• Member Since 27th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago


I write pony words. Millions of them. Some people actually think they might be worth reading. I am very thankful for that. Also, I have a Patreon now?


Some days are rainy. Some days are normal. Some days you have to go out and save the world with your friends using magic necklaces.

Some days you have to fight off a schoolyard full of foals who have decided to attack you for no discernible reason. For Twilight Sparkle, this is one of those days.

Find this story and more in a print copy! Just click these words here!

Cover art link

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 103 )


I think that I should feel bad for liking this. But it's too damn funny. Also, I need to go read a book now as punishment for reading the fine print about Cook Lax.:derpytongue2:

Well, that's original!:rainbowlaugh:

WTF? Ah, i alrdy saw it.

God damn it, Twilight... :facehoof:

This was awesome! :pinkiehappy:

Well. That was ... something. I don't know what exactly it was, but it was definitely something.

Sequel with AJ, Rarity, and RD beating Twilight after the CMC cried to them!


I have no idea what just happened.

Goddammit. I thought Apple Bloom was going to go all Heart Aino on Twilight.
But then Twilight violated the rules and punched her when she wasn't ready. :raritydespair:

Although, to be honest, I kinda expected to this to either be a fantasy written by the foals, or for Twilight to have magicked up a few spells to protect them from injury while they horsed around*.

*Pun totally intended.



...Feel that Twilight should definiately have given that lecture, as punishment for what happens if you randomly assault a princess.

Even though it was probably a similar lecture that provoked that in the first place.

Yeah. Let's go with that.

I read the small print at the end.

Nothing she thought of could take them out without causing enough damage that she'd be sued for foal abuse again.

:rainbowlaugh: Again.

That most certainly was... something.

that she'd be sued for foal abuse again.

Uhh, what?

Time to go read a book. Stupid fine print.

I read it, but only after copy-and-pasting it into a file so it was an easily readable size. Does that still count?

4566261 it was the best thing since sliced bread

Damn it, Twilight! :facehoof:

I want to see a sequel or another chapter where Cheerilee, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash attempt to beat the crap out of her in revenge.

Read this with the voice of the narrator from 300. Makes it infinitely better!

Um... I want more Jackie!

Who else read this in the 300 narrator voice, with the God of War: Revenge Rising theme music playing?:pinkiehappy:

Well, that happened.

And I'm glad it did.

What ever the fuck this was, it was nice. :twilightsmile:

That wasn't how she acted. She was a princess of Equestria, herself dammit, and if she just gave up while fighting a schoolyard full of foals, no foreign dignitary could ever take her seriously again!

Sometimes beating up a bunch of kids in a school yard is necessary to protect ones country.

I have absolutely no idea what I just read, why I read it, or why it even exists, nor what the fuck just happened.

I just...don't even know what to make of this.

And that's... bad?

Umm.... I.. uh... What did I just read? It was... confusing.. And I like that! But... my brain can't comprehend this silliness... I like this..... Or do I.... I don't know! Take a like and a favorite even though I'm so confused, I don't know what I just read! You have done good work sir.... Too good....:twistnerd:

So....this whole battle was because Scootaloo was jealous of Twilight and Rainbow Dash''s relationship...or something?

I'm just imagining Antares showing up and screaming "WHAT THE FUCK?!" As Celestia and Luna pillage the School for Gifted Unicorns. Epic boss battle. Also,

Twilight, you bring dishonor on one's family!

Honestly I don't blame the foals I would be on their side if twilight was going to guest lecture winter wrap up history... It would be less painful to do it that way

...? So, Twilight broke a Pinkie promise. That she would not laugh at Rainbow dash. After a prank Pinkie pulled on her that turned her mane plaid. So Pinkie told all the foals that Princess Twilight was going to decree that there would be no more days off from school, no recess, double homework and Rainbow dash would go back to school since she didn't even know basic Pegasus history.:pinkiehappy:

What... What the... I mean... But it... So...

What the buck did I just read?!?!? :twilightoops:

It was hilarious, don't get me wrong but... I mean...


What is this I can't even... :facehoof:

I'm pretty sure I liked it, though.

I think it needs a Random tag.

Cook-Lax is not responsible for any deaths, injuries, or world ending eldritch abomination summoning rituals that may occur while using our product. If you're dumb enough to spend the time reading this, go read a book or something

HA! I figured out what it said!



Well, then.

I'll see you guys after finishing Fifty Shades of Grey.

It's kind of funny I'm reading this shortly after reading an article about how to fight a horde of small children, which shown by this story is clearly a useful skill.

It was self-defense! That orphanage had it coming!

Wait, sorry, got confused for a moment.

In any case, a hilarious, bizarre fight scene. Thank you for it. :twilightsmile:

I don't know what just happened but it amused me.

I... think I enjoyed this.

4569686 Bucholz... might have been an inspiration. :twilightblush:

Well that was amusing! Sometimes, no context is the best context.

4568888 the foals didnt want twilight to lecture them again

that she'd be sued for foal abuse again.

...Wait what? Again?!

Well that happened. I wonder if Celestia would regret making Twilight a Princess if she knew she was using her new powers to repeatedly beat foals unconscious...

5 Ways to Attack Children with a Stick
How to Win a Fight Against Twenty Children

Things would have gone much easier if Twilight had read these useful guides beforehand. I often find myself referencing them when I engage in mortal combat against schoolchildren.

4571502 those articles might have been the inspiration for this story...

This is probably the one most amusing fanfiction I have ever read. :moustache:

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