My name is Jack, Jack Seraph. I'm just your normal guy at least until I met that shady shop owner while cosplaying as Kamen Rider Fourze. Now stuck on equestria or to be exact the moon just as nightmare moon gets placed there for a thousand years. Let me tell you having nightmare moon as a roommate for a thousand years was a experience. So yeah long story short I kinda ended up keeping nightmare moon under control and fixed up the whole eternal night problems. The result? Luna is quite devoted to me to the point of being very very defensive. Doesn't help I am pretty much her therapist during our time on the moon. I really shouldn't have bought that Astro switch. Oh and did I forget to mention it's a humaniod version of equestria? My life has just gotten harder.
- Member Since 19th Oct, 2013
- offline last seen April 7th
Kamen rider yokai
Part of the displaced group. Likes adventure, machines and foxes with cats. Dragon fan and part of toa coy's writer group.
Kamen rider yokai
Joined 19th Oct, 2013 ·
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Chapters (3)
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Oh joy. Another Marty Stu Displaced fic. Self-insert included.
I hate to break it to you, but normal people have their names capitalised
This description strikes me as blatantly disingenuous. The protagonist complains about being stuck with Luna, but it's fairly clear that you really wish this could happen. That means the whole "sucks to be me" thing you're going for kinda falls flat.
6974879 not a self insert if you want a self insert go to my a key in equestria story.
6975516 knew I was forgetting something.
6975764 of course it falls flat that part was written in sarcasm. Jack doesn't really mean anything by it but well a thousand years alone with someone there might be some arguments at some points from flashbacks.
All I will say is get a proof reader or something
6975822 Looking good so far, can't wait for our crossover.
6974879 NEVER read 'a key in Equestria', it is abominable... and sadly it's also the reason I predict this story will become hugely successful for all the wrong reasons
6976334 I'm not that bad I just have a info recall problem. It takes me two weeks to remember something.
6976472 What has that got to do with writing terrible, unimaginative stories? Did you fail to recall that hundreds of people wrote displaced fics before you, and that they were (almost) all just as bad?
6976519 /Thread.
6976519 it effects my writing like remembering to capitalize names. It also effects the info I normally access for when I write fanfiction. Do you know how odd it is to forget a personality quirk of a character that throws everything about that character off? It's why when I use Ocs I at least base them off parts of myself as the only thing I won't have trouble remembering is my own personality. It helps that I can use what I have in common with characters from media to write them so well.
Good start my friend.
Good story, keep writing more
6977831 Those all sound like perfectly good reasons why you shouldn't be writing, another good reason is the overall quality of your stores, not that it matters since my prediction is already starting to come true
6978417 I just can't stop writing I mean I'm pretty much hard wired to write. I tend to write without noticing I do it at times. If I am not focusing on something else that is writing, I am writing a story as if it just comes out. I get this subconsciously from my late mother so this is pretty much part of me. A key in equestria for example I didn't plan out yet the story is just... there. I rarely dream so I know I didn't dream up these stories and write them down its like they are trying to become reality. That's what it feels like to me. Those that I do plan out take longer as I think through the ideas. A example of both of these is the story I got on fanfiction the animatronic ninja where the only things I planned out was the first chapter and the next two. After that it seemed to write itself until I got to chapter 19 where I planned out the next 22 chapters of the story and is still in progress. This story is one I actually am planning out fully so I don't make mistakes. Do you know how surprised I was at how well I blended the naruto and fnaf universes together? According to the reviews on that story very well. It was apparently impressive enough that I was praised to have the longest fnaf/Naruto cross in the archive to have a actual story. Most stories I found in that part of the fanfiction archive just had the naruto characters in the fnaf universe. I know I'm not the best writer but I at least have fun making these stories. To me it's not about the likes or dislikes my stories get as long as people enjoy it and let's me know where to improve then I can be happy with what I can do as a writer. I write because I enjoy it.
6978962 I have no idea why you felt the need to send me that autobiography
You need an editor, badly. You have numerous grammatical errors littered throughout the story.
I like your concept, but if you can't clean this up, then I can't continue to read this.
This is getting painful, from the info-dumps to the rampant grammar issues, I don't think I'll keep reading after I finish the third chapter.
Please find an editor, it's not that hard. There are groups here dedicated to providing editors for writers in need.
You really need an editor, as I have already stated. This idea could work so long as you got some help cleaning this up, but until you do so, I'm afraid I'm going to be moving on.
Good day.
Continue this story
10121999
I will it's just been a long time since I saw season one that I'm having a hard time remembering what events happen after twilight moves to ponyville. I know that there is something like a dragon blocking the sky with soot but I can't recall if that's what happens next or Applejack taking on a burden too big for her is.
well I just found this story but I hope too see more chapters soon
According to Cutie Re-Mark, Luna/NMM DID think things through given how Equestria was completely fine while she was ruling in her timeline there.
Wonder how he reacts to the fact someone told him that pretty much.
Doesn't really seem fair that Spike doesn't get one either.
It sure adds in salt to the wounds on how he gets the short end of the stick due to not being a Element Bearer..
10707448
as i mentioned before i ran out of terms involving space and kamen rider ginga plus black hole evol was taken so yeah its a case of not enough terms to pick from.
10709705
So he is just screwed then..
10709705
About the Black Hole bit, pretty sure the name can still be used.
Since it was used for the name of a form, not the actual name of a Kamen Rider(as in there's no actual Kamen Rider Black Hole. Like Evol having Black Hole for his form doesn't make him called "Kamen Rider Black Hole Evol", he's still named Kamen Rider Evol).
So I am sure you can get away with using Black Hole there..
update it
I'm curious as to when the next update will be if there is one.