• Member Since 27th Jun, 2012
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I write pony words. Millions of them. Some people actually think they might be worth reading. I am very thankful for that. Also, I have a Patreon now?


A Diamond Dog king, feeling bold after gathering an army of 100,000 dogs, decides the best way to flex his new muscles would be to invade Equestria for past perceived slights. As such, he sends a letter to Princess Celestia with a declaration of war.

It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 429 )
Comment posted by Muggonny deleted Sep 16th, 2014


Pretty good overall. At some point it was like the both of them were exchanging friendly pleasantries camouflaged as war threats, Celly seemed to have fun with it.
Or at least, i picture her with a creepy smile the whole time.

Oh, and that last line.


Perfect delivery.

Ahh, to hell with it, fifth!

I can't help but think that this was exactly what was in Aepnet's head in the latest chapter of princess Antares

Didn't someone already do something really similar to this?

Either way I still liked it. Hanat was suitably annoying and Celestia reacted with exactly the right amount of smugness given her position in the matter--That is, a lot. :rainbowlaugh:

Is it just me, or did Mr. Pancrake's comment where he said "First" get deleted at 9:11?

Good job this dog didnt have any active gem cores. No matter how much you can make go boom, theres Always someone out there with a bigger stick, which is what the poor child fights against, where the smart rich child hires them to do the bodyguard.

Give someone nothing, and they will fight to have everything. Give them Everything, and they will fight to have Nothing.

Celestia tries so much to point such out, then get associates to keep them in line.:trollestia:

Very, very nicely done.

She didnt even have to ask about the Nightmares due to the stress of looming war, starvation, drought and chaos either. :trollestia:

Yeah, the basic idea has been done before. It was still entertaining though.

I'm truly sorry for the first comment, I was just surprised.

Hmmm... eh. Didn't get much of a chuckle outta me. Maybe because the diamond dog dude was too much of a dumbass, or because Celestia was too stuck up. Although those two qualities could have been increased for comedy's sake I suppose. I'm just not too particular to "WHOO EQUESTRIA RULES" fics such as these since they're the same basic story every time, so it's really nothing against your writing. Anyway, have a good one! :twilightsmile:

The last line was the best. :trollestia:\

Simple, but good.

5009478 If someone has, I've never read one. If I had, I probably wouldn't have written this. As it was, it was an idea that wouldn't go away.

5009536 I didn't intend to write Celestia as stuck up, more as patiently and subtly (but at the same time not so subtly) explaining to him why a war would be a bad idea. She was basically making him run out of steam instead of fueling his fire by sending angry threats back. She was helping him come to the realization on his own, which has a far more lasting impact. On that note, though, I don't see this as an "Equestria woo hoo" fic either. Celestia didn't do anything any world leader with a little patience wouldn't have done. She cut off their food supply, gained some allies to strengthen their position, and used some diplomacy to weaken theirs. That's hardly something only a goddess could pull off.

That's how I intended it anyway. Of course Hanat was dumb, but if you're a history major like I am, you'll know that people like him have totally existed in history before. Frequently. The title of the fic is "Warmongering."

But I do also wish that you have a good one, and I'm glad you at least took the time to give it a look. :twilightsmile:

What movie did that gif come from?

5009576 Citizen Kane! It's widely considered the greatest film ever made. I personally disagree (Godfather I and II all the way, but Kane is a spectacular and darn near perfect film) but that's what they say.

That last line should have been written as..."If you ever threaten my country again. THEN I WILL TEAR OUT YOUR SOUL AND DEVOUR IT!"

Great, and Awesome, but you missed the chance to use warmongreling.

10/10 Would negotiate again.

Never seen that movie. Sorry...

I read The Dog King's lines in Temutai's voice [from Kungfu Panda Legends of Awesomeness].

[Skip to 1:09]


Don't yell at me. I was one of the only people defending you and not calling you a faggot for making a blog that was 95% caps. You also told a mod to kill himself because he asked you to calm down. That ain't cool, kiddo.

Also, this is someone else's story, not yours, so it's rude to shit on it with your sudden eruptions of butthurt. The main joke was that I am annoyed you haven't seen Citizen Kane. It's a good movie and you should watch it if you're not a complete casual.

5009698 Not here, please. The comments should be about the story, not an unrelated incident.


If someone has, I've never read one. If I had, I probably wouldn't have written this. As it was, it was an idea that wouldn't go away.

Fayernuff. Like I said, it was a good read, and that's what matters. :pinkiehappy:


Exactly my point.

But still FFFFFFFF people these days have no appreciation of good film and think that Transformers was the height of cinematic achievement because it had lots of CGI in it. Bleh.

Who and when I actually told a mod to go himself?

5009724 Preaching to the choir. I'm a film minor in college whose favorite films are the two Godfathers. But here is not the place for that.

Would I be able to rent it off of Netflix?


I guess. Sorry for getting off-topic.

Glad you're still writing.


Transformers > Citizen Kane


Am I right, or am I right? Come on. :rainbowkiss:

Still confused but okay...

5009739 I'm saying that the comments section for my story should be about my story, not completely unrelated incidents. Please keep it that way.

5009737 For goodness sake, dude, I just told them to stop this very thing. The comments section of this story need to be about this story.

Comment posted by blank check deleted Sep 16th, 2014


Soary for shitting up the comments section. :applecry: Issa nice story, really.

I'm trying but they keep it going. In fact I wasn't even the one who started it.


25. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post
26. Any topic can easily be turned into something totally unrelated

Rules of the internet, dude.

Just sayin'.


Tact is the word of the day.

It's stuff like this that is why Celestia is my favourite Princess. I just don't think any of the others can quite pull off the subtlety the way she does here. Weirdly enough, I found myself reading Celestia's letters in GLaDOS' voice.

5009478 Yeah, I feel like I read something similar to this, only it was Twilight responding to a declaration of war from the Griffon King, but I think I liked this one better. Like I said above, I think Celestia is way better at the subtle politics.

This is why Equestria never goes to war. They're far too good at it.

5009796 Or they could be awful at it. Celestia's just too good at avoiding it completely.

It's doubly hilarious trying to read the Diamond Dog King's letters in the screechy, Gollum-like voice they had in the shows.

Good show! Jolly good show! :twilightsmile:

I have seen a fic much like this before, but I think this one is done better. The other one involved Twilight and the Griffins instead of Celestia and the Diamond Dogs.

So, Equestria is a bit like Ankh-Morpork when it comes to war. It doesn't win in the actual conflict, but by completely shutting down any attempts to even start one.

The difference is that Equestria basically uses its wealth to buy out the opposition's allies, while Ankh-Morpork uses the fact that every other country relies on it being the mercantile capital of the world. Someone attacks Ankh-Morpork, every other country rushes to the defense of the trade routes.

This...was absolutely magnificent. I couldn't help but read it with Celestia's voice in my head!

A friend of mine also pointed out that if you swapped Palutena from Kid Icarus: Uprising with Celestia, there would probably be almost NO difference between them. I am inclined to believe him!

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