Chapter 2: Beohoof
Author's Note: Thanks for bearing with the wait. This took longer than I expected to edit. More below.
Spike was a very confused dragon.
The mare behind him was reading through a thick tome at a furious pace, all of the while muttering phrases such as “no” or “that’s not it.” Spike stood on top of a stool, re-shelving the books that she had recently finished. Though this situation was actually relatively common, today had just seemed different from normal. He paused for a moment to recount the events of the day so far.
He had woken up that morning, his day off of work, to a letter from Twilight indicating that she was out. This in itself was not very unusual; Spike liked sleeping a lot more than Twilight, and their schedules were often out of sync. He had busied himself with cooking a quick brunch of hayfries (sadly there were no gemstones on hand). No sooner than he had finished cleaning up after himself when Twilight had returned to the library.
She had quickly explained that The Great and Powerful Trixie had apparently made her rounds back to Ponyville, and then had recounted her conversations with Applejack and Rainbow Dash as to why the magician might have come back.
Spike could tell that something was bothering her, and he knew that what she had told him must have something to do with it. Then came the confusing part: after telling him about her morning, Twilight had asked him to find all of the books that the library carried on the subject of Psychology. Psychology? What did that have to do with anything that she had just told him? He sure had a strange pony for a sister.
His curiosity had been piqued by the choice of Psychology literature, and he could tell from Twilight’s face that her mind was working at a frantic pace; so Spike had decided to offer his ear with a simple “What’s wrong, Twilight?” Perhaps she would let him in on what was troubling her. He just wanted to help, after all.
His adopted sister dismissed the inquiry with a curt “I’ll tell you later, Spike,” and added “Now how about those books?”
It was obvious that the unicorn was about to go on a studying binge, and he knew from experience that it was a bad idea to try to keep Twilight away from her books. Spike simply had decided to comply and maybe try to get more of an explanation later, it just hadn’t seemed really worth pursuing at the moment. Even so, Twilight would normally give him at least some sort of hint about what was troubling her.
This led him to his current position, standing on a stool re-shelving books in what was, to be honest, quite a precarious position. Just as he carefully placed the last book back on the shelf, Spike was startled by a resounding thud behind him. He briefly lost his balance, causing the stool to teeter on edge before settling once more into a stable position. Whew! That had been close!
He hopped off of his perch and turned around, searching for the source of the offending sound. At the table in front of him lay the largest book that he had brought down from the shelves. In fact, it was the only one that Twilight had not yet made him return to the shelves.
The mare’s chin rested atop the pages with the corners of her lips turned downward in a distinct frown. She opened the corner of her mouth and blew away a piece of dust that had settled on her snout.
“Spike,” she asked, the frustration easily discernible in her voice. “Can you find me some more books?”
“No can do, Twilight,” Spike responded. “That’s the last one. Besides, if what you’re looking for isn’t in there, you aren’t going to find in in the rest of the library. Maybe if you went to Canterlot the royal library would have what you’re looking for, but that’s the best we’ve got here in Ponyville.”
Twilight slowly lifted her head from the volume that it was resting upon and looked down at the book. Spike was right, The Equine Diagnostic and Statistical Manual contained pretty much everything that ponies had come to understand about their own mental workings. It was the book on psychology. In spite of this, Twilight still had not been able to find any condition that could satisfactorily explain her apparent obsession with Trixie.
Twilight slumped her shoulders, feeling stumped for the second time in the same afternoon. She hated the feeling that came whenever she couldn’t figure something out! She knew the solutions were in reach. But she was somehow taking the wrong train of thought. It appeared that reading the library’s collection of psychology books wasn’t going to help provide any ideas about her mental state, much less a logical diagnosis.
It frustrated her to no end how the silver maned unicorn managed to bedevil her. Twilight hadn’t even seen her in months, but that just seemed to make her return all the more intriguing. Twilight had found herself perplexed the entire afternoon wondering both why Trixie had returned and why she cared so much. The only logical way to deduce this information that Twilight could think of was, of course, logic. But her research and analysis seemed to have left her at a dead end.
Twilight was not, however, ready to admit defeat. She simply needed more research and more data. After all, everything could be explained logically, with the exception of Pinkie Pie’s physics-defying antics; however, Twilight felt justified making the assumption that her mind made more sense than the party pony’s various oddities.
Amidst this jumble of thoughts, a solution suddenly sprung to Twilight’s mind. She suddenly knew how she could gain more insight into both of the questions plaguing her. Even better, though, was that it would be informative and likely quite entertaining. As silly as she thought the phrase was, Twilight knew that she could potentially kill two birds with one stone.
Her mind was made up. If she needed more data, she was going to go and get more data. She knew that it was time for some field research. Twilight was going to go see Trixie’s performance of Beohoof.
The sun was beginning to set when Twilight departed the library for the main square of Ponyville. Spike had turned down her offer to accompany her to the show. The dragon wasn’t as much of a history buff as she was, so it made some level of sense that he might not be as enthusiastic about the performance as Twilight. But she felt that he was staying home at least partially because of the way she had treated him earlier.
The more she thought about it, Twilight realized that she had really put the little dragon through the proverbial gauntlet that afternoon. First it was having him find all those psychology books with no real explanation, then she had snapped at him when he was only trying to help relieve her stress. Admittedly, after all of that, she had even made him fetch several different translations of Beohoof before she had found one enough to her liking.
Twilight hated the way she tended to act when confronted with a problem. Why did she have to tear her mane out over every little thing? She always stressed herself out so much that she couldn’t hold it all in. It made her feel terrible to knowing that she tended to inadvertently take her stress out on those close to her. Spike deserved better than to be worked so hard with so little praise.
At least he was getting a well deserved break, she supposed. Twilight knew that he would manage to find a way to enjoy himself. She even had heard him muttering something to himself as she departed which had indicated that he might go and see if Rarity needed any help. What a little Casanova she had for a brother she thought, smiling and shaking her head as she ambled to the square.
Of course, Twilight still hadn’t accomplished her goal, despite the way that she had treated Spike. It frustrated her. She had worked so hard to understand her fascination but had come up completely empty hoofed. But she knew that allowing this frustration to get the better of her had caused her to treat Spike badly, and this wasn’t the first time that had happened. She would have to be more careful in the future not to get too caught up in her research, or else she would end up hurting her friends again. But hopefully she could learn enough at this performance so that no more studying would be necessary for a while.
As she neared the square, Twilight couldn’t help but think about the impending show. She was curious about so many things, and hopefully she would be able to get some answers. Of course, Beohoof itself should be fascinating. But Twilight felt a strange sense of anticipation knowing that she would soon see Trixie for the first time since the Ursa Minor incident. The back of her neck prickled and her stomach felt uneasy, but the sensations were strangely pleasant in a way; they reminded her of the excitement she felt whenever a book that she was particularly interested in would ship to the Ponyville library.
Twilight had so many questions she wanted answered. How would the showmare act? Would she even acknowledge her previous visit to Ponyville? Twilight couldn’t imagine setting foot in a place again after being so thoroughly embarrassed, much less performing a show there!
As she wondered about Trixie’s motives for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day, Twilight entered the square to see a crowd of ponies gathered around what seemed to be a fairly large campfire. The fire sat at the opposite edge of the square in a shallow pit that seemed to have been dug for the express purpose of containing the fire. Judging by the crowd, this was the site of the performance. The venue was much simpler than the stage that Trixie had previously performed on; and even though that particular stage had been destroyed during her last visit, Twilight not have expected that Trixie would perform in front of something as simple as a campfire.
Twilight shook her head , thinking about the strangeness of the situation, and found a space with an unobstructed view roughly fifteen feet away from the fire. The azure mare continued to confound her; but Twilight found her so intriguing. Intriguing was the only word that Twilight could find to explain it, she was captivated with the unpredictability of Trixie’s character. It seemed like every time that Twilight thought she understood something about her, Trixie was bound to surprise her. Twilight simply needed to understand what it was that made Trixie tick. If she could understand her underlying motivations, then maybe that would make her less confusing.
The sun’s last rays slowly disappeared over the horizon. Twilight again felt that strange feeling of anticipation. It couldn’t be much longer now.
Twilight’s coat began to grow hot. Was it because of the nervousness? She didn’t feel flushed at all. Her eyes were suddenly drawn to the fire in front of her and the reason for the change in temperature became clear.
The orange glow of the campfire had given way to brilliant blue tongues of flame. This confused Twilight; the change had been so sudden and so complete. The entire fire was now composed of the same cool blue, but it radiated a deceptively large amount of heat.
Even stranger than the color, though, was the movement of the flames. This was not the typical chaotic burning of fire. Each individual tongue of flame moved in concert with the others, rising and falling in what was close to a ripple effect throughout the fire. It was as if there was a puppet master controlling the scene, making each flame subject to their will.
The flames’ hypnotic dance began to increase in tempo, moving faster and faster until they formed what appeared to be a pair of eyes. This apparition was quickly followed by the rest of the head. Each flame forming the entity danced back and forth, flickering and fading, but the entire image was unmistakably the head of a pony.
The fire beyond the flame-sculpture slowly melded into its own form, as if it had now been commanded by the same unseen force. In a flurry of movement that seemed random yet precise, a neck formed, attaching itself to the head. This was quickly followed by a body and four legs forming in much the same manner.
The blazing figure of a pony now stood amongst the rest of the flames, clearly a separate entity, but exuding an identical blue glow. It stepped back, out of the pit that the fire was contained in, until it was entirely separate from the rest of the campfire. The flames forming the figure held their shape, and it seemed to all of the ponies watching as though a being of pure energy was in their midst.
The light emitted from the flame pony slowly dimmed, and the body seemed to gradually lose its ethereal appearance. The flames gave way, and standing before the crowd was a unicorn mare of identical color to the blue flames. A silver mane cascaded down the side of her head, curling away from it. She wore a mischievous grin upon her face, evident just as much in her gleaming purple eyes as in her flashing smile. Though her hat and cape were missing, the mare standing before the crowd was unmistakably The Great and Powerful Trixie.
She spoke in a voice which was calm, yet brimmed with confidence. “Trixie welcomes you to the tale of Beohoof. A hero matched by none in his time and few, if any, since.”
The audience stamped in approval of the dramatic entrance, and Twilight herself was impressed by the skill and creativity that the magic must have required. She realized that Trixie had not even began her performance yet she already had everypony eating out of her hoof. She knew how to work a crowd; that much was clear. She seemed to carry herself with a different air from before. This was not a pony planning on stealing the show herself, this night would not be about The Great and Powerful Trixie, it would be about Beohoof and his exploits.
As the applause slowly died down, the silver maned unicorn raised her head. The fire in front of her had reverted to its typical orange color. Trixie’s horn glowed a soft purple and the flames began to dance under her control once more. Small figures of ponies emerged from the flames, seemingly eager to move under the magician’s direction. At this, Trixie began to chant, enveloping the crowd with sight and sound as she began her tale.
“So, the Spear-Manes in days gone by
and the kings who ruled them had courage and greatness.
We have heard of those princes’ heroic campaigns.”
Twilight couldn’t help but smile as Trixie began the tale. She loved Beohoof, and she thought that the use of flame magic was simply ingenious. In fact, she felt as though she couldn’t take her eyes off the scene in front of her.
The unicorn continued the tale, and seemed to fall into an almost trance-like state, introducing Beohoof’s noble lineage, the Manish king Trotgar, and the great mead hall Mareot. All the while, the apparitions of flame acted out her every word, bringing the story to life.
Twilight found herself enthralled. She had never been to a performance this interesting before. Her ears drank up every word that exited Trixie’s lips, though she was already all too familiar with the story.
As the tale continued, Twilight felt as though she had been placed under a spell. Though she normally was able to maintain her composure, she found herself whooping and applauding when Beohoof vanquished the monster Grendfoal and saved Mareot from the terror that he had wrought.
How was it that this mare could affect her emotions so much with a simple story? Twilight still didn’t understand what it was about Trixie that gave her this power over her; but what seemed more important was how awesome it was to watch flame-Beohoof sever the monster’s arm with two powerful bucks to the shoulder.
Of course, Twilight was not the only one becoming invested in the story, the crowd around her had roared with the same approval at each of Beohoof’s triumphs. When the hero finally met his match, suffering mortal wounds killing a dragon, it felt as though the square was the site of a tragic accident. Everything fell deathly silent, and more than one pony found themselves in tears.
Trixie’s voice gently gave way to silence after describing the mourning of the hero’s death. It was as though Ponyville had lost one of their own, and a moment of silence permeated the square, seemingly a gesture of respect for the legend.
Trixie looked through the crowd, and understood immediately that she had done her job well. She dropped her head and lifted one of her forelegs into a sweeping bow.
Stomps of approval greeted her as she rose up from the bow. She smiled to herself, moments like this were what she lived for. Not long ago she would have ruined this moment of triumph by basking in the attention and reveling in superiority. But it had been in this very town that she had first begun that actions can speak louder than words (at least sometimes).
She could honestly say that she was content to see that her show had spoken for itself.
Tonight, of course, was only the beginning of Trixie’s time in Ponyville. It had been an excellent way to start off, but there was much more to be said and done while she was here. Her thoughts wandered to the mare she knew that she would have to confront sooner or later: Twilight Sparkle. It was time for Trixie to add a new show to her repertoire, and Twilight was the pony that could help her bring Nightmare Moon and The Elements of Harmony to life. What was weighing just as heavily on her mind, though, was that she needed to properly thank Twilight for the lesson she had taught her. She may not have accepted the advice at the time, but Trixie had realized that being humble on occasion could be quite advantageous, and she had Twilight to thank for the lesson in humility.
When she brought herself out of this reverie, Trixie found herself sitting alone in front of the smoldering remains of her fire. Evidently she had lost herself in thought for longer than it had seemed. She leaned forward, then backward, stretching out her stiff legs. It was easy to become uncomfortable sitting in the same position as she had for several hours. She rolled her front shoulders, then used her magic to snuff out the last embers of the fire.
It had been a good day. Trixie couldn’t deny that. But she still had a lot of business to attend to in Ponyville. Tomorrow would be a good time to start, she could use tonight to get some rest; that show had really taken a lot of energy out of her. She thought of all she still had left to do as she stepped out of the square and into the darkness beyond.
Author's Note: Well this chapter ended up being more of a struggle than I thought. Everything came so to me so easily when I initially wrote it, and when I got around to giving it a full read a lot of it looked like total crap. I practically ended up rewriting the second half because I hated how it sounded so much. It's done though, and I like the final version. I debated putting in one more short scene from Twilight's perspective at the very end, I decided to make you guys wait though ;). You'll get that in chapter 3 instead.
As I've mentioned before I want/need another prereader or two. My current one got caught up with that real life thing, and I don't want to force this on her. Also, I would really appreciate any feedback that you guys would like to give me, so rate and comment away! The response was so overwhelmingly positive for chapter one so I hope that I'm managing to live up to expectations. I'm looking forward to getting started on chapter three. I plan on giving you guys some Twilight/Trixie interaction, but given that this is a Twixie fic, I'm not really sure that's a spoiler at all. Anyway, thanks for reading!
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Okay, good ending there, although the POV change was a bit... abrupt? Might've done good to have some sort of break there. Otherwise rather enthralling with Trixie's performance.
Really liking this story, more so since its Twixie. Nice way to introduce Trixie. Eager to see where this goes.
A chapter two? Hey, you're still writing! Haha... I've read too many that stop after the first chapter... Soooo, really glad this one is still going!
Did I mention how obsessed I am with Twixie? I think I made that point last time, but I can't help but obnoxiously remind you!
You have a pre-reader, don't you? You need another one so go grab one more of those. Not that the chapter is horrible in grammar or anything, but I did spot a few flubs that were a bit off. I also find myself at a disadvantage reading this because I never read or watched Beowulf and have no idea what it's actually about. To be honest, I thought Trixie would burst out of the flames shouting, "I AM BEOWULF!" Obviously, that would have been even more jarring, but that's really all I got from the movie adaption trailer I saw once. Anyway, the way you described the actual show as per the pyrotechnics was simply spot-on amazing. I could imagine the whimsical flames in my head perfectly and was very much into the story at that point.
Your character portrayal so far is very in character. Spike stays as the voice of reason as he fills his role of Twilight's assistant perfectly. You might have referenced Twilight's obsession with the Pinkie Sense a bit much, but I definitely understood that Twilight was so into her studying because it was something she couldn't explain. I do have to agree with another comment here that the narrative switch to Trixie was pretty abbrupt. I only noticed the shift halfway down a paragraph where it states she would eventually have to face Twilight. I was like, "Wait, what?" I totally missed the narrative switch. It might have been because it was so seamless that when the narration began talking about Trixie that I mistook it as Twilight's perspective. Y'know since that's the POV you've taken so far.
I know it sounds like I'm complaining a lot and I trying not to. It really was an awesome chapter plus a longer one at that. I really think you got something nice brewing here. I look forward to the further chapters while impatiently waiting to know what happens next. The meeting of the two has been foreshadowed for two chapters now. You've raised my hype. I just know you'll treat that scene specifically with the upmost effort! But hey! No pressure! Just write how you like to write
i'm jsut conveying my thoughts is all. I only expect entertainment. Please keep delivering that.
Jeez, what am I writing paragraphs now? Sorry for my long-winded responses. Twixie does that to me
Nice, you don't see to many stories with Trixie entering on such good terms!
124578
yes i know what you're talking about, I didn't think I had enough for another scene and I thought that I could pull off the change in perspective more smoothly. Glad you liked the rest though.
124655
Glad you're liking everything so far. It's been a lot of fun to write.
125117
Thanks for all the feedback again! I have a prereader, but she's been caught up with real life recently, so I had to do this one myself for the most part. I've been asking if people are interested in the author's notes, but would the place to look be something like ponychan? I'm glad you liked the chapter though, and I understand what you mean about the POV shift. I thought I could make it smoother and more obvious than I did, I guess. You might notice that I actually did the same sort of thing with Twilight and Spike, but I think it worked better because they're different genders, so different pronouns and whatnot. Glad to have you reading though.
125605
Thank you! I'm really glad that everyone has seemed to love that scene so far.
So to those of you that are wondering, Chapter three could take a while. I tend to write a bit slowly and I get meticulous when I edit. I'm probably going to start writing it tonight though, so hopefully it will be done in under a week.
Another interesting chapter. I think you portrayed the character's pretty accurately. Twilight being self-conscious and all, Spike's behavior seemed good to me, and more interestingly, Trixie seems to have changed a lot since her last visit to Ponyville. Also, Trixie's entrance through the fire was very well done. You did an excellent job wording that part, so hopefully we get to see more passages like that in future chapters.
I'd suggest expanding on Trixie's tale of "Beohoof" though. It's not too big of a deal, but it would be pretty cool to expand on that part. Perhaps doing so would add some more significance to Twilight's reaction to Trixie's performance, at least I think it would. Also, you should probably use italics in the place of ALLCAPS in some cases. There's a few of these moments spaced throughout the story, but a pretty obvious one at the beginning.
That's all, you did a good job. I'm also tracking this.
First Twixie fic I've actually decided to read. Pretty good start! Honestly being a pre-reader would be cool but when it comes to being critical about things I am probably not the person you wan't critiquing this haha. Only thing that I always tend to notice is in the very first line, "Spike was a VERY confused dragon." Doesn't really matter as much in the opening line but whenever I see capslock in a story it always rips me out of the world. I don't know if it's just me but I tend to lose all immersion I had at that point. I love italics for that
Other than that though you have me interested! Will keep reading!
127353
. I changed a few of the instances where I didn't think it was as important, hopefully it will jump out of the text less now.
Glad you've liked it so far! The problem with the Beohoof part of the story is that I wanted to keep everything moving well, I felt like it was better to keep it very abbreviated as opposed to mentioning a lot of different plot points but not having space to elaborate. I just felt like fully fleshing the story out would take too long. Concerning the italics and caps, I agree with you. Reading through another time made me realize how much caps tend to jump out from the story and yes, there are a few locations where italics are the more appropriate emphasis. Also, I looked at Applejack's accent, and I have her saying "Ah" like three times in a couple sentences. ouch
127592
Yeah the italics and caps thing is something I should have realized sooner, I've edited the first couple chapters for that. I guess that it tends to be easy to forget how often you do something like that though when you're writing. After all, it takes a lot longer to write a paragraph than to read one. Haha well I'm glad that you're interested so far. I hope that this can be a good introduction to Twixie, though I know there are some absolutely fantastic Twixie fics out there if you're interested.
129399
No worries! Never been a writer but I did the same in school sometimes. It just makes so much sense at the time! Sure if you know a couple good ones I may go check them out as well! But yeah, keep up the good work!
1AM comments are the best comments... right? Well, here goes nothing anyways.
Not a bad opener overall. The inexplicable love/attraction might be a bit on the weaker side of things... it seems rather sudden. Twi goes from hardly remembering Trixie (brain goes to 'Wonderbolts' when Dash says 'showpony') to being fairly obsessed with her over the course of these initial chapters. There was quite a bit of Twilight's introspection that maybe should have justified or at least explained the shift, but that might have been more problem than solution here as it feels more like the author explaining than a natural explanation coming from the characters' interactions/thoughts. (random thingamajig: it is usually pretty accepted that thoughts are written in italics... putting something in quotes usually means it is said aloud (or written on something))
The narrative shift from Twilight's perspective during the performance to Trixie's just after was really rather jarring... Dunno, you might be able to close out that scene with Twilight being impressed then have an actual scene change to Trixie in her trailer(/caravan/whatever she has now). Reads rather awkwardly with the shift as is.
That said, your strongest part thus far seemed to be Trixie's performance. Unfortunately, you got a bit tell-y in parts there (just giving us bullet points about Beowulf rather than having the flames act out a few scenes), but it had some parts where you had some great immersion going. I do wish you had gone more in-depth with the show and given us more of these enthralling scenes rather than just telling us they were there.
Overall, on the technical side, some things were good... some were bad. Could probably benefit from an editor in spots. Might want to watch your narrator... you've got a close narrator going, so it should reflect whatever character is the focus of a given section, but shouldn't really be its own character outside of the focus character.
Not a bad start though... you've got some interesting set up with Trixie coming to Ponyville seeking Twilight (perhaps to take advantage of her skills). I'm wondering if Trixie really has learned her lesson or if she's simply learned to manipulate ponies via humility... Kinda hoping that Trixie hasn't since there could be some fun conflicts between Twi and Trix stemming from that.
-Lammy
Haha so it's been a while since chapter 2 went up
Sorry guys, I'm a slow writer, I suppose you'll have to put up with that. I've been really trying hard to make sure that this chapter is better than the first two. Trixie and Twilight are going to meet, so I'm sure you all understand that I really want to get this right. I figured that you all at least deserve an update though, I'm well underway writing the chapter, and I'm pretty sure that I know exactly what I want to happen in the rest of the chapter.
130977
Well there are a lot of really good Twixie stories around. Here are a couple of my personal favorites, you may have seen them on fimfiction, but they're both fantastic and the author's are really cool people.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/2210/The-Fascinating-Yet-Obvious-Twixie
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1899/Teardrops-and-Snowflakes
134490
Thanks for the criticism, Lam. I'm really trying to work on these things you mentioned as I write chapter 3. I'm especially trying to make it less tell-y whenever I can. I think after I get further in I might rewrite the first couple chapters to see if I can fix them up. People have liked them, but they can definitely be better.
the beginning seemed a bit repetitive, redescribing Twilight's thoughts multiple times. It put me off a bit and a less enthusiastic reader may have lost interest at that point. However the story was nice and clever and I thought it was cool how we got some of Trixie's thoughts at the end. I'll keep reading!