A Dream

by totallynotabrony

Prologue

Author's Note:

Every ponyfiction writer needs to do a self-insert at some point. It's my turn. Depending on the reactions, I may continue to write a chapter for every episode in the TV series. To make things interesting, the character is not aware of MLP:FIM.

Every ponyfiction writer needs to do a self-insert at some point. It's my turn. Depending on the reactions, I may continue to write a chapter for every episode in the TV series. To make things interesting, the character is not aware of MLP:FIM.

The sunlight is trying to get through my eyelids. Wait, what? I thought the blinds in my bedroom were closed. Still not a bad way to wake up.

Actually, now that I open my eyes and sit up, I can see that I’m not home. Trees? An orchard? Jesus Christ, I must have really tied one on last night.

Now that I think about it, I must still be dreaming. The distinct lack of a hangover is a clue. Also, there’s...what the...hooves? Fur? Yep, definitely still asleep.

Well, if I’m going to dream I might as well make the most of it. Let’s take a look at what else the ol’ mind has cooked up.

I’m quadrupedal and covered in coat of bright orange. A tail? Oh boy. It’s black and somewhat rumpled from sleeping on the ground. I reach my arm – front leg – up to scratch my ear. It’s not in the same place it used to be. The hair on top my head is longer. I brush some down so I can see it. It’s black, too.

I catch a glimpse of something. What’s that on my ass? It looks like a hood ornament. Oh great, it’s going to be one of “those” dreams. I can’t seem to brush the mark off.

It’s really quite a vivid experience. I actually hope I remember it when I wake up. Better start thinking in past tense so I can tell the story later.

I got up and tried out four legs. It seemed natural, why shouldn’t it? Off in the distance I heard a faint thwack. Having no other direction to go, I headed for the noise.

There seemed to be quite a few apple trees around. Not a small orchard. Up ahead, I caught sight of something. It looked like a horse. No, maybe not, wrong proportions. A pony? Sounds right. I guess that made me a pony, too.

As I drew closer, the facial features and general manner gave me the impression that it was a female. The other pony was orange, although not quite the same shade as me. She also appeared to be wearing a cowboy hat. It made me wish for a hat, too. It’s my dream, maybe I can get one later.

As I watched, she kicked a tree with her back legs. A shower of apples rained down into conveniently placed baskets.

“Hi there,” I said as I walked up.

“Well howdy,” she said, grabbing my hoof and shaking. “You’re the second visitor ah’ve had today.” She had an accent. Good thing I speak fluent redneck. I knew having Southern relatives would pay off eventually.

“Busy, huh?”

“That’s right. There’s a lot to do to get ready for the Summer Sun Celebration.”

“What’s that?”

She gave me an odd look. “Aren’t you from around here?”

“No.”

“The Summer Sun Celebration is, well, exactly what it sounds like.”

“Makes sense. I guess I'll be going, then. Have a nice day, uh…”

“Applejack. What can ah call you?”

Think of something cool, think of something cool…

“Valiant. Plymouth Valiant.” Eh, could have been worse.

“Well you have a good day too, mister.”

I followed a path that lead away from the orchard. In not very long, I came to a small town. A sign said “Ponyville.” Sure enough, there were ponies everywhere. I noticed that some were unicorns and some were pegasuses. Pegasi? Whatever.

I passed close by a pink pony with a curly, tangled mane. She gasped.

“Two new faces in one day? This is almost too good to be true!” She dashed away before I could say anything. Applejack had also mentioned a second visitor. Interesting.

Overhead, a rainbow-colored blur was smashing clouds. When it briefly slowed down, I saw that it was a pegasus pony. I hadn’t thought I took LSD before going to bed, but I sure was seeing some wild things.

I was watching the aerial show and not paying attention to where I was walking. I thumped into someone.

“Sorry!” I said automatically. I had knocked over a yellow pegasus with a pink mane. “Here, let me help you up.”

She wimpered quietly and seemed to curl into a fetal postion. “Are you hurt?” I asked. No reply.

“What’s wrong?” Other than slowly edging away from me, she didn’t respond.

“Um, sorry again,” I said awkwardly. I had never felt so bad for anything I had done in a dream before. The pony just seemed to inspire that. I decided to put it behind me and walked away.

I found myself in the town square. A pavilion was set up, and everything looked like it had been decorated. A white unicorn with a purple mane was hanging ribbons when I walked by. She glanced at me, and then her eyes widened in horror. I glanced around, trying to see what she was looking at.

“Oh my! You look like you’ve been sleeping on the ground, you poor dear.” She began brushing leaves and dirt out of my mane. “I simply must help you get cleaned up.”

“Whoa,” I said, stopping her with a raised hoof. “This is the first dream I’ve ever had where I didn’t feel embarrassed to be naked in public. If I’m dirty, so what?”

I left her standing there, apparently flabbergasted by my words. I smiled a little as I walked. The dream was going pretty well. The conversations seemed so real, and the visuals were stunning. TV looked dull compared to this. When I woke up, I’d have to call my cable company and ask them to upgrade me to HD.

I spotted a purple and green dragon riding on a purple unicorn. The timid pony from earlier was talking to the dragon. I fell in step beside her, intending to apologize again, but she didn’t seem to notice.

We approached a large tree that appeared to have been converted into a building. The unicorn seemed to brush the other pony off and quickly entered with the dragon. There came a chorus of “Surprise!” from inside.

The door slammed open. It was the pink pony from earlier. “Why weren’t you at the surprise party?!” she shouted at me.

I shrugged. “I didn’t know I was invited. I am surprised, though.”

She instantly smiled. “Come have some cake!”

“All right!”

“By the way, I’m Pinkie Pie. You’re new here, aren’t you?"

"Just got in from dreamland. Call me Valiant."

"Dreamland! Of course you are! That’s why I’ve never seen you before.”

“Stop. Less talk, more cake.” I walked past her through the door.

Inside the tree, there were dozens of ponies. I hadn’t been introduced to most of them, but didn't care. I was dreaming about delicious cake and punch, and it wasn’t costing me a single real calorie.

A couple of the ponies I’d seen earlier came in while I was on my third slice of cake. I said hello to Applejack.

“How long is this party supposed to last?” I asked.

“All night! We stay up and watch the sun rise for the Summer Sun Celebration.”

“Sounds good to me. Of course, I’ll eventually wake up and realize I’m not actually at a party with talking ponies, but until then, I’m having a ball.”

She cocked her head at me. “Are you feelin’ all right, sugarcube? Didja just say you’re going to wake up from this?”

“Sure. I’m dreaming right now, and none of you are real.”

“Pfft,” said the rainbow pegasus from earlier. “I know I’m real. I wouldn’t be the coolest pony in Equestria if I wasn’t.”

“What now? Equestria?”

The pony gave me a confused look. “Uh, yeah. You know, this country? Ruled by Princess Celestia?”

I shrugged. “Politics don’t belong in my dreams, thank you very much.”

The two ponies looked at each other. “Rainbow, maybe we should go find him some help,” suggested Applejack.

“I don’t need help. I’m having the time of my life right now.”

I headed for the refreshments table again. Through an open door, I heard “All the ponies in this town are crazy!” I poked my head in. The dragon was wearing a lampshade on his head and trying to convince the purple unicorn to get out of bed and come to the party.

“Hey man, if she doesn’t dance, she doesn’t dance,” I suggested.

“You really should lighten up, Twilight,” said the dragon, leaving.

“Thanks,” said the pony to me. "It's just been a little intense since I got here."

“I completely understand,” I said. “If I were awake, in the real world, I would be sitting in the corner not enjoying myself either.”

All I got for a reply was a stare. Clearly, she now grouped me with the aforementioned crazy ponies.

I closed the door and went to play pin the tail on the pony. I learned that the dragon's name was Spike. He offered to let me wear the lampshade.

The party kept going until the early hours of the morning.

Comments

[just moar]

not bad, let's see where this goes
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw976_small.jpg

[jercos]

I agree with the guy above me. More please!

[Doobie]

i like.

[Gmode]

Plymouth Valiant.... A great car, a great pony, a great EVERYTHING!
A particular Valiant that he reminds me of:
imcdb.org/i002481.jpg
^ 1971 Plymouth Valiant De Lux in "Duel, 1971"
Striking similarity in color, eh?

[AliCentaur Br0ny]

What the first 3 said.
“All the ponies in this town are crazy!” Goood. Come. Join the crazy side. We have cake. (and lampshade hats.)

[Art of Shadow]

Hahaha! I hate it when people think I'm insane! I think I can firmly distinguish dreams from reality... Great story so far! Really want to see this.

Now where did I put that clown car...? Next to the tacos..?

[Csquared08]

I'm not sure how I feel about this. So I think I'll like it

[Salnax]

This is one of those stories, isn't it.

Yes!

[thelazycommenter]

Based on a true story!

[totallynotabrony]

476272
Well, I do get weird dreams when I'm drunk

[Spanner]

This is hilarious. I'm ashamed iv'e been messaging you for so long without reading this.

[BR]

Why haven't I read this yet?

[Themaskedferret]

282352 Seconded.

[Magic Matt]

You don't wanna know what I would do in that situation. Wait! I'll write a fic about it! Best idea ever

[L4]

if it's somebody who 'doesn't' know MLP.... Pegasi does not exist in a common person who knows nothing in MLP. Peaguses or something

[Crisslunarflame]

heh heh... this looks pretty cool... I think I'll continue reading...

[TundraStanza]

At least one chapter for each and every one of the episodes?
I'm putting this on my "read later" list.

[Snowstreak]

1188089
Actually, Pegasi and unicorns (and alicorns, with an additional meaning) all exist in Greek mythology. So while it's slightly less likely someone outside of the MLP fanbase would know of them, it's fairly likely. Now when he says "pegasus pony" it's questionable, since the convention of saying that instead of just "pegasus" is more of an MLP thing, although it's conceivable that he came up with it on his own as well.

Also: tracking. I see you've already written one for the Crystal Empire episode. Thank you spoilers!

[Guiding_Passion]

Well this is interesting wonder what happens when he finds out he's not dreaming?

[NandatmosNightLurker]

Out of all the names to pick... you picked my car? Nice. Very nice. Will read through all 55 chapters and report back then. Toodle-oo!

[totallynotabrony]

1640910 No, I picked my car.

[Unwitting Brony]

Oh boy. Nearly a year after its release and I'm just starting to read it. I suppose the hiatus between seasons is as good a time as any, though.

[Wyrm]

If you really wanted a cool car name, you should've chosen Bugatti Veyron.

[doctor_n]

I'm sad to say it took me all the way up until fluttershy showed up to realize that the first visitor was twilight. I failed hard.

[totallynotabrony]

3340388 Keep reading - start winning!

[no longer on]

2645168
Nope. Lamborghini Aventador.

[Skalula7]

3340480 well i finally finished reading this chapter. after a long while of reading only the first few sentences and just not liking what I saw more then a few times(which was because the guy acting so damn casual for my liking). But because its one of your early works and i'm betting that there will be greater improvement the further I read on.
ALLONS-Y!

[MrStevenMagnet]

damn. and here i thought he was going to ask Applejack if she was made of cereal
1.bp.blogspot.com/-nHdDG0qb7Y8/UMeF70nUfKI/AAAAAAAAIQ4/SkG1jGlB0wo/s200/applejackscereal.jpg
static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Alright+i+need+any+and+all+Hue+Hue+Gifs+and+_93fca9ab70099d83257abe84bbdbf0cd.png

[Doctah WAAwee]

Dude...spacing.

[InMyMind]

This story seems to employ a glorious sense of dry humor. That is excellent.

[Frankie2]

So, how long before Valiant realizes that this is not a dream.

[drone009]

4002553 is it odd that your avatar pic is sexy?

[Mooncalf]

Gotta admit, I usually don't like HiE stories, but this is making me laugh. Let's see where it goes.

[Jordan179]

She wimpered quietly and seemed to curl into a fetal postion.

"Whimpered."

[SP00KY NINJA-PON3]

4094875 In the case of Fimfiction? Not at all!

[Totallyrandomdude]

FFS I I AM TIRED OF THIS "I'M TOTALLY DREAMING" SHIT. WHEN YOU ARE AWAKE, YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!

[totallynotabrony]

7130192 Denial. Valiant can't face the truth without alcohol.

[Timehazer]

After being on this sight for so long I'm beginning to wonder how many times I've read through the summer sun celebration?

[H550]

7130210 copious amounts of alcohol... copious, copious amounts of whiskey and vodka.

[totallynotabrony]

7477351 You gotta have a canon before you can break it.

[Hipparcos]

You have my rapt attention, and I am greatly amused so far.

[hs0003]

Human turned pony, no thanks.

[thescallycapedbrony]

Hi Douglas I'm watching you.

[totallynotabrony]

7543223 trbimg.com/img-4fcd6589/turbine/la-et-kirk-douglas-spartacus-pictures-001

[dyedquartz]

#ValientDidNothingWrong

[ookacha]

Too much continuity for a dream,
Makes me want one.
So I can realise that while I'm having the time of my life, I'm not actually dreaming.

Also, who thinks rationally when they're awake and thinking they're dreaming?
I know I sure don't.
Maybe.
I've never done it before,
But I'd assume so.

[Prince Leviathan]

He(you) named him(your)self after a car?

There are worse names out there.
He could've called himself Okaaz Dovah.
cough cough self depreciation joke

Anyway, this has the workings of something beautiful. Shall happily read.

[CaliginousTheIllusion]

i should probably get drunk before reading more...

[totallynotabrony]

8443671
The main character encourages it.

[Gravity012]

We applied our hand to our head many times in this chapter. Thou hast wrought destruction upon our face!!!