• Member Since 8th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 12th, 2012


Hi! My name is Anne. I've never been much of a writer... but I'm giving it a try! :D


After a long week of suffering, Twilight cannot clear her mind of lingering issues. When she finds Trixie nearly dead, Twilight stirs up feelings for the blue unicorn she didn't know existed. Trixie is all too willing to give this relationship a try, but is Twilight ready for such a commitment? Does she really love this show-mare or is Twilight just feeling guilty over the way she treated her...

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 114 )

It should be "You're alive". Yes, I am a total Grammar Nazi.

Interesting idea, i hope to see more soon

a promising first chapter, I can not exactly judge technique but you wrote it in a way that kept my attention the entire time, so you must´ve done something right.

I´ll keep an eye out for this one.

By the way i´m pretty sure Seth from EQD will love it.

Pretty cool stuff, but some parts caught my attention. I really like the plot, it's well written, and there's no real problems there. You may want to spend some more time formatting your story, and proof-reading it though. Some passages to look over:

“YourAliveYourAliveYourAliveYourAlive! I though I killed you, but your ALIVE!”

Firstly, what you mean to write is "You're alive", comma, space, and repeat but without the capital. Secondly, "though" should be "thought". Thirdly, "ALIVE" should be uncapitalized, but placed in italics. The same goes for all the other ALLCAPS moments here.

I'm sorry Twilight but I may never get another chance.

A comma after "Twilight" would be pretty nice. Also, I noticed that some paragraphs are indented, and some aren't. To add consistency, you'd either want to not indent any paragraphs, or indent all of them. It's better just to indent every paragraph, including any dialogue.


I think, "You're alive!" would be more appropriate. Again with the whole ALLCAPS issue. Also, we don't need to see five exclamation marks, just one is enough.

Sorry to sound so grammar nazi-ish, but it's for you to improve on. Hope my advice helps, don't take it as any sort of discouragement. Anyway, have fun writing the next few chapters. :yay:

Trixie was unconscious for quite a while and nearly dead, but when she wakes up it is described as if she just took a little nap and woke up someplace strange. There is a big difference between the two! Try to stay a bit more realistic, that would help a lot. And I definitely agree with Railrugs, if I see the same grammatical error (you're alive) 8 times in just a few paragraphs, it distracts from the story. Maybe it would help if you press ctrl+f and search for "your" and have a good look at every single use of it. Takes a bit of time, but might be worth it.
Otherwise, your start is interesting, but I hope you're going to bring in some new ideas, it's slowly getting hard to make Twixie story Nr. 100 original :) The dialog between Spike and Twilight was nicely done btw.

i like where this is going.

Loved it. Tracking, of course. :pinkiehappy: TrixieXTwilight is one of my favorite shipping pairs. Right behind VinylXOctavia & DiscordXCelestia

117333 :derpyderp2: I'll fix it right away!

p.s - THANK YOU!

117395 :facehoof: I think I really need a pre-reader...

Thanks for helping out though, I'm gonna be going back for another round of edits now :moustache:

:twilightsheepish: ok, well... I'm done with the editing for chapter 1. Hopefully it improves the readability. I hope I get better at writing ~ :fluttershysad:

Hmm, not too bad here. A... tad rushed there with Trixie kissing her at the end, but I am a sucker for Twixie.

Well, you've piqued my interest. Let's see where this goes. *tracks*

Holy fuck!

Starting a fic with a ressurection? Tracking.

When I'm brought to the last word of a chapter without even noticing and I'm craving for more, I can't say anything but I DEMAND MOAR!!

Omigoshomigoshomigoshomigoooosh! I'm loving this. Trackingtrackingtracking. And if being your pre-reader means I get to read this first, then count me in.:twilightsmile:

I think I'm gonna cry now...that was so adorable and touching! I can't wait for more! There's still errors around, with capitalized words that don't need to be capitalized, words that have way too many spaces between them, some awkward sentences, and a few more other things. But nothing so astronomically glaring that I'm gonna yell at you for it. The end did seem SLIGHTLY rushed, but I'm guessing you'll (hopefully) explain later on why Trixie did that. I'm tracking this; I'm a sucker for Twilight x Trixie stories. :twilightsmile::heart::trixieshiftright:

Good job. I like the premise of the story, and I'll just say that I agree with every other person who commented so I don't waste your life. But seeing as I just did by writing this comment I'll leave five stars as compensation. Oh yeah, five stars for the story too.


118523 Don't worry about it, I really appreciate the feedback!

and eat my 5 stars while your at it you crook :pinkiesmile:

Why did this make me grin madly and tear up?

Because ponies and twixie being best fandom pairing.

Minor grammar errors aside, this was very well written for your first try. The ending did seem a little rushed to me, but I'm gonna let it pass and maybe hope for some explanation in later chapters. 4.5/5 and tracked :twilightsmile:

My first Twixie read, because I've always held burning contempt for Trixie. Even if Twilight is 2nd best pony, I thought this ship was over done and silly. I'm not even sure why I picked this one to read (besides it being featured...) :trixieshiftleft:

That was me being a biased jerk, and I knew that but didn't care. This was awesome though, I think I'm gonna go find some more Twixie, you've..... hmmm, "converted" me, I guess. :rainbowderp::yay:

My only critique is..... hmmm, I can't find anything that isn't being a grammar Nazi or hasn't already been mentioned.... I've been like that on all my tracked stories lately, strange :derpyderp1:. It'd be a good idea to find a proofreader, like you seem to be planning, and I think that if you want to have this as a long term story it'd be a good idea for you to brainstorm where to take the story after Trixie gets better and they get into a relationship. For all I know you have other ideas already, but I'm just suggesting that because I don't want to see this end after only 3-4 chapters. Watching relationships is nice and all, but you need to have something outside their romance in the real world happening to keep things moving along in the story and to have the characters bond. That's 'in the future' things to consider though. For right now, let me congratulate you and say I think you did an excellent job on this intro. The plot is good, it was well written, and the characterization had no obvious flaws I could find (I'm a characterization Nazi, not a grammar one :ajsmug:). Brace yourself, because I'll annoy you to no end posting comments like this on every chapter, with critiques and the like! :derpytongue2:

Great start with this, AutumnRose :raritywink:! I'm curious what was keeping Twilight awake though. I guess she was subconsciously worried about Trixie or something :rainbowhuh:? Anyway, I'm actually may track this (that sounds mean, but remember I said I hated Twixie shipping 15 minutes ago), so take my thanks for putting in time to create this story. Make sure to stay awesome! :twilightsmile:

Geez, posted this 7 hours later than I typed it because of internet failure. I don't even know why that matters to you guys but ummm..... now you know! :applejackconfused:

you sell yourself short, this is decent narrative, will be waiting for more updates, I always love twixie shipping.

>>Shade Thanks for the compliment, I'll do my best! :pinkiehappy:

>>Dash Is Best Pony I totally appreciate constructive criticism! I'm currently at work on chapter 2 and am finding that these comments really help identify areas I need to improve on.

>>Steel Resolve I try my best. :fluttershysad:
but I have learned a lot about what I have to work on improving. :twilightblush: Thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate it!

To badly mangle and reword Cereal Velocity http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/02/pony-writing-guide.html
You should write as if this is the greatest story ever written, and edit as if the story before you is the most worthless thing to ever come before your bitter hate-filled eyes.

I really enjoy the mysterious air around what Twilight did. I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop that. I'm not a big fan of shipping, but I'm going to track this because it looks like its going to be an awesome and entertaining read! Keep up the hard work, I look forward to more!

117635 Hark? Did somepony call for a... *Sunglasses* PRE-READER? YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW *Insert awesome music*

I MIGHT be able to be persuaded... I should probably read the story, first of all, before I offer though... XD

119369 I would be sooooooo grateful for it, should you decide to do so.

I'm just not very 'talented' in the literary department. :fluttershysad:

119382 I... *Indecisive noises*

*Ten minutes later* * Jeopardy music*

I... Can't commit atm, I'm sorry! I pre-read for a LOT of ponies right now, so I need to see if I have the time or not! I'll be able to give you a final answer in a little bit, after pre-reading a chapter. (That helps me think, for some reason)

Still, the story looks pretty good. I like how the guilt may or may not be the only reason for Twi's feelings, so this should be VERY interesting!

~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria

p.s. I promise to let you know ASAP. I'm poor at organization, and I forgot to pre-read for somepony else, so I need to take care of them before I make a promise I won't be able to keep.


Don't sell yourself short AutumnRose. You're a rather talented writer! You can describe a scene and situation and i am able to picture it in my mind. That's pretty tough to do and you pulled it off consistently through this story.

On the subject of needing a prereader, I am working on a story right now, but ill be more than happy to help you out and preread for grammer and such. I also have access to a couple of people who edit my story as well and I'm sure they would be more than happy to assist as well! Let me know if you want the help :)

"Twilight had been standing in front of her home for about twenty minutes making faces of varying degrees of fear and anger"
Jup, I remember doing that a lot when thinking about things during longer tram-rides.
Usually hard to read but tended to arrive me at my destination in a completely off state-of-mind. :twilightsmile:

Go outsource your mistyping (as in, jup take a pre-reader). Since you seem to be eager to not make the same mistakes again (as in: listening to people telling you how to improve) you'll inevitably get better. What one is either talented in or not is storytelling.
And I go with 119450 on this one as I say you're doing a great job. *traked*
It's always so nice to see different approaches and reactions in similar situations.
I'm also keeping track of other Twi/GnPT-stories. And the contrast from a kiss at the first (awake) meeting here to a hoof in the snout (ouch. :facehoof:) somewhere else is always a nice reminder why it's no waste reading what different writers make of basically the same start. :twilightsmile:
That having said, keep the chapters coming! I'm intrigued to see how this plays along. :twilightsmile:
5 / 5 so far

hmmmm.... not bad, not bad. I'll check up on this later to see how it goes.

...Kinda fast, but nice. Do continue.

This one actually caught my attention... I even took a break from my own story to read it. Cant wait for chapter two.

Honestly, reading through this as an avid Twixie fan, I was depressed. Not because of the story. The story has a lot of potential. However, you have inconsistent formatting, massive punctuation errors, copious amounts of awkward sentences, and don't get me started on the sloppiness of it. I normally don't post on stories like this, but you have a lot of potential that I see. Since you said you want to get better, and I honestly hope you mean it. Then I suggest taking this to Ponychan's /fic/ board. (www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/) They are one of the few places where you will get a truly informed and honest opinion.

119428 Don't worry about it, I wouldn't want to burden you. :twilightblush:

119450 Thank you! ummm... If it wouldn't be bothersome to you. I'll let you know when chapter 2 is done.

119702 I try not to let my shortcomings keep me down. Thanks for the support! :twilightsmile:


No trouble at all! I'm more than happy to help out a fellow writer! I'll shoot you a PM with my email so we can streamline the process

120507 Thank you for the suggestion. I'm also sorry I disappointed you. I'll get to it soon and hopefully restructure chapter 1 and make it more enjoyable.

sincerest apologies

I really like it so far, it seems a tad rushed. But then again, I've been told that mine are as well, so I'm not really one to judge.

great story, i cant wait to see where this is going :D

I hope that you'll continue this. It's a good read.

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