• Member Since 24th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Wise Cracker


Just some guy.

Sequels1

T

This is it. Junior Flight Camp: where a pegasus gets their Flyer's Certificate, the official proof that they can fly on their own. Scootaloo's anxious to finally leave her flightless state behind, but having two star flyers in your group doesn't exactly help your nerves much. Nor does having a pair of first-timers as your instructors and an insane unicorn bard as the nurse.

And then there's Doldrum Whimper: a bulky pegasus colt who's the victim of choice in his school, yet can't seem to grasp that his strength is something he should be using. He's like Fluttershy on steroids, for Celestia's sake! Well, he's nice to have around, at least, and it's not like Scootaloo can't make new friends... if they measure up...

Rating adjusted for safe measure. There's no gore, no overly explicit themes, but some of the things are mildly suggestive. It would get under the radar of a kid's show, no problem, but it'd be noted for flying under the radar, still. It's mostly meant to be funny, but I warn you there are some sad moments in this. Don't say I did not warn you, I'm merely pointing it out because I can't use the sad and comedy tags together.

16/9 Edit: in the process of being rewritten. Layout will be adjusted, OC's colour scheme will be adjusted, some unclear elements will be clarified.
17/9 Edit: Rewritten to be grammatically more correct, and the OC now has a new colour scheme. Hope you enjoy!
15/12-17/12 Edit:More grammatical correctness in the spacing of dialogues, some little changes to make things sound more natural and some mentions of Whimper being purple corrected. I could've sworn I fixed all that before, though. Oh well...
Edit of the edit: gone over the whole thing based on the WRITE review of the first chapter, hopefully it's an improvement. The grammar should be accurate now, and OOC-ness reduced, at least in those chapters that allowed for enough leeway.

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 112 )

not too shabby, interesting characters, decent setup.

I like it.

I like the whole "Hidden potential" thing :twilightsmile: Nice chapter, need MOAR :flutterrage:

690673
Glad you liked it, but I must ask: what do you mean by 'Hidden potential'? Do you mean you suspect any of the following:
-Scootaloo will finally be getting her cutie mark while dancing with Whimper/Rumble/whatever weird ship I decide to sail here
-Whimper's gonna turn out to be this kick-ass ancient general reincarnated
-Scootaloo will fly after her first kiss, and it'll be an accidental one with Zephyr. She punches him for it, and learns to fly in order to chase and maim him.
-Whimper may actually not be a pegasus at all, but something adopted then transformed, and that's why he gets picked on.
-Scootaloo's gonna do a Sonic Rainboom before this is over
-Whimper's reason for hanging in the Hall of Fame caused whatever problem he has

Because believe me, that's the least of the ideas. And oh yeah, mild spoiler: Rumble will get his moment, too. Don't you fret about that. You can fret about which of these supposed spoilers (if any) are true, instead :pinkiehappy:

Also, let me say once more: I upload chapters when I know the next one is as good as done. That way I can keep continuously writing and uploading as well conserve maximal continuity (I can avoid needing to alter old chapters by being sure of what's in the next one). Besides, it helps with the pacing somewhat.

Well, I didn't really mean any of these...(Also, "Whimper's gonna turn out to be this kick-ass ancient general reincarnated" :derpyderp1:? When/why did you think of that? :rainbowderp:) I meant more of though he's shy and he keeps to himself he has hidden potential as in nopony expected him to be as good as he was at wrestling :twilightblush: But if it WAS (Hypothetically speaking, of course :trollestia:) on that list I'd say it's either "Whimper's reason for hanging in the Hall of Fame caused whatever problem he has," "Scootaloo's gonna do a Sonic Rainboom before this is over," or MAYBE "Scootaloo will fly after her first kiss, and it'll be an accidental one with Zephyr. She punches him for it, and learns to fly in order to chase and maim him." Just a guess, though :twilightoops:

696478
I have lots of random ideas, some more random than others. I also like to check whether or not I can manipulate my readers and pull at their strings. Call it a motivational deviation.

So consider that officially checked. Chapter 3 is almost finished, it'll be uploaded once chapter 4 is more or less complete.

698842 Why would you upload it when chapter 4 was completed? :derpyderp1: If you had it done, why wouldn't you release it? :rainbowhuh:

1.This story with Scootaloo hit close to home with me, because I had similar results with my driving test last year, with a teacher who helped me through it when I was pretty much destined to fail the class (I passed though, no worries :pinkiehappy:)
2.You told me all those possible outcomes of the plot in that comment last chapter, and I personally think that it's preeetty suspicious that a kid has runes AND he's on the Equestrian hall of fame, so at first I thought it was the one about the general, but now I'm not so sure, because I think it's more of "The reason he's on the wall is the reason he's so shy" now, because the runes are used to help with mental troubles :twilightblush: I'm just taking a stab in the dark, but I'm pretty sure it's one of those, although I think the latter is more likely :twilightsmile:
3.I like this story, and I like how the plot is turning out :twilightsmile: I look forward to chapter 4 :yay:

Ooooh exciting ending :twilightoops: Will Whimper die? Will the bullies stop being mean to him? Will we find out what happened in the swamps? Find out next week on...
JUNIOR FLIGHT CAMP: THE NEW BATCH
DUN DUN DUUUNNN

758466
Lolz. What do you mean, next week? It'll be two weeks, most likely, busy exams still. Also...Whimper dying :fluttercry:? Hmm...not sure if I need to add the 'Tragedy' tag to the story then...

Actually, this chapter was the trickiest one to write yet, but now that it's done, I'd like to point out some things about chapter and story design. By using a fictional condition, I can keep the reader in suspense about its parameters, as well as keeping it more in line with the show. Likewise, by resorting to obscure folklore and bending the stories about Kludde, I can keep the reader guessing as to what exactly happened, though a Belgian who knows the legend of Kludde would already have a vague idea of it. Keep in mind; I've adjusted an actual legend as well as a movie adaptation of the character. Also, by suggesting how big a deal the whole thing is, I can add to the drama without making it overly complicated or even spoiling the story, as well as uisng foreshadowing to keep the pacing of the scenes nice and smooth. If I didn't have that, a lot of characters would hog the spotlight to the point that they're always being focused on. Speaking in tropes: I'm basically trying to deconstruct the Worf effect as a trope while establishing 'bullhead' as a trope.

What I will say about the next chapter and the story as a whole: I've noticed this chapter got a few views after it came off the main page. That suggests to me people are following the story without giving their full verdict; a thumb or a comment. That means I don't know what they like or dislike about it, but I suspect a lot of people (about 20 at the time of writing) are wondering why in the Nine Spheres I didn't just put Fluttershy in as the nurse instead of Lyra. The reason is I needed it to be a unicorn for a very important scene in the next chapter. Lyra does some things that Fluttershy, by race and personality, would simply never do, both in the next chapter and previous ones. To wit: she'd never watch a wrestling match and enjoy it, and she'd be dragging Rainbow by the tail when she enters the fray. The joke about 'Shining would no doubt love to see this', that doesn't work with Fluttershy. Not to mention the question why she'd be going back to Camp if most of her memories of the place are bad, and that's not even starting about what she'd do to any kid who got injured. I'm thinking overbearing mummification, at least. That, and animals are not kids. Although...
"Just eat the bird seed, sweetie."
-"But...I'm not a bird, or a griffin?"
*STARE!*

Nah...


Lyra's also a Canterlot pony, and I had to establish a character that knows Shining Armour. Lyra makes sense, since she's been trying to get Twilight's attention for years (see earlier chapter and most background events involving her). She was also in the pilot episode, and was a bridesmaid, so she definitely knows Shining as a friend. Fluttershy only met him at the wedding.

Also, you have a bulky but jumpy kid who keeps getting compared to Fluttershy, as he is Fluttershy on steroids from a certain perspective. That's funny because it's a little awkward. If Fluttershy was actually there, it'd be so embarrassing no one wants to do that to the kid. As it is, it's in character enough to get away with, and makes the one big difference between him and Fluttershy (she can actually fly fast if she needs to) even more dramatic. Keep in mind, Fluttershy doesn't know she's being compared to him, either. It's an odd thing to consider.

Of course, if I let him live to a sequel (yes, my comments are still spoiler-free :scootangel:), and he actually does meet Fluttershy, it'd also stop being funny.

Then it'd be hilarious.

I know how that kid feels, I have legs built like a tank, can shatter a rib-cage with my fists and send people airborne with a kick... but make me run for five minutes and I'll be gasping for air for ten more. My lungs just suck that much.

761591
1. Pfft, who needs exams? :pinkiecrazy: Are you in Summer-school or something?
2. I thought this would be more of a romance than a tragedy :twilightoops: As long as it ties into the plot smoothly I suppose I don't think it would be too bad, but admittedly the rest of the story might be a little boring :twilightblush:
3. Kludde's a real thing? Well, legend, atleast :trixieshiftright: I'll ask my Dutch friend later and look it up on google now
4. Also, maybe it's just the fact that Fluttershy is my favey pony :heart: But meh, she takes on the medical role more than Lyra might :yay: Having fixed up little creatures before, plus she's a pegasus, which would make more sense, plus she's already friends with Twilight unlike Lyra who's some creepy sta- I mean distant admirer :scootangel:
5. I'll try to encourage the story in any way I can, but I'm a small-time writer, so really it wouldn't have much of an effect :twilightblush:

830281
Hmm...what do you mean by that? You don't approve of Whimper feeling sad ('Cry me a river'), or you do approve of him at least trying ('Cry all you like but I won't change my mind', and the title of the song)...or is a song called 'Running Wild' supposed to be a method of trolling a story about someone who can't run at all?
Or is that song pertaining to Scootaloo? Because there will be a song in this fic at some point...the Ballad of Rainbow Crash...I intend to put it in somewhere.

I'm a bit confuzzled now.

At any rate, it's a nice theme song for the story. Thankies for the comment.

Scoot and Wimpy make a good couple :pinkiegasp:

837527
Ooh, if you liked this, then you're really going to love the next chapter. But keep in mind, this is not a romance story. They're both ten, and they only just met. That, and Scootaloo is liable to crush anyone trying to make kissy faces with her, while Whimper would simply pass out if a girl got that close to him. If I made it into a proper romance, it'd feel like a cop-out. Of course, that wouldn't stop all the other characters from pointing out the same thing, would it? Not to mention the implications of a foal RD and Fluttershy on 'roids being a couple :unsuresweetie:.

Better to have it be a colt/filly friendship that passes into the 'awkward' regions from time to time. Anyways, chapter 6 is nearing completion, it'll be a bit more filler and shorter in length, and have Derpy and Snow Flake talking. As for chapter 7: haven't started yet, but here's a teaser.

Rainbow Dash and Twilight send a very urgent message to the ground as the full consequences of their actions become clear :facehoof:.

There's a detail that's easy to forget about when writing a Flight Camp fic, and I barely caught it myself. So here's hoping it works out. And yeah, at some point I will have to explain what happened with Kludde, obviously.

Thanks for the comment, as always.

839017 Well, they are young, but I thought that there'd be some epilogue in the future when they'd be adults and get together or something :twilightblush:

Well, there may be some errors in this chapter due to lack of re-reading, but I wanted to upload it before my birthday...which is tomorrow. I also feel like this chapter could just have ended at too many points. But I wanted to hint at the upcoming disaster in the next chapter. It's something surprisingly simple, really, but I don't know if anyone has used it in a Flight Camp fic yet. Hint: it involves Derpy.

Anyways, comment on what you feel is good or bad! I'm aware I'm giving the OC more attention than Scoot right now, but that will be remedied in the enxt chapter. The whole Kludde encounter will be explained in one long scene, and the disaster scene is from Scoot's point of view. And trust me, it's funny...

I hope. :scootangel:

Now I'm curious about this 'Ashen Blizzard'. Foreshadowing? Shout-out to another story? Is it Derpy? I bet it's Derpy. :derpyderp2:

872967
He'll show up in the sequel, and I might write a bit of a spin-off with him in it. Trust me, you'll love him. Derpy gets her own sort of awesomeness:something... logical for her, disaster for everyone else in the next chapter. At least, they think it's a disaster, it's what would happen in the show, I feel. The Ashen Blizzard is for world-building, mostly: by suggesting the existence of characters I don't actually use (like Peachy Pie, who actually shows up the show, apparently), the world looks bigger and more consistent. But yeah, since he's a martial arts expert and this is not an action story, he won't show up just yet. His existence does matter to this story, though, but not the way you'd think.

Thanks for the comment!

906188
Umm...glad you liked the chapter?

906220 yes, I did:pinkiehappy: and I can't wait to see where this is going:ajsmug:*winkwinknudgenudge*

Comment posted by Wise Cracker deleted Dec 15th, 2012

“Lemme guess: Gold and Silver?” Scootaloo facehoofed as she said it.

“Golden Heart and Silver Soul, yes, both unicorns. You know’em?” Blue Moon raised an eyebrow.

“Lucky guess,” she half-grunted.

i.imgur.com/IT1an.gif
Pokemon reference :heart: Me gusta :rainbowkiss:

I got the "wheezy wimp" part, but is the "rosy coltcuddler" Rumble and the "butch fillyfooler" Scootaloo?

944383
Yes! I knew that would catch on. Funny thing about the names, btw: Blue Moon is obviously a reference to 'Once in a blue moon', which is a special occasion, hence the party-organising talent. Red Tide is named after red tides, which is what happens during a harmful algal bloom. There are regions where, at set times of the year, oyster farms have to close due to a rise in nutrient levels and more importantly a change in currents. That makes a certain type of algae bloom, and once they reach a critical mass the algae activate a gene that allows them to make a poison. The ability to sense densities is called 'Quorum Sensing', which is what my other (shorter and more popular story) is titled for. Green Water, then, is named after the green water technique: rather than keeping an aquarium completely sterile, fish larvae are grown in a tank where algae are allowed to flourish. No one knows why or exactly how, but that technique allows for major improvements in larval survival. So Green Water's talent is serendipity.

Can you tell I'm a Master student in Aquaculture?

And it let me use Red, Green and Blue as names, which are also Pokémon titles. I mean: come on, it was just too damn easy. And yes, the Auntie Em Special is named after the Wizard of Oz. Because I can, and that name should be canon.

945531
Yes. I thought it was obvious, actually: Rumble's little hair issue means he always smells of roses, or greases up. And Scootaloo...she's the tomboy no matter where she ends up. The bullies are having their pride hurt, so they just insult the rest to get a kick out of it. Not sure where the confusion would come from. Where the two jocks got that language to begin with...it's explained in the next chapter, but it's the obvious answer.

It was the "rosy" part that through me. I forgot to connect the dots between his use of the shampoo and the adjective.

945553
Edited to be 'rose-scented coltcuddler'. That's a bit clearer. See, feedback like that is quite helpful, thanks for that. :yay:

Moving into the nurse’s office, Twilight noted a distinct lack of green unicorn. She gave the buzzer a gentle nudge. A low and loud voice, possibly Snow Flake’s, came hollering in reply.
“MEDIIIIIC!!!”

As soon as I saw "Medic" I immediately thought about tf2 :twilightblush: The bard is a spy!

Update :yay:

New cover art got my attention, but I didn't think Whimper looked like that XD Did you draw it?

And also, I think this story is panning out well :moustache: The plot thickens with every turn! Muahahahaaa

992857
Hmm...how did he look different, then? I did make that myself, yes, entirely. And this is pretty much how he'd look on the show...unless I need to add some little veins, but that'd only be visible when he's moving. It's still open to suggestions, but this sticks to his description best. Yes, that's not laziness, that's accuracy, and I'm sticking by that story :derpytongue2:. There's not a lot of ways you can make a colt look muscular, but I tried. There's a little indent at his abs (it's not completely round), the strokes around his arms are a little thicker, and generally he's quite stocky. See, I noticed that every time they make a strong male character, they wind up looking round, still. Whimper's got a few sharp edges in his design to show hardness and muscle, not just strength. His face is based on generic colt and stallion faces, flatter than fillies but still with some curving. But he was vectored mostly from scratch, he looked ugly in the pony creator, trust me. As for his tail: the stroke on that is thinner, because he's slow. If they ever do put in a pegasus that's slow, they could use that as a visual cue: a thin stroke means an inconspicuous zip line.

See: a character who can't rush, will never be displayed with a zip line, so it makes sense that a character with a thin stroked tail is slow. As an added bonus, his tail is based on Soarin's, his hairdo is based loosely on Spitfire's, but darker. You know...smouldering flame. It's easier to see on the full-size image.

As for the choice of scene...come on, that one line sums up the whole fic, no?

Also: note that Scoot's smile is incredibly awkward and forced, on purpose. At that point she likes him, but is still going to hurt him. It's not a romantic smile or even a friendly smile, it's a "HeyFluttershywejustthoughtadeathmatchwouldbegoodforyoukaybye" smile.

As always, thanks for the comment, glad you like it!

992991 Er, by looking different, I meant looking different than he did in my head (Which couldn't have been avoided, obviously). There's nothing wrongwith the way he looked at all, it's just my brain never tracked how he was described in the beginning :twilightblush:

A note on the singing bit: I am not proud. It was supposed to be painful and awkward, and I may have overdone it at that. As for the Ballad being cut in half...I couldn't come up with more words, and it seemed out of character for either Twi or Dash to listen to that all the way. I had to make the choice between the lyrics crowding up the text and looking a little OOC, or cutting it in half and appearing lazy or uncreative. So I went with laziness.
Also, presumable there were other songs sung, but the two I linked were the most obvious choices, and probably with different lyrics.

Next chapter will contain some Scootabuse, but it's constructive, trust me. If some of the sentences seem a little weird: when I had this chapter up in Word, it came up as being exactly 5555 words. For some reason Word doesn't count the words with a period behind them. Go figure.

Nearly at the end of the story now; just a few more scenes (mostly tell, not show, I fear) and the Gantelope...and of course the epilogue I know some of you are waiting for (but no, it's not the obvious one).

Since I see you said something about a ship, is there romance involved? If so, you should tag up :P

1050301
For the umpteenth time: they're just friends! :flutterrage:
*ahem* :fluttershyouch:
Seriously, though: the main point of the story was to make a Flight Camp fic interesting by adding one character to the equation: someone who's got a reputation like Scootaloo. Otherwise I'd end up with nothing but interaction between Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash or some other instructor, which has already been done. This little setup lets me broach the topic of male/female friendships, the whole notion of equality and why friendships are made to begin with, as well.

Sure, Scootaloo and Whimper might end up in love, but not in this story. And the friensdhipping between Twilight and Rainbow Dash is just friendshipping: it's a look at how pegasi are different from unicorns as well as how alike Twilight and Dash are, deep down, despite their differences. So no, the tags aren't changing. They do not need to. I am tempted to add 'Tragedy' for some reason, though...I think 'sad' is enough. Whimper's situation is supposed to induce sympathy, not pity...at least, not yet. Maybe once the last chapter is up, when the actual tragedy part is supposed to happen...

Yeah, I'm evil like that. Thanks for the comment :trollestia:

You....you're evil. That cliffhanger is just pure evil! :twilightangry2:
I was all excited cuz of the chapter name...and then I read the chapter. :fluttershysad:
Great chapter though! :scootangel:

1069213
Perhaps you've not read the above comments, sir, I know I'm evil. I wasn't originally going to use that title, it was just going to be 'The Real Lesson', but then I wondered:"Won't people be more excited if Scootaloo kissing is in the title?" It also made sense: Scoot basically teaches everyone a real lesson there. It's a Scootatroll! Yes, that's a thing now. :rainbowlaugh:

Somehow, I suspect a few people are going to start reading this fic just to get to the kiss, then notice the lack of romance tag, and then hate me.

I think I can live with that. :scootangel:

And you can blame others for commenting that they make such a cute couple and that I should change the tags to 'romance'. I even added a subliminal message to the kissing scene: read those sentences again, and keep an eye on the capital letters. It's not aimed at the reader, but it's a little mood-setter to really capture how much Whimper and Scootaloo care about the coupling thing. I'm quite proud of that one. I just don't see why a male/female friendship that early on would have to turn to romance, especially if it's out of character for both characters.

My main intention with this chapter was to make Scootaloo a little more believable and likeable: she's not just a tomboy, even if she gets a little over-aggressive, like her idol she does have a soft side. And even if she goes overboard (her talk with Rumble feels a little OOC in restrospect, but we never see her talking to boys on the show, so it kind of works) she does at least have a heart. This also brings Scoot's relationship with Rainbow Dash to its next logical step: Rainbow treating her like an equal, with all the pain and warning that goes with it. The idea that pain is needed for growth is something that's being sold to kids right now, and that fact is one of my pet peeves. So yeah...glad you liked the chapter, sorry that the title made you sad, but you should have seen it coming, let's be honest.

Thanks for the comment!

So Rainbow Dash also has the potential to go into berserker rages? Are we going to learn how that happened, or is the next chapter going to focus mainly on Whimper's case and leave Rainbow's case mysterious? Excellent chapter by the way, you've got me hooked.

1072292
Not to spoil it, but the next chapter will be mostly the long conversation between Whimper and Dash. And it will be about both of them. A couple of things will start making sense, but not everything, because Rainbow Dash needs to stay a little mysterious, still. As for the berserker rages? There's still a difference between Dash and Whimper, which only adds to to the story. If you've ever seen 'Dogma', Dash is put in the position of the Metatron there (the scene where he shows up before they see the cardinal), sort of.

Next chapter will be the second to last one, btw, not counting the epilogue. Pretty much everything I wanted to put in this story is in it.

And thanks! I'm glad people are liking it.

So, who's the third pony? Is it Pinkie?

1080292
Hmm...maybe...:ajsmug: Dash actually gave it away if you pay close attention, but neither Whimper nor the reader is supposed to realise it, since it doesn't matter in this current story. Don't pay too much attention to it. The main thing is: the whole reason Rainbow Dash opens up to Whimper like that is because she knows the difference between her and him. Pinkie Pie does have that weird Pinkie Sense going, but we've never seen her master intent to, say...put the Cake twins to sleep, nor do we ever get any indication she can tell the difference between the intent of an act and the act itself. Fluttershy, on the other hooves...

In any event, if you really want to know: in the sequel you will get to see the pony Rainbow grew up with and got her the way she is (note that Dash implies this guy got as deep as Whimper, but never mastered it), as well as the Ashen Blizzard. His supercharged daughter will also show up, everything will make sense and hilarity will ensue, trust me.

This story is actually finished now: the final chapter and the epilogue are online, I'll publish them on Wednesday, maybe as soon as tomorrow, actually, get it over and done with. This story took a lot of my attention, and a lot of emotional investment went into it. I'm happy how it turned out, and that people who like it seem to really like it. Next I'll do that collab for the sequel to Quorum Sensing, then there's the sequel to this, and I really want to use this idea I've had for an alicorn romance story, and a Dash/Shy oneshot...

Seriously, though: I have summer exams coming up, and I'll need to study :twilightblush:

Thanks for the comment, as always!

Wow...I really like that ending. Great ending to a great story. Any estimate on when we'll see the sequel? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png

1085524
See above comments, sir. I have many ideas, the sequel is just one of them. But it will happen. And thanks for for the comment; I figured I've used the Worf effect so much in this fic...I should use it for the "D'awws" at least once, no? I'll probably put something in my blog explaining what I mean by the synopsis, in case people missed it. It wouldn't do to try and establish 'Bullhead' as a trope and then not define it properly. But that's for later.

Ah, ok. I had read that comment, I just...missed that part, I suppose. Can't wait! Good luck on exams, btw!

Damn, I even understand the 'Warrior's spirit' thing. I've been in that zone pretty much every time I did sparring back when I still did training.

I seriously out fought an equal ranked opponent while wondering what was for dinner.

I'm looking forward to the sequal.

Good work!

This has been a consistently good story throughout, and I enjoyed reading it.

Finally got around to finishing this. I'll say, I'm keeping it in my top favs no doubt about it. You said something about a sequel, so I shall await that.

How is it that this chapter gets less views than the very last one? :rainbowhuh: Have only 65 people read it all the way, and those extra 10 on the epilogue are re-reads? This confuzzles me. :unsuresweetie:

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