EThe Consuming Darkness

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Some call me the Consuming Darkness. Some call me That Which Lurks In Shadows. I am beyond mortal comprehension. So why am I surrounded by ponies?

• Rarity
• OC

Zontan · 5.9k words  ·  326  10 · 3.6k views

Summary:: I am a God. A being of ideas and shadow and madness. I can shape the world to my whim.

Why, then, am I suddenly a pony? And how quickly can I leave?

Initial thoughts: As someone who plays tabletop (D&D) kind of stuff, I can see how this concept would work. Even if the story itself is very short, the story is engaging, and funny, while keeping a certain charismatic approach about it. However, due to the cliff hanger ending, we are left not knowing, and while this can be good, it is also a bit disheartening, as we never do get the answer to the question of the story. "How do I get home?" 7/10

Heart of the story: The heart of the story is the relationship between Rarity and the eldrich. The connection between them is what makes this story engaging. Without that, there wouldn't be much to this tale at all. And even though the creature is quite difficult to deal with, Rarity shows her skills in being charming, and polite, while keeping this creature entertained. However, I would have liked to see more from Twilight here. It's a nitpick I know, but with him being a creature from another world, I could see her freaking out with her research and asking him 101 different questions. But, that's not the focus here, the focus is on the creature and his interactions with Rarity, and that is quite delightful. 9/10

Characterization: : Rarity is the main portayal here, as well as the "creature" and firstly, Rarity is handled with care. Zontan knows how to write her so that she doesn't come off as "over the top" even if Rarity has her moments at time. You have to be careful when writing characters as if you have them act too dramatically it can hurt the message of your story, and I value that it didn't happen here. As for the creature, I could tell easily that he was his own thing, while calling himself a "God" while having no control over the situation he finds himself in. So to summarize, Zontan does a good job of handling both the characters in this story, that makes them both engaging, and delightful to read about. 9/10

Story/Concept: : The concept here is about a creature coming to Equestria, and needing to find a way home. It's nothing new, and the approach while engaging feels rather abrupt and short. It's decent for what it is. 6/10.

Originality/Execution: There's really not much originality here besides the characterization being delightful. but the execution here is what shines. Just because something has been done before doesn't mean stories about it can't be interesting. It's all in the approach. If you write in a way that is engaging, even a simple tale can be interesting. 7/10

Overall score and final thoughts: : This is an engaging character piece. The characters make the story flow, and even if the tale has been done before, it is enjoyable and pleasant.

Total score: 7+9+9+6+7=38/50
7.6/10

Headpat worthy:
Boop worthy: Yes.
Meh worthy:
Cringe level:

To the author: Keep up the good work! Zontan, this was a engaging piece that brought a smile to my face, but you should really answer the question at some point! How does he get home? Don't leave me hanging!
Next up is Oh how I wish by Nocturnalis Storyhart See ya soon!