• Member Since 19th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen February 2nd


Not checking in here. I may post stories because my patrons are nice and like ponies. Otherwise out of the fandom, sorry peeps.


After overhearing a rumor that his friendship with Fluttershy means stallions are too afraid to date her, Discord swears that he will find her the perfect mate. Unfortunately Discord has absolutely no idea what a pony wants in their special somepony. Happily, he has many pony friends now that he can ask for advice, but no matter how much advice he gets, nothing seems to go according to plan.

Story commissioned by Spamotron.

Edited/proof read by Carapace, SilverWolfIMHP, and Lucasmembrane.

This is somewhat outside my usual comfort zone, I don't write a lot of comedy and I don't write a lot of Discord, but I had fun doing it, so hopefully you will have fun reading it.

Update: There is a NSFW "deleted scene" from this story in my new clop shortfics collection, Quickies. Feel free to check it out if you're into that.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 42 )

Love. Love. Love it!!!

8117767 :pinkiehappy: Thank you!

Oh, that was hilarious! LOVE IT!

and then they made sweet sweet noises into the wee hours of the morning, for 3 weeks, loud enough all of Ponyville could hear. Insomnia began to set in.

8118011 :pinkiehappy: I'm glad it was entertaining!

8118015 Ha haha. Well, I haven't written that part, but there is a related clopfic I'll be putting up tomorrow. :scootangel:

Awwww. That was cute!


You even both have butterflies on your little butts of destiny.

As much as I really don't want to argue against ponies having 'butts of destiny,' shouldn't it be 'butterflies of destiny on your little butts'?

8118438 Hmmmm. I see what you're saying. I dunno, though, it's more accurate, but the other way is more funny, and I feel like Discord prizes "funny" over "accurate" so he might still say it that way.


See, that's the other reason I was uncertain about suggesting the correction. What fun is there in Discord making sense? Especially when the nonsense is arguably more fun even for the sensical among us.

i enjoi clueless discord and romance :pinkiesad2:

"And I already have a marefriend!" said Dash, outraged.

She does?

And Caramel's gay too?

AH KNOWED IT!! TEH GEYS IS CONTAYGISS!! :applejackconfused:


Discord considered that. The idea of physically desiring a pony seemed strange, but no less unlikely than the other answers he'd gotten.

Oh Discord, you're such a terrible liar. I have countless pics (obviously drawn by traumatized eye-witnesses to your profoundly profane preponderance for debauchery) which prove you've hooked up with as many ponies (and kitchen sinks) as Rainbow Slut herself!


He reached out to wrap his mis-matched arms around her and kissed Fluttershy back.

And instantly 10,000 mutant babies popped out of Discord's every orifice!
Fluttershy eeked, "What in Equestria is going on?!"
Discord blinks, "Didn't you know that's how us draconequuses reproduce? You really need to do your research!"



Discord is perfect stallion confirmed.

Wait a second... What happened to Big Mac?

Discord was a potted plant.

Dis' gonna be gud

*reaches the end*
Or you could just go for the surprise Fluttercord ending despite the fact that Discord's spent the entire story without any attraction to horses or concept of romance....
...I mean sure... I might even have accepted it if it wasn't so sudden

Awwww! I love Fluttercord and this was adorable. Caramel was also hysterical. Discord couldn't figure out that he was gay, even with all his hints, such as wanting to model dresses and his "door not swinging that way".

8121537 Very good question! If you look at my stories, you may notice one I published just after this, which answers that question. :pinkiehappy:

8121576 Have you ever heard the line "the lady doth protest too much"? It could be that Discord had no interest all along... or it could be that Discord is an unreliable narrator, had an intense interest he isn't willing to admit to, and over-compensates by insisting that pony romance is the last thing on his mind.

Also, I can already guess what Discord will say to himself later.

"Of course! The perfect stallion... is me! What was I thinking? I ruin all other options, I'm too irresistable!"

8122017 .............Goddamit I love "doth protest too much" stories! :twilightblush:

Don't listen to me bro! I just have a personal taste for platonic Fluttercord and that looked like the direction this was going in right up till the final paragraph
sooooo I got a lil' butthurt from the unexpected penetration :rainbowlaugh:

The fluff! So cute.

*Checks for Fluttercord group tag*
*Finds it*
*Adds to Read Later list*

Very good! But so predictable. Not that is a bad thing, the story is fun and the writing is almost perfect. It's just predictable, I knew how it'd end all the time.

Aside from the AppleDash this was very good. I'm surprised Discord didn't think to ask the Cakes or Cadence.

I initially expected the AppleDash to only be Discord's misunderstanding, based on how much time the two mares spend competing with each other. His assumption could be the final nudge for Rainbow to question the status of her relationship with Applejack and finally admit her deeply-suppressed feelings :ajsmug::rainbowkiss:

But still, the story was an entertaining read for what it was. Discord being oblivious to basic aspects of pony society is always a recipe for disaster fun :yay:

That was freaking adorable. What happened to Big Mac though? Did Fluttershy just send him away or something?

8133145 Well, I ended up putting the details about Big Mac in another story, because it turned kind of X-rated and didn't fit in this story. (The fellow who commissioned it said it could be a clopfic if I felt like writing one, so that topic was kinda on my mind.) But yes, Fluttershy did end up sending him away.

Okay, thanks for clearing that up for me! This was a really cute fic.

I hope Discord doesn't set up a dating service. His cluelessness would lead to all kinds of chaos . . . Uh-oh.:fluttercry:
I don't read romance all that often, but this was a cute story, so it's faved.

A fantastic comedy of errors. It must be so confusing for a fundamental principle to try to grasp that strange pony emotion called "love," especially when the closest thing he has to an endocrine system is more like a soda fountain that produces three varieties of hot sauce and two of quark-gluon plasma. You captured Discord's good intentions, faulty methods, and general behavior magnificently. Well done, and thank you for it.

(Though I have to admit, when you got to the "something in common" stage, I was expecting Discord to abduct some alternate version of Fluttershy herself. That way he'd help her twice over!)

8139966 Ah dang! That's a much better idea than what I actually did! Oh well.

Nice Story, really like how good you wrote Discord :twilightsmile:

Thank you!

6.5/10, would recommend, will read again.

:rainbowhuh: We have achieved substantial amounts a D'aaww Power, Full D'aaww Ahead!
:pinkiegasp: But Captain, Full D'aaww!?!? It's too dangerous!!!

I think I lost it and squealed loudly at the end, but I couldn't hear over the rush of my heart growing three sizes.

Discord was a potted plant.

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

It was sweet of Discord to try to find Fluttershy a coltfriend and hilarious how he went about it.

"Physical attraction. That's the foundation of any good romance. Oh certainly there are other factors. But if the body isn't willing, the heart won't follow. A pony should feel pure physical desire, and the rest can proceed from there."

Rarity I'm too Ace for this!
Nice story! I enjoyed it!

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