It was just a normal day for me. Go to game con and pick up a Keyblade replica while dressed as Sora in his kh2 outfit minus the shoes. I didn't find one but I did get two keychains from a creepy merchant. Then I find myself in Equestria. Stuck in a world I thought was fiction I will do everything in my power to save this world from Darkness. That is if I can survive having a Changeling Queen after my heart. Nor did I expect to become like a brother to the Princess of the Night. Oh boy have I got my work cut out for me.
Chapters (25)
can you not
I am reaaaaaly trying to like this.
At least make your chapters a thousand words before you post them, please??
5582304 sorry but my creative flow is not at full throttle though. I will try better but I'm trying to pace myself here making sure I dont have much mistakes like forgetting to capitalize names and places.
this is pretty good, all you need is a editor and your golden :D
5588494 yeah I'm not that good at fight scenes. If anyone wants to vollenteer for the position I would be glad for it. My usual editor has gone off the grid for the time being.
Here,
It was just an ordinary day, that is until I met the Merchant. Now I'm stuck in a Equestria and, to make matters worse, I look like Sora from Kingdom Hearts! Man, can I ever catch a break?
I just saw this and I cried tears of agony!
5591825 thanks I had a hard time thinking on how to word that short description.
5591893
No problem!
i woul like it, if this would be romance too, is it? I know that you can´t use all the tags.
I already read about Intention, Gilgamesh, Nemesis, and Timelord or something like that, i guess i like the timelord too, but the first two/three are my favourites.
ohhhh Damn, i am not a great fan of those time switching Chapters, i mean past, present, past, present.
he knows to much, Pinkie told him i am sure.
I would like the chapters to be longer, maybe explain a bit more, or let them show more emotions, honestly i don´t know what your story is missing yet, these are just suggestions.
I think you have a good idea, but you probably really need to make the chapter longer, show us what he things, or why he knows that this is a different Universe and everything else. He maybe should be schocked a bit, but then again i saw that he have this as a cartoon in his world.
okay after this chapter the story got a bit better, i like that Chrysalis is his friend, even if everything was a bit to easy.
I mean they accepted everything to fast, there were to many choosen ones, or did he really only meant the main six and the little ones?
Aren´t Applebloom and the others to young? I would be okay with them to be able to defend themself, but they should not get their Keyblade yet.
What i mean is, i think he can choose them as his pupils, but Applebloom, Scootaloo, Sweetibell and especially Spike should not suddenly start to fight against the more difficult Heartless, maybe the minions.
To be honest Spike is not my favourite character, but that is why i don´t say that he should do nothing, but they are still young.
edit: i don´t know what you said back there, but to be sure i wanted to say, that i understood that they can hurt the heartless, but only a keyblade can kill them forever.
PS: i still get the feeling that you should explain certain things a bit more, but like i said this could be one of those displaced storys i really like.
5602569 to answer you got it right about the mane six and cmc with spike. That's ten potential keyblade wielders there and that is quite a few. The emotion thing is not much seen in me in real life. I have migraines from my siblings constant fights and the medication I used to take had the side effect of making me depressed. In a way I share a bit in common with maud pie in that but at least I don't look that dull. Thank god I got enough willpower to resist going the suicide route. Writing is pretty much my anchor here. I still dream of being a author and with that I can live with the depression. Though another effect of this depression impacted my grades at school. I ended up taking a extra semester of high school just to graduate. I'm just glad I finished by my goal of finishing by the time winter is over. Well better get back to the story and thanks for the thoughts. I needed to get that off my chest. The medication was topamax if you wanted to know.
5602569 About the crusaders he said there was a strong possibility and he doesn't know when it will manifest it could happen when there 20.
5603044 i am not sure, but it could be that my friend has the same medicine.
Well i don´t lie if i say that i think, it is somehow a good story, even with those things i maybe complain about, and don´t worry i actually think i talk a lot, so it is more than okay if you talk about something like this.
I hope that doesn´t sound wrong or something, but i am only 5 minutes awake right now, and yes i am already online, but that is because i want to read a bit befor school, i don´t have time to wait as long as in the weekend.
5601989 Jason Hughes' is a good one, can't remember what it's called though, but Gilgamesh and Nemesis pop up in the story
you need an editor and prereader. other than that, good story so far
i am confused on one point, you cant use magic in valor form. so how could he still use spells?
5631427 one its like real life to my character so the rules from kingdom hearts don't apply, and two it has to do with the fact chrysalis is the one that I had to even activate the form. Plus with equestria being so full of ambient magic it is the gathering of that magic that allowed the spells. I played the game before using drives completely refills the mp and I had no trouble using spells in that form. Hope that answers that.
nice chapter! poor king though D:
Also happy birthday ^_^
5632700 bit late on the birthday thing I posted it on the twelfth but thanks anyway and glad you agree. King steel talon died from a decease that formed from his war wounds. He had the unfortunate luck of his organs starting to fail and losing his arm in his first war added blood loss into the equation. In other words his body was breaking down. He taught Gilda everything he knew so she can take over when he died. The heartless threat had forced him to push his body to far. He knew nothing could be done for him at that point and wanted to ensure his nation survived even though it had to be evacuated as the heartless would return to the nation. Frankly he died with no regrets knowing the future is safe in Gilda's talons. If you want to you can make a side story dedicated to him about what his life must have been like being the one to bring the griffons together and fighting to defend his people and raising his daughter after his wife's death by assassination. Frankly I'm terrible at wars like that but I definitely want to see the world I made here be expanded.
5633430 i wish i could write that story but i'm no were near skilled enough to D: maybe if i ever get the skill and some one else has not done it by then i will give it a try :D
How is that a bad thing?
You can look worse than Sora.
5647951 getting targeted by xemnas and xehanort and not to mention I could pull a convincing sora look a like at fourteen years old with only my green eyes to show I'm not him. You know how people use colored contacts to get their eye color right for costumes? Have you seen anyone manage to turn green eyes to blue with colored contacts! Frankly in this state in story I would be targeted to become xehanort's thirteenth vessel of darkness. I played dream drop distance to know my character will be a target for that. That's mainly the reason why I stated the mane six, the cmc, and spike have potential to be key bearers so they can act as a safeguard like riku did in dream drop distance for sora while they barely kept sora out of the orginazation's clutches. If I was to get a nobody his name would be jexmas or saxmej, or even semxaj! Frankly I got no clue what to call my nobody if I get one. I thought this through sky.
Do thy need assistance getting up"
Dost thou
A desperate world from your own.
separate
5668939 I thought l fixed those spelling errors from the auto correction function of my tablet. My laptop is on the fritz so a tablet is what I'm using for the story. Thank you for the info I will go fix them now.
5668241 Wow, easy. I didn't mean to offend, I was just saying you could look a lot worse than Sora. But I see your point, having Leonard Nimoy wanting to put something of himself inside you would be troublesome... That came out wrong
Forgive me but the thought of Spike or the CMC wielding keyblades sounds hilarious to me, Because they are so small xD (I can image Spike fighting like Yoda). I don't think your nobody's name would need to be an anagram of your name with an X, that something only Org.XIII did to their members if I got it memorized.
Also, good thing that you thought it trough, Keep up the good work Geo.
5670400 I think the anagram with a x might be needed as to them I am sora until they see my eyes. Yeah my nobody might get placed into the organization during the world hopping journey after twilight's kingdom and season five. By the way that season five trailer gave me a story of the blanks vibe.... guess I know how bloom is getting her keyblade now. But I still have a long way to go until then.
5673148 I see, true we can't know for sure if all nobodies name are an anagram of their original name with an X, as we only ever see those who are part of the Org.XIII (Aside from one).
I haven't see the season 5 trailer yet so...
5582390 I recommend an editor
5619767 It's "And Then There Were 10... Er.... 67"
5704773 I second that motion. Seriously, the story is good, and the content is outstanding, but the grammar and punctuation needs a hell of a lot of work.
5724863 I remember it now, thanks
After reading this, I noticed something. This story needs comas and capitalization. I recommend that you read over your story with a fine tooth comb and changeAll flaws with this. Also, run it by as many editors as you know until the problem is solved. This has the potential to become one of the greats, you just need to micro manage it after you pour your heart and soul into it. Before you say or think that I am mercilessly nitpicking this, I want you to know that I am telling you this because I care.
5762216 yeah I may have finished high school but I'm still learning about writing. If I ever want to be a book author I need to learn all I can about the trade. When I get to collage I plan to major in writing. It also help I write songs as a hobby at least the lyrics part. They double as poems a few times. I uh got sick of most of the recent songs I heard were about death and the like. I wanted to balance out that with more hopeful songs to keep people from trying suicide from the influence of those songs. Miley Cyrus didn't help with that one song involving cages. I may like Gothic music but those were going to far. Just look at Justin beber. Yeah you can say I try to vent out my thoughts and emotions about the world through my writing, it's my way of trying to not lose my temper. Being dutch Irish it's a improvement over how temperamental I can get. Though when I do lose it let's just say I'm not exactly easy to calm. Tea helps there. I can hold a major grudge for about two months at the least half a year at most. I really don't like my anger.
Hey, I suffer from anger as well. I usually channel it through writing a musical sheet and then I burn it. Oddly enough, I even found a song on YouTube that had music similar to mine. [youtube=WgjiGDO7_EA]
*SQUEEEE* Finally a Kingdom hearths displaced! wuhu way to go! cant wait to start reading... cause friking exam tomorrow and I am yet to open my book xD
5782798 I'm actually the first of three. The only other one I know is the story dropping in on a equestrian dream.
5782846
I read the story, the plot is good, yet you can make it better by making the acts more long, like when you enter equestria.
He just fall in from the roof and nothing more, you can change that and put more words like when he meet Luna, he just said 'hi I am a alien' and luna says 'Hi', you could make it more hilarious or dramatic and make the story more breathtaking. But meh your story bro is awesome nonetheless /) *bro hoof*
I recommend that you finish the story and then If you like rewrite, don't change the story just make it longer. Like the moguri, it is kind of weird that they appear and live in equestria without twilight knowing it firsts hand, so you made the explanation a bit longer not just 'they come and he told us they where on our side'
P.S. Why cant I find my kingdom hearths for DS!!! the universe hates meeeee
it seems that I have to play Bravely Default...
5795208 well I couldn't do much on that bit with the meeting and it wasn't through the roof it was on the roof. The place is made of stone remember. And as I mentioned on the group threads for the displaced the merchant didn't aim on where to put me. So like the guy from the puppets of tradegty story I fell after appearing in the sky. Though mine was more painful as there weren't any trees to slow my fall down. Though I didn't get the keyblade at the time my clothes were already active with passive magic which allowed me to survive the fall. Barely. Anyway I rethought on my allowing crossovers date and decided to open up after recruiting the rest of the equestrian races. I'm already thinking up my message for my token.
5795473
Try to make it epic :P
Spike comes back and ....
oh spike that was amazing!!
5802638 glad you think so. There's two more chapters so enjoy them. Though sorry about the most recent one. I'm not sure if I did alright on that one.
5795616 check the summon phrase and token thread I edited my post there in the displaced group.
5795616 now you can see what I came up with for my token because I updated my story. Enjoy beto! I had a surge of inspiration there.
I think you need an editor. I'd volunteer, but I have my own stories to write. I'll gladly do a crossover when you get an editor.
5806760 read the rest of the story before you make that call. I know I need to possibly redo that chapter I just don't know how Luna would react to my character crashing into the roof. Nor how their conversation would go.
Badass spike is badass.
5806905 thanks I just made him how I see him compared to the dragons we saw so far in the show. Personality wise he does act like a knight as shown when he stopped garble and his friends from destroying peewee/bravefire's egg. As shown spike is kind, compassionate, and brave. And while he has his faults these traits shine the most in his personality. He is loyal to his friends and I hope I showed how much that meant for him. It was his character in general that made me see him getting a keyblade. The form it took was based on his most defining bond of raising the little Phoenix until he had to let him go to his parents. Spike saw himself a bit in peewee until they returned him to his family. The brave fire keyblade is fitting for that. The changes spike went through was because of the strength of his heart and experiences. The magic from that change turned the shield I gave him into keyblade armor cementing my image of the guy. The title I gave him, knight among dragons was showing how I view him a he grew in character from the start to recent time. Inspiration manifestation though will show a lot more of this as he learns that to protect the person he loves he has to show that he will right his wrongs and make sure rarity is safe. Though by chapter ten you will see that she does worry for him. And will react accordingly. She will calm down by the next episode though. So that's one arc of filler finished now onto the daring do episode.
Hmmm I wonder if the keyblade mimic enchant makes it easier to summon a real keyblade.