• Member Since 4th Feb, 2015
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Nitpicking your math errors is how I show I care.


When Zipp is announced as heir to the crown of Zephyr Heights, Pipp resolves to remove her sister from the line of succession in the only way she knows how.

If only she weren't so awful at it.

Written for the Quills and Sofas Siblings Contest, where it placed second.

Now with a Russian translation here by NovemberDragon, Randy1974 and Nuclear-pony-Jack.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 32 )

“Running out of ideas, huh?” Zipp asked gently.

Hahaha oh nooo.

This was great! A perfect exploration of lighthearted dark comedy, is that even a genre? If not, it is now!

Zipp's and Pipp's voices are spot on. I particularly enjoyed Pipp trying to surreptitiously ask her followers for advice & them being "like total creeps".

Imagine that, Pipp.

Imagine. That. 😂🙄

Oh my gosh this was perfect. The voices felt spot on and I love that ending. Though I admit maybe it's a royal sibling thing to attempt to murder each other?.

I haven’t seen much of G5 other than the movie, but this really does seem to perfectly reflect their personalities. The last line is probably my favorite of the whole story and really captures the heart of it. Fantastic work here

She’d tried dropping heavy objects from the castle roof, but her aim was terrible and all she’d managed to kill was a few flowers in the front garden.

No! Not the flowers! Anything but the poor sweet and innocent flowers! Oh, why won't anyone think about the flowers? What did they ever do to you?! :trollestia:

This was great, I loved how nonchalant the two of them were about the whole thing. It seems so totally them. Sister's trying to assassinate you? Eh, must be another Tuesday then. :rainbowlaugh:

Oh, if only it was that simple in my story.

Nope all siblings try it a some point. Whether or not it's intentional is another matter

You know what they say, nothing brings siblings together like a few failed murder attempts.:rainbowlaugh::trollestia:

This is a joy to read. You nailed Zipp and Pipp's personalities perfectly in fact I could this being a Tell Your Tale episode if it was aimed at older audiences.

Pipp would be a terrible assassin, wouldn't she?

This story is a delight from start to finish, and I particularly enjoy how good a job you did of weaving in some genuinely heartwarming sibling feels even before we found out that Zipp had known all along -- it sets up the ending really nicely, while still not making it feel like a sure thing.

Oh, and Pipp's journal is hilarious. :D

As expected, this was a wonderfully fun read all the way through! Great failed attempts with that sneaky but heartwarming twist in the end to bring them closer together <33

This was a funny story.

Nothing like a little attempted regicide between siblings. xD

I think the funniest part to me is just how chill Zipp is over it; Pipp's just so incompetently bad at her murder attempts that she just can't be mad at her.

Now imagine explaining this to the gang in a few years. Just a round of embarrassing stories or something and Zipp and Pipp start talking about that whole “attempted murder” phase and laugh it off while Hitch. Izzy, and Sunny all kind of slowly move away from Pipp.

I tried to off my little sister when I was like 8 (she’d have been 6). Obviously I didn’t do much damage and I had little pillows for fists (still do :\), but my mind said “I wanna kill you! Nah, too permanent… imma just hit you in the back a bunch cause I KNOW that hurts the least…”

Okay so maybe I wasn’t actually trying to kill her… but I’ve definitely thought about it 😂 (not seriously of course! Just general sibling annoyance and such)

✨ Golden ✨

🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩 (a dozen donuts)
:moustache: (1/1)

It had seemed obvious whom Queen Haven would name as her successor. Even though Zipp was almost two years older, the choice was clear.

... Because that's not how royalty works, Pipp. Oldest is always first in line for the throne. Whether they want it or not, and no matter they may not deserve it.


Oldest is always first in line for the throne.


Except Zephyr Heights isn't an elective if this and the show are anything to go by. Zipp would happily let Pipp take the throne if she could, and I also get the feeling Haven would. But here they are.


Except Zephyr Heights isn't an elective

As wellllll

Point being that unless we get a look at Zephyr Heights’ constitution or succession laws, we can’t be sure that succession must be to the eldest there.

Good. But reminds me of when I tried to kill my sister when I was a kid and we had one of our fights. Leh, I was a hot head back then. :pinkiesick:

This story takes me back to all the time my family has tried to kill me. Oh, the memories...

I like that Zipp finds Pipp's attempts so pathetic that she feels the need to hug her.

I wish, however, that you explored the idea that while Zipp is more technically brilliant than Pipp, she might have the emotional intelligence needed to rule.

But anyways, good story.

This was both hilarious and adorable

In all honesty, I don't think Zipp even wants to be the queen, so Pipp can easily have it.

Вы недооцениваете ум мисс Пэталс... Если бы она захотела убить Зиппферину она сделала бы это практически неосознанно.

Произошла бы просто цепочка случайностей, в результате которых Зипп бы не стало.

Love this story. I could totally see Pipp telling the Pippsqueaks to riot until Pipp is made Queen and Haven abdicating in like, an hour.

Was a joy to read this a second time.

“It’s your problem now”

It had seemed obvious whom Queen Haven would name as her successor. Even though Zipp was almost two years older, the choice was clear.

Oh you absolutely /nail/ Pipp’s voice in this. Just that sort of bratty younger sister vibe. So so good.

She needed to utilize her own strengths: Her dazzling beauty. Her impressive follower count. Her dizzying intellect.

She just had to figure out how to kill somepony with one of those.

Utterly fantastic line. Thank you for my life.

Pipp blinked, shocked. “Why are you apologizing to me? I’ve been trying to kill you!”

Zipp shrugged. “I mean, yeah, but not very well.”

This made me giggle. I love how nonchalant Zipp is about all of this. But then again, if you are queen, I feel like you’d have to be pretty chill about the constant threat of assassination.

“You never tried to kill me.”

“That’s because I’m the big sister, so I have to be the responsible one.”

As a fellow big sister, I can confirm.

Goodness I just loved this so much!! Such a fun take on Pipp and Zipp's dynamic. I especially liked the scene transitions, i.e. Pipp saying she’d easily keep pace with Zipp on the hike and then cutting to her in absolute misery on said hike. Comedic gold. Thank you for writing! :D

Luna: "It seems some things never change."
Celestia: "You know it."

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