• Member Since 1st Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 20th, 2016

cattoy10


I love drawing, reading, cats and I support Fluttercord :D My favorite MLP characters are AppleJack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Discord.

E

Hearts and Hooves day is coming up and Discord has decided to take Fluttershy's advice to start doing something good for ponies. So he decides to pair each pony from the main 6 up with somepony, but when it comes Fluttershy, things get a bit difficult.
This can only end well.

Edit: I'm sorry, but I unpublished and am currently re-writing the 3rd chapter. It just didn't feel right. It came out too blunt, boring and just confusing.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 61 )

So far the story is great:pinkiehappy:I thought some twidash was going to happen

Exept for a sertain draqonequus,

Should be: "Except for a certain draconequus."

There was a bright flash, and he was gone, about to jump out of a sertain pony's tea kettle.

Again, "certain."

She took her cup, wich had little pink roses painted on it.

"which"
Oh yeah, and there's a difference between a "kettle" and a "teapot." The kettle's what you put on the stove to boil water and it not necessarily for making tea. The teapot is what you use to serve tea.

He waved a paw dismissevly, "don't worry, my dear.

"dismissively" and "don't" should be capitalized.

he added, rather lightly, "don't fret,

"Don't" should be capitalized again.

Well, you did get sick once, so I thought you get hurt as easely too.

"easily"

He took a sip of his tea, wich had turned blue for some reason.

"which"

He summoned a bed wich he fell to,

I think you get the picture.

a thermometer in his mouth and a paw placed on his forhead for a dramatic affect.

"forehead"

A little over a year ago, he would have just gagged at the situation, but now, it felt sort of nice to know that somepony cares about you.

The sudden shift from the third person to second person is a little awkward grammatically, so that "you" should be him. Also, it's more correct to put "cares" in the past tense "cared."

somekind of a spa mask on his face

"some kind" is two words

"You always have so much to do" He whined. "Why don't you ponies ever have days off? Are holidays the only times you haven't got anything to do? "

First off, "You always have so much to do" should have a comma the end, "He whined" does not have to be capitalized and close the space between "do?" and the quotation mark. You seem to do this with a lot of your dialogue. Oh, and usually when another character speaks, their dialogue becomes a separate paragraph.

All of that nonsense actually made Fluttershy laugh incontrollably.

"uncontrollably"

She smiled as she flew up and wrapped her hoofes around him.

"hooves"
Hope this was helpful. There's also spell check here when you edit.
Other than those small errors, this was cute! I love it!:yay:

the coustomer's bits just floated away.

"customer's" though I'm assuming it's plural so "customers'"

He answered, dragging out the last word to even more annoy the princess

It sounds better to put "even more" at the end of this sentence.

"What!? Why do you need my diary for?"

Should be either "What do you need my diary for" or "Why do you need my diary"

"If you want to do some good, than why not start with leaving me and my stuff alone?"

"then"

You've already spent most of your time here in your library. "He said,

Again, close the gap between the period and the quotation mark and don't capitalize "He"

He motioned towards the table, wich he had set with plates and shampagne glasses, filled with apple juice.

Again with the "which" and "champagne."

Ya'know, the one at the trainstation, when I was 'sick'? One of the royal guards..."

You don't really need that apostrophe between "Ya" and "know." Those can be separated by a space. And train station is two words.

Flash Centry!

Flash Sentry

I saw the way you were looking at eachother."

"each other" two words

I don't want to waste my time on special someponys."

"someponies"

He thought out loud, again ignoring the Princesse's requests.

"Princess'"

Well, this is definately something new for him.

"definitely"

Fluttershy hadn't really striked her as the hopless romantic type.

"struck" and "hopeless"

Celestia decided to broke the silence

Here it should be "break"
And BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Twilight and Celestia! I was really hoping it would be Flash though. Still, that was funny!

I hate flash.c form some reason and not in this story but in the movie too

Great first attempt dude (or dudette) :pinkiesmile: I gotta give you props, the story caught my attention and from a writing standpoint it flowed nicely. A few grammatical issues here and there, but over all great job.

Asides from the spelling errors and a couple walls of text in the first chapter I'm enjoying this story. Looking forward to seeing who Discord pairs the mane six with and what'll happen when he reaches Fluttershy's turn. The Celestia appearing scene was pretty funny to boot. :pinkiehappy:

Everyone needs some Twidash in there lives :trixieshiftleft: ... Oh god this is my life now... Sweet!

4194089 Thanks. I must apologize for all the mistakes, because English isn't my first language, but I try my best and I'll correct my mistakes soon.

4194171 Thank You. I didn't notice those and I'll correct them soon.

4194089 Oh, god that's a lot of errors.....I'm just gonna go hide in shame now.
But thanks, a lot for pointing out all the mistakes, it helped me a lot. :twilightsmile:

4194171 I was really considering pairing her up with Flash, but I didn't like him that much. Also, I don't really ship anyone with Twilight. And in the story, I'm trying to focus on Twilight's and Celestia's relationship as a student and a tutor, nothing more. Celestia saw through everything and just rolled with it, in hope that if she stayed calm, Twilight would too. :trollestia: You know how Twi freaks out about everything. :twilightoops:

4197414 I'm sorry.
But now that I think of it, I'm completely neutral about Flash. He hasn't really done anything specific that would make me either love him or hate him. He's just....there. I think my problem is, that I don't like Twilight paired up with anypony. I just can't imagine her in a relationship.

I like that you didn't just assume that
Pony flash and twilight are instantly in love. And I'm all for the fluttercord.:pinkiecrazy:

I think you mean "believe" instead of "belive."

inbetween is two words "in between"

They say a pet looks exactly like it's owner.

This is a common mistake in English. "It's" is the contraction for "it is," but here you're looking for the possessive pronoun "its."

Discord soon grew tired of this akward silence and decided to interfere

"awkward"

Ooh, ooh! Pair Pinkie up with Cheese! Or Rainbow Dash. That's my second-favorite Pinkie ship, and that would be funny!:rainbowlaugh:
Really don't know what to say about AJ. I actually ship her with Spike. Oh well. Your story.

4218481 I was thinking of pairing her up with Cheese :pinkiehappy:
And I actually don't ship Applejack nor Twilight with anypony, but I'll think of something. And yea, AJ and Spike would be cute.:moustache:

Lol, I can see Applejack with that pony who gave her a bit on the end of that new Flim and Flam episode, that was pretty cute XD I think he'd probably visit Pinkie Pie last, since she seems to irritate him lol

"Hey, how you doin'?"

Joey! Can't stop laughing!

Well that was blunt.

I have to say, so far so good , but man is this going fast. Just "spike I love you" after next to no build up. Other wise, this is so far a pretty good fic, specifically the running dash gag.

What happen to the last chapter I remberseing 3 are you just updating ?

4235473 I unpublished it and am currently re-writing it. I didn't like the way it came out and it just bugged me, because it was blunt and boring. I know I can do better and also, it turned out, I really didn't like shipping Rarity with Spike. But I'll publish a newly written 3rd chapter soon.

a just wondering I like it :yay:

"shampagne" should be champagne.
You got it right before.
But I'm loving this so far~! ^.^

Hay don't worry I am more of a artist than writer my self but I am making a fan fic my self :pinkiesmile:

Ummmmmm what the fudge discord:rainbowhuh:

Cellestia is a lot different and meaner:trollestia:but still it's a great story:twilightsmile::scootangel::moustache:

O I can't what for the update to see what happen next

I love how Celestia probably got pulled away in the midst of her day court and now there is a massive manhunt going on at the castle for her and the whole of equestria is worried and the realm will fall into darkness and everybody will die a horrible death.

And shes just sitting in twilight's library like "meh"

4230273 You're right, that did go a bit rushed, but don't worry, I'm currently re-writing it.

Please write more of this! :fluttershysad: I really like it! :heart:

how are you alot more better than me?!

More!

Also, thank god that your grammer wasn't bad. I go nuts if there is a missing full stop or something. :D

will you be updating this ? because I love it .

4815278 Just updated :D Hope you enjoy!

I love it cant wait for the next chapter.

This was great! I can't wait to read more! :pinkiehappy:

This is a really cute story. :pinkiehappy:

Discord playing matchmaker? And it's actually sort of working? My my, this shall go wonderfully. Also:

He eagerly sat next to her and took out a cute butter-yellow notebook, which had Fluttershy's cutiemark on it. The three butterflies were on the corners of the pages too. He clicked his pen, which also had a picture of his favourite pegasus on it and looked at Applejack.

"Ya'know, you have a problem, right?"

The thing is, I can so see him having these things. I don't know why, but I just can.

Awe this is so cute! :yay: oh I hope you continue with this love it!

Poor Flash Sentry :<

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