• Member Since 4th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Distorted Flare


King negro(Spanish word for black so not racist) lord of the watermelon, duke of the chicken realm, high almoner of the grape cool aid of the Nile, has no tolerance for white people.

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Princess Twilight Sparkle has a problem: she's possessed by a question. It came from a silly little book. Now, after a week of poor sleep, Twilight relents. She has to answer this question, even if it kills her.

Okay, so it won't kill her, but Twilight is going to have to violate one of the biggest pony taboos in existence to do so. That's okay. It's for science!


original author wille179

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 621 )

IMHO Equestrian ponies are omnivores. So they can. No need to convince me.

and she will gain sharp teeth just like King Sombra, or not I dunno :derpytongue2:

Vomit? Horses can't vomit, except maybe Pinkie Pie.... :pinkiesick::pinkiehappy:

I can already tell how this going to go. Twilight will slowly begin to eat more and more meat, until she's frantically trying to hide her "addiction" from everypony, then at the end, it'll be revealed that everypony eats meat and it's just a social taboo no one talks about.

EDIT: Oh, didn't see the author's notes. In that case, Twilight will be consumed by her carnivorous desires and attempt to cannibalize one of her friends in the most hilarious manner possible before going completely insane and unleashing a spell that makes everypony meat eaters and turns Equestria into some kind of [Grimdark] meat paradise.

Oh my :fluttershysad:
....where is this going :moustache:

Nice story, although it would be nicer if you didn't tell us what what was coming in future chapters with the author's notes. I like to be pleasantly surprised. Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

2579073

I actually DID think of both of those story directions......
Whoopse. No spoilers.... :rainbowlaugh:

Please continue. :pinkiehappy:

2579073

Actually there are already at least two fics on the site where ponies eat meat.

1. Unnatural Selection (Alternate history, Ponies are the apex predators and eat everyone)

2. To Serve Bronies (guess who they want to eat in that one)

Like where this is going. Always love fics which use Twilight ingrained use of the scientific method to justify odd behaviors. Mmmm. roast chicken.

2586649

This is in the cannon universe where ponies are STRICT herbivores. The one exception is eggs, usually in baked goods.

2586690

What about gelatin? Traditionally gelatin is derived from pigs. We've seen marshmallows and other gelatin based desserts in the show.

Man, that roast beef sandwich, Twilight is going eventually crave, is going to be uncomfortable with talking cows running around.

Though, i don't think her friends will mind that much. Rainbow will eat meat if you challenge her to. Pinkie may be insane enough to have already done it.

2586716

I have wondered about the gelatin. And Discord's gravy...
Ahhh yes, the cows.... :pinkiecrazy:

twilight and pinkie WILL eat Dashie cupcakes.

If it's wrong, why does it taste so delicious?

Next animal, Angel, I mean rabbit.

Can't bee beef because it talks. Can't be mutton because it talks as well. Goat, out of the question as they can work sound equipment.

Not too many choices. There are pigs on Sweet Apple Acres so.... Nom, nom, nom.

There is a chekhov's gun in this chapter. Or it could be a red herring (The literary term, not the fish). I'll let you decide.

...a strange thought passed through her mind. ‘hmmm… is the table shorter? No… Just my imagenation.

Crazy theory time: In order for Twilight to grow to the size of Celesta/Luna, she has to eat meat. That's why she can tolerate it. Alicorns have a natural craving for the stuff in order to be able to grow.

Some ponies/horses are actually fed meat in places where plant matter is rare. Also...

There was one, however, written by a cruel griffin doctor who had experimented on pony prisoners during the Griffin-Pony war 50 years ago. Despite his methods, he had collected valuable information on the pony digestive system and confirmed that yes, ponies can eat meat.

Is said griffins name "Death Angel"? How about "Josef Wingele"? Some other name that is a play on words involving "The Angel of Death" or "Josef Mengele"?

2607472

This entire story was inspired by the fact that real horses can eat meat. In fact, i heard of one breed that was bread to live for extended periods with just meat. It lived with it's masters on rocky mountains (not THE Rocky Mountains) that have little grass.

As for the griffin, I never thought of a name for him. He is dead at this time, so he won't be appearing in the story.

This is good, so many meats to try so little time :pinkiecrazy:

Didn't one of the Greeks breed a flesh eating horse? or am i thinking of the mongols? :unsuresweetie:

I'm surprised Spike was so against this, since his kind does eat meat and all :moustache:

hmm in my headcanon Celestia fed prisoners to Spike so she would not have to deal with them, of course she never told him that, you know to save it as a surprise :trollestia:

so... whats next on the menu? :twilightblush::moustache:

2615933
Yes, there is a meat eating breed, but I'm not sure who made them.

Spike was raised as a vegitatian by vegitarians. Celestia was firmly against spike earing meat (my headcannon) so that he didn't grow into a pony-eater.

meeeeat....yummy story, I woudnt mind to get some extra portions :moustache:

I kinda wanna see how far this goes.
Beef?
I also wanna see how the other princesses react.

Uh oh. Twilight may be graduating to actually killing food... and enjoying it.

an update? HELL YES! :yay:
so the meat is speeding Spikes growth? this pleases me :twilightsmile: will he start getting bigger like Twilight? :unsuresweetie:
if Spike lets his dragon instincts take hold he is going to be good on that hunt, much respect for the little dude :moustache:
i wonder will Twilight earn the respect of the Griffon Kingdom when/if they find out about her meat eating? :twilightoops:

She could be really popular among griffons and not so popular at home with a few key actions.

"Boarder" problems? Something wrong with the tenants? :pinkiehappy:

Crazy theory time: In order for Twilight to grow to the size of Celesta/Luna, she has to eat meat. That's why she can tolerate it. Alicorns have a natural craving for the stuff in order to be able to grow.

'Has Twilight gotten taller? Must just be my imagination.'

I am upgrading my crazy theory to improbable theory and handwaving Celestia's ignorance as a thousand years of forgetfulness.

Yes.
This.
It is brilliant.
More, please, more! :pinkiehappy:

HA! im loving this, twilight is going further and further into "taboo" territory!
im surprised that there hasn't been that many "ponies can't eat meat, duh!" people yet. horses can eat meat yes, it's very common that they will steal meat from their owners when caught off-guard (like a salmon/chicken sandwich), the problem lies in that having meat regularly in their diet impacts their behavior (and probably puts a strain on their metabolism, this i don't remember any facts about, hence the parenthesis). IRL ponies/horses are classified as specialized herbivores also, so they're not meant to eat meat (and a few other things). what people doesn't consider is the following:
1. horses 'shouldn't' eat wheat products either, which they do quite a bit in the show.
2. the ponies in mlp are so unlike real world ponies/horses, biologically, that it's ridicules to compare them.

2684526

Let me just throw this out there. Unless otherwise stated by MLP cannon or my fic, assume MLP's ponies are biologically identical to real world ponies. Also assume that the standard pony diet is enough to support higher brain functions.

2683517

Sorry, guess again. :trollestia:
It's related to the difference between Celestia&Luna vs. Cadance&Twilight.
Do keep making crazy theories though... I would love to hear them!

2684754
that they already eat stuff they shouldn't in the show doesn't count then?:applejackunsure:

One of Hercules's labors involved capturing the Mares of Diomedes who were supposedly fed human flesh, which drove them mad.

So that's what happens to all those Human in Equestria stories....

2684767
Luna is the darker one of the two, and not just by colour, and eats meat. Cadence is the sort-of equivalent of Celestia. Do the maths.


What do I win?

2685020
Luna and Celestia were born alicorns, Cadence and Twilight magically ascended?

Gilda? a princess? oh dear... :twilightoops:
chapter was shorter than i would like and... didn't feel as good as past chapters, not sure why though :unsuresweetie:

Hooray! I wonder what Griffon tastes like.

Anyway, Gilda is in for a shock when Twilight eats whatever they server without missing a beat.

Man, when Twilight is inevitably caught by Fluttershy, Twilight will be...

*puts on sunglasses*
(⌐■_■)...( •_•)/⌐■-■(⌐■_■)

YEAAAAAAH!!!

2685566

Man, when Twilight is inevitably caught by Fluttershy, Twilight will be...

*puts on sunglasses*

(⌐■_■)...( •_•)/⌐■-■(⌐■_■)

YEAAAAAAH!!!

missed the punchline :unsuresweetie:

2685586

Damn it. REDO



Hooray! I wonder what Griffon tastes like.

Anyway, Gilda is in for a shock when Twilight eats whatever they server without missing a beat.

Man, when Twilight is inevitably caught by Fluttershy, Twilight will be...

*puts on sunglasses*

(⌐■_■)...( •_•)/⌐■-■(⌐■_■)

Dead meat

YEAAAAAAH!!!

Do keep making crazy theories though... I would love to hear them!

The Griffon Empire is responsible for Twilight's cravings. Working through their double agent Derpy, they've been drugging Twilight's food to make her crave meat so that, as a Princess, she'll increase the meat trade with the Empire and possible trigger some sort of meat eating fade that will sweep Equestria and make the Griffon Empire a fortune.

Celestia knows this, which is why she's sending Twilight to the Griffon Empire. This is both to subtly remind the griffons that she knows their plan, and prevent Twilight from triggering a fade or increase meat trading.

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