• Member Since 20th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 2nd, 2015



The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned to Ponyville with a new act, much to everypony's confusion, especially Twilight Sparkle. Why has she come back to the place of her humiliation? Twilight merely wants to understand Trixie's reasoning, but she quickly becomes just as confused with her own thoughts and feelings. The answers must be in a book somewhere, right?

My fantastic cover image was generously made by nowego. Go look at all his stuff! http://nowego.deviantart.com/
Currently on hiatus. I intend to get working on this again soon; I'm just searching for my muse at the moment. I love this story, I really do; but it makes me feel terrible when I realize how much better it can be. Thanks for reading and I hope you can stand to wait a bit longer, I'm not going to leave you hanging for long.
-Fission 5/6/12

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 61 )

This has peaked my interest and I can't wait to see what happens. It's a very good start. :twilightsmile:

Not much to say at the moment, to early on. Grammar and punctuation seems decent enough, sentence structure works, dialogue is ok. Can't say much yet about ponies acting OOC or IC...

Twixie fics are a dime a dozen, but I don't mind :D I'll be tracking and if I feel I have something useful to say I will.

One word: MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rainbowkiss:

Well, it's definitely off to a decent start. SPaG seems in order, and nopony seems OOC. But like Baree said, it's a bit early in to judge it properly yet. Thus far it seems a little generic, a little plain, but here's hoping things will pick up in chapter 2.

The Beohoof gag was well done though.


*sniff sniff* I GOT ONE!

It's Twixie, right? Tell me it's Twixie! Twixie? I like Twixie! Can you tell I'm nuts for Twixie? :trixieshiftright:

You know I will be watching this story very closely. Man, I like how this story started out. Really interesting approach! I think Twilight would go into investigation of why Trixie came back to Ponyville (Personally I think Trixie is waiting for her at her house somehow) and the dialogue between characters was pretty decent. Grammer and sentence structure was a little 'ehhh' at some points, but it wasn't completely jarring from the story. Your writing style has personality and flows pretty well. I'm sure you wanted to know about all of that.

I like what I see, so far. Just please no weird turns, like Discord returning or something like that. That's just weird... Yes, someone has done that before, I believe. Twixie is pretty hard to write now, since they have so many fanfictions with them, already. You've got a pretty nice start here, so I expect this to be a great story.

What?! Another chapter... in editing, now?! :pinkiegasp: GASSSSSSSP Please. Post. ASAP.

This is awesome! My day has been awesome now!!! :twilightsmile:

Well the response so far has been better than I could have hoped for! This seems to be getting more than its fair share of views compared to the other new stories. I'm hoping that I can get part 2 up in the next few days. It's written but somewhat rough right now.

115541 : Yes, looking back, this first chapter is a bit vanilla. I didn't really catch that too much until after I had written it, it's way too easy to forget that the readers have no idea to know what's next. There's a bit more movement in the second chapter, in my opinion. I'm glad you liked Beohoof, it actually took me a while to think of an epic that I could ponify properly. You may be seeing a bit more about Beohoof, too.

Wow. I have to say that I didn't expect you to read my story, much less give me feedback. I love The Fascinating Yet Obvious Twixie so this is totally an honor. Haha I'm not planning on doing anything too crazy with the plot. Obviously my goal is to keep it interesting, but I want the story to stand out on its own merit, rather than because I make it weird. Like I said though, it's beyond cool to have you reading this, and I really appreciate the feedback.

I'm really surprised at how much people have liked everything so far. I'm hoping that I can keep up with all of your expectations.:twilightblush:

A good ol' Fashioned Twixie.



Interesting start could use a bit more Dialogue, but this is worth looking into. Keep it up.

To those of you waiting on chapter 2, its taking a really long time to edit. When I read through it I wasn't really too pleased, so I've been making a lot of changes just so it sounds better and is more coherent overall. Like I've said, if anyone is interested in prereading this, I would love it. So yeah, just an update since I said a few days in the author's note. I want to get this up ASAP but I want to make sure that it's as good as I can make it. So it will be a few more days.

Okay, good ending there, although the POV change was a bit... abrupt? Might've done good to have some sort of break there. Otherwise rather enthralling with Trixie's performance.

Really liking this story, more so since its Twixie. Nice way to introduce Trixie. Eager to see where this goes.

A chapter two? Hey, you're still writing! Haha... I've read too many that stop after the first chapter... Soooo, really glad this one is still going!:pinkiehappy: Did I mention how obsessed I am with Twixie? I think I made that point last time, but I can't help but obnoxiously remind you!

You have a pre-reader, don't you? You need another one so go grab one more of those. Not that the chapter is horrible in grammar or anything, but I did spot a few flubs that were a bit off. I also find myself at a disadvantage reading this because I never read or watched Beowulf and have no idea what it's actually about. To be honest, I thought Trixie would burst out of the flames shouting, "I AM BEOWULF!" Obviously, that would have been even more jarring, but that's really all I got from the movie adaption trailer I saw once. Anyway, the way you described the actual show as per the pyrotechnics was simply spot-on amazing. I could imagine the whimsical flames in my head perfectly and was very much into the story at that point.

Your character portrayal so far is very in character. Spike stays as the voice of reason as he fills his role of Twilight's assistant perfectly. You might have referenced Twilight's obsession with the Pinkie Sense a bit much, but I definitely understood that Twilight was so into her studying because it was something she couldn't explain. I do have to agree with another comment here that the narrative switch to Trixie was pretty abbrupt. I only noticed the shift halfway down a paragraph where it states she would eventually have to face Twilight. I was like, "Wait, what?" I totally missed the narrative switch. It might have been because it was so seamless that when the narration began talking about Trixie that I mistook it as Twilight's perspective. Y'know since that's the POV you've taken so far.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining a lot and I trying not to. It really was an awesome chapter plus a longer one at that. I really think you got something nice brewing here. I look forward to the further chapters while impatiently waiting to know what happens next. The meeting of the two has been foreshadowed for two chapters now. You've raised my hype. I just know you'll treat that scene specifically with the upmost effort! But hey! No pressure! Just write how you like to write :rainbowlaugh: i'm jsut conveying my thoughts is all. I only expect entertainment. Please keep delivering that.

Jeez, what am I writing paragraphs now? Sorry for my long-winded responses. Twixie does that to me :fluttershyouch:

Nice, you don't see to many stories with Trixie entering on such good terms!

yes i know what you're talking about, I didn't think I had enough for another scene and I thought that I could pull off the change in perspective more smoothly. Glad you liked the rest though.
Glad you're liking everything so far. It's been a lot of fun to write.
Thanks for all the feedback again! I have a prereader, but she's been caught up with real life recently, so I had to do this one myself for the most part. I've been asking if people are interested in the author's notes, but would the place to look be something like ponychan? I'm glad you liked the chapter though, and I understand what you mean about the POV shift. I thought I could make it smoother and more obvious than I did, I guess. You might notice that I actually did the same sort of thing with Twilight and Spike, but I think it worked better because they're different genders, so different pronouns and whatnot. Glad to have you reading though.
Thank you! I'm really glad that everyone has seemed to love that scene so far.

So to those of you that are wondering, Chapter three could take a while. I tend to write a bit slowly and I get meticulous when I edit. I'm probably going to start writing it tonight though, so hopefully it will be done in under a week.

Nice Trixie story you've got here. I have to say, Applejack's accent seems a bit too pronounced. I think you could tone down on all the "Ah"'s, and perhaps add a few apostrophes where they're necessary (askin', braggin', etc). Other than that, it's good stuff.

Another interesting chapter. I think you portrayed the character's pretty accurately. Twilight being self-conscious and all, Spike's behavior seemed good to me, and more interestingly, Trixie seems to have changed a lot since her last visit to Ponyville. Also, Trixie's entrance through the fire was very well done. You did an excellent job wording that part, so hopefully we get to see more passages like that in future chapters.

I'd suggest expanding on Trixie's tale of "Beohoof" though. It's not too big of a deal, but it would be pretty cool to expand on that part. Perhaps doing so would add some more significance to Twilight's reaction to Trixie's performance, at least I think it would. Also, you should probably use italics in the place of ALLCAPS in some cases. There's a few of these moments spaced throughout the story, but a pretty obvious one at the beginning.

That's all, you did a good job. I'm also tracking this.

First Twixie fic I've actually decided to read. Pretty good start! Honestly being a pre-reader would be cool but when it comes to being critical about things I am probably not the person you wan't critiquing this haha. Only thing that I always tend to notice is in the very first line, "Spike was a VERY confused dragon." Doesn't really matter as much in the opening line but whenever I see capslock in a story it always rips me out of the world. I don't know if it's just me but I tend to lose all immersion I had at that point. I love italics for that :raritywink:

Other than that though you have me interested! Will keep reading! :twilightsmile:

Glad you've liked it so far! The problem with the Beohoof part of the story is that I wanted to keep everything moving well, I felt like it was better to keep it very abbreviated as opposed to mentioning a lot of different plot points but not having space to elaborate. I just felt like fully fleshing the story out would take too long. Concerning the italics and caps, I agree with you. Reading through another time made me realize how much caps tend to jump out from the story and yes, there are a few locations where italics are the more appropriate emphasis. Also, I looked at Applejack's accent, and I have her saying "Ah" like three times in a couple sentences. ouch:rainbowhuh:. I changed a few of the instances where I didn't think it was as important, hopefully it will jump out of the text less now.
Yeah the italics and caps thing is something I should have realized sooner, I've edited the first couple chapters for that. I guess that it tends to be easy to forget how often you do something like that though when you're writing. After all, it takes a lot longer to write a paragraph than to read one. Haha well I'm glad that you're interested so far. I hope that this can be a good introduction to Twixie, though I know there are some absolutely fantastic Twixie fics out there if you're interested.

No worries! Never been a writer but I did the same in school sometimes. It just makes so much sense at the time! Sure if you know a couple good ones I may go check them out as well! But yeah, keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

1AM comments are the best comments... right? Well, here goes nothing anyways.
Not a bad opener overall. The inexplicable love/attraction might be a bit on the weaker side of things... it seems rather sudden. Twi goes from hardly remembering Trixie (brain goes to 'Wonderbolts' when Dash says 'showpony') to being fairly obsessed with her over the course of these initial chapters. There was quite a bit of Twilight's introspection that maybe should have justified or at least explained the shift, but that might have been more problem than solution here as it feels more like the author explaining than a natural explanation coming from the characters' interactions/thoughts. (random thingamajig: it is usually pretty accepted that thoughts are written in italics... putting something in quotes usually means it is said aloud (or written on something))
The narrative shift from Twilight's perspective during the performance to Trixie's just after was really rather jarring... Dunno, you might be able to close out that scene with Twilight being impressed then have an actual scene change to Trixie in her trailer(/caravan/whatever she has now). Reads rather awkwardly with the shift as is.
That said, your strongest part thus far seemed to be Trixie's performance. Unfortunately, you got a bit tell-y in parts there (just giving us bullet points about Beowulf rather than having the flames act out a few scenes), but it had some parts where you had some great immersion going. I do wish you had gone more in-depth with the show and given us more of these enthralling scenes rather than just telling us they were there.
Overall, on the technical side, some things were good... some were bad. Could probably benefit from an editor in spots. Might want to watch your narrator... you've got a close narrator going, so it should reflect whatever character is the focus of a given section, but shouldn't really be its own character outside of the focus character.
Not a bad start though... you've got some interesting set up with Trixie coming to Ponyville seeking Twilight (perhaps to take advantage of her skills). I'm wondering if Trixie really has learned her lesson or if she's simply learned to manipulate ponies via humility... Kinda hoping that Trixie hasn't since there could be some fun conflicts between Twi and Trix stemming from that.

Haha so it's been a while since chapter 2 went up:twilightblush:
Sorry guys, I'm a slow writer, I suppose you'll have to put up with that. I've been really trying hard to make sure that this chapter is better than the first two. Trixie and Twilight are going to meet, so I'm sure you all understand that I really want to get this right. I figured that you all at least deserve an update though, I'm well underway writing the chapter, and I'm pretty sure that I know exactly what I want to happen in the rest of the chapter.
Well there are a lot of really good Twixie stories around. Here are a couple of my personal favorites, you may have seen them on fimfiction, but they're both fantastic and the author's are really cool people.
Thanks for the criticism, Lam. I'm really trying to work on these things you mentioned as I write chapter 3. I'm especially trying to make it less tell-y whenever I can. I think after I get further in I might rewrite the first couple chapters to see if I can fix them up. People have liked them, but they can definitely be better.

“Trixie didn’t seem to be acting too showy, though. Maybe she’s actually trying to earn an honest living. Maybe she learned her lesson, Twi.”

Rainbow Dash is the most likely pony out of the mane 6 to hold a grudge, while I can't find any reference to this, objective is one thing Rainbow Dash is not. A lot of fanfics portray her in this manner.

If anything, I can her saying something like "Trixie is up to something."

Wow, great stuff, there's a noticeable increase in quality, so your pre-reader's doing a good job. Just issues that weren't picked up on:

“You were eating like you hadn’t seen food in weeks,” teased Twilight. “Yes, yes, Trixie enjoys good food. Now that we have established that, shall we begin discussing the story of Nightmare Moon instead of making fun of Trixie’s eating habits?”
A new speaker requires a new paragraph.

“Tell Trixie everything. She needs to know...for the show of course.”
A space is needed after the periods of ellipses.

Other than that, there's really nothing for me to point out. I really liked this chapter, and I think you did a great job with that pancake scene. Keep it up. :pinkiehappy:

The new paragraph thing was probably a copy/paste issue, it was fine in the g-doc.
As for the ellipses, I have no excuse. I'll be more vigilant with the next chapter.

And it's nice to be here, Fission.

Yeah, you know, I'm not really sure why I did that. If I get to rewriting the first couple chapters I'll probably address that.

172937 172987
Yeah, for some reason when I uploaded this gdoc it made the entire chapter one massive block of text. I guess I just missed that when I was re-spacing all of the paragraphs. So both that and the ellipsis issue are fixed now.

Good chapter, there. :twilightsmile: I didn't notice anything amiss, myself. I like Spike behaving himself, too. Usually, he's a bit too... antagonistic to Trixie, in some other fics.

Welcome back to the world of the living!

and I loved this chapter, so much building up, and guess, it feel like they were really talking, and not just dialogue

This story is pleasing to me. I shall track it and see how it develops. :moustache:

Hmm. I imagine you might get it back the first time with some comments from the pre-readers about what they want to see different, but I shouldn't they would ask for to many changes. It also might be accepted right away. Either way, I see no reason why you wouldn't be able to get this up on EqD. I have been enjoying it so far anyway.

comment roundup, I suppose.
Sorry I missed responding to this. It must have just slipped by somehow. Glad you liked it though, and I hope you like this newest chapter too :twilightsmile:
Haha yeah, this one took me longer than I wanted for sure, but I hope I made it worth the wait. That's high praise though that you could actually envision the characters from the writing. It means a lot!
Thanks! Glad you liked it!
Yes, unfortunately. Hopefully all goes well with the revisions though so I can get this baby submitted to EqD pretty soon. As soon as that's done I can get started on chapter 5. Hopefully the Trixie POV will be worth the wait. :trixieshiftright:
Glad you've liked the story so far! I'm going to do my best to keep delivering you guys quality work.
Well I certainly hope that things will go that well. I'm just really hoping that it could be enough to overhaul the first couple of chapters. The last couple have went really well, in my opinion at least, so hopefully I won't have to do any work on them.

I can keep you all updated on the progress of everything with the blog on my userpage. If you haven't seen anything from me for a while either check there or feel free to shoot me a pm.

Good luck on EqD. And Everfree, eh? Fascinating...

Glad you're back! ^.^ it was certainly worth the wait.

Ooh, perspective change, sounds fun!
I'm shocked that this is your first fic, honestly. That's impressive. Keep it up man! :yay:

Here's another quick comment roundup.
Thanks! I really hope they like it.
Well it was certainly longer that I would like to take between chapters, but I'm glad that it worth it. My goal is to see if I can get out chapter 5 in about the same amount of time even with all of the revisions on chapters 1 and 2.
Well, I sort of spent a lot of time learning by observation. I absolutely love to read. I think it helps too that I haven't been trying to rush myself. I think that's a problem with a lot of newer authors. And yeah, I'm definitely looking forward to writing a bit more from Trixie's perspective. The pancake scene sort of was, but this should be most of the next chapter.

I'll keep reading :) Twixie is my fav ship.

the beginning seemed a bit repetitive, redescribing Twilight's thoughts multiple times. It put me off a bit and a less enthusiastic reader may have lost interest at that point. However the story was nice and clever and I thought it was cool how we got some of Trixie's thoughts at the end. I'll keep reading!

Thanks for your feedback! actually, I'm working on rewriting the first couple chapters now, and that's one of the main things that I'm targeting.

I have two honest complaints that I think could use improvement. First after Trixie tells Twilight of her plans I believe you jumped too soon into Twilight's response. I think maybe a few sentences of mental introspection or describing expressions may have helped it sound better.

Secondly the paragraph when Trixie gets up from the table seemed repetitive. I think to ended the sentence with 'pancakes' two times consecutively.

Sorry if u sound nitpicky, otherwise chapter was good and I'm looking forward to cuteness.:twilightsmile:

Omg! Great chapter. Haha I'm glad we got to see Trixie develop more. Also your romantic teasing is spot on. Totally tracking this fic.:twilightsmile:

thanks again for all of the in depth feedback, It's been very helpful. I'm glad you've liked the story so far and I hope that you'll like the changes I'm making as I rewrite my first two chapters.

Pretty good. I like this Trixie literation; she's nicer, but still kinda full of herself. The story has been steadily increasing in quality since chapter one, so I'll assume it'll get even better as it goes on. And the cliffhanger has me intrigued as well, so I'll be keeping an eye on this one.

So, if anyone is wondering, I'm on a bit of a hiatus now. I have just tons of stuff going on in real life and it's been that way for the last few weeks. I'm hoping that I can get back to working on this within a couple weeks. Also, I've done a lot of revisions on chapters one and two, but chapter two has some pretty deeply ingrained flaws i.e. Behoof itself was pretty terrible and I got massively and infuriatingly telly. My original plan was that I was going to post both of the revised chapters at once, but I'm probably going to do chapter one first. I might even write a new chapter before I get around to finishing off chapter two. I'm still committed to seeing this story through, even though I've had some issues with motivation and the amount of time I've had available to write. Yeah, so I just figured that some of you might be thinking this is a dead story. Happily enough, it's not dead.

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