• Member Since 30th Jun, 2013
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Coronet the lesser

"Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead." ~Gene Fowler


Twilight Sparkle has fulfilled her destiny and become the sole ruler of Equestria.

Unfortunately, at her first council meeting, she learns a terrible truth.

Equestria is a bit of a mess.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 144 )

Silly ex-princess celestia, their is no where you can flee too that SHE won't find you. :twilightsmile:

It should be noted that this is a super unserious story and was done purely for fun.

inb4 someone takes this unserious comedy fic way too seriously and goes on a mile-long tangent about how it shows why everything past Season [NUMBER] sucks, starting a massive flame war that distracts from the fic itself.

...All jokes aside, this was pretty funny. Have a thumbs up!

The death will not be swift. it'll be long slow, and filled with work, I hope Celestia like serving fries with that shake

I can honestly get behind everything but two of these. Twilight getting married off like that, and Tempest being what she is.

Incompetent as she is, even Celestia isn't that stupid.

And I literally nothing good to say about the edgy red and black unicorn being in this at all. I was hoping for more originality if Tempest was going to be in the story.

Guess I'm hoping against hope that fans aren't as unthinking ninnies, as I hoped more would be.

I still love the story.

Thank you :twilightsheepish: All tangents are welcome!

Tiny typo:

The Royal Guard is no more a functioning armed force then your friend Pinkie Pie is a qualified accountant.

I fear your brothers’ position may have had more to do with his relationship with a member of the Crown and the Crown’s favourite then the merit of his command.


I genuinely want a full fic on Twilight fixing the mess now.

Cheers for the spot on the typo

If this is popular enough I'll do a follow up chapter, maybe :raritywink:

I love everything about this. Literally everything! Although, now, I fear Celestia will have a whole new set of assassins after her. Most of them wearing guard armor...

You are way too kind! :twilightsmile: Celestia better run because there is no where to hide from the book horse!!! :pinkiegasp:

The next day, Twilight hands Saddle Arabia their unpaid sunshine bills with 1000 years of interest.

I really want a sequel or follow up that focuses on Twilight trying to unfuck Equestria.

Got a grin from me.

Poor Celestia's gone mad if she thinks she'll get away from Twilight that easy.

~Skeeter The Lurker


Valid criticisms aside, there's a huge number of ways you could have made them without being a dick.


Guess I'm hoping against hope that fans aren't as unthinking ninnies, as I hoped more would be.

That's just uncalled for on this fic, much less any other fic on here.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Gimme. Gimme gimme gimme gimme GIMME GIMME GIMME!

Who pissed in your oats? It’s fine to have an opinion, but that was just toxic.

well if I was the book horse i would...

get a check list going...
get a list of expenses and income going...
Fire half the guards (stallions or mares, whichever)
power down the windmills (did they disappear after that episode?)
get a representative of each city (got to dispel the dictatorship vibe)
Stop all parties funded by the crown unless attached to a holiday
assass-- *ahem* encourage a certain Prince to go away...

I'm sure there is much more that could be done... getting on top of the interest is key here

please, make a sequel on how twilight fixes the flaming train wreck of a country celly left along with the arranged marriage. because I have only this to say about Celestia, "(censored) gonna die".

Run Celestia. Run before Twilight arrives and takes her righteous vengeance on you :twilightsheepish:

Hilarious story. I was actually hoping for Twilight to learn more about the nation's other woes.

Davenport? Davenport's tryin' to assassinate Twilight?

Heck, and all I managed to do in my stories involving him are (checks Carnation's first chapter) okay, give him motive to wanna assassinate Twilight. Guess my room to talk's currently alight! right now. Much like this story.

Shameless plug aside, your story's amazing for all it manages to do in less than 4K. Like:

- Become a hot-trending story (I mentioned this right?)
- Place Fancy Pants in a positive and -dare I say it - endearing light
- Goodness that courtship ritual trick (I was within inches of thinking that Trixie might have a hoof in it too at the point in the story I read it.)
- Still managed to keep Celestia, basically a kingdom - wrecker who let Equestria's Favorite Alicorn holding the saddlebag, a sympathetic character, (which I'm pretty sure violates a law of physics, well done god)
- Brought a smile to my ol' grimdark-lovin' quarantine survivin' face.

Have a star, all the likes I can carry, and my heartfelt thanks for fringing your amazing collection of tales to my notice. Here's to many more.

The reality of nation running in a nutshell. It is never pretty or organized... it just is.

But what about the cake budget?

Redistribute it into the hayburger budget; Twilight's the one in charge now, not Celestia.


The Cake budget is a lie!!!

Holy shiznit, Day 8 is a devious doozy! :pinkiegasp:

Discord: I am crashing this world’s economy...with no survivors!!

I'd very much enjoy a follow up chapter, either just Twilight fixing things or seeing Celestia's punishment. Or both, that might be fun.

I'm suprised obviously at how well the story is doing, and to be honest I never anticipated I'd write a follow up! But I will consider it. I just want to make sure it's worth writing and not deride from the story itself.

Celestia totally needs to get her just deserts for letting this happen. And it is her fault I feel. Luna wasn't around long enough.

Could be wrong of course. But I always saw Luna as the smarter of the two.

"Welcome, delegates from around the world. Well, I guess you're wondering why you've been called to this conference. It's really quite simple. Up until now, you've all been freeloading on Equestria raising and lowering the sun. Those days are, quite literally, over. Unless and until the attendees at this conference agree to prepay for a one-century subscription to a reasonable day-night cycle, the sun will not rise again."

"Er, um, how much will that subscription cost?"

"Six hundred billion bits, plus a transaction processing fee equal to all costs incurred in the holding of this conference. Drink all the wine you like, gentleponies, you're paying for it."

“Princess, I am but your humble servant,” said Fancy Pants. “It is not my place to question Crown policy but to implement it.”


“This is a disaster,” moaned Twilight. “We need an immediate review of our financial situation.”

“Perhaps in the future Princess.”


Cue scene of fury turning to sorrow as Twilight asks Celestia why she would do something like this.

Maybe Celestia thought that the one sort of friendship Twilight hadn't explored was romance, and didn't seem to have any plans in that direction, so by setting up the marriage to a handsome, eligible stallion, who was also insanely wealthy, she could provide that and deal with some of the money problems.

Twilight makes a speech about Celestia using her, just like she always had. Nightmare Moon, snoring dragon, Discord, Sombra, throw Twilight Sparkle at it, always justifying it as a lesson, or for her own good. The pony she looked up to, trusted ,loved even, didn't make Twilight a Princess because she was worthy, but becuase it would allow her to duck out and dumped her problems in Twilight's lap, making everything she's done one more Xanatos Gambit by Celestia.

And as always, Twilight has no choice but to go along with it, since it will bring down Equestria's debt to something that's still insane, but less insane.

She tthen goes back and starts figuring out how to fix the economy. Pension most of the Royal guard, or transfer them to something that will actually make money, such as guarding caravans. Except for a cadre hand picked by Tempest Shadow of the few competent ones (there must be some) to keep the assassination attempts from succeeding.

If there are rare materials that can be sold in export, use her new power over astronomical bodies and understanding of astronomy to find asteroids rich in those materials and draw them out of the sky, soft landing them for processing.

Bring in the leaders of the student protests, say basically., 'You don't like the way things are run? You think you can do better? Here's a list of the problems we currently have, you try and come up with answers.' And hand them a brief with the current issues.

Set up meetings with the identified assassins and ask them why they thought she needed to die, then try and resolve things.

Use the reduction in debt to leverage funding for sponsoring new art, music, movies from Applewood, tourism. Use Equestria's cultural capital to generate foreign revenue.

Gather improvements in technology from beyond the mirror and either sponsor inventors to develop them within Equestria or create magical equivalenets. Magic mirrors linked through switching hubs could start the equivalent to the mobile phone, radio, television, better recording technologies to deliver the movies, music and such that you already started creating.

You already have arcade games, and you know just how much money they can earn from the mirror world. Doing something similar, being the leader in these technologies took Japan from a defeated, bankrupt nation to an economic super-power, so it should be workable here.

Provide weather services to other nations, you have all those Royal guard pegasi going begging, get them retrained as weather ponies. A Womderbolts foreign tour might also generate revenue, since they're useless as any kind of fighting force except for Rainbow Dash, who has more combat experience than the rest fo them pout together.

There are plenty of ways to turn this around, she has an entire nation of savants in every concievable field, all she needs to do is find ways to apply their talents to produce things the other nations want.

Lol, I can imagine Twilight catching the sister and giving them an ultimatum: marry the prince in her stead or work retail till they pay the dept off.:rainbowlaugh:
Thanks for the wonderful story!

Needs a sequel with Cadance calling in Equestrias debt. Because the Crystal Empire will rise again!

This seemed very similar to my story about Equestrian military incompetence called "The Advisors" when it got to the part about the royal guard. A great short story overall though!

Nothing like foisting off economic collapse on the new sucker^W monarch to wear the crown :ajsmug:

And don't forget. If you don't pay up, we'll give Discord free reign over your nations! Don't worry though! He's reformed!

And there’s the real reason the Crystal Empire vanished for one thousand years; not because of Sombra, but as part of an intricate scheme by the former royal family of the empire!

  1. Invest a few bits in every bank in Equestria with dividend reinvestment
  2. Jump the Empire forward a thousand years
  3. (Insert the miracle that is compound interest here)
  4. Profit!
  5. Perform a hostile friendly economic takeover of Equestria with the proceeds

Too bad Sombra took over right before the time travel spell kicked in…

I feel that people are unfair to prince saladin, all he did was accept a proposal.

Also, obvious solution is to just let the students seize power. Equestria will no longer exist and all the debt will default automatically. Then just throw a counter revolution in 20 or 30 years once everyone's forgotten about it.

Delegates: “You can’t do this! We had a deal!”

Twilight: “I am altering the deal, pray I do not alter it any further”

I am quite sure Cadence would be all too happy to help Twilight in this affair, and as the Princess of Love she might even have a domain to punish her now that she is no longer an ruling monarch. Twilight's virtue being sold off without her knowledge is an insult towards her too since Twilight is part of the royal family.

And if one wanted to be petty about it, Celestia has left Twilight in charge of Equestria, one wonders... what is she proud off and can those things be liquidated and or razed to the ground.

I know it is supposed to be lighthearted, but this is very deep betrayal.

If you plan on continuing this, make sure you do plenty of research on economics. Pulling a whole country out of debt is a big quest to go on, Twilight!

If you're going to continue the story, let's talk about that is not over yet

* Cozy's parents are demanding a explanation for turning her daughter in stone, along with a angry mob of ponys who don't understand to reason
* the levels of corruption in the kingdom, specially in Ponyville, who Twilight doesn't know
* The Wonderbolts program is shutting down for a anonymous call mention that they involved with a bit laundering
* and lastly, but not extremely, a secret agency that work for Equestria, discovered the events of Spring Breakdown, cause a world conflict between Equestria and the human world's secret organizations that preventing all the events to be showing to the world and blaming the rulers for ineptitude of not punish Sunset for the events

lets not forget twilight getting revenge on celestia and luna i mean after it is explaned to the prince that celestia got twilight to put it on for him there could be a bit of wiggle room to say that celestia was the one who wantind to start a marrage after all what prince wouldent want a beutifull alicorn wife who no longer is tyed to a throne and can definetly go live with him.

It should be noted that this is a super unserious story and was done purely for fun.

Nuts, I was going to write a long post examining each of these points in extraordinary detail, analyzing and critiquing them with absolute seriousness in terms of their political, social, and economic dimensions. It would have been a lot of fun...for me, I mean; hopefully for everyone else too.

Oh well. I guess you'll just have to use your imagination. :derpytongue2:

*ping* "You've got mail debt!" I will never not read the title like that.


That may have been my intention with the title :trollestia:

You brought this upon yourself, Celestia

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