• Member Since 28th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Inkquill


I am an aspiring young writer with a deep love for the classical arts. I enjoy opera, drawing, literature and my ultimate goal to become a full fledged author.

T
Source

Ignorance, cruelty and superstition pervade through the beautiful Equestrian city of Maris. Her ruler a radiant beauty with a heart as cold as the ice that strips the body of love and warmth, exploiting these evils, persecuting the gypsies and opposing any mode of progress. Unto this city comes a young gypsy-mare of humble beginnings, wrongfully accused of witchcraft and murder, and only the deformed bell ringer of Notre Mare Cathedral can save her.

Cover Art done by the lovely Alyssa Hartwick

Please comment and share your thoughts, I am open to constructive criticism.

Thank you.

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 490 )

The Disney Hunches back of Notre Dame with discord.:yay:

Pretty good all things considered so far but don't follow the movie to closely or it could prove the story's undoing.... But for now I watch and read...

I read the chapter while watching the movie. It's very well done!

:yay: good job I just hope that this has a different ending than the book and movie:fluttercry: Fluttercord plz :pinkiehappy:

your sir or madam, are an ass, now the song "bells of Notre Dom" is stuck in my head, i applaud you good sir or madam, for inserting a song into my head

Pretty neat so far. I like how you're putting your own spin to it and not just copying the movie word-for-word (though it was a little tiresome reading the lines that were extracted directly from the movie).
I couldn't help but laugh at Mother Faust.:rainbowlaugh:
Some grammar errors I saw frequently:
Know the difference between "it's" and "its." "It's" is the contraction of "it is" and "its" is the possessive pronoun.
When you have a word like this: "gypsy's," it's showing possession, but "gypsies" is plural. There were many instances where the two spellings were confused.
Hmm, Chrysalis as Frollo. Interesting choice, considering...well, the Changeling Queen is no model either, but I see you have her looking differently in here. Hmm, I'm intrigued to see were you're going with this.
Pinkie as Clopin: perfect!

5246632 Oh my gosh Oh my gosh Oh my gosh, DisneyFanatic23!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:
Thank you DF, you actually read it!:pinkiehappy: OH! I'm just so happy, you have like no idea. Thank you so much for reading it DF, I'm fan boying out so much right now.:heart::yay:
You were the one who actually inspired me to write this if you recall once upon a time on Youtube, and for you to actually like it, it just makes me feel so good I can't even describe.:twilightsmile:

As for the needed edits, I have a friend of mine going through it and helping me fix those mistakes. It helps when he's my AP English teachers son. :P

5246632 Also, what I'm doing is I am not just going off the Disney adaptation, but also the 1939 film staring Charles Laughton, plus the original novel in addition to some elements from Les Miserables sewn in. :pinkiesmile::twilightsmile:

I love what you've done and I can't wait for the next chapter:twilightsmile:

"Your" is the possessive pronoun, "you're" is the contraction of "you are."
"wonder" is to fantasize about something while "wander" is to walk aimlessly
You still have that problem with plurals and possessions.

'What a beautiful place', she though to herself.

"thought"

He whore a small, grey cap on his head

Oh boy! Change that word now to "wore!"

well worn and tattered, but still not something to through away.

"Throw" is to toss. "Through" is a preposition.

Perhaps their just wary of strangers?"

"their" is the possessive pronoun, "they're" is "they are"

All you haft to do is listen.

"haft" is something else entirely. You mean "have."

There were a lot more little things, like missing words, but those were the ones that stood out.
I like how Fluttershy is written here, and it's interesting that she has a sisterly relationship with Trixie. I like how Pip is in here too! But I'm so eager to see Discord!

5248909 Thank you for pointing those out to me, i'll fix them ASAP. :twilightsmile:

As for Discord, he's coming up, but I'm holding off on him a bit. Build anticipation. ;) But he'll come in dew time. :pinkiesmile:

5249089 Err..."due" time. LOL
Sorry, correcting grammar and spelling mistakes is good practice for a writer.

5249128 I'm actually quite appreciative of that. :) I've always had trouble with spelling. :P

5249128 I fixed those spelling errors you pointed out. :twilightsmile:

Ohmygosh this is going to be AMAZING! *grabs popcorn*

Okay...so, I loved the original Hunchback story, but I also loved the Disney version (excluding the gargoyles, but if those characters are used creatively here, then I won't mind)! So, I'm curious to see how this will go...will Discord find wuv? *flutters eyelashes and squees*

Oooooooooooooh, Trixie and Fluttershy interaction! That's something we don't see in a lot of fan fiction, at least in my experience!

5249807 Which is exactly why I employed it. :twilightsmile:

5249807 I picture Pinkie Pie singing the last part kind of like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zwenb2ylS9Q

Oh my. The plot thickens!

This makes me really happy I never saw the movie, now I can read this spoiler free!

This is a really great story. So far you kept it like the story but also but your own original thoughts in the story. I like that! Please keep writing.

Great chapter only one small grammar mistake I noticed. It would be bled not bleed.

Oh does this mean we finally see discord :yay:

My recommendation: don't put in songs. What works in a movie rarely works in a fanfic; unless the rewrite of the song is a really funny parody of it, you should not include it. Include the concept within it as a monologue if you must, but don't actually include a song. (Also, John de Lancie can't sing, so Discord singing anything should be restricted to funny songs, as the mental image of a serious, emotional song in JdL's singing voice is brain breaking. I love the guy but he has been telling all of us for twenty-five years that he can't sing, and turns out it's true.)

Secondly, I've never watched Hunchback, but I have recently been reading another fanfic with the exact same premise (Discord as the Hunchback), so I can tell that both you and the other author are replicating dialogue from the movie almost exactly in some places, as you are using the same words. (Since you're both drawing from the same source, I know you're not copying each other, but the source.) Try to vary it some. Disney already told this exact story; if you can't change up the wording some to make it more your own, it's going to be more tedious to read for anyone who's seen the movie.

Two minor nitpick/typos: you have a very unfortunate typo where you write "wrapping" as "raping" (omg plz fix), and Discord's goat leg is not digitigrade; hooves are ungulagrade. You're right about the dragon/lizard leg, though. And if he went four legged, three of them would be digitigrade. But the goat hoof isn't.

It's an interesting story; I can definitely see why drawing a connection between the Hunchback and Discord makes sense. Looking forward to more.

5297478 Thanks for your impute. I'll fix that typo ASAP.

5297478 Could you tell me where it is. I can't seem to find it. :P

Also, do you think I should just remove the song all together? It does feel a little forced doesn't it?

5297514

The new presence was the likeness of a unicorn mare, her flowing locks raping around and highlighting her ornate face.

I'm not gonna tell you to take out the song, because I didn't read it. However, the main reason I suggest not doing songs is that I don't read them, and I suspect I'm not the only one. I just skim through it quickly to see if it might be funny, or really powerful and touching, and 90% of the time it's not. So base your decision on how you feel about the song being there.

I just have to say, Discord's friendship with the statues is adorable; I hope we see more of them.

5297635 There will be. ;)

I'm actually kind of surprised nopony has reacted/commented about Discord's deftness. I thought it would be a bit surprising? :rainbowhuh:

5297652 Oh, it was, I thought everyone would be talking about it to, so I didn't mention it. It's understandable though, after years of ringing that bell, it's no wonder Discord is almost completely deft

Also, Chrysalis is the WORST. She could have at least given him earplugs! How rude!

5297701 I know but just.... She went to far, man. You don't do that, villain or not. You don't mess up a baby! Expressly not MY baby! My poor Dissy Wissy... :fluttershbad:

5297715 Well she could have tossed him down the well, so..... :derpytongue2:

5297715 Plus, that's how Quasimodo was in the original novel.

5297834 I liked it! :twilightsmile: It was very... Twilight- ish, I suppose. I, quite frankly, have yet to find someone I dislike because they were written badly. You, my friend, are a great writer!

5297853 Awwwww, thanks. ^^ :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Also, can you tell that AJ, Rainbow and Rarity are completely figments of Discord's lonely brain?

5297873 Oh, I was thinking he bung them to life with his magic. But, your way makes much more sense. He MAY be able to teach himself how to use magic, but I don't think he would be that good. Also, is Discord the spirit of chaos here or not? :rainbowhuh:

5297880 Well... he is a creature with chaotic powers. I'm going on kind of going off The Opera Phantom Discord. Chrysalis doesn't allow magic, so Discord never learned to use it. However, he does have the ability to. Does that answerer your question? :pinkiesmile:

5297894 .... I have never looked at anything Phantom of the Opera related. :derpytongue2: But, I think I get it. He is still a creature with tons of magic, but not canon Discord level powerful? His magic is like, slightly below Twilight or something, yes? He is most likely mortal like his mother, but, he could be special.

5297921 No, he has all his canon level power, it's just Chrysalis has kept her hoof on him tightly. He just never learned how to use his power.

5297932 Well then, he has all the time in the world to learn. Literally!

5297935 The way I see it, is that Draconequus can live your millennia, but sadly using Discord's mother as an example, they can be killed.

I guess there kind of like the elves from Middle Earth. :derpytongue2:

Great chapter Ink! Now I remember the difference in the book and the movie. He is deaf in the book and I actually like that you included that in here with Discord. I'm probably the only one who wanted songs but that's what my (spongebob rainbow) ima-gin-ation is for lol just a couple mistakes I noticed but overall great chapter! Can't wait for Fluttershy and Discord to meet *Squee!*

Is this based off of the movie or the book? I assume it's the movie, but the fact that Discord is deaf suggests that it's the book. Please be the movie. I don't want everyone to die.

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