Equestria never stays the same forever. Months ago, three savage criminals have been turned into stone after they use their powers to take over the lands. That is until the current ruler of the Changeling Kingdom decide to see the statue of his former queen.
He knows she’s insane, he knows she’s a criminal, he will never forget the times he was enslaved to her from the power she held. However he knows she’s still a Changeling. His experiences of spreading friendship and love have made his kingdom a better place but the only thing Chrysalis needs is a special, understanding, charming kind of love.
Thorax wants to set things right but on the other hand it’s going to take a lot of time and help to teach his former queen a lesson she'll understand for the rest of her life.
Thanks to Daniyel099 for editing this.
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/292246/Daniyel099
Months ago, three savage criminals]had been turned into stone after they used their powers to take over the lands. Past tense.
he will never forget the times he was enslaved to her from the power she held.
Not a sentence.
Thorax wants (present tense) to set things right, (punctuation is your friend) but on the other hand it's going to (when writing narration, you NEVER use slang) take a lot of time and help to teach his former queen a lesson she'll understand for the rest of her life. (Not good English).
Is English your first language? I'm honestly not sure. The cover art is also far too cluttered. What are we meant to be looking at? What is the focus?
10170374
I really missed a lot of basic errors didn’t I? I try my hardest and I’m trying to get better, but it’s quite hard. I only have basic editing knowledge. Don’t blame him for things I missed.
10170548
Oh. I didn't realise.
10170562
Easy mistake to make. I have the day off work tomorrow, so I’m going to go through the entire story and look for errors and grammar mistakes that I may have missed. The last few days at work have been taking a lot out of me, so often when I’m doing these, my mind wanders and I lose focus on finding errors. I’m going to PM LF48 with an updated link, hopefully with more corrections and better grammar. Also, props to you for pointing out stuff that I missed. Not trying to be sarcastic in the last line.
10170571
I know.
10170374
10170548
You two do realize you looked at the description and you never talked about the first chapter of the story. I did what I could to make the story interesting as possible and EM2, your acting like this is your first story you read from me which is not true. And will you please leave out the cover art complaint, I made a blog about that and it made me miserable, it didn’t teach me better.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/894610/cover-arts-from-all-of-my-stories-have-been-removed
10170653
Wow. Somebody pissed in your milk this morning.
10170708
Do you ever take anything seriously?
10170758
I'm trying to help you. But seeing as your stories are clearly impervious to criticism, I won't bother. Good day.
10170786
Look sorry for being rude it’s just that the description and cover art aren’t my top priorities. But can you please be so judgmental at the last minute? I’m not saying this to be rude, you just never catch me a break. This happened to me before and it’s not going to help me again.
10170798
The description and art are the hook that draws people in. If the description has awkward grammar and the cover art looks messy and cluttered, that's going to turn people off from reading it.
10170844
I can understand the description but with the Cover Art is too insignificant. I make these Cover Arts for fun and it wasn’t meant to draw people away. If you did read the blog I sent you, you’ll see how much it aggravates me. Even if it’s cluttered with multiple characters, this isn’t my way of writing books in a book factory.
Descriptions is something I try to improve and I proofread it but whenever there’s something I didn’t notice already, it just becomes frustrating when someone has to bring it up before they read the story itself.
10170894
Righy then.
Well, the first chapter is nice. Just a few things here and there, but it's nice (yeah, I know you have an editor, but everyone can make mistakes, although it's nothing bad). As for the cover art, it looks good, not gonna lie.
The only main issue I have about that cover is it shows both the evil Chrysalis and the reformed Chrysalis. I suppose the title gives a hint so people know something will probably happen in the story. However, if the reformed Chrysalis is in the cover (unless she appears as part of another character's thoughts about that villain), readers can know what happens BEFORE they read the story.
Basically, it's some kind of spoiler.
Again, the story and the cover are both good. It's just that.
10171150
Well the thing is this wasn’t meant to be a chapter story. The fanfic itself has 6,600 words so I didn’t wanted to be a one shot. So yeah, I guess the spoiler being the issue of the cover art, I’ll take it.
Didn't realize the he was talking about the description, not the chapter itself. Still, i'll go through the story again and look for more errors i may have missed when I went through it the first time.
Chrysalis really didn't win a popularity contest in this one.
Because I dream, of an absolution!
you think you can make some sequels for this that involved tirek and then cozy glow being reformed.
11310688
Sorry but I’m not a fan of those characters. And I barely do MLP stories.
Friendship cult tried to brainwash chad chysalis into their far-left socialism
Accrept jesus
jesusallahharmony in your heart you filthy sinner!This was pretty nice