• Member Since 28th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 2nd, 2016

MlpFluttershy


"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

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Disclaimer: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro. I own nothing.

Fluttershy has reformed Discord... or so she thought. Discord has a growing need to spread chaos, and no one knows why. He would never do this to his friends, especially Fluttershy, after the whole Tirek incident. Would he? Until someone finds out and a way to stop him, Fluttershy must learn the ways of chaos as his student.

Cover art made by the talented: Swirlstar the Dedraeb

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 106 )

Nice work! I love the story line :pinkiehappy:

:coolphoto: Not bad. Keep up the good work.

Awesome! Cant Wait For More :pinkiehappy:

5433500 Thanks! :twilightsmile:

5433530 Thanks! I'll try! :pinkiesmile:


5433592 Thanks! I'll try to update soon! :raritystarry:

This is pretty rushed, but it's a refreshing premise. I take issue that it's set after the events of season four. Discord got a LOT of character growth. But I'm interested to see how YOU interpret his character.

5433921 Sorry if it's rushed! :fluttershysad: I'm new at this! :facehoof: I'm excited to continue the story and see the characters grow. :raritywink: Stay tuned! :pinkiehappy:

Is anyone else kind of being reminded of 'Bride of Discord'?
I am ;P
Nice idea, I like it:twilightsmile:
Though I do think you made Discord too insensitive, you portrayed him well enough and the way Fluttershy burst into tears straight after she realised it was Discord who was behind the flood was perfect.
But seriously, it felt really forced when he said he was making her friends drown:fluttercry:
And also how he STILL WANTED TO MAKE HER INTO HER DISCORDED SELF:flutterrage:

5434398 It does remind me of Bride Of Discord... do you watch the Youtube episodes? Still original and great though 5433655! :twilightsheepish:

I'm looking forward to more chapters! Can't wait to see how this goes!

Also

"Take me."

Quite bold, ay fluttershy? :rainbowlaugh:
Sorry, couldn't resist

5434398 I needed him to be insensitive in order to get the story rolling. I had a writer block sorry! :fluttercry:


5434558 I know it was kinda like BoD! Sorry! DF is such a good writer! I didn't mean to copy her! :facehoof:

5434574 Thanks! I'll try to update soon!:pinkiehappy:

5434636 You haven't copied her, its very original! Plus, we all get inspired by something, I mean, how do you think, say, Twilight was made? Well, there must have been things before it to have been made like The Vampire Diaries or Buffy the vampire slayer... Even the Mane 6 were something else to begin with! Its really good, sorry if I got the wrong message across... :twilightblush: If it makes you feel any better, I've had a few story ideas based off DF! Xx

5434745 Thanks! This is my first story, so I'm really sensitive about it! :twilightsheepish: Oh, and btw Mane 6 are probably based on G3 mlp ponies! :derpytongue2:

It seem it would made more sense if it was set right after Keep Calm and Flutter on. I doubt Discord would even dare to create chaos or make schemes after Season 4 finale. Not to mention using blackmail.

5434907 I know! I needed Twilight to be a princess and some other things, which
I can't say because they would be total spoilers! :moustache: I agree with you, but I just needed it to happen now! Sorry if this makes or breaks the story for you!:fluttershysad:

Whoa, whoa. Slow down, dear author, and let me get all of this to sink in... because I'm having trouble doing so. What was his thought process into wanting to deform her? Especially considering the events mentioned--involving Tirek--in the actual story. What made his regrets and concern for his friends vanish just like that? Why would he threaten to drown ponies he was starting to become friends with? It sits not at all right with me.

A lot happens in this starting chapter, and it's not completely appealing to the eye. It's a storm of confusion, but the dark clouds refuse to go away due to the rushed storytelling.

As a writer, one should go into the story slowly--but not too slowly else the readers grow bored. Tell us what happened to make Discord want to wreak havoc again and deform Fluttershy. Show the tension between the characters from when Discord reveals himself to the deal. There's plenty going on, but I don't quite sense the emotions going on due to its rushed pace. Don't be afraid to extend on things because we want to know what they're feeling, through subtle narration or dialogue. I'm intruiged by the premise, but the story needs polishing.

Also, I don't want to come across as mean, but having Discord say chaos or chaotic can only be done so many times before it becomes forced. He doesn't have to declare his title as Master of Chaos all the time, you know. Oh, he can do that, but in the show, I don't remember him going wild with the title itself so keep that in mind.

5436659 I know! Thanks so much pointing all that out! Why Discord wants to deform her and cause havoc will hopefully be in one of the next chapters! I'm sorry if it feels rushed. This is my first ever story! I hope to improve! If you have any suggestions, let me know! The next chapter is coming to me real slowly and I could take it sooo many ways! Thanks again for pointing all that out! I'll try harder to go slower!

Whoooooooooop!!!!!! :yay:
I wanna swim now:ajbemused:

Yay new chapter! Looking forward to the next one!

Princess No-It-All

Know-It-All

5508129 Thanks for the correction! I'll fix it right now!

5508164 I know you probably want a chapter soon, but with school it's really hard to find time. I'd say expect one once a month.:twilightsmile:

5508206
It's fine. Trust me I understand the calling of reality :derpytongue2:

I always look forward to new chapters, bit never take it as an "I WANT IT, AND I WANT IT NOW YESTERDAY" :twilightsmile:

5508247 Okay! :pinkiesmile: Thanks so much for the positive feedback! :pinkiegasp: Do you have any constructive criticism? :rainbowderp: I would love to know how I can improve! :raritystarry:

DISCORD, YOU APOLOGISE TO HER THIS INSTANT!!!:twilightangry2:
Nice work on this! Still getting the BOD feel, but it's good nonetheless! Oh man. Discord, for cotton candy's sake, give in to the friendship nagging at you.
No, don't even try to deny it. You want to have friends that appreciate your chaos, which is why you've got yourself a student (I think!:pinkiehappy:)
5508266 is that a reference to 'Bruce Almighty'?:duck:

5508891 Whaaaaaaat? Noooooo.... Okay... fine you got me! :twilightblush:

5508891 Nice theory on why he wanted a student! Not completely right though. Let's just say there's a lot more to it than that! More than meets the eye! No spoilers though! :raritywink:

Sorry if it has a BOD feel to it still. DF is soo good. I guess I can't help but copy her a little.
:twilightblush:

I want Discord to give into the friendship too (maybe even more than that) but alas that would be too easy! There's still a long chaotic path he and Fluttershy must take. :fluttershysad:

5508963 Now that you point it out, I remember him saying that. Lol :rainbowlaugh:

"What is Chaos? Baby don't hurt me..." xD

5508256
To be honest, I can't think of anything right now. I guess Discord seems a little dickish-er than usual. but you said you'd be explaining that in the next few chapters.

So nope, I'm just gonna chill for a bit. But if I notice anything in the future I'll be sure to let you know!:twilightsmile:

5510635 Like you said I said :moustache: Discord's behavior will be explained hopefully next chapter!

Not finding anything wrong with my story is a real compliment! On the Prolouge I got like a bunch of complaints. Don't get me wrong! I'm a big girl! I can take constructive criticism! It's just some praise is nice! :twilightsmile:

I guess just overall: Thanks! :raritystarry:

5511829 I get it now! :yay: Yeah, I'm bad like that! :facehoof: Thanks for showing me what you meant! :twilightblush:


Omg! I:heart:baby discord!!!
If I had powers that would be the first thing I would do. And u (made Fluttershy ) made it so much better!
Good Chapter

5511956 This is great. I really enjoyed this chapter. I didn't notice any significant grammatical errors from the first time I read this but I'll make sure I go over it again more thoroughly. This was awesome though, so far you made my day. :pinkiehappy:

5539470 That's so sweet! Consider 2 days made! :yay: Remember to look at the sypnosis I PMed you of chapter 2. :ajsmug: Overall thanks! :twilightsmile:

Interesting premise!! I definitely want to see this move forward, and as a first story I think this is wonderful! If you still would like some help with editing, or even perhaps adding in a few more descriptive paragraphs, just give me a holler and I would love to help!! :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::rainbowkiss:

Now that was awesome! I'm really excited to see your take on how Discord creates chaos!!!!!!

5571045 Wow thanks! :pinkiegasp:

On the editing thing, I'm good. I kinda already some one helping me. Oh, I'll try to be more descriptive. This is my first story, so yeah. Btw chapter 2 is about halfway done so yay!!!!! :pinkiehappy::yay::raritystarry:

5571313 Like I said, this is awesome for your first, and very unique. The story line is original and it shows people a side of Discord that I don't think most people write about. :pinkiehappy:

5572507 You are so sweet and observant! I think you are one of the first people to see how much work I put into making Discord darker than in most Fluttercord stories!

Hi there. I decided to give this a second look. The first time there were so many errors that it made it hard for me to concentrate on it. I was very pleased to come back and find it edited and enjoyable to read.

This is a very nice concept and original as Fluttercord stories go. It interesting to have Discord going a little darker after the Tirek incident instead of trying to fit in and instead wanting to manipulate again. You have chosen the part of his personality a lot of people gloss over and are writing it very well. Its very much not a moral grey area for him and his obliviousness to just how much his goading her on purpose is affecting Fluttershy is very true to character. He has no idea that it most probably will backfire on him in some way.

5573410 Oh, and next chapter you find out why he's acting like this. There's a reason! :pinkiegasp:

5575179

I figured there was. Although it looks like partly is was to get her mad enough to use the magic.

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