• Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Bachiavellian


Don't you have somewhere better to be?


E
Source

Spike's eleven year nap is interrupted by a little filly in his treehouse...

Third place winner in The Writeoff Association's June event, "A Matter of Perspective"

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 225 )
Hillbe #1 · Jul 8th, 2015 · · 2 ·

spike never knew his daddy:flutterrage:

Wow, I really loved that :twilightsmile: honestly, I'm kinda sad that it's just a one shot. Really great story.

This is a good story but it feels like it could have had more to it. With whatever happened to Twi hanging over it feels like it just abruptly ends. Still great job on an emotional story here!

6180369
It's just a joke. Don't take Spike's brand of humor too seriously (or mine!). :derpytongue2:

6180540 nice touch,,,,,:raritycry: right over my head:facehoof:

Hmm. Now I want to see what happens when/if Twilight is found.

6180632
I'm afraid I don't have a plan for that...

... at least, not right now. :trollestia:

There's a problem with this story. See, you seem to have marked it as complete. But, well, that simply isn't true. There's still quite a bit of story to be told.

I love it. Theres only one way to describe this fic.

:moustache:

6180657
It's meant to feel a little open-ended, but a revisit is definitely on my plate of possibilities. We'll see what happens!

Congrats on getting featured!

That was really, really freakin' good.

6180649 No...! Eh... I shall wait... I shall wait eleven years if I have to...!

This is one of the most well written Fanfics I've ever read. It would be a crime to downvote it. However, I'm not comfortable feeling all these feelings, so I can't bring myself to vote it up. As a side note, I'm curious about Cadence and Discord, but that could just be me.

Twilight Sparkle teleported herself into a "ponies on earth" fanfiction-verse.
Obviously.

It's well-written, but it has limitations as a story because there is absolutely no closure. I like it as character insight for Spike, though. I do feel like I care about Maggie, and quite a lot about Spike and Celestia's broken friendship, so that's a good platform if you want to build something on this (I'd definitely read it.)

This is really good. I hope to write as well as you some day.

Just marvelous.

Amazing fic. It brought me to tears more than once. Loved the concept and the dialog was spectacular.

Good piece but the bitter conclusion and lack of closure kinda sucks.

It's good. Or rather, most of it is good but then the end just hinges entirely on Celestia being wrong. That whole conversation was "I was wrong, then I was wrong again, now I'm wrong now, wrong wrong wrong". It ends up feeling like one of those hatchet fics that showed up after the Canterlot wedding or mare do well where the story was nothing but the wounded party getting an apology from the rest of the cast.

as amazing as this is as a one shot, I REALLY want to see it expanded. Not continued, But expanded. But I and many others are curious if you had something in mind for where Twilight went when she vanished and also want to know that xD I haven't checked comments or other stories though yet,s o the answers may be there already

Sweet! Glad that the editing deadline worked for at least one of us. Time for me to wrap my own fixes and get MoD out the door.

This definitely deserved its Writeoff medal. :twilightsmile:

:raritydespair::raritycry:

The first MLP fanfic I've read in months and I'm treated to this. Thank you. :pinkiesad2:

6180657 6180697 We'll find out later that she Teleported to another Demension! :pinkiegasp:

However, doing so she traveled through the Twilight Zone, and it took it's toll on her. :pinkiecrazy:
2.bp.blogspot.com/-cGvCKufCmnc/TrgvHr_Rk9I/AAAAAAAATRE/4lxCTEmmem4/s1600/81783+-+artist+nyerpy+clones+crazy_twilight+science+twilight_sparkle.png

Amazing story, dialogue was great and all that jazz.
Kept me pretty teary-eyed at most of the story there, and even more so to find out that there is no closure.

Good god, I can almost feel Spike's pain through the dialogue alone. Some writers prefer narrating a characters thoughts to express such things, but it seems you had no need to. It almost feels like the absence of narrative introspection mirrors the lack of closure Spike felt at waking up to find someone so important to him just... gone.

Anyway, much tears were had and I would personally be very receptive to a continuation. Not necessarily closure, but I do like how you've characterized everyone in this story, and it's well worth a 'follow' for me to see if one were to pop up. Now off to read some of your other works.

Cheers!

:rainbowhuh: Huh, considering tia and all her little "tests", I'd have thought Twilight's disappearance would have been her fault

My feels

:twilightsheepish: To be continued, I hope?

Zyrian
Story Approver

My feels.

I've been sitting here trying to think of a way to express how much I love this story. How you managed to sidestep tired tropes... And use other tired ones in new ways, how you captured Spike near perfectly, how the snapshot of the world both leaves us craving more and satisfied.

I got nothing. Suffice to say, I have a weakness for Future Spike stories, and this ranks among my top favorites. Fantastic job, friend!

I must know more

Ow.... my feelings.
A sequel. I beg thee! Make a sequel!:fluttercry:

Simply wonderful in every way that matters. Yes, it does lack closure, but so does life at times. This was a look into Spike's future that is entirely bittersweet in the best of ways, and I thank you for sharing it with us.

Ok, damn good I'll admit. You left enough open that you can take this story ANYWHERE and be amazing. I wonder what happened to the main six. We know that Rarity has a great great granddaughter but what about the rest?

And the I love you with Luna, did he and Luna hook up? Now that's something I would like to see go through a bit. Would be a nice change of pace really.

Besure to link any continuation in the description, I'll poke my head by from time to time and see if you got any thing new up. :pinkiehappy:

This story was rather enlightening in it's own little way. I can see you've put a lot of emotion into this, and I'm glad for reading it all. I'm making a new bookshelf for stories like this.

6181025
There should be a sequel that only just breaks the 1000 word level, where Spike wakes up and it was just a dream.:trollestia:

6180845
6180999
6181109
The original version of this story was actually described as having no real ending by a few guys over at the Writeoffs. :trollestia: I'm glad with where it is now, but I totally understand if you feel that things are a bit too open-ended. Thanks for the feedback!

6180866
Thank you; that's very flattering. :twilightsmile:

6181024
Thanks for the feedback! It was tough for me to figure out how I wanted to play the ending, and I know that I have a lot of room to improve. Glad you enjoyed the rest of it, though!

6181056
Thank you! Good luck on MoD! I absolutely cannot wait to see the finished version.

6181353
I am very, very glad you enjoyed this story. Thank you for your kind words!

6181463
The Descendant likes something that I've written? Clearly I must be dreaming. :pinkiehappy:

6181474
The Spike/Luna thing was unintentional (it was supposed to be a platonic "I love you"), but feel free to take things that way if that's your cup of tea. :derpytongue2:

6181524
You kidding me that's a first and something one should be willing to look at. If that is not what you meant, oh well its your story, write it as you wish. :raritywink: Though it was wing included hug that tipped me off on that one. Still no matter the intention it was still good. Good job and I can't wait to see more.

Well written, but that ending seems so... Spike centric? Perhaps its cause it wasn't a conversation as much as an extended apology but its written like spikes the only one missing twilight. Celestia cares for her as well. It just leaves an odd taste in my mouth after the rest of the story.

This practically begs for a sequel...of some sort. The way the story leaves off is pretty much screaming "FILL IN THE BLANK", as loud as it can. I dont know if you'll ever write it, if you do I recommend you write something vague, unexplained, and extremely emotional, just a pretty much empty scene, Unmentioned time scale later, full of emotions as the two re-unite. And leave everything else actually unexplained, just show us that she's not actually dead and there is a happy ending, but leave our imaginations to fill in the details you deliberately leave out.

But then again, having just described it, I guess you dont need to write it after all =D I would still read and enjoy it if you did though.:rainbowlaugh:

Wow, this is really good! You did a great job of not just revealing everything right off the bat and making me more curious to read on as the story progressed :pinkiehappy: The description and just idea of Twilight simply disappearing is heart-wrenching and really makes me wonder what happened to her. I'd love to see a sequel, but I don't think this story is in absolute need of one.

Well this is... yeah. Bittersweet. But it's good!

I like that this Spike hasn't had his life completely stop because Twilight disappeared, and he doesn't just sit around moping or dwelling on the life he used to have wishing it was back. I've seen the "Old Spike pines for younger days and spends most of his time remembering or shuffling around keepsakes from his childhood" and it's sweet, but sorta disappointing.

Many people are asking for a sequel. But, I don't want a "sequel" because I want something else. I want a sister-story. Something reminiscent of a prologue. I, however, want it from Twilight's perspective. It would be a story detailing why she left, where she was going, and it would be somewhat of an adventure. I suppose the ending could be one where she promises to see Spike again, or she sees Spike, from afar and flies off or something. Don't make them meet up in a hug and say how much they missed each other, because that's not deep enough, for me. Add a silent nod to the fact that Twilight misses Spike and will return, but allow us to see the rest. The end of that story would have to take place before this story, unless her presence has no affect on this storyline. I'm not entirely sure how I'd want it to be done, but I like the sound of it. If this is impossible, I could always attempt to write it, with your permission, of course.

P.S. I noticed a couple errors. You seemed to skip words like "it" or "to" maybe three times. I found one mistake in the first full sentence and somewhere else that I do not recall. Just skim through it.

Oh wow, Twilight's friends never had closure before they died. And grandmother's grandmother seems like it would be more than 80 years, Rarity is but a rotted corpse in the ground.

I am interested in how electricity came about in Equestria. Did Twilight start it with a whole key on a kite?

6181739 This. I agree with this. After all, sisters are better than children:rainbowkiss:

6181739

Agreed, that would be awesome :rainbowkiss:

You're very good at character and tone. Plot, not so much. A technically excellent story that falls short of the mark because nothing actually happens after the first scene.

An imaginative and open ended little story with a lot of character. Yep, I liked it. Nice to see that it's getting so much attention.

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