Inspiration Manifestation
The Ponyville Foal and Filly Fair was today. Of course, I only knew that because Pinkie told me, but it was nice to know and all. It would help everyone stay out of my way. I had a whole lot to do. The Equestria Games - and other things - were coming fast and I had to be prepared.
My outfit and warmup track suit for the games were prepped, but I thought that maybe Rarity had a spell or something that would make them better. Usually I’m not into magic, but spandex can only do so much.
Um, I mean, mandex. Yes. Something manly. Good thing Rarity was usually discrete.
Over at her shop, Rarity was building a puppet theater while Spike looked on. I asked, “Are you done?”
“Just about,” Rarity said. “It was a lot of work, but I’m finally finished. I couldn't have done it without the help of my dearest and most supportive friends!”
“Who?” I asked. “Spike’s the only one here.”
“Er, yes,” Rarity agreed, turning to him. “You are my favorite dragon.”
I was about to point out that it should have been obvious, because Spike was the only dragon that had never tried to physically injure Rarity, but Rarity and Spike whisked the puppet theater off to the puppeteer.
I followed after them, feeling a little like a puppy tagging along and waiting to be noticed. That kind of pissed me off. I don’t usually play second fiddle to a freaking puppet theater.
Luckily, Rarity hadn’t built what the puppeteer needed, so she needed a new project to distract her. That was fine, because the puppet guy was creepy as hell and I didn’t want to spend much time around him.
“But I wanted to leave my creative mark on the fair, and I failed!” Rarity cried.
“Well, work on my uniforms,” I prodded. “Just do what I tell you and you won’t need to use any of your creativity.”
“But how will that help?” she sniffed. I noticed that she was magically reaching into the kitchen to get a gallon of ice cream.
“Well, you can picture it like a nice relaxing project where you don’t have to think and can save all your great ideas for something else.”
“I…suppose that makes sense,” Rarity allowed, opening the ice cream.
Not really, but whatever totes your goats. I turned to go.
Spike was by the door. Rarity still hadn’t quite bounced back enough to actually go to work and he was forlornly watching her eat ice cream.
“Wish she’d save some for you?” I asked.
“No, that’s not it. I don’t like seeing her this way.” He frowned. “I’m not into fatties.”
Spike’s expression changed. “Maybe there’s a spell or something that could help us. After that cutie mark swap incident and all the multiverse stuff you’ve done, you know about magic, right?”
“It’s a possibility.”
Spike grinned. “Close enough. Let’s go to the old castle. It’s got a better library than the one in town and there’s bound to be something we can use there.”
I checked my watch and shrugged. “I’m not doing anything else for a while.”
Spike looked at me as we went out the door. “What happens in a while?”
“Well, at the Traders Exchange, remember that pony thallium vat I picked up? I’m using it to develop new and better circuits for my keytar. There was a little thallium in it before, but now there’s going to be a whole lot, thanks to my pony thallium vat. Maybe I can go work on it if I get some time today.”
“Why are you working on your keytar?” Spike asked. “I thought you didn’t have your band anymore. You were…disbanded.”
I shrugged. “Do I really need a reason to work on my instruments of glam metal?”
The two of us headed towards the old castle, joined by Owlowiscious. I don’t know why the owl wanted to join us. If I knew any owl jokes I would tell one. It kind of bothered me that I didn’t know any.
After wading through the Everfree Forest, we reached the castle and started poking around in the library. Spike worked quickly. “I’ve got to help Rarity! She really, really, really wants to make a creative contribution. I really, really, really want her to stay away from the ice cream. There's got to be some kind of spell that'll do the trick.”
“For which one?”
Spike shrugged. “I’m not picky.”
I frowned. Sure Spike seemed smitten, but was he a little more overt than normal? It was either dragon puberty or I would have to watch him more closely. Hopefully the Crystal meth Empire hadn’t been spreading further than I thought.
Just then, Spike pulled a false book and a secret door opened. I love secret doors and was immediately there looking over his shoulder. There was a set of padlocked bars, and beyond them, a book on a pedestal.
“Well, the lock’s been there for a thousand years. The statute of limitations for breaking and entering has run out,” I said.
Spike’s brows furrowed. “I think that clock only starts after you do the crime.”
“What are you, a lawyer?” I pulled out some bolt cutters and applied them to the fragile old lock.
Spike grinned. “Wow, it’s like you’re always prepared to break in!”
“Yeah, like.”
The lock fell away and we walked forward. I immediately felt that the stone was loose and stopped. Spike, with his lighter weight, kept going. Owlowiscious hovered nearby, not looking pleased with anything. I wished I could think of an owl joke to tell right about now to distract him.
Spike grabbed the book and raced back, the steps beneath him falling away like something out of a Daring Do book. He arrived back beside me breathing hard, but with the old book clutched in his claws.
I glanced down at the deep dark pit where he almost fell and remarked, “Hope it’s worth it.”
“It was hard to get and has these protective spikes on it,” Spike puffed. “Of course it has to be worth it!”
We opened the spell book and scanned the pages. Spike found one he thought would work for Rarity. All the way back to the boutique he ruminated on what it might accomplish.
Eventually we got there and Spike presented the old book to Rarity. She managed to come out of her fit long enough to read the spell. “From in the head to out in the world, every thought to action. Hold close this book and through its spell, you'll start a chain reaction. Projecting forth whatever beauty you see, only when true words are spoken will you finally be set free.”
Her magic turned green and there was an immediate change in her attitude.
“Yeahhhhh, we’re putting a stop to this right now,” I said.
“Well, does color matter that much? Twilight’s magic and eyes go white when she’s really powered up,” argued Spike.
Rarity grinned. “I feel great! We must find the puppeteer right away, so that I may provide him with the most fantastic theater he's ever imagined! Or, should I say, that I’ve ever imagined.”
I noticed that while I’d been gone she hadn’t gotten around to fixing up my mandex. So, I had to follow her out of the shop again like a lost puppy.
I’d been trying to get better about violence lately, but honestly it just left me following ponies around until they made time for me, instead of my usual making them make time for me.
The puppet master was again creepy as hell. Even more so now that Rarity had pleased him with a proper theater.
As we left him thankfully behind, I said, “Okay, she got what she wanted and everything is all fixed up. No more ice cream, no more pouting, and Rarity can finally work on my things.”
“Oh, yes, of course,” said Rarity. “I’ve made my creative contribution as I’d hoped to do, and all is well! Uh, then again, perhaps I should keep it just a skotch longer... You don't mind, do you?”
“Yes I-”
“Of course not!” Spike interrupted. He gave me a look. It was one of those nonvocal bro signals that guys know. The one that says, Dude, I’ve got this. Kindly don’t cockblock me.
You can’t really disrespect the bro code and I backed off.
Owlowiscious was nearby and gave me a disapproving look as Spike and Rarity disappeared. I turned away and headed for The Half Pint.
I walked in and sat down at the bar. Guinness came over, beer already in mug for me.
I said, “Guinness, tell me an owl joke.”
He thought for a moment. “What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?”
“What?”
“One's awake in the night, the other’s a wake in the day!”
“That’s barely funny.”
He shrugged. “So what’s up?”
“Rarity’s mixed up in some strange magic. It’s probably going to lead to something bad, like the destruction of the town. I would have already stopped it if Spike didn’t invoke the bro code.”
Guinness frowned. “What’s the bro code?”
“I wouldn’t expect you to know, husband.”
Guinness frowned as the comment reminded him of something else. “Speaking of the family, I still can’t believe Rainbow brought home an orthrus.”
“What did you name it, er, them?”
“I don’t know what to settle on. Right now, Fluffy McGee is a placeholder.”
“Wouldn’t that be more like Fluffy McGees?”
“Eh, maybe. I don’t know, maybe I could name them after a pair of famous generals. Ulysses S. Grant and Robert E. Lee. George Patton and Erwin Rommel. Douglas MacArthur and Dwight Eisenhower.”
“Doug and Ike has a nice ring to it,” I agreed. “What does your kid think of getting a pet or two?”
“What do you think a demon thinks of a mythological two-headed dog?” Guinness slumped a little. “I just wish Rainbow Catcher wouldn’t think of it as a present. Maybe she wouldn’t think of me as her father.”
I finished my beer and left him with that thought. I headed to the library. Sunset was there and we talked about unimportant things for a few minutes. I mentioned the puppeteer and the thing with Rarity.
I glanced out the window. Across the way, I could see flashes of magic coming out of the boutique windows like a rave show.
“Shit!” I jumped up and dashed out. When I arrived in the boutique it was practically overflowing with stylish clothes.
“I've completed my fall line for the next fifteen seasons!” Rarity announced happily.
I gave Spike an irritated look. It was the With great power comes great responsibrolity, bro look. He’d screwed up and let Rarity get too creative.
“Why stop here?” Rarity was saying, oblivious to the silent broversation Spike and I were having. “We shouldn’t even tell anypony that it’s me who’s behind all the fabulous changes I’ll be making around Ponyville!”
She paused to giggle and toss around some more green magic. “Won't that be a fun little secret for the four of us to share.”
“Four?” I asked.
“Me, Spike, you, and the book, of course.”
“Okay, when you start referring to an inanimate magical object as an equal partner in the conversation, you’ve got a big freaking problem. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know where this is going.”
Rarity’s eyes widened. “I know you can’t break promises, Valiant. Promise you won’t say a word?”
“I can’t.”
She looked distraught. “But I know you always keep your promises.”
“I have to actually make it first,” I reminded her. “Stop trying to take advantage of me.”
“But I need every benefit!” She argued. “I won’t stop until every inch of Ponyville has benefitted from my creation!”
“From personal experience, I know that ‘I won’t stop until…’ is a statement that generally leads to bad things.”
Meanwhile, while I had Rarity talking, Spike snatched the spellbook from her saddlebags. It was part of our bro plan that we had quickly concocted on the spot and it worked amazingly. Having a wingman can be useful for more than just picking up chicks.
Spike, not knowing where to stash the book so Rarity wouldn’t find it, simply ate it.
Rarity hadn’t noticed yet and continued to stare at me. “Valiant, perhaps I could…persuade you to look the other way.”
Her horn was still putting out green magic. Aw crap, it looked like getting rid of the book didn’t work. I backed up as Rarity came towards me. I tripped over a chair near her writing desk and ended up falling into it.
“What’s wrong with creativity?” Rarity said, grinning as her eyes glowed green. “We could festoon the trees and bushes with diamond ornaments like it’s Hearth’s Warming in July. We could put a six-piece string band on every street corner, every day, every minute. We could do gold-plated rooftops for everypony. We could spread this to the whole country while traveling by chariot, or, as everyone will soon be calling them, ‘Rariot.’ We’ll keep working until there isn't an inch of the country that hasn't been utterly transformed by my creative genius!”
“No, that’s stupid.” I zinged her so hard that I even followed up by blowing off the tip of my hoof.
Rarity jerked as if actually punched. “What? How could…”
A little swirl of green magic flew away into the air. Spike said, “Hey, that’s the cure! ‘Only when true words are spoken will you finally be set free.’”
“Neat,” I said.
“What am I supposed to do now?” Rarity asked.
I shifted my position in the chair and said, “Well, go back to fixing clothes, right? I mean, it’s what you do.”
“But…but I’ve lost my mojo!” Rarity wailed. Clearly the overall problem wasn’t fixed and she wasn’t about to let it go. I needed an escape.
I head-desked so hard my forehead erupted in China and destroyed the Communist regime. Or it would have, had I not knocked myself unconscious.
“The puppeteer was found dead with his dolls stuffed in his mouth and their strings wrapped tightly around his neck. It almost looked like the puppets had killed him.”
“He was a unicorn. His puppets didn’t have strings.”
“Trust me, they had strings.”
“It’s a dreadful thing to hear. I’m surprised it wasn’t in the newspaper.”
“It won’t be in the paper.”
I blinked and opened my eyes. I was looking up at the ceiling in the Ponyville Hospital. I would know; I’d been there enough.
I turned my head to see Sunset and Twilight conversing quietly beside my bed. They noticed I was awake and turned their attention to me.
Sunset asked, “How do you feel?”
“A little dizzy,” I admitted. “Better than the alternative, listening to Rarity whine.”
“Spike told me something happened,” said Twilight. “He wouldn’t say what, but he looked kind of sick.”
Yeah, eating a spellbook would do that to you. Bro code and all, I wasn’t about to say anything. Instead, I changed the subject. “Hey guys, did you know I got a boat?”
Both Twilight and Sunset blinked at the sudden shift. Sunset asked, “What’s it like?”
“Well, we can take a trip on it if you want. Let’s just get me out of this hospital.”
After a brief exam, the nurses allowed me out of bed and I checked out. Twilight said she would gather the others, leaving me with Sunset.
“So what’s the story with the dead puppeteer?” I asked.
“You said he was creepy,” she said. “Lucky for you, he’s dead now.”
I paused. After a moment the faint hint of a smile crept onto her face.
I looked around before asking, “Sunset, did you kill that creepy puppet guy for me?”
Her smile widened. “Are you proud of me?”
Welllllll shit. Still better than having a psycho who disliked me, I suppose.
“If mildly creepy was a murdering offense, there would be a genocide on clowns,” I said.
Her ears drooped. “You don’t want me to think for myself?”
“I don’t want you to murder for yourself. I am touched that you would do it in the name of me, though.”
That seemed to cheer her up a little. “Okay. I…I just wanted to do something nice for you. You always seem so focused on things. I just wanted you to notice…”
She struggled with words, but then lunged forward and kissed me. My eyebrows went up as high as they would go.
Just then, Trixie appeared. She waited patiently, grinning, until Sunset noticed her. Sunset pulled back, her face flushing.
“Twilight said something about a new boat?” Trixie said. She was still grinning.
I nodded. “Oh yeah. It’s super awesome. I love it so much I have to resort to flower-based nouns of affection. It’s my hot naval tulip.”
Twilight came back just then, leading the rest of the mares that made up the social group. Rarity appeared to have recovered from her little episode. The amazing thing about Equestria was the size of the problems, but also the brief time it always seemed to take to bounce back.
“So where are we going?” Twilight asked.
“Far out on the eastern ocean, well out of sight of land,” I said. “Teleport us there.”
“Taking us somewhere out in the middle of the sea seems like it would be a little crazy,” she said.
I rolled my eyes. “No, crazy is tugging on Superman’s cape, spitting into the wind, pulling the mask off that old Lone Ranger, or building DC-8’s for Xenu. I know exactly where we’re going.”
I gave the unicorns some coordinates. With management from Twilight, they synced magic and were able to gain extra precision for the spell. With a flash of light, we were gone.
In the next instant, we came to rest on a flat deck. It was coated with nonskid material and was quite new.
The group - Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie, Spike, Trixie, and Sunset - looked around, spotting nothing but open ocean and the helicopter pad of the sleek gray boat we had landed on.
Well, okay, maybe it was a ship. It was bigger than your average boat.
“Valiant, what is this?” Twilight asked. “It looks so much different than any ship I’ve seen before.”
Rainbow flew a short distance away to see the whole ship a little better. She squinted at the number 5 painted on the side.
I cleared my throat. “Let me present the Freedom-class littoral combat ship of the United States Navy, USS Milwaukee.”
Twilight turned to me with a suspicious look. “Where did you get it?”
“I could tell you, but it would involve a long story revolving around hookers.”
“Please?” begged Pinkie.
Ignoring her, Twilight took a deep breath. “Valiant, please have a good answer for my next question. Why?”
“Well, she’s got a pair of thirty millimeter chain guns, a fifty-seven millimeter autocannon, point defense missiles, torpedoes, and she can go like fifty miles per hour. She doesn’t need to be heavily armored because nothing here in Equestria is really a threat to a metal ship. She’s my hot naval tulip. Sexy.”
“Why don’t we just go home?” Rainbow said, unimpressed.
“We could,” spoke up Sunset. “All those nautical books you had me read, Valiant, really prepared me for sailing something like this.”
“Wait, you still didn’t answer my question,” Twilight said. “Why!?”
“Because before this is all over, we’re going to need this boat,” I replied. “Now, let’s get back to the shores of Equestria. I hope we get there in time.”
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'you still didn't answer why!'
'No, i did. Just Vaguely.'
Are you referencing the equistria games, the next episode? Good job, man. Good job. Bro code... for saying that so many times...TAKE ALL MY MOUSTACHES!!
Q: What do you get when you cross an owl with a rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
Be honest. What bothers you more: not knowing an owl joke or knowing that there was once a time when you didn't know that owl joke?
Is a country going to invade another country?
hmm..
VALIANT
intfolder.com/_ph/33/2/491238443.jpg
Well now we have a psychopathic pony with a battleship and he also has a psycho girlfriend, this is going to be brilliant.
lol i love all of this
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I really like these interactions between Valiant and Sunset.
Also, Sunset is now my favorite character of the story, hands down.
4310861 Well if it lasts more than four hours...
skosh is the proper spelling. They've botched pronunciations before - see "nonpareil."
The power to create anything with simply your mind? ...Oh well, a mare can Dream.
4310861 Well, I had to put Guinness in somewhere and that didn't seem like the kind of joke he would know.
4311616 Listening to the episode, it sure sounded like there was a T in there
Yes!
YES!
YES!
(PS: I saw "Freedom-class" and was immediately confused, asking myself, "why would Valiant want a cruise ship?"
)
I can't really disapprove, those puppets were damn creepy.
4313121 I don't know why everypony keeps saying that, the puppets were kinda weird, but they weren't creepy, and the guy seemed perfectly normal, if a bit chubby.
"Shit's gonna go down?"
Yes, Silent. Shit is gonna go down.
4316755
Sorry. That was me. Do NOT go in the bathroom.
4319926 I thought you only had to apologize when shit didn't go down?
4320580 Well, it can break and smell even worse.
4320580
Unless you left a dump of massive stink-proportions. It's just polite to leave a warning, then.
OMC I finally caught up to the story! Finally! xD I just want to say: You're a piece of s**t, and keep writing! ^.^
4329501 Rest-assured, it's definitely back!
4306751 best pun3.
Well, you did say...
This ship has sailed. Also, the ship has sailed. See what I did there?