Major Problems

by asmariamoon

Chapter 11: Where Everypony Knows Your Name

Vinyl smiled as Octavia finished up her set. "Hey, were you girls gonna do anything else tonight? Cause Octy and I were gonna go get a drink, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with us." Vinyl said.

"Seriously? That'd be awesome! Me and 'Shy are totally in, right?" Dash said, nudging Fluttershy with a forehoof.

"That sounds like it would be fun... as long as we wouldn't be in the way, Vinyl." Fluttershy said.

"Oh, no way! The more, the merrier! How about you, Trixie? Wanna come?" Vinyl asked.

"Trixie would love to go, as long as Twilight wants to go as well." Trixie said.

"Yeah, it sounds fun! We'd love to go, Vinyl." Twilight said.

"Awesome! Yo, Octy, we've got some company for our trip to the bar." Vinyl said as Octavia approached the group.

"Vinyl, your habit of roping strangers into coming with us to drink is something I should be used to by now, but I still would like it if you stopped." Octavia said.

"Oh, come on, babe, they're totally not strangers! They're awesome! This is Trixie and Twilight, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy." Vinyl said, pointing a hoof as she named them off.

"Oh, then I guess it's all right. At least you know their names, unlike last time." Octavia said.

"Come on, last time was awesome!" Vinyl said.

"Vinyl, that colt ended up hitting on the both of us, even though we'd made it clear that his advances were unwanted. He also wrecked half the bar, and got us thrown out on our flanks. We had to find another bar that actually sells Jura. Do you know how hard it is to find good liquor?" Octavia asked.

"Yeah, but it was still awesome! I've never seen anypony smash furniture as good as that guy did." Vinyl said.

"Vinyl, you are incorrigible." Octavia sighed.

"Yeah? Well, you're the one who encourages me." Vinyl said, smiling at her wordplay.

Octavia facehoofed, then turned to Trixie. "So you are Trixie? I'm Octavia."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Octavia. Trixie promises that we will not cause trouble." Trixie said.

"Oh, an illeism? That's very interesting." Octavia said.

"What the buck's an... ummm... illy-ism?" Vinyl asked.

"Illeism, dear. It's when somepony refers to themselves in the third pony." Octavia said.

"What's the point of all these fancy words? Why not just say, 'Oh, she talks in the third pony!'" Vinyl said.

""Because, Vinyl, illeism is four syllables, whereas 'She talks in the third pony.' is seven." Octavia said.

"Oh, so the lazy, snooty, rich bastards like you who use words like that decided they'd make themselves look even lazier and snootier?" Vinyl asked.

"I am not lazy!" Octavia said.

"But you're snooty?" Vinyl said, smiling broadly.

"Curse you, Vinyl Scratch." Octavia said.

"You know you love it, Octy." Vinyl said.

"Oh, yes, Vinyl. I so love it when you call me degrading names." Octavia said sarcastically.

"See, you admitted it!" Vinyl said, smiling wider.

Octavia facehoofed again. "One of these days, Vinyl, I am going to request that Princess Celestia lend me her moon cannon." she said.

"Sweet! I've always wondered what Princess Luna did up there for a thousand years! I'll get to find out first-hand!" Vinyl joked.

"Ugh... let's just go get something to drink. Lord knows I need it to be able to stand your horrible jokes." Octavia said.

"Hey! My jokes are not horrible. They're absolutely dreadful. You should know better than to insult people who tell horrible jokes like that." Vinyl said. "You girls ready to roll?" she asked.

"Trixie is ready." Trixie said.

"Yeah, we're totally ready! This is gonna be so cool!" Dash said.

Later, Trixie and the rest stood outside a bar called Boerperd T's. It had a pair of wooden saloon doors, and looked like it belonged on the frontier, someplace like Appleloosa. Trixie looked into the bar through the space above the neck-high doors, almost expecting a group of cowponies getting into a tussle over a dodgy hand in a poker game or something, or perhaps hooting and hollering at some saloon filly in a showy dress. Thankfully, or perhaps as Vinyl would see it, sadly, there was none of this. Just a hoofful of stallions and mares enjoying a good drink to help wind down the night.

"So? You gonna stand there all night, Trixie, or are we gonna get this party started?" Vinyl said.

"Did somepony say party?" Pinkie Pie asked, suddenly popping her head out of the space over the doors, surprising all members of the group.

"Gah!" Trixie exclaimed, trying to catch her breath and slow her heart rate. "Pinkie! What has Trixie told you about surprising her like that?" she asked, glaring at the pink mare

"That I was gonna give you a 'Great and Powerful heart attack,' right? Hey, why do they call it a heart attack anyway? It's not like your heart comes out of your chest with a spear or a mace or something and starts mauling ponies." Pinkie said, and Trixie groaned as she felt the beginnings of a headache welling up just underneath her horn.

"Please, Pinkie... headaches are still a problem for Trixie." Trixie said, then turned to Vinyl and Octavia. "Vinyl, Octavia, this is Pinkie Pie, Trixie's friend. Pinkie, this is Vinyl, AKA DJ Pon3, and Octavia, AKA DJ Oct3."

"Oh, hey! I know you! You helped us out by DJing during Rarity's fashion show." Pinkie said to Vinyl. as she moved aside so the others could enter the bar, which they quickly did and found a table.

"Oh, yeah, I knew I'd seen most of you somewhere before. I just didn't make the connection without those horrible dresses. Also, if I remember right, somepony was wearing galoshes too." Vinyl said, snickering as she remembered.

"Yeah, that was Applejack." Dash said, snickering as well

"Wait... horrible dresses? Trixie is confused. Doesn't Rarity usually make beautiful fashions?" Trixie asked. She remembered because on the day that she had lost her stage, Rarity had made such a fashion out of her stage's curtains.

"Yeah, well... ummm... she had offered to make our dresses for the Grand Galloping Gala, but... ummm... well... we kept requesting changes to her designs. It wasn't until we were all on stage at her fashion show that we realized... well... perhaps our requests were horribly misguided, and we should have stuck with Rarity's original designs, especially because of the fact that she was making our dresses as a gift to us." Fluttershy said.

"Trixie sees. Anyway, Pinkie, what in Equestria are you doing here?" Trixie asked.

"Oh, that's easy! My Pinkie Sense told me you were going to be here! First, my back arched, then my front hooves stomped, then my cheeks puffed. That combo means that a bunch of my best friends in the whole wide world are going out for a drink! So I decided to join you."

"Wait... how did all that tell you that we were going out for a drink?" Trixie asked.

"When it comes to Pinkie Sense, don't ask. Just accept it. Trust me, even I couldn't figure it out." Twilight said. That fact scared Trixie. That Twilight of all ponies couldn't figure something out was surely a sign of a coming apocalypse of some sort. Perhaps one that devastated Equestrian soil with spells of mass destruction and forced ponies to hide away in underground shelters for a couple hundred years to avoid the fallout of said spells. "Plus, it hurts a lot less if you just accept it." Twilight finished.

"Hurts? Trixie is so confused." Trixie said.

"She's talking about my twitchy tail. When my tail twitches, it means something's going to fall. On the day that Twilight was trying to figure my Pinkie Sense out, all of my tail twitches and nose itches and combos somehow applied to her." Pinkie said.

"My favorite part was when Derpy dropped a piano on her head." Dash said, laughing like mad.

"Rainbow! That's a horrible name to call poor Ditzy Doo." Fluttershy said.

"But 'Shy, I asked her if it was all right to call her Derpy. She said it was fine, as long as I wasn't using it in a mean way, which I'm not." Dash said.

"Well, okay, as long as she's okay with it." Fluttershy said.

"Ummm... Ditzy Doo?" Trixie asked.

"One of Ponyville's mailmares. She's a grey pegasus with a blonde mane and seven bubbles for a cutie mark. Sometimes her eyes cross, so some ponies call her Derpy. She's fine with it, as long as they aren't using it to make fun of her." Twilight said.

"Did you ladies want anything?" the waitress asked as she approached their table, hovering a quill and notepad in front of her with her unicorn magic.

"Trixie would like a Bacolti and carrot cola." Trixie said, and the waitress scribbled her order down.

"I'll have a White Rushin', please." Twilight said.

"A screwdriver for me, heavy on the vodka." Dash said.

"Ummm... I'll just have an apple martini, please." Fluttershy said.

"You have Jura whiskey, right? I'll have a shot of that." Octavia said.

"Make mine a straight shot of vodka. Smarenoff if you have it." Vinyl said.

"Ooh! Gimme a Strawberry Daiquiri, with lots of sugar on the rim!" Pinkie said. The waitress quickly scribbled down the group's orders as fast as they came, then left to give the orders to the barmare.

"So you were saying this Ditzy's cutie mark is seven bubbles?" Trixie asked, turning back to Twilight.

"Yes, why?" Twilight asked.

"On the day that Trixie apologized to the town, when Trixie arrived at her new home, she found a package with no return address. Only Trixie's new address, and seven circles, which Trixie believes could have been bubbles. Inside was Trixie's cloak and hat. If Ditzy made the delivery, perhaps she knows who was responsible for returning Trixie's items to her." Trixie said.

"Oh... ummm... eep!" came a small squeak from the other side of the table, and Fluttershy retreated behind her mane, looking like she wanted to duck under the table.

"Fluttershy? Do you know anything about who returned Trixie's cloak and hat?" Trixie asked, staring at the shy pegasus.

"Ummm... well... that is... ummm... after the Ursa Minor trashed your stage and you ran off, Twilight said that you would learn your lesson and be back... ummm... and I saw that your cloak and hat had been ripped up pretty badly in the wreckage, so, I thought that if you were returning soon... well... that you wouldn't want to come back and find them like that, so I... ummm... took them and repaired them. Then, when you came back... ummm... and apologized to everypony, I put them in a box and asked Ditzy to deliver them to your new home. I'm... ummm... sorry I couldn't sign the note properly, I was... well... I was way too shy. I hope you're not mad at me." Fluttershy said.

"Of course Trixie is not mad at you, Fluttershy! Thank you so much for returning Trixie's cloak and hat to her. They mean so much to her. She couldn't be more grateful." Trixie said, smiling. Fluttershy smiled back.

"Oh, I'm so relieved. I'd never want to make you mad at me, Trixie." Fluttershy said.

"So why do your cloak and hat mean so much to you, Trixie?" Twilight asked.

"They were a gift from the Great Lapis. Trixie has been having them magically enlarged every time they get a little too small for her, because she doesn't wish to part with them."Trixie said.

"Oh, wow! I had no idea they were from your mother. If I had something like that, I'd be attached to it, too."Twilight said. Both Vinyl's and Octavia's jaws hit the table in front of them.

"Wait... The Great Lapis was... Trixie's mother?" Vinyl asked.

"Dear Celestia! Is that true? I had no idea!" Octavia said.

"It's true. Trixie's mother was the Great Lapis, and her father is the Powerful Pyrite. That is where she gets her Great and Powerful title from."Trixie said.

"Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance, particularly in the coloration, except the Great Lapis was a deeper blue, I believe." Vinyl said.

"And her hair had no silver in it. That probably came from the Powerful Pyrite." Octavia said.

"Is that how differently-colored manes work? I'm not really sure myself." Vinyl said.

"Vinyl, you have a differently-colored mane, and you don't know how they work?" Octavia asked.

"Well, yeah... cause... ummm... it's magically-altered." Vinyl said, sounding a bit like Fluttershy. Trixie had to laugh at how she sounded. "Hey, come on, don't laugh, Trixie."

"Oh, no, Vinyl, Trixie wasn't laughing at that. She was laughing at how Octavia cornered you, and how you almost sounded like Fluttershy there." Trixie said. After realizing this, Vinyl laughed herself.

"Yeah, I did, didn't I? Damn, that's funny!" she said, giggling more, and the rest of the table laughed with her. The waitress returned to the table, floating a tray loaded with drinks in front of her, and floated the drinks to land in front of their owners as she named them.

"I have: one Bacolti and carrot cola; one White Rushin'; one screwdriver, heavy on the vodka; one apple martini; one shot of Jura whiskey; one shot of Smarenoff vodka; and one Strawberry Daiquiri, extra sugar. Just tell me when you ladies want another round." she said.

Vinyl scooted her shot glass onto her forehoof, then turned to Octavia and asked, "You ready, babe?"

Octavia had followed suit almost immediately after Vinyl, and her shot glass was now resting on her forehoof as well. "Whenever you are, dear."

"One, two, three, shoot!" Vinyl yelled the last word and both mares brought the glasses to their mouths, then tossed back their heads at the same time and chugged the shots of alcohol, then slammed their empty glasses down on the table. "Whoo! Damn, that's a buck in the throat!" Vinyl said after she swallowed.

"Mmmmm, I do love a good drink." Octavia said, licking her lips.

"Woohoo! Let's party, girls!" Pinkie said, smiling as she ran her tongue around the rim of her glass to get some of the sugar there, then grabbed the glass in her mouth and tossed her head back, taking a long pull from it.

"Yeah! Let's rock!" Dash said, grabbing her own glass in her mouth, and tossing her own head back, not one to be outdone.

"Oh... my... well, bottoms up." Fluttershy said, grabbing her own glass in her mouth and taking quite a few sips from it.

"Fluttershy, when you say 'Bottoms up,' you're supposed to tilt your glass until the bottom of it is facing up." Dash said after setting her drink, which was about half-finished, down. She looked over at Pinkie's glass, which was now completely empty, save for a bit of sugar on the rim, which Pinkie was having fun licking off. "Damnit, Pinkie!" Dash exclaimed, tossing her drink back again and finishing it.

"Sorry, Dashie, it was just so sweet, I couldn't stop!" Pinkie said.

Twilight and Trixie were both hovering their glasses in front of them and sipping on their drinks slowly as they watched the scene in front of them. Dash was teaching Fluttershy to tilt her head back as far as she could without spilling any of her martini. Vinyl and Octavia were smiling at each other as they watched the pegasus pair. And Pinkie was running her tongue around the rim of her glass, making sure that she had gotten all of the sugar off. She giggled as she heard the musical note that her tongue made as it traveled around the rim, and began to move it faster around the glass, giggling more as the musical note was reproduced.

Author's Note: Sorry this wasn't up yesterday, I had a case of writer's block, and apparently, it took Pinkie's demolishing skills to bust through it. She's just as good at breaking writer's block as she is at breaking the fourth wall, it seems. I have to start using her more. She's just so much fun to write.

Also, the name of the bar is a combination of a bar near my mom's house (Bufford T's, named after Buford Tannen [misspellings ahoy!], the outlaw in Back to the Future Part III) and a play on a common name for the Boer Pony. Anyway, proofreading done, time to go back to sleep.