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On the Sliding Scale Of Idealism Vs. Cynicism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon page.)


Twilight invents speed dating.

Rarity tries not to perfect murder.

(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group. New members and trope edits welcome.)

Now with author Patreon page.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 106 )

I could see this as an episode. For the most part, at least. A hilarious example of how love is anything but a science. Thank you for it.

Pfft... Okay, yeah, that was pretty fucking amazing really. Think you forgot the comedy tag there though mate :D

I love you. Not LOVE love, but if I found you IRL, you'd get a hug Pinkie Pie would be jealous of. But for now I shall settle for an Internet brohoof. /)

Brilliant! Some of the longer blocks of dialogue and exposition could do with being broken up though. I found myself skipping chunks.

Overall really good with excellent use of literary devices. If you gave it a little polish I could see this on EQD.

As a final comment, looks like Twilight wants to create eHarmony. Best Rainbow and Rarity stop her now. I was surprised that out of the Mane6 only RD and Rarity got roped into Twilight's scheme.

All in all it was a fun ride mostly because everything was from Rarity's perspective.

Bravo, sir!


bang-disturbing presence

What the heck? Now I've got a weird mental image.

It typically added with one unicorn on her way to Canterlot while shaking with nerves and desperate prayer to not have somehow done something wrong and the other knocking on the Moon-lit spa door, wearily asking Lotus and Aloe to just throw her the keys and she could take it from there.



Caught both of them and fixed, thankee. That's what I get for making the last edit run with leftover fireworks going off in the background.

Snowy #8 · Jul 6th, 2013 · · 1 ·

I liked this so much it went from 12 to 17 :pinkiehappy:

Resda #9 · Jul 6th, 2013 · · ·

Ha! Thread Moresby, with the wife nopony knows. I wonder who that reminds me of.

Twilight is perfectly adorkable here, as is customary. But I really love the way you've written Rarity here, stripping past the usual cliches to the very core of her character - a world weary mare simply trying to carve out her place in society.

The ending just slayed me, too. Keep this up!

I felts bad for almost every pony involved in this story. The weirdo with the gift and Flitter being the exceptions. Great read though.

If only Pinkie Pie was there. This was enjoyably hilarious.

That was too good. Well done on the feature.

It deserves it.

~Skeeter The Lurker

A most excellent read. Good job.

There's a lot to like about this story -- the concept, the writing, the dialogue, the little bits of humor that keep the reader laughing. Other people have mentioned those, though, so I'm going to focus on a small, technical item that really stood out to me.

You did a very good job of varying your paragraph lengths. Very long, very short, middling -- they're all here, and they all work together nicely. Most people can't do that. I can't do that.

So, kudos. Looking forward to more.

Edit: I was expecting Twilight to be tarred and feathered, but the fountain will do.

Las Pegasus Land Swoopers

That's an... interesting name for a sports team. :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

It only took a few months, but finally a story on the featured list that I like.

Justy #17 · Jul 6th, 2013 · · 4 ·


I wholeheartedly agree.



Oh, that was simply wonderful! :twilightsmile:

That was bloody brilliant. And, "I am aware of every embarrassing faux pas there is, but that does not mean I am incapable of inventing a new one" is now my life motto.

Not the ROFL kinda of story but a more light-hearted laugh for me, well done :)


In something at least a little close to the same sense, so is Washington Redskins.

Huh. This would give me an excuse to ponify a certain team owner if he wouldn't sue to have the site shut down...

Without a doubt, yer another reason why I love your works.

My partner can attest to this with the constant giggling and insistent repetitions of "Nonono you have to let me read you this part it's hysterical."

Yeah, I figured it was something like that.

You know I liked this story right up until the ending.

I know its supposed to be a comedy. But to me the ending was less slapstick and more comedic sociopathy. That spoiled it for me since the story was otherwise very much like an MLP episode.

Absolutely hilarious.

You use words very cleverly, and I think that carries about half of the story. Kudos.



My only problem was that your beginning had a LOT of detail and made it a little tedious to read. But you finished strong and gave the reader something to come away with. A+

Have a thumbs up just for that description.

"Thread Moresby" Would that be a reference to Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother? :ajsmug:

Dat How I met your mother reference :rainbowlaugh: I love you.

Overall, on the positive side of neutral to the story.

The speed dating part is good. Would have liked to see Rarity approach Twi at some point in the over three hour long ordeal though, or at least seen her thinking about doing so. But holding the story back is the beginning. While it establishes Rarity's mood, it still seems like it rambles more and is longer than necessary. The "how Rarity attempted to keep kids in the store entertained" paragraph, for example, could have been cut entirely, since it isn't related to the plot or Rarity's current state of mind. Instead, just another thing to get through to get to the heart of the story.

I laughed so hard, but that was really cruel to Twilight. :fluttershysad:

A Hoofball restraint? C'mon this is Twilight Sparkle, it would need to be at least military spec to stop her using magic.:twilightsmile:

This was a very delightful read.

Also, that ending. Superb. XD

Simply glance over at her and tell her -- and trust me, she will hate this -- that it is your policy to never do so much as glance at an older mare. Can you do that?"


Brilliant. Twilight was very in character in terms of scientific nativity. Ending was fantastic.

Oh god XDD

Flitter was a complete jackass.

The only problem I had was that some paragraphs were huge chunks and I had to skip them.

I'm incredibly, stupidly picky about what fics I like, and there were a few turns of phrase, a few wordings, that I didn't entirely like, but...

This is one of the few fics I will actually upvote and favourite because it's pretty good, had some lines that definitely made me grin and the ending really worked. I think perhaps some of the lead-up to the actual speed-dating should've been shorter... but that's really a pretty forgivable fault.

Match.corn done by Twilight. What could possibly go wrong? :raritycry:

You know what I hate most about this story? :twilightangry2:

I hate that I didn't think of it first! :rainbowlaugh: This is 24-carat comedy gold. Twilight is so adorable when she Just Does Not Get It...

(Can somepony get me down, now...?) :twilightoops:
(...this isn't funny anymore, guys...)

Didn't like the ending. :facehoof:

Edit: Story was pretty darn funny, but I have issues with the ending. Hey, what's a little suspension bondage between friends? It's probably because of stuff I've been through, but I couldn't laugh at that.

Awesome. Seems unlikely that nopony had a single positive experience out of that, though. Surely even just one pair decided to follow up...? :twilightsheepish:

That ending was hilarious.


In the words of the great earth-pony sage, Best Brains:
"Just repeat to yourself, it's just a show, I should really just relax..." :rainbowlaugh:

A super short pony named Stile huh? I think somepony's read the Apprentice Adept series by Piers Anthony. :trixieshiftright:

Awesome story. I LOVED the ending! :rainbowlaugh:

Yeah, that was pretty much the funniest MLP fanfic I've ever read. Nice work.

Estee #49 · Jul 8th, 2013 · · 1 ·


On the other hand, she's also perilously close to inventing the search engine -- but yes, better she gets stopped now. And for those who feel the ending was a little cruel towards Twilight, consider that:

A. Rainbow said she was going to get her for this and
B. That may have just saved Equestrian life, civilization, and any hope for romance as they know it.

Really, it's sort of like having one's own intestine leaping through the throat to strangle the brain before a poetry reading. Or, say, having the same thing happen while a certain unicorn is demonstrating her best attempt at science erotica.


@#$% it, I meant the adult film actor...


Hoofball restraints are military grade. The only difference is that the eldritch abomination from beyond time and space is being summoned to hold the ball.

(I deliberately haven't done a detailed description of play over on Triptych, but it's mentally evolving into something like the child rugby and Australian Rules football had and decided to raise in a deliberately broken home Twelve seconds of play followed by seven minutes of sorting out the penalties.)


I suspect it was a mass simultaneous groupthink decision to not openly encourage Twilight in any way, especially given her declaration of intent for follow-up visits during any dates. I wouldn't be surprised if one pairing did get together a few days later to at least compare scars.


Honestly, that's what I mentally named the very short non-suitor from Hearts & Hooves Day on first episode sight. Incredibly short pony with what looked like a pasture bridge for a mark = Stile. I'm sure there's a dozen names for him floating around the fandom, but that's the one which popped into my head.

However, I'm not going to argue the source of inspiration. That's where I got it from, and yes, I've read the original trilogy. I'm sure there are people who got all the way through the second set, but... um... let's just say I didn't make it into the group and leave it at that.

More story thoughts to come in my upcoming blog post. Just because.

Since I down voted this, I feel I owe you a more detailed critique. Also the ending really got under my skin and I hope writing this down will get it out of my system.

First let me say I enjoyed much of this story. Rarity’s internal and external dialog was delightful. I laughed out loud at the scene where she’s wondering about her cat door being locked.

My issue with the ending is that it comes off as mean-spirited and petty. Twilight may be guilty of being clueless, but Rarity and Rainbow Dash are equally guilty of not just telling Twilight she’s making a mistake.

Far from being unsympathetic, we’re repeatedly told that Twilight Sparkle is socially inept and has no idea what effect her experiment is having on the other ponies. She genuinely intends to help Rarity and others and is clearly crestfallen when everypony runs out on her at the end. So the final scene feels less like some well deserved karma and more like picking on the woobie.

Rarity and Rainbow both know this experiment is a bad idea, but they both refuse to “mare up” and just tell Twilight so. Instead they let her waste everyponies’ time and even after it all goes south and Twilight is trying to understand why, Rarity stays quiet. Then afterwards they take their revenge on Twilight - a rather disproportionate revenge at that. But since the two of them are just a responsible as Twilight for the wasted evening it just comes off as pointless and petty. And Rainbow saying in story that she intends to get revenge doesn’t change whether or not said vengeance is cruel or petty.

If Twilight were less sympathetic (say because Rarity had tried to warn her off, but Twilight ignored her because SCIENCE!) or if her comeuppance had come at the hooves of the other ponies (who aren’t her friends and presumably had no clue what they were in for) it wouldn’t have felt quite as jarring.

By comparison the scene between Flitter and Snowflake works perfectly. Flitter has set herself up as an asshole victim, and Snowflake and Rarity are fully deserving of a little payback.

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