Equestria Games
“That was quite the little song and dance number you did,” Twilight commented. We were in the process of securing the good warship Milwaukee in the port of Hoofsen Bay, one of Equestria’s northernmost seaside cities.
“What can I say?” I replied. “I had my keytar that I upgraded with the pony thallium vat I bought, I have my hot naval tulip that we’re sailing on, and I got to needle you again about…” I paused for effect “…what was it again, uh, Tiny Vamp Atoll.”
Twilight gave me one of those disapproving librarian looks that she had practically perfected by that point. I had almost learned the best way to bask in them.
The ship edged closer to the pier with Sunset on the bridge. I hopped across the gap and grabbed one of the ropes to tie up. The others helped, using some of the experience they had gained from that one time we sailed around the world. Honestly, we were a pretty effective crew despite being small in number. Good thing Milwaukee had been designed to be highly automated and required few people to operate.
The locals of Hoofsen Bay had never seen such a ship before. I gave them all a hard look. “Nobody touch this or I’ll kill you. Capiche?”
All of them hurriedly dispersed. I paused to write a quick note, dropping the paper in the water when I was finished. A flipper just beneath the surface of the water snatched it.
My message received, I walked off the pier with Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Spike, Sunset, and Trixie and headed for the train station.
“I’m so glad that trip didn’t make us late for the Games!” Rainbow said, urging us forward. “We can still grab a train and get there on time.” She faced forward, reality appearing to strike her. “This just got real!”
I chuckled quietly to myself, knowing both the feeling and a similar statement.
The train got us to Canterlot where we were lucky enough to change trains and board the one the Equestria Games team from Ponyville was already on. Guinness looked uncomfortable sitting there with Rainbow Catcher on his lap. Apparently the train ponies said the demon lord was too young to sit in her own seat. Guinness’ mood brightened upon spotting Rainbow.
The rest of the Ponyville team was also there. I glanced around. “Isn’t this team a little pegasus-heavy, especially for a town known for earth ponies?”
“We’re the best athletes,” Rainbow proclaimed.
“Yeah, well this earth pony is going to kick your ass at the Games anyway,” I retorted.
“Don’t fight before we get there,” Guinness urged. “Save the aggression for competing and stuff.”
“Yes,” I said. “And stuff.”
Everyone looked at me. Twilight said, “Valiant, what are you planning?”
“Oh, I’m already done planning. Shit’s about to go down.”
They all suddenly looked around fearfully, searching for an attack. I facehoofed. “No, not right now. Like…in the near future. Relax. For a while.”
“It would really be easier if you just told us what was going on,” Twilight insisted.
“What makes you think I would do that?”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh right. You put yourself and personal gain above the fate of an entire universe.”
“Hey now, I wouldn’t say it was above. They’re pretty equal, really.”
The group conversation tapered off after that. I saw Sir Win had accompanied the team and went over to talk to him.
Sir Win smiled. “I haven’t seen a good Equestria Games in quite some time. I love watching the athletes. Their doped-up souls always taste so hormonal.”
“That’s, uh, great. Anyway, can I ask you about something? I’m going to need another industrial-grade arcane spell.”
“Another summoning?” Sir Win asked.
“No, but it’s still going to need to be super powerful.” I lowered my voice. “Maybe even a devilish unholy demon sacrifice ritual.”
That got his attention. Sir Win grinned. “I’ll see what I can do.”
When we got to the Crystal Empire, the train pulled in and we got off, heading to the Crystal Palace where Cadance was relaxing while crystal ponies wafted air with palm fronds.
I took an immediate stand on the issue. “Why not use air conditioning? I know you guys don’t have any concept of advanced technology like that, but just put a block of ice in front of a fan. You’ve got lots of ice in the frozen wasteland around the Empire. Or better yet, just open a window and let some of that cold air in. That way these slaves don’t have to stand here fanning you.”
“They aren’t slaves,” said Cadance. She didn’t look particularly pleased. I guessed she was going through some kind of mood swings. The various mounds of junk food around were another indicator. She looked like she may have put on a little weight.
I shrugged. “Not a very fulfilling job then, just standing around and fanning. Do you get a cutie mark for that?”
“Regardless, I’m feeling warm,” said Cadance.
“Ah.” I nodded knowingly. I don’t think anyone else noticed.
The rest of the conversation was not nearly so engaging. We left the palace and went to a hotel to leave our stuff. I made sure to drop off everything I wouldn’t immediately need. While hammerspace is generally not a physical weight, I figured everything I emptied out of it might help me compete at the games and/or get through security. Twilight had said that in light of recent events, security was going to be tight. I thought that it might not be tight enough.
“Sunset, can you say here and watch these things?” I asked. I wouldn’t want any of my stuff to go unattended. Some of it was pretty important to the whole universe-saving endeavor.
Sunset nodded reluctantly. “I can do that, but I wanted to watch you compete.”
“It’ll mostly be me dominating,” I said. “Pretty boring, really.”
“Hey!” protested Rainbow.
“But if you really want,” I said to Sunset, “come by in the evening. The closing ceremony will be then.”
“I’d love to watch it with you.” Sunset smiled.
The rest of us left for the stadium. Trixie forgot something and went back to the hotel to get it. I myself was already sporting my uniform and gear – everything I would need.
We passed a statue commemorating King Sombra’s final defeat. I would have thought it should have been a statue of yours truly throwing himself through the air to clash with the evil dude. Heck, maybe even Spike riding along as I must admit he was probably more photogenic. Instead, it was a statue of King Sombra himself.
I was happy to see that it was after I had punchsploded him. Almost like signing my work. Although it did raise a few questions about the overall mental state of the Crystal Empire residents if they would sign off on public art like that. I’d better hurry and figure out the meth problem fast.
Ms. Harshwhinny met us at the stadium gate, shooing Twilight away to sit with the other Princesses, forcing Rarity to go through a magic detector, and pulling Rainbow, Guinness, Spike and me to the side.
“Athletes will get a moment to meet with their teams in the locker rooms,” Ms. Harshwhinny commanded. “The opening ceremony torch will need to be lit in ten minutes by our special guests.”
The way she said special made me think her definition of the word might be different from mine. The group of us headed towards the lockers.
Guinness and Rainbow met Derpy and started getting their Ponyville uniforms on. Guinness seemed a little nervous, although that was balanced out by Rainbow’s usual brashness. Derpy just smiled her little smile and didn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular, which was about normal for her.
Spike and I spotted a schedule on the wall and went over to read it.
Opening ceremony – torch lighting by guests of honor, the vanquishers of King Sombra, Plymouth Valiant and Spike Thedragon
“Thed-ra-gon?” I said. “I didn’t know you had a last name.”
“I didn’t know that either,” said Spike. “Huh. I suppose that has an interesting sound to it. I wonder what it means?”
“Guests of honor, if you please,” called Ms. Harshwhinny.
Spike and I walked out to meet her. She ordered us into position. “Mr. Valiant, Mr. the Dragon.”
“I believe it’s pronounced ‘Thed-ra-gon,’” said Spike.
Ms. Harshwhinny gave him a look, but at that moment trumpets and other fanfare began and I heard Shining Armor’s amplified voice echo around the stadium welcoming everyone.
“Time to go,” said Ms. Harshwhinny. We walked out to where the torch was set up and she gave the signal to go up and light it.
Spike and I climbed the ladder. At the top, leaning over the bowl like a giant barbecue, Spike took a look around at the crowd, filling the stadium. Sweat instantly popped out on his brow. “I…I don’t think I can do this.”
“It’s cool,” I said. I tossed a match into the torch and it instantly lit with bright fire.
“Wow, good thing you’re not somepony who gets stage fright about setting things on fire,” Spike muttered as we descended.
“You got that right.”
“I…I froze up,” Spike admitted. “The pressure was too much in front of all those ponies. I feel terrible.”
“Spike, suck it up and stop being an emo bitch.”
“Gee, Valiant, when you put it that way, nopony wants to be called emo.” He grinned. “Thanks, I stopped.”
I took a moment to glance around the stadium, seeing the four Princesses high up in a box of their own with personalized thrones that matched their coats. Except for Cadance. Hers wasn’t pink. I noticed that her mood also seemed somewhat darker than the others. Interesting.
“This is when Shining Armor is supposed to call, ‘Let the games begin!’” said Spike.
“Yes,” I said, grinning and steepling my hooves. “Let them.”
“Hey,” said Spike. “I know the schedule is probably set and everything, but I’m feeling really confident in myself right now. Do you think they would let us have an impromptu rock concert? We could say it’s part of the opening ceremony.”
“Hell yeah.” While I had lightened the load considerably to compete, I wouldn’t be caught dead without my keytar.
Without another word, we started the show. The two of us shredded it out right there in the center of the stadium. Spike went through the Ponyville anthem and started in on those from other places. He didn’t know the words to any of them, but he was pretty good at freestyle, his confidence riding high. I thought that maybe he should go into the rap business with Pinkie.
There is only so much you can do with one keytar and one set of vocals. Still, we made it through the entire lineup and with a last fanfare from me, Spike shouted, “Let the games begin!”
The crowd applauded dutifully, many of them not seeming to be aware of what had just happened or that it wasn’t scheduled to. Spike and I exited the field to the scowling face of Ms. Harshwhinny.
“You interrupted the schedule,” she said through clenched teeth. “We’ve had to cancel every event except the last one, archery.”
“Cool,” I said. “That’s pretty much my best sport.”
And in fact, it was. You expected me to be bad at using pointy things to shoot stuff?
Myself and the other competitors took the field. The point of this particular event was not pure accuracy but covering the whole surface of the target with magic ice-creating arrows. Simple enough. I noticed that I was the only archer to stand up and hold the bow like a man, both literally and figuratively. The rest of them stared at me.
I stood there on two legs and grinned. “Haters gonna hate.”
My distraction didn’t last long, however. The event began and everyone started slinging arrows. Everything was going all well and good until some moron fired an ice arrow into a cloud and suddenly we had a spikey ball of death slowly descending into the stadium.
“Okay,” I said. “I know that I usually plan ahead for everything, but even I didn’t see that one coming.”
“Stop staring at it and run!” shouted Shining Armor, who had appeared on the field.
“Well, it’s moving kind of slowly,” I said. “I guess I’ll start walking now.”
“How are we going to take care of this?” he fretted. “We have to stop it!”
“Gee, it sure would be nice if there was a unicorn around here that was good at casting protective spells,” I replied.
He glared at me. “Unicorns are no longer admitted to the stadium without a disabling spell. It’s to ensure fair play.”
“They didn’t even let the Prince and Captain of the Royal Guard come in without being neutered?” I shook my head. “So you care so much about fair play, then why didn’t someone clear the skies before the event? Maybe a pegasus could hide up there and surreptitiously help one of the competitors. Or perhaps sabatoge. If I was a pegasus, I would definitely put a sniper nest up there.”
Shining blinked in stupefied realization. I watched as the cloud slowly landed on his head. He winced and dropped to the ground, belly-crawling out from under the ice cloud before it crushed him. The cloud landed on the field with a crackle, resting there and taking up space.
“We didn’t even manage to complete one single event,” muttered Shining. It’s like the Games didn’t happen at all.”
“So…redo?” I said.
He again blinked in realization. “Okay, yeah, that could work. We’d just have to get this ice melted and get the events set up again.”
“One problem,” I said.
A scream split the air. Shining’s head jerked to the royal box seats where my hoof was already pointing. Cadance had fallen to the floor, lying on her back in pain.
I saw Shining’s horn flash and I grabbed his tail as he teleported. We both arrived in the royal box an instant later. He rushed to Cadance’s side. “Darling, speak to me! What’s wrong?”
“Hey, I thought you said no magic!” I yelled.
“The security applied a spell that indicates if you do magic, it doesn’t stop magic. You can’t take away a pony’s magic completely or horrible things could happen,” said Twilight. Most of us ignored her.
Sunset appeared just then, flashing into the box. She looked tired and was completely covered in blood and other stuff.
“I came for you; I’m here for the closing ceremony,” she said to me, breathing hard as if she’d had to hurry.
“I’m glad you're here, but there’s been a change of plans and we’re doing this instead,” I said. I raised an eyebrow and was about to ask where all the blood and stuff had come from when Cadance’s stomach clenched and she gasped. “Oh no! The baby’s coming early!”
Shining once again blinked in stupefied astonishment. “You’re pregnant?”
“Surprise!” I said.
“What do you know about this!” Shining screamed, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me.
“It’s not my kid,” I felt the need to emphasize.
“Whose is it?” He demanded.
“It’s not yours?” I asked.
“I, um…”
“Please pay attention to the important issue here!” Cadance reminded through her contractions.
Shining released me and looked around wildly. “Is there a doctor in the house?”
“I got this,” I said.
He looked at me, face suspicious. “There’s no way you’re qualified.”
“Listen, even if I weren’t qualified to deliver this baby, wouldn’t you want me to do it because I knew it was coming ahead of time?”
“It’s true,” confirmed Cadance.
I nodded. “Good, because I’m not qualified. Sunset, get that switchblade ready to cut the cord.”
Before anyone else could protest, right there in front of God and in full view of a stadium filled with startled onlookers who had expected to instead be entertained that day by a sporting event, Cadance gave birth.
Stats
Page generated in 0.077 seconds
Total duration
1,043 users online
1,607,248 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Worth the delay..
What?!?
This is generic and overdone
But at the same time I love it
Make it stop
Felt a bit rushed, but I busted a gut anyway.
So if Shining Armor isn't the father...who is?
It's Chrysalis, isn't it?
Next.
What's going on with the security spell. First you call it a disabling spell and Shining says he can't make a force field because of it. The he teleports and Twilight says it just indicates if you do magic. So what's going on? Does Shining just not know what the spell actually does?
4475704
Well, Shiny can be a derp sometimes...
Either that or they're TOLD it's a disabling spell to make them think they can't cast magic so they wouldn't try...
4475704 I think it's a case of shining armor being a moron...
4475704 From the show:
Shining didn't use his famous protection spells when the cloud was coming down, so there had to be some reason for it. Also, I didn't see any reason why a unicorn couldn't teleport past the security checkpoint, like Sunset did. I mean, if they didn't even clear the skies before the event, the security is clearly not that well thought out.
4476895
So basically the answer is that Shining is an idiot? Got it.
And as for the teleportation part, to be fair, I'm pretty sure the only ponies we've seen teleport at all have been Twilight, Nightmare Moon, and Pumpkin Cake. So it might be something that only the most powerful of unicorns can do. But I'm sure there are a dozen other ways a unicorn could get past there anyway. For example: wearing a hat.
wow, just, wow that was amazing
Ok... What in the f**k just happened? Just... *sigh*
4476895 Good to see Shining putting the advanced security techniques he learned during his time as head of Celestia's royal guard to good use.
4478768 I'm right there with you.
Brain Restarting...
4476965 that wouldn't work, because everypony has to walk through these metal-detector-looking things that put the spell on you, so the spell is applied to everypony, not just unicorns.
4517852
Are you sure about that? I thought they pulled Rarity aside to have her go through the metal detector-like things. It probably would make more sense to send everypony through them though.
4517904 I'd have to rewatch the episode to be sure.
inb4 Princess Skyla.
I've been listening to this nonstop for the last couple chapters: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW1-pN7pfsw
It absolutely, completely, and utterly fits this guy. 100%
4517904 It's true, out of the 6 of them (including Spike) only Rarity had been pulled aside to go through the detector. Pegasi and Earthans didnt have to.
Well, they didn't have anything better to do.