• Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Bachiavellian


Don't you have somewhere better to be?


E
Source

Time alone can't heal all wounds for Carrot Top. Sometimes life simply goes on in the worst and best possible ways.

Edited by the amazing Blood Lord and JohnPerry.

6/29/2014: Rolled out some shiny new edits, courtesy of Blood Lord.

7/3/2014: Featured on Equestria Daily.
7/23/2014: Approved by Twilight's Library.
8/19/2014: Approved by The Royal Guard.
9/5/2014: Featured by the Royal Canterlot Library.
9/20/2014: Featured by Seattle's Angels.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

An interresting story.

Very touching

Please, keep writing.

One of those better origins stories for the Doo family and friends, I really enjoyed the interaction between the characters in this one.

That was beautiful.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Damn, son, it's good to see what you can do with time to proofread! :D

Awwww, this was sweet. :fluttercry:

This story needs more views. I've posted it in the mylittleonions and mylittlefanfic subreddits, which should get you 40-50.

4722055
Wow, thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. :)

Wow, this was your first real attempt at fiction? It would be a tragedy if it were also your last, write a few more.

This story touched my most deep heartstrings. So sad... :fluttershbad: And so refreshing at the same time.:pinkiesad2: Anyway, it's always pleasant to see a new story about Carrot Top.

This story was pretty well written, but the only scene which really hit me emotionally was the scene with the griffon who also lost his brother, something which you foreshadowed well enough that it wasn't a surprise in its reveal.

Here are a couple little things I noticed.

Carrot Top sent that train of thought down a cliff. She swallowed hard and smiled at her customer, a young blue pegasus she's never seen before, with a striking rainbow mane.

I'm fairly certain that you meant "she'd" there.

Mechanically, Carrot picked up the carrots as the pegasus pointed them out, held them together, tied a ribbon around them, tightened the knot with her teeth. Pushed them over the counter.

Sentence fragments work sometimes, but I really don't think this is one of them.

4875944
Thanks for the feedback! I see where you're coming from with the sentence fragment concern, but at this point I'm a bit hesitant to tinker around with this piece on anything but a grammatical/technical level, if only for record's sake. I'll be sure to keep it in mind while working on my upcoming projects, though. Cheers!

This was a great read. You nailed atmosphere, your way with words, exemplary. A very engaging piece. And this sentence
“When you're sure he's good for you, you go marry him and never let go, you hear? It's a precious thing; don't you waste a moment of it.” Carrot struggles to keep her voice unbroken by the end of the sentence."
Wow. Hits you like a ton of bricks.
Great work!
Greenthumbed!

This is wonderful. A beautiful little vignette, full of warmth and melancholy. More like this, please!

first real attempt

Attempted and succeeded. A lovely story.

A sweet and touching Slice of Life story. Nicely done.

A sinless and very real take. Noice

Nicely done, and well worth bringing to more attention through the interview article.

I like how this story switches between the past tense for the flashbacks and the present tense for Carrot Top's current situation. The tense shift helps put extra distance between Carrot Top and her past and emphasizes that she has been able to move on from the accident.

I reviewed this story!

My review can be found here.

Hmph, nice round trip on the feels train. Have a like good sir or madam.

Really nicely done. In particular, the friendship between Carrot and Derpy is immensely satisfyingly portrayed. Everyone seems to like this story, and I'm no exception.

7908949
A review and a comment? You're just spoiling me now.

Thank you for the kind words. :derpytongue2:

Oh, my poor heart. This was lovely.

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