• Member Since 4th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Zontan


Nitpicking your math errors is how I show I care.

E
Source

I am a God. A being of ideas and shadow and madness. I can shape the world to my whim.

Why, then, am I suddenly a pony? And how quickly can I leave?


Winner of the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Dreams contest. The prompt was "No way home."

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 45 )

please write more

“Oh dear, it’s another eldritch horror. How many of you are there?”

:rainbowlaugh: "Please fill out the Azathoth-17 before laying waste to our reality; it really speeds up the paperwork afterwards."

Rarity smiled. “That’s a bit of a mouthful. How about Condi?”
“WHAT.”
“Condi it is.”

Magnificent.

Fantastic little tale of unknowable horrors facing what are to them unknowable experiences. Thank you for it.

Jokes aside though, this was my personal winner for the contest and I was delighted to see it win. It's a really original piece and manages to execute everything excellently.
I'd comment on your characterisation of rarity but you know at this point how much I love it ;D
Great work buddy!

Echoing Seer here, but please write more. After Wings, of course.

For real, I think it's a lovely and hilarious take on what would normally be a horrific occurrence, and Rarity's characterization is pretty great. The slow change in Condi's reactions and perspective is great too.

Nice, but it seems Rarity is trying to make him give up on his own home, what he knows and values to replace it with what she would value. Bit of a downer, that.

Reading that last line, I got the feeling that Condi is either going to get home, or disintegrate Rares where she's standing (Soaking? Swimming? I d'know).

Anyhow, that was fun.

Good thing it was Rarity.

Just imagine if it was Pinkie, waiting there, with all teh forms filled out, saying, just down there, first on the left, one cupcake each. :pinkiehappy:

Ponies, the most horrifying eldrich horrors of them all.

"WE BRING YOU LOVE!"

It's bringing love! Break its legs!

:trollestia:

Very enjoyable. And yes, Wings of Ascension needs another chapter as well.

Still, if you want to write more for this, I wouldn't mind, if that's all right with you.

What? Completed? You can't just end on a cliffhanger like this and not expect people to want more!

Did Rarity just replace Condi's darkness power with magic of Friendship? By using a spa, no less.

This was just so adorable! Reading through this made me smile all the way through and I couldn't help it! I had to make a reading of this story! I hope ya didn't mind that I did so! Awesome work mang! :D

Audio Linky: https://youtu.be/_2M3DGfm2p8

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment!)

Comment posted by redandready45 deleted Mar 31st, 2020

You can't expect to teach a cosmic horror how to feel and not have consequences

Although, it would be hilarious to see a bunch of alcorns trying to crush everything and just look like dweebs doing so.

It'd be like having thor for a roommate.

Also rarity x darkspace God is now a OTP.

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Yeah, this feels like... hmm...

The Prologue and Chapter. 1 of a much longer story.

“Oh dear, it’s another eldritch horror. How many of you are there?”

I like how they just brush off something that dangerous, then again, they live with Pinkie who is also a eldritch horror in a way. :pinkiecrazy:

huh, i like this
will it be updated at all in the future?

I honestly wonder what his impression of Pinkie Pie would be. Perhaps she is the only one that makes any sense. :rainbowlaugh:

Well done! An enjoyable story. By the way, I know you intend this as a one shot but I'm going to track it for awhile. Just in case.

Very interesting. I love the ambiguous ending.

You have to continue this! Please!

(clears throat) Please sir, may I have some more?

I'm kicking myself for waiting so long to read this. Holy shit this is so good. God damn.

Just posting here to say thanks again to Zon for writing such a great original story. I hope you folks enjoyed my addition. :twilightsmile:

I care nothing for whatever equines think about cosmic horrors; I am the ultimate cosmic horror!

:twilightoops: "I thought you'd find them funny. You know, 'Ha! You call those incomprehensible secrets pony was not meant to know?'"

Despite ponies’ recommendations, I found that the foolish pink one made everything so sweet that I was beginning to think she was the embodiment of some cosmic horror herself… like some formless, non-Euclidian cloud of cotton candy or something.

He knows. Back off, Pinkie, back off!

“He would trust the matter to atoms? Those layabouts?!”

"I'm told they jiggle quite reliably."
"They are fickle little bastards and they know it!"

Brilliant use of Discord as a way to bridge the gap between elder entity and ephemeral mortality. Of course change would come easiest to the principle of Chaos, but with a mortal body comes the capacity to learn and grow at a rate unthinkable to those who feast on worlds. Kudos to Hat Man for the brilliant addendum to the original piece.

(Also, never let Cadence hear what Discord told Condi. She'll be insufferable for years at minimum.)

Discord has a very good reason for being able to get along with mortals. He knows that at the end of it all, the ineffafble, f:yay:s off. Nothing remains that can be measured agaisnt to tell anything else it exists to be measured, except the barest hit of somthing that could in totallity be called chaos.

And then Pinkie writes The End. Closes the book. Puts it on the shelf, and heads off to rest up for the next day in the life of AO.:pinkiehappy:

Because the Best party planner, Always cleans up after the party.

I've had lots of fun reading this. The fish out of water thing was well done and I love how the usual madness AND darkness AND M rating was easily sidestepped by ponies doing what they're supposed to do.
Rarity and Sweetie were also spot on, especially with how fast the latter managed to flip flop from sadness to excitement.
The bit with sideshow horrors in the second chapter had me giggling at times.

“No, I suppose I can deign to spend some time with your kind on occasion. It does no harm and it is better than sitting idly by while I wait to ascend back to divinity. Since I literally have all of eternity, I can spend some time with you.”

How do you even go back to an existence of timeless malice and indifference beyond the edge of space once you've been exposed to the Magic of Friendship™?

Rarity’s eyes widened and were practically sparkling.

Oh Condi, you fool. It's over. Game. Over. Man.

like some formless, non-Euclidian cloud of cotton candy or something.

I'd be way more worried if I suddenly saw a sky full of clouds that adhere to Euclidian geometry :pinkiegasp:

Rarity began piling pancakes onto the plates. “Oh, but I heard that nice Doctor Whooves is creating some sort of, er… I think he called it an ‘atomic clock’ that—”

“He would trust the matter to atoms? Those layabouts?!”

Had me rolling.

Despite ponies’ recommendations, I found that the foolish pink one made everything so sweet that I was beginning to think she was the embodiment of some cosmic horror herself… like some formless, non-Euclidian cloud of cotton candy or something.

I wonder if that's is a reference to the comment I made in the original chapter.

Heck... why can't I like something twice...
This is really super cute and I love it still!

Nice. :)

Thank you both for writing!

10334271
And thanks again for linking me over here. :)

I give the story a like because of the first chapter, it was written just right. Can't give fav because of the second one where the horror behaves like angry teen. Each chapter show entirely different character

“Oh, Darkness,” he chuckled. “I believe in a thing called love.”

That right there should have been the line to end the story with. There is a name for this type of story - a story that is written specifically so that its last line is a groan-inducingly bad pun or reference of some sort - but I can't for the life of me remember it.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I would read a series.

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If you liked this one, you might like his Wings of Ascension. It's phenomenal, and it got me hooked. :twilightsmile:

I don't mean to be mean but I'd prefer for the sequel chapter to be a different story than this. I liked this story more as a one shot.

Even Gods cannot resist the allure of good pancake.

10350493
What does the blue line next next to your comment represent? I know purple line is for the story author but i have not encountered a blue one before

Seriously, why in the name of oblivion would I care about some pony horror writer named Crafty Love? I care nothing for whatever equines think about cosmic horrors; I am the ultimate cosmic horror!

Because HE is your creator god ; jaja how i love you <3

“Consuming Darkness, the Lurkster, anti-life of the party!” he exclaimed, squishing my cheeks together. “You should have told me that you were paying Ponyville a visit! If I’d known you were coming, I’d have made you a cake!

He snapped his fingers and I suddenly found myself transformed into a black forest chocolate cake with strawberries and whipped cream.

jajajajajajajaja <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'll miss you, Condi :c

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