• Member Since 5th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen September 14th

Wages of Sin


T

Mis-communication has started many a war, but in this case maybe calling it a war was too generous.

The "war" is over, Twilight has successfully orchestrated a bloodless end to the Griffons' aggression, but only now does she realize that there is more to winning than she had first assumed, especially against a nation that holds war as a central part of their culture...

Now Twilight must deal with the aftermath while facing a challenge she never anticipated: being seen as a conqueror.

This can be read alone, but I recommend reading the letter that started it all for a chuckle and a little exposition. This series of expositional one-shots can also give some additional world-building.

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 1311 )

I think I've seen this scene before, but it was from a griffon PoV. Griffons all bowing to pony invaders after surrendering. :rainbowhuh:

YES! i always said the one-shot needed a sequel, and here it is!

Sequel! Do want!

Some typos though, fix if possible. E.g. "The Griffon Emperior's Deceleration of War" should be spelled "Emperor's Declaration", "For Twilight, had been just like a scaled-up winter wrap up" is missing an "it" after the comma, "tallon-and-paw" should be "talon and paw", and "four-there-four" should be "four-three/three-four" or similar.

5022907 Changes made! Thanks!

5022608

Yes, I know of the story you speak.

Also, welcome to life as a military occupier, Twilight. Do enjoy your stay.

Soooo.... what was Plan B again?

5022608 5023006 Do either of you by chance have a link to that story? I actually was inspired by that story for this chapter and I would like to give it a nod, but I can't find it even though I'm sure I favorited it.

5023037

Well obviously Plan A didn't go over so well for the griffons.

Edit: I figured it out.

A is for Attack.

B is for Bow, for your life.

That sounds about right. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.

Emperior's

It's a new word: Emperor and Superior make Emperior!

march on by tallon-and-paw

*talon

Good story so far.

Impression: 2134/2563

5023249 Metacritic score of 8.3261802575/10!:derpyderp2:

but I wanted to get a feel for the kind of reception this would have before deciding weather to make it a story on the shorter-side or take it to its fullest extent.

Well you have certainly raised a lot of questions to just scamper off now. Far more unanswered issues now than after the original story.

5023506 Uh, what? Are you complaining that the prologue doesn't resolve the story?:unsuresweetie: Because I usually keep the resolution of the story for the end...:rainbowhuh:

5023577 No... See the quote from your author's note talking about how you're waiting to see the reception this gets before deciding how far to go with it? Given that I quoted that my comment was probably related to that... the thing I quoted.:unsuresweetie:

5023596 Yes, but I don't understand what you meant to say. What questions were raised? What was that about "scampering off"?

5023628

What questions were raised?

I pulled an all-nighter last night and should have been in bed forty five minutes ago. I'm not going to write ten paragraphs outlining all the questions raised and their implications and consequences. It is a prologue, its job is to raise questions so the reader will want to see what happens next.:ajbemused:

What was that about "scampering off"?

Your AN implied that if this didn't get a good enough reception you would just slap some quikie ending on it... leaving all the readers disappointed. Thereby 'scampering off' to write some other story and abandoning this one to a sub-standard ending.

5023676 Well I'm sorry if that's the impression I gave, I only meant that if this was well received I was going to brainstorm ways to push beyond what I already have outlined, otherwise I was just going to go with the story as it already is (which is short).

Well, looks good so far. Interested to see where this goes. :twilightsmile:

Damn. This is such a simple scene, Twilight and company walking into the city, but its executed so incredibly well that its just...wow. Seriously, wow.

As openings go this is pretty good, while the stories overall quality is going to depend on where you go with this idea, what you've got here is certainly both interesting enough and well executed that I'm going to keep my eye on this.

tldr: Keep going this has potential

Ok, I'm game.

Let's see where this train goes.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Comment posted by Skeeter The Lurker deleted Sep 19th, 2014

5024390 Thx... wait... Oh lord... It was written by the guy that I just ranted in a blog post about using my idea... and here I am using it for inspiration for the squeal to the piece he used for his...

INSPIRATION LOOP!:pinkiecrazy:

And then Twilight gets a harem of sexy she griffs due to them wanting to placate their new overlord, Welcome to your new Kingdom Twilight now has nice sex with Gilda.

Aww yeah! There's more to this story!:rainbowkiss:

5024426
BronyWriter wrote the Conquerers???

He did!

Holy cheese fries, I can’t wait to see the collab fic you two are working on!

Go Team Ponywar!

5024441 If I wasn't so bitter about him pretty flatly copying ALttGEotMoW for his "Warmongers" I'm sure that could be a possibility. (for reference I'm not bitter that he wrote a letter thing with the same concept, it's that he did so without changing it all that much... ...or crediting ALttGEotMoW for inspiration...)

5024447
Go Team Ponywar!

5024447
To be fair, BronyWriter claims that he never read ALttGEotMoW, and the similarities are just coincidences.

5024488 Like how they are both about a princess writing to the leader of foreign power regarding their intent for war, both detailing the reasons that would be bad in a "it would be silly for you to try" tone, both implying that the foreign power relies on Equestria's aid for food, both utilizing manipulation of the elements as a threat, both using harming ponies as provoking Discord into taking action as a threat, both referencing dragons taking action etc...

5024502 I'm going to back BronyWriter on this one, because while both stories do similar things, they are done in VERY different ways. As for the reasons that Equestria would stomp the would be invaders, neither of you can be credited for creating the setting itself, only using what it has to offer. As that resource is finite, obviously you're going to be referencing similar things. I've seen COUNTLESS debates on why Equestria would kick the shit out of X. And 'ALttGEotMoW' uses things that others have already pointed out in such debates. Should you be required to credit anyone who has been involved in a debate like that? No. You merely took the source material, 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic', and built something from it. And a very nice story it is. BronyWriter took the same source material, 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic', and built something from it. And it too is a very nice story. But while similar in concept, 'Princess X responds to a declaration of war from X', the story told and the WAY it is told are VERY different.

5024537 True enough, I guess I'm just kind of upset that I see so many similarities (be they real or imagined) between our stories. I read his wanting to see more reasons that Equestria would win, but I just saw mostly the same stuff with minor tweaks.

Now THIS is going to be great :pinkiehappy:
Nobody can't say that the griffons weren't warned though, so they brought it on themselves.

Oh man, this is not going to sit well with Twilight. She's going to hate herself when she realizes an entire nation fears her. Poor thing is really going to struggle with this, she'll probably end up giving them their independence back.

Also, I re-read the last story, why wasn't Cadence mentioned? Surely if Twilight is immortal, she is too right? Or is it because The Crystal Empire is considered a different country? I only ask, cause Cadence was originally an Equestrian Princess.

5024627 Yeah, this was a major point of contention in the comments, but I think of the Crystal Empire as a seprate nation, to me it is a cleaner explination for a few things, though there are valid counter-arguments as well. Like I said, it all just becomes a flame war in the end.

Poor Twily... You made all them griffons fear the Princess of Friendship! :twilightoops:
Better make friends! :twilightsmile:

This chapter, I like it! :moustache:
**smashes phone to the floor** :trollestia:
ANOTHER!!! :yay:
:facehoof:

Being bowed at with terror seems to be incredibly awkward. Especially considering that Equestria didn't kill a single griffon. Although I suppose that from a warrior culture's perspective, that would be a sign of chilling, absolute disregard. I'd have imagined there would be more insulted feelings in that case, though.

So, you've made me curious. Where are the male griffons? It sounded like everybirdy in the city showed up, but the crowd being almost solely composed of hens and chicks is a little odd. Is it due to some tradition, an attempt to make their people look as unintimidating as possible, or are the ganders occupied elsewhere?

5024651 maybe almost the entire male population ended up going to war?

My opinion on why they all bowed in fear is that she forced a race that has a massive thing about pride to surrender, all without killing any of them.

5024641 Oh it's cool, I get it. I was just making sure that was the reason.:twilightsmile:

5024666 I imagined it was that, but it seems that it would be taken as a titanic insult to their people, rather than as something to respond to with terror. As the ponies played a purely defensive war, the griffons not in the war didn't suffer any of the horrors encountered by an invaded nation and never experienced the loss of lives the families of an invading force would. A war that ended as soon as it began, without a single death or the razing of a single village? A war they surrendered before they met the ponies even once on the field in glorious battle? I can see the soldiers being afraid, but to the rest of the nation it must feel as though they made a token effort and then just gave up.

The previous story established that the griffon military consists of 1/6th of their entire population. Even if it is solely males who serve in their armies, unless they already had a high female:male ratio that alone shouldn't have made the crowd so dominated by hens.

A full on, proper hurricane is vastly more energetic than a nuke, its region of destruction extending over hundreds of miles instead of the few. Nukes might vapourise a crater, but hurricanes can blow away most of the older styles of buildings, thn the hail causing injuries, tornadoes carving trnches, lightning smashing and burning, and then theres the rain, drowning and washing away in hammer walls of mud and water.

The hens are trembling, because, to them, all their males, strong, vicious, protective, were not just stopped and taken out on a whim, by the click of a talon, but stopped, without massive an absolute loss of life. To Griffons, this implies that destructuve as that attack was, th ponies were not just holing back, they knew just ow much they were holding back, which is a power and level of control even higher than just slaughter.

Its just a good thing that they dont know about Twilights lifting and long distance carrying of that Ursa Minor while just a unicorn, and her greatly increased strenth sincee? Eles they would be xpecting her to maybe, grab hold of the palace, at least a substantial portion, pick it up, crush, and drop it, if they annoyed her.

Griffons are afraid of The Fist Of God. :twilightoops:

My attention, you have it. Let's see where this is going....

I am really looking forward to seeing Twilight realize she is feared as a conqueror rather than accepted. Perhaps you could drive this home with a scene where the Griffin governmental leaders beg for their lives, thinking Twilight will execute them? And then I wonder what the other 3 alicorns have to say about this situation?

Going to be really interesting to see somebody so proud they thought they could take... well, Equestria, be forced to bow and grovel.

Especially if the idiot can't bring themselves to that, and Twilight is forced to perform some hard choices befitting of a ruler.

(And that is if Twilight is really ready for that... :twilightoops:)

Really solid start at any rate! :yay:

Interesting. I don't I have ever seen a story that deals with the implications of Equestria winning a war.

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