• Published 2nd Mar 2012
  • 27,372 Views, 4,215 Comments

A Dream - totallynotabrony

A not so standard human-in-Equestria story including but not limited to: democracy, tequila, and robots.

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“Girls, could one of you please hand me that three-quarters box-end wrench?”

A hoof passed me something. It was a half-inch spanner.

I sighed and dragged myself out from inside the machinery. “Look, I understand that you want to help, but if I screw this thing up the whole town could be dead.”

The two fillies gasped. Their names were Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Sweetie I knew was Rarity’s little sister. They hung around a lot.

“And stop pressing that!” I snapped. Scootaloo took her hoof off the power button. The powered exoskeletal armor did not yet have a source of energy, but if it did, turning it on could have easily led to me getting pulped by the mechanics.

I grabbed the wrench I needed and slid back inside. “Hey what’s that?” said one of the fillies.

“It’s like a black cloud. Is there a fire?”

Reluctantly, I came back out to see what they were talking about. Sure enough, dark smoke was creeping into the sky over the Ponyville valley. Well, it didn’t look like I was going to get any work done today.

I headed inside the library tree. “Hey Twilight! Have you seen this smoke?”

She walked into the room. “Actually, I just got a letter from Princess Celestia about it.”

“So where’s the fire?”

“It’s a dragon.”

“That would have to be an awfully big dragon.”

“It is. We have to go ask him to move.”

“Doesn’t Equestria have an army? Shouldn’t they be handling this kind of thing rather than six mares?”

“That sounded kind of sexist.”

“It probably was. The point is, doesn’t it seem a little strange that Celestia would send a student and some ponies she only met a little while ago to disturb a sleeping dragon? Just what kind of kangaroo kingdom is she running, anyway?”

“No, the kangaroo kingdom is in the South Sea.”

“Don’t muddle the issue with your fancy geography!”

Twilight shook her head. “Well, we have to go. Someone will need to take care of things while we’re gone. I’ll leave Spike in charge.”

“If we’re going to talk to a dragon, why don’t we take him with?”

“It should be just a simple conversation. I don’t think we’ll need a translator.”

“You’re all going to die.”

“Oh, don’t be so pessimistic, Valiant.”

Twilight called her friends and gave a little motivational speech. I started to hum action-movie music. All of them except Fluttershy seemed eager to go kick dragon ass.

They started out of town. I trotted along with.

“Why are you coming?” Twilight asked.

“If there’s going to be a big fight up on the mountain, I might as well watch. There’s nothing else to do in this dream.”

“We don’t really have time right now, but I want to talk to you about that. These delusions aren’t healthy.”

I brightened. At least we could talk about it. Then I might be able to turn the tables and get some information out of her. Having a candid conversation with your subconscious could reveal so much.

As we approached the mountain, Fluttershy appeared to grow even more timid than she usually was, which was saying something. She hid in the bushes rather then start up the path to the top.

“Ugh, we don’t have time for this!” said Twilight.

Applejack studied the map. “I’ll take her around the mountain another way.”

There was a grumble from the top of the mountain and a puff of black smoke emerged from the cave. Fluttershy dropped to the ground with a squeak.

“Don’t worry Twi, we’ll be there lickety-split,” said Applejack.

“Hey AJ, do you have your rope?” I asked.


“You'd be better off hog tying her. She’ll be easier to carry.”

Applejack seemed to agree. Since I had made the suggestion, I helped. Fluttershy didn’t put up a struggle, and we got her supported between the two of us.

It turned out to be a long walk, much longer than just going up the freaking mountain. Fluttershy was dead weight. We eventually came dragging her up to the path where the rest were waiting.

Setting off again, we crossed a chasm, that while not very wide was very, very deep. It made me think twice. Fluttershy, of course, needed a lot of help.

After that, we were nearly killed by an avalanche. Fluttershy seemed to be doing everything exactly wrong today. Normally very quiet and reserved, she managed to shriek in surprise when touched by a couple of leaves.

All the ponies seemed to be a little angry with her. Sure, she had screwed up, but they were the ones who wanted her to come against her will. I think we may have been getting close to some kind of heated argument, which I was fully willing to insigate, but then we arrived at the cave.

I sat down on a rock to watch the events unfold. “All right, I’m going in,” said Twilight. “Come on.”

“I…I can't go in the cave,” said the quiet voice of Fluttershy.

“But Fluttershy, you have a wonderful talent dealing with all kinds of animals.”

“Yes, because they’re not dragons.”

“Come on!” said Rainbow. “We’ve seen you walk right up to a horrible manticore like it was nothing!”

“Yes, because he wasn’t a dragon!”

“Spike is a dragon and you’re not scared of him,” Pinkie added.

“Yes. Because he not a huge, gigantic, terrifying, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp-scale having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, could eat a pony in one bite, totally all grown up dragon!”

I shook my head. "What?"

“But if you’re so scared of dragons, why didn’t you say something before we came all the way up here?” asked Twilight.

“I was afraid to.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. She had been too scared to get out of a situation that led to her being scared more. The irony was delicious. At least I think it was irony. I've heard that's a term that gets misused a lot.

All of them glared at me for my giggles. “Well, I’m going in,” said Twilight. She entered the cave, and I could hear her speaking. She came out a few minutes later covered in soot. "Words didn't work."

Rarity tried charm and Pinkie tried whatever it is Pinkie does. Neither met with any success.

“It's time to stop wasting time! I'm going in!” shouted Rainbow. She sped into the cave. Moments later, she was knocked back out, scattering the other ponies like bowling pins. Some of them ended up over by where I sat.

The dragon came roaring out of the cave. He blew a stream of thick smoke across the area. I drove off the rock and just barely avoided getting blown off the mountain.

The rock I had been sitting on cracked and fell apart. Fluttershy, who had been cowering behind it, was suddenly out in the open.

“How dare you!” she said.

I blinked. That was about the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth. She flew over and landed on the dragon’s nose.

“Listen here, mister. Just because you're big doesn't mean you get to be a bully. You may have huge teeth, and sharp scales, and snore smoke, and breathe fire, but you do not hurt my friends! You got that?”

“Wow, way to be a badass, Fluttershy,” I muttered.

She told him off for a little while longer. The dragon said he was sorry and left the mountain. The ponies cheered. I thought it was a little rude to be celebrating someone's departure right in front of them, but decided not to say anything this time.

Back in Ponyville, Spike appeared to be having problems keeping Fluttershy’s animals in check. He looked relieved to have her back. He took down Twilight’s friendship report to the Princess.

When she was unpacked from the trip, I said, “Let’s talk about how you’re all figments of my imagination.”

“Valiant, I don’t know if you really believe that or not. If you do, it might be signs of a serious mental health issue.”

“Then explain how come I don’t have any memory of this place or of being a pony before I showed up here?”

She gave me a look.

“Okay, I guess I can see how that could also be construed as a mental problem. Hmm. All right, try this argument: Tell me why I know that I’m actually human?”

That could be the real figment of your imagination.”

“That’s impossible,” I chuckled nervously.

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