• Member Since 4th Feb, 2015
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Zontan


Nitpicking your math errors is how I show I care.

E

I have spent my whole life in the hive, learning to be an infiltrator. But now Chrysalis has fled, and everything has changed. I don't know what I'm going to do next.

Let me tell you how I got here.


Written as part of a fic exchange for Flashgen.

Cover art by Shaslan.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

THIS!!! This is how one does incredible character development! From the start, I had a hunch about who this was, and I was RIGHT, but not in an I-predicted-this-thus-this-was-easy way, but in a I-was-able-to-figure-it-out-because-it-was-so-well-written way! Your writing hooked me from start to finish, my friend, and this is truly an EXCELLENT fic from you!

First off, I'm always a sucker for changeling fics—I don't usually like fics covering the redeemed hive as much but man, you really drew me in here. The main character's arc from start to finish was fantastic, as was the reveal of who it was!

That last line was really the cherry on top—that closure of the opening statement, and all the context behind "I send them love." really made that ending hit hard. Fantastic characterization, fantastic plot, and this is absolutely going in my list of "top changeling fics".

Great story still, Zon. Loved the process of trying to figure out not only the perspective character but also where it was going, and I think it was a great exploration of the changeling hive and everyone's place in it, plus how things could have always been better if not for Chrysalis.

A brilliant story! Loved the backstory for the hidden character, and the unusual take on their personality. I adore evil Chrysalis at the height of her power, and this story delivers that in spades as well

I misread the title as SuperTsundere and was really excited for a second.

Still a fun read.

Nevermind. The pony she fell in love with doesn’t exist, anyway.

:raritycry::raritydespair:

This story fits perfectly with "There Must Be More to Life than This" by Freddie Mercury.

I took Applejack. We were already close, from when I’d posed as a merchant in Ponyville. I hadn’t meant to get to know her specifically back then—we were always warned to be wary around the Elements. But when she approached me in the market, she reminded me so achingly of Apple Cobbler. Even if I could never tell her what her cousin meant to me, it was comforting just to be near her.

Ok, so now we know the name of the mare from Appleloosa. Good, now PLEASE MAKE A SEQUEL WHERE OCELLUS GETS SOME CLOSURE!

Well now, wasn't that fun? This is a story the show could never do, because as much as we love it, it is still a kids show, and they do have certain limitations on their story telling engines. The training wheels have to still be there, even if sometimes you can send them down a dirt path. That said, this was a fun ride, and one of the more interesting versions of the character I've seen in this way. Good reveal, and a lot sad, ending with a very sweet moment, that will lead into the series, and how it goes forward.

A tiny bit too dark to go on my Favorites list-- and I'm not really sure about the protagonist's claim of being an adult (like, by pre-Thorax changeling norms, or well and truly adult?)-- but wow, that is some really good writing. The ending is my favorite part, mostly because Cinnabug is precious and it always makes me happy to see acknowledged how much better he is than Chrysalis. I especially love how deep the contrast is and the effect it has on the protagonist.

This is sublime. I love your voice and what you've done with Ocellus—this feels like a great way to do a grittier sort of pre-redemption origin story without completely compromising what we see of her in the show. The way that you slip little details into her monologue and the bookish way that you have her view things makes the memories that she's describing feel that much more real. Thank you so much for this!

Only liking becuase that's the nicest design for chrysalis I've seen

I can tell some members of the hive aren’t sure about this change, just yet. They liked the security of their routines. They’re worried about whether Thorax can really lead. Some of them are even looking at me, wondering if I’ll challenge this new ruler. They’re easier to read than ever, and many of them were sure that I was Chrysalis’s natural successor.

What about making another story where Ocellus does become a successor ?
Challenges Thorax and overthrows him.

I was not expecting to tear up a little today but have a .9.1/10 for an excellent short fic. You crafted an absolutely wonderful backstory for Ocellus.

Absolutely loved this, perfect backstory!

Emotionally devastating and uplifting at the same time. Well done. I feel for the first time I understand what the changelings are, or rather were. Chrysalis: I can see that. Believable evil. I see what makes her tick. Again, well done. Your story’s message... Now, that was something. “Sharing...” Well, I won’t spoil it for others, but it was worth the read to set up that one sentence. I feel I learned something. That’s the highest praise I can give a story.

The only criticism I have is this story’s title. I don’t want to think I might have missed reading this story, but I almost did! Yes, the word supersedure is excruciatingly and contextually correct, but a little bit obscure, maybe? A story’s title, the cover, the blurb, and the author name are the advertising that bring in readers. In my case, it was the fabulous cover that grabbed me. Humor me by thinking a moment about that. It’s my opinion, for what it’s worth.

In any case, I gave the story an up vote and placed it in my “Very special stories I would recommend” bookshelf. You also get a gold star. 💫

10969911
"In my case, it was the fabulous cover that grabbed me."

Why thank you :rainbowlaugh:

This was a really interesting insight to the workings of the hive, from young to old. Think my favourite bit was when Ocellus out a look at how selfish Chrysalis’s hoarding of the love was, described as a vast ocean while everyone else was slowly starving. It was a great turning point for the character.

Needs more salt. 10/10

Wow this was a very interesting take on of Ocellus and how is she so different from the other changelings but hey that's a pretty cool one this was pretty good keep out the good work

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