• Published 2nd Mar 2012
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A Dream - totallynotabrony

A not so standard human-in-Equestria story including but not limited to: democracy, tequila, and robots.

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Suited for Success

The Ponyville optometric clinic was not busy. Bright Eyes, the doctor, was happy to have me.

“I’m a little worried that I need some kind of vision correction,” I told her. During the Running of the Leaves, Twilight had been much more aware of the things going on around us than I was. I chalked it up to being nearsighted, and I wasn’t afraid to admit it.

Bright Eyes plugged me into her testing equipment and figured out my prescription. It wasn’t actually as bad as I had thought.

“You’ve got a couple of choices for frames,” she said. She showed me my options.

“How much are these?”

“Four hundred bits.”

“Haha, oh wow. I’ll just go blind, thanks.” I spotted a pair of cool-looking sunglasses sitting there. “How about those?”

“Five bits.”


I walked out of the clinic wearing my new shades. It was a sunny day, too. I instantly felt a few percent cooler.

Back at the library tree, Twilight was fretting about something. I took off the sunglasses once I got inside and set them on the table.

“This is a terrible time for me to lose a button.”

“What do you need a dress for?”

“The Grand Galloping Gala is coming up. We have tickets, remember?”

“Right. I guess you’ll just have to—” I turned to grab the sunglasses. I slipped them on and turned back. Twilight had gone out the door.

“—deal with it,” I finished lamely. That was no fun without someone to say it to.

I hung around the library for a while. I couldn’t work on the robot because I was waiting on some parts that Rusty Nail over at the hardware store had ordered for me.

I was thinking of a smart acronym for the machine. With high pressure in the lines, the powerful actuators could actually cause the robot to jump off the ground a short distance. Since I technically still had the other robot, even if it was at the bottom of the lake, this new one would be auxiliary to my needs.

I eventually settled on Advanced Jumping Auxiliary eXperiment For Freedom. AJAX-FF sounded easy enough to pronounce. Soon it would be finished. Soon…

Twilight came back and said that Rarity wanted to make everyone clothes for the Gala.

“So we’re all normally naked, but get dressed up for special events?”

“I wish you wouldn’t put it that way. Anyway, Rarity wants to see you.”

I trotted over to the boutique. The dressmaker was…making dresses. I guess what else would she be doing?

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, I need to get your measurements.” She began running the tape measure all over my body using her magic.

“I was thinking of something simple. You don’t seem to like the spotlight, do you?”

“I can go with that.” Truthfully, I didn’t get the chance to get dressed up that often. With a tuxedo and sunglasses, it would be even more awesome.

“With your coloring and cutie mark, I’m thinking a basic black and white.”

“It’s like you’re reading my mind.”

“At least you’re letting me do my job,” she grumbled. “The rest all wanted to design their own outfits. None of them have any fashion sense!”

“The nerve.”

“At least they had one good idea. Once the dresses are finished, we’ll have a fashion show! You can participate too!”

“Uh, I don’t know…”

“Oh, don’t worry, it’ll just be a small little thing among friends.”

“Well, all right.”

“Thank you. Now run along, I’ll be done soon.”

I left, wondering what I had just gotten myself into. Rarity was a charmer when she wanted to be, which was all the time. I would just have to deal with it.

Darn it. That didn’t sound cool when I said it in my head.

Rarity was finished with the dresses rather quickly. I was a little skeptical when I saw them. My tux looked great, though.

The rest of the ponies seemed a little uncomfortable telling Rarity that they didn’t like the dresses. She said that she would redo them.

Rusty Nail had gotten a new shipment in, so I went over to see if he had what I wanted. Sure enough, there were the high-powered spotlights I had asked for.

I went to install them. The electrical generator I had found would provide plenty of power. The lights would make night operations possible.

I coaled the firebox and began to build steam pressure. The turbine drove the generator and the hydraulic pumps. AJAX was more maneuverable than PEX, the old robot. I went for a little trial run, testing the jumping ability. I didn’t know what I would do with that, but it was nice to have.

Rarity was finished retrofitting everybody’s clothes, and brought the ponies to see. I thought they looked worse than before, but they seemed to like them. After all, it was what they asked for.

“Oh yeah,” said Spike. “I heard that Hoity Toity was coming.”

“Isn’t that the famous fashion designer?” asked Twilight.

“Only the best!” exclaimed Rarity. Her expression changed. “He’s coming here? To see these clothes?”

“They’re ugly?” I said quietly as the other ponies were talking amongst themselves.

“I…well, yes, they’re not what I wanted to exhibit,” she said. “I’m going to need all the help presenting that I can get.”

I grinned. “I can get you spotlights.” And so the fashion show started…with a giant robot standing by the stage.

Hoity Toity wasn’t impressed. Rarity was crushed. I wasn’t surprised. She retreated into her shop and began packing for exile.

“We’ve got to do somethin’. We can't just leave Rarity like this,” said Applejack.

“She'll become a crazy cat lady!” said Pinkie.

Twilight looked skeptical. “She only has one cat.”

“Give her time.”

“We’ve got to do something,” said Applejack.

“Why don’t we remake the dresses for her?” suggested Twilight

“I can sew really well,” said Fluttershy.

“Let’s do this!” said Rainbow.

“I’ll start the montage music,” I said.

Shortly, the seven of us had Rarity’s original designs remade and managed to catch her before she left for parts unknown.

“You ponies did an amazing job. It's exactly the way I imagined!” While that was good, I was actually somewhat disappointed that she liked the results. If she hadn’t, I could have told her to deal with it.

“But my whole career is still ruined!” she said. I whipped my sunglasses off in preparation for putting them back on.

“Is the show going to start soon?” asked Hoity Toity, interrupting me. “I haven’t got all day.”

“We invited him back,” said Twilight as the ponies got ready. My clothes were back at the library because they hadn’t needed modification, so I stood with the two fashion ponies as they watched the show.

“Is this the same designer?” asked Hoity Toity. “Everything is simply magnificent!” He turned to Rarity. “Are you responsible?”

“Well, they are my designs.”

The fashionable stallion removed his mirrored glasses dramatically. “My dear, I hope I could trouble you for some of these dresses. Would you do me the great honor of allowing me to feature your couture in my best-of-the-best boutique in Canterlot?”

Rarity swooned. Hoity Toity went on. “Now, I’d like to place an order for you to make a dozen of each dress for me by next Tuesday. I hope you can—” he slipped his sunglasses on “—deal with it.”

“No!” I screamed. “That was my line! Get out of here, and if I ever see you in Ponyville again, I’m going to stomp you flat with a giant freaking robot!”

Hoity Toity backed up a few steps. “Ms. Rarity, I suppose I won’t be coming to pick up the order. You’ll have to deliver them to my place in Canterlot.”

“I’d love to!” she said.

“I’ll be going now.” He ducked out the door.

“Oh Valiant, thank you! I never dreamed that I would be invited to Hoity Toity’s boutique! I feel terrible because I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Just deal with it,” I grumbled.

Author note:
To introduce awkwardness and awesomeness, I'm going to make Valiant an unwilling secret keeper for most of the residents of Ponyville in future chapters. If you've got a good idea for an embarassing secret for the Mane 6 or another pony, let me know in the comments.

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