Chapter 5: Preparation
Author’s note: I have done a major revision of chapter 4. So if you have not read a conversation between Big Mac and Fluttershy you need to go back. Thanks and enjoy.
The Best Laid Schemes of Mice and Stallions oft go awry.
Twilight woke up with the plan clearly formed in her mind. “It is so simple, so beautiful. It could work. It would work. Why didn’t I think of it sooner?” She felt amazing. Slightly fuzzy, but amazing nonetheless. The plan was perfect and so simple in execution. She marveled at it.
“How long have I been asleep?” Her legs were stiff and she was still clearing gunk from her eyes. Magically, the curtains flew open and she basked in the light. ”The whole night?” She hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in months. Amazing. No more restless nights, not with benzodiazepine. Things that altered her mental state scared her. But look at what the sleeping pills had done. “I feel perfectly fine. It just shows that it is not always dangerous. When used carefully, mind-affecting spells can be used safely.” And that was the basis of her plan.
All that was left was to carry it out.
You are cordially invited to Twilight Sparkle’s Night of Science.
Location: Ponyville Library
Time: 6:00:00 Standard Equestria Time, December 23
Scheduled events:
Live Music
Astronomical Observations
All-You-Can-Titrate
Dancing
Telescope Calibration
Mathematical Paradoxes
Guess-that-Mold Culture
Apple-Bobbing
Quiet Reading
Ask a Particle Physicist
Trivia Pursuit
Keynote Lecture about the Kelvin-Helmholtz Interaction’s Role in Early Star Formation
Please RSVP to Twilight Sparkle at the Ponyville library
Celestia looked at the plain white scroll with plain black words and realized that Twilight was up to something. This smacked of her last thinly disguised ‘concerned citizen’ letter. ”Parties are a great way to meet ponies, but this ‘party’ will only attract ponies like…”
“Celestia! Celestia! Didst Thou get one too?” The incarnation of night dashed into the room waving a plain white scroll. “Thou didst! I mean, you did! This is great! We cannot wait! Astronomical Observations! Telescope Calibration! And Trivia Pursuit! This should be a detonation! Is that the right wording? This should be a detonation?”
“’This should be a blast’ is more commonly used.”
“I do NOT EVEN know what TRIVIA PURSUIT is! But if it is anything like bobbing FOR APPLES we know it will be TOTALLY THE explosive!” Luna was slipping in and out of the traditional Canterlot voice, and it was giving Celestia a headache.
“Bomb, it will be totally the bomb.” The elder alicorn sighed inwardly, I knew I should never have gotten her 1001 Idioms and Colloquialisms.
“Please tell me we are going! I mean A LECTURE about early STAR formation! Talk ABOUT THE bee’s whiskers!”
Celestia didn’t bother to correct her. Instead she smiled, “I think a royal appearance would be justified. I will tell Twilight we would be delighted to attend. Now you’d best go brush up on your mold culture identification. A lot in the fungal world has changed in 1000 years. You don’t want to be caught unprepared, do you?”
“Thanks! Ohhh, We, I, cannot wait! Titration! Tranquility out!”
“Peace out. Peace out,” Celestia called wearily after her sister, not knowing if she heard. “Peace out, the bomb? I really need to put a stop to this before she wrecks the entire royal appearance.”
She didn’t really mean it. Having Luna back and learning to say things like “peace out” and “it’ll be a blast” filled her with delight. The indigo alicorn tackled everything with a child-like spirit and indefatigable enthusiasm. ”Reminds me of a certain other mare. Speaking of which. I need to… broaden… the scope of this little party. Subtly, of course.”
Spitfire nervously trotted into the throne room. She had met the Princess plenty of times, but was always anxious when around her alone. Everyday formal situations were easy. As captain of the Wonderbolts, she just had to act like she could walk on the clouds, which she could, of course. Brag a bit about her exploits, thank them for complimenting her skills, “It was nothing,” talk about flying, generally be everything ponies expected a captain of the Wonderbolts to be. The public ate that up. But something about the Princess made her think she could see right through it.
“Spitfire, thank you for seeing me.”
That right there. Princesses didn’t thank anypony for seeing them. YOU thanked Princesses for being allowed to see THEM.
“Oh, no problem… your honor.”
YOUR HONOR?! She is a princess not a judge! Despite the horror filling her head at her words she was able to keep a cool expression. Or at least she thought she was.
“Your last show was as spectacular as ever. I especially liked the Gravity Bender, it was most illuminating.”
You have answered exactly this a thousand times. Just say ‘thank you, it was nothing.’
“Thank you, I am glad I de-darked you.” Kill me now. Just kill me now.
“No need to look so tense; I just called you in here to ask a favor. I understand you are about to head back to Manehattan, and was wondering if you could make a stop in Ponyville. Nothing serious - I just want this done with discretion. Can I trust you... Captain?”
Favor? Princesses don’t ask for favors; they give orders. And I am not tense, not at all; this is my ‘nothing-whatsoever-could-possibly-bother-me expression.’ And calling me Captain? She is enjoying this. I just know it!
“Anything for you.”
“I will keep that in mind,” she smiled, and continued, “but for now I just want you to take this to Big Macintosh at Sweet Apple Acres.” She passed over a large, heavy pouch. “Tell him I want his best, and I want it delivered promptly to the Ponyville library by five o’clock on the 23rd. Thank you. I hope I can count on your prudence in this matter. Oh, and tell Twilight that my sister and I would be happy to attend.”
The bag was of course full of bits. She didn’t open it, but the clinking jangle was unmistakable. Maybe I should check out this party on the 23rd Like everypony in Equestria, it seemed, she got an invitation. And also like most, she had discarded it almost immediately.
A night of science? Telescope calibration? Mold identification? Sounds boring. But then she felt the pouch again and thought of its recipient. The big red apple farmer was famous. You went to the rest of the Apple family for apples. You went to him for only one thing. With This many bits, you could buy eighty barrels. She took off and set course for Ponyville. Eighty barrels of Mac’s best? I feel tipsy just thinking about it. Definitely worth checking out.
The Princess smiled. Too easy. Far too easy. Two birds, one seed. Luna was muttering while reading through Mycology for Ponies. Too easy indeed - time for the next move.
“Note: Pon-3 studios will be closed the 23rd – 24th for fungal fumigation. We apologize for the inconvenience.”
-Canterlot Health Advisory
“Way too easy.” True, she had already booked DJ Pon-3 for the party, and so there was technically no need to spray for fungi. Vinyl Scratch would keep her word and not tell a soul about where she was going. Her crew could be trusted, probably. But this way it was a mystery. No pony could help but notice that the club just so happened to be closed on the 23rd. And that all the equipment was being crated up and shipped out. And several first class pegasus-air tickets had been purchased, at the last minute, to Ponyville.
It was almost as hard to miss as the Wonderbolts’ stopping in Ponyville for an extended layover. Or Big Mac beginning to move unmarked barrels to the Ponyville library.
It was a conspiracy. Ponies loved nothing more than a conspiracy. And spraying for fungi never hurt.
“Too easy. Time to let the wildfire spread.”
And spread it did.
Spike was less impressed with the plan. “That sounds like a really bad idea.”
“Nonsense, you will be there monitoring the whole thing.”
“If you say so.”
“This could be my best plan ever! Nothing could possibly go wrong.”
“If you say so.”
“Look, there’s Derpy with the mail! She must be carrying my first RSVP’s! I cannot wait! That’s funny, I’ve never seen her use a cart before. Several carts?”