter worked out. Thank you again for giving me an honest answer.
64789. I think I see a pattern emerging. I wrote the majority of this chapter while "zonked" at 2 in the morning about a character who is "zonked." Sleep deprivation seems to be key to understanding this chapter. Anyway, I am glad you liked it. The dialog does need some work and I think my descriptions are nice but I may need less of them. Thanks again, I guess I won't crush you with an asteroid after all.
64795. I think the long break could be a major problem and it was something I didn't even consider. Upon rereading I see you are absolutely correct. You have to be familiar with the events of the previous chapters for this one to have even a hope of making sense.
64964. Thank you again for the internet points. I am not just looking for spelling and grammar corrections I am looking for general plot flow and basically anything.
65188 I think your problem may be that you are attempting to digest the words when you really need to read them.
Eating your computer can lead to all manner of health problems. 
Jokes aside, I guess now I cannot write Tailslover13 64671 off as a deranged lunatic. He may in fact have a reasonable complaint. 
Great. 
As always thanks for the feedback, I will try to keep the fog in Twilight's head.
65194. That is a fairly accurate summary of what happened. The key as I have said is why all of that happened. I will be rewriting it to make it clearer.
66451 Well, since you asked so nicely, I'll give you my thoughts on each of your chapters thus far:
Chapter 1: Initial Observations - This chapter started off somewhat lagging and slow, in my eyes. Sure, we constantly hear people whining about how things are "rushed", but then again there's such a thing as being "too draggy", too. I honestly got kinda bored very quickly, since all it seemed to be doing was constantly having Twilight go inwardly insane with how she didn't have anypony to love and how horrible it apparently was. The scene where she scares Spike was kinda funny, but I honestly had to reread just THAT section again to fully understand what exactly it was she did to freak him out, since I didn't really understand how she broke her cup. It began to get interesting when Twilight sent the "concerned citizen" letter to Celestia. Not a bad ending, too; left it on a funny question that made you want to read more and find out what Twilight was gonna do. As a whole, it was a fairly good lead-in chapter, and to be honest, I don't really know what I'd change in it. It was pretty good.
Chapter 2: Data Collection - I loved this chapter. It honestly had kinda a mystery feel to it, since I was wondering just who in the world Twilight's secret admirer was that entire time. Every scene with him/her made me excited and think about just who it could be. I still don't really understand just HOW Twilight's experiments worked (so...she hooked up some cords to her test subjects and thus could read how their body reacted on some machine? Uh...yeah, don't really get it), but the fact was that they were interesting, humorously detailed and explained, and I enjoyed them. Applejack with Rainbow Dash was hilariously cute, and Spike "helping" made me snicker. Only near the beginning, when Twilight broke out a wall of text to explain how "love" worked was slightly annoying. Besides that, everything else flowed perfectly and I kept myself engaged the whole time. Plus, a GREAT cliffhanger-like ending that made me want more! Just WHO is that secret admirer? I'm glad it wasn't Big Mac...ugh, let's not go there. It was clever the way you ALMOST made it him, though.
Chapter 3: Extrapolation - Kinda a mixed bag on this chapter. Just a warning: walls of text tend to bore and annoy a reader. If something is being stretched out and become somewhat too large, it might be best to split it into two paragraphs; nothing wrong with doing that. There were parts that were slightly boring (too many details), but you mixed in equal parts of humorous scenes that kept me going along; a very clever move. The part with Big Mac made me sad; I don't like him, but it made me feel bad for Twilight. The part with Fluttershy made me fully engaged and interested, since it seemed to be garnering more "love" attention than the other parts and thus made me think about just what she might be thinking. The ending was awesome, since it basically finally said who Twilight's secret admirer was (I think), and how Twilight was basically "too intelligent" to see it (the name of your story...ironic). Overall, a really touching, cute, and interesting chapter.
Chapter 4: Interpolation - When I glance back at the other three chapters and then when I look at this one, it makes me think this one is a "filler" chapter. You know, like a filler episode we see in famous series nowadays? Basically, the first three chapters had moments of "excessive detailing", but overall they were still humble and enjoyable enough that they were still works of art and were really awesome. However, this one...just seemed like a filler. WAY too many details, not enough dialogue (dialogue REALLY helps, trust me; if you don't have it, it starts looking like walls of text or too many boring detailing sentences). Fillers aren't a BAD thing; they're there to help the reader/viewer understand the character(s) more when they're not involved in the main plot of the story. But...to this very moment, I STILL don't really know what this chapter was about. Yes, I read your explanation, but...sleeping pills? Fog? Rarity? Spike? Sleep deprivation? UGH!
As a whole, I really do like your little series here. I do find it SLIGHTLY hard to believe that Twilight would seriously act THAT "intelligent", since even on the show she isn't THAT smart; she does show signs of naivety and foolishness at times, and she doesn't exactly use her "lab" that much. The only time we see it was in "Feeling Pinkie Keen"...at least I THINK that's the only time we see it. So, while love indeed is a very complicated matter, it still seems slightly excessive to make Twilight go through all this just to understand it. Don't get me wrong; I love the concept, and if Fluttershy is the one who loves her, I'll be interested in seeing how the Pegasus keeps trying to make Twilight see it and how Twilight keeps trying to figure love itself out. If you need anything, let me know. Oh, and GET SOME SLEEP!
Your observation of your state when writing this is entirely true of the reader as well. When I have 25 things stacked up on my tracking list, and I just want to mow through them, I get annoyed by stories wher not much happens, but I'm in a laid-back mood today, and really anjoyed the mood-setting going on here, especially since it's a relatively short chapter. It reminds me of the scene in "Ghost in the Shell" where the protagonist is just walking around town and seeing the sights. Very little of note happens, but it's a nice change of pace before you get back to the action. Done in moderation, it can be a wonderful effect. Same goes for the vocabulary lesson. I really didn't see too many 50-cent words in there, but I understand that the younger readers may get annoyed with having to keep m-w.com open next to the story. Still, if the seriousness of the story or the personality of the character calls for it, it can be a nice touch.
I know you enjoyed one of my stories (have you read My Funny Sister, too?), and they're all self-edited, so you can get a sense of where I am as a writer and editor from those. I'm only pre-reading for one other person right now, and I don't think he's going to write more than the one story. You fit the profile I look for (quality's already there, so I'm not having to rewrite everything; new material isn't coming out so fast that it takes up all my time), and frankly I want to read your stuff anyway, so I can edit for you if you like. I'm an absolute stickler for spelling/grammar, and pretty good at content, style, and brainstorming help. LMK.
...and the stickler for spelling makes 2 typos. My brain hurts.
love it
67008 I was just wondering where I recognized your name from. Pascoite, Pascoite... it sounds familiar then you said you wrote "My Funny Sister" and I remembered. You wrote the infamous "The Promises We Keep." I REALLY enjoyed that one by the way, as much as I could given the circumstances. One of the very few I have Favorited. I would love for you to edit for me.
66558 Thanks again for the honest feedback. What I am mainly drawing out is the text blocks need to be broken down. Something else I really didn't consider before this. Chapter four is being reworked and I will republish it soon.
As for Twilight's intelligence as I see it she is driven by a need to understand the world. When she doesn't know something she has to find out. If that means reading a book about sleepovers or stalking Pinkie Pie then that is what she will do. The problem is there are no books that can help her so she has to do her own research. Twilight is hugely obsessive and is utterly unwilling to let love take its course. Which is the set up for the whole story. The science will start trending downward and romance part of the story will pick up fast soon.
And I think the reason we don't see her lab more often is because while gene-sequencers and spectroscopes are interesting to one audience for the target audience not so much.
Thanks again for the feedback, keep letting me know what you think.
As for sleep, that sounds like a great idea...
68724 Fair enough; that seems like a good idea. I realized that a while ago, so in my own writing I try hard to not make text walls or blocks that much; if they get too big, I find a clever way to break them up. Good luck with your republishing!
Hmm...can't really argue with that. I've witnessed all that, too, naturally. Then again, Twilight DID eventually just snap and willingly go along with Pinkie's Pinkie Sense in the end, so...eventually, she's probably just gonna have to give up or she'll go nuts, since love is just not something you can study and logically understand.
That's probably another good point. It's like saying how one audience would love to see romance incorporated with the show, but the stupid "Target Audience" most likely wouldn't want that.
Don't worry, I plan on it. *takes a look at the character listings* Wait...TRIXIE? Why didn't I notice her before? So, she's gonna be in it? Okay, if that's the case, you REALLY got me excited; I love her!
I never did get around to reading this before. It's pretty good.
This chapter made perfect sense to me actually. Then again, I'm a Ninth Level Master of Insomnia-Fu. I know the precise sort of haze that comes with that level of exhaustion, and I've even had hallucinations along the line of my body demanding things from me that I don't want to give it because I want to sleep after I've hit the 45 hour mark.
A shame I didn't read this yesterday though, or I actually 'could' have caught it around Hour 36 of me being awake. I was actually pretty lucid then though, so for all I know it just would have made me feel exhausted.
68866. Trixie? She would cause all manner of problems. Hopefully she won't show up.
75041 It would be interesting to read anything while being in such a state. I am curious now how classic literature would turn out verses other forms of literature. This looks like a job for SCIENCE!
75794 The reason is I forgot a close italics tag. To answer the extension of your question, no I did not mean for most of the chapter to be in italics. But that is why it was.
76807 The only thing as cool as Rainbow Dash is the Pan-Equestria Muzzle Blaster. Enjoy responsibly.
And it looks like somepony has hit me with a rating bomb. I appear to have acquired 50 or so 1 star ratings.
77145 Well, Trixie is in your character listing, so I'm assuming that means she's GONNA show up...but, never mind. And, yeah, I figured that that'd be the reason why everything was in italics. And how in the world did that happen with your ratings? Totally unfair.
77145 Is there a way to see the actual distribution of ratings? I see comments like this at EqD as well, and always wonder if people have found a way to see this, or are just inferring it from recent changes in ratings. In any case, I've got about 4 different places I log in from, and it lets me vote from each, so I can give you a little help there.
The only thing that's starting to irritate me a bit is that I'm on the mailing list for this story and I get an email every time he makes any sort of edit. I'm tired of getting like 6 emails in between edits...
But I don't want to take myself off of the mailing list. Durned story!
''Her head found the pillow, and its cool smoothness promised a swift flight to the land of oblivion.''
I see what you did there
77638 I considered a lot of names because there are so many great scientists and engineers. I really liked the name periodic of table but that has been used before.
77959 I don't understand. Is this a play or words or is there a mistake in the story?
78959 I cannot see the distrabution of ratings and I am only inferring what happened. The facts as I have it are: Fact 1. I started with around 70 ratings and a 4.8 star average. Fact 2. In 12 hours the number of ratings skyrocketed to 120 and my average fell to 3.4. Fact 3. Other stories were hit by similar rating bombs.
I contacted Knighty about it but he has not got back to me. In the mean time the only solution is to get more ratings. And thanks for your help!
79046 They say write what you know. I will leave it at that.
79494 Edits should be done for now. Next is a new chapter, the long awaited chapter 5: invitation!
79609 What did I do there?
If it is clever I will take credit for it.
Yes, THERE we go! MUCH better! Now, as always, I'm not gonna question another author's style of writing. But...combining Twilight's "unusual night" with the conversation between Fluttershy and Big Macintosh was perfect! It gave us two different scenes to learn from; one with not a lot of action, but still with some interesting points...and one with a lot of "action" and it was a rather humorous and enjoyable read. I really loved the changes you made to this. The only thing I'm slightly confused on is the ending of this chapter. What exactly happened? Macintosh put Fluttershy to bed when the Pegasus fell asleep, so he decided to be nice and tend to her animals for her, right? But...what was with the photograph and his own mini monologue? Was it basically saying that he had a picture of a mare that HE liked inside of his saddlebags, but he never told her he loved her? That's what I'm guessing. Well, whatever; it's not really important. Overall, I loved the changes; helps move the story along more and it just FEELS more natural, since the reader is learning more about other characters rather than Twilight's weird nighttime habits. Great editing!
81147 I am glad you liked it. I must admit I really like the changes as well. Over all the chapter is much better for it.
As for Mac and his photo, that is exactly the case. He is longing for a mare he met, fell in love with, but never told her.
confused
confused