• Published 2nd Mar 2012
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A Dream - totallynotabrony



A not so standard human-in-Equestria story including but not limited to: democracy, tequila, and robots.

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Look Before You Sleep

“What are ya doin’ up there?” shouted Applejack.

“I’m climbing this tree, what does it look like?”

“That ain’t really helpin’!”

“I thought you said we were supposed to get the broken limbs down?”

“Ah can get ‘em with my rope. You get down from there before you get struck by lightning!”

I grumbled and slid out of the tree. I wasn’t worried, but Appjack could be convincing when she wanted to be.

“How does a pony even get in a tree?” Applejack muttered.

Rarity came up, and began an argument about something or other. I think she was concerned that we were making the trees ugly. Applejack told her off. “The weather ponies accidentally skipped a scheduled sprinkle last week, so we need a double doozy of a downpour to make up for it.”

I chuckled at her alliteration. Just then, the raindrops began to fall. I decided to go back to the library.

On my way out of the park, I spotted a single dead branch high up on one of the trees. Applejack was still busy with Rarity, so I figured it shouldn’t be a problem to just climb up and get it.

It was quick work to shinny up the three. I couldn’t believe the ponies didn’t know how to climb. Perhaps I should open a rock climbing tower. I grabbed the limb and broke it off. There was a sudden prickle in the air, and I felt my mane stand on end.

I awoke beneath a pile of blankets on the couch in the library. Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack were looking at me. I was soaking wet, and so were Applejack and Rarity.

I started to get up, but Twilight’s hoof held me down. “Don’t try to move, you’re hurt.”

I frowned. Everything felt all right. “What happened?”

“You got struck by lightning and then fell out of a tree.” Twilight shook her head. “What were you even doing in a tree?”

“I was doing my job. Where were you?”

“This isn’t about me. You need to rest.”

“I feel fine.” I started to get up again. This time, Applejack added her weight to keep me down.

“Listen sugarcube, ah’ve never seen anything like that before. You should be dead.”

“If I die in a dream, do I wake up?”

Twilight facehoofed. “Ugh, this is getting nowhere. Look Valiant, if you don’t calm down, we might have to sedate you.”

I sighed. “Fine. But I don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with me.”

“Lightning is a funny thing. Symptoms could show up at a later time.”

“So let them. I’m good to go now. Put me in, coach.”

“The work’s all done,” said Applejack. “No thanks to Rarity.”

“I’m standing right here,” she said grumpily.

“So, is being inside a tree the best place to wait out a lightning storm?” I asked.

“I’ve got a magical lighting rod,” said Twilight.

“We are most grateful for your invitation,” said Rarity.

“Thank ya kindly for yer hospitality,” added Applejack.

“Well, you're welcome to stay if need be. Spike is away in Canterlot on royal business. I'm home all alone tonight. I know! You two should totally sleep over! We'll have a slumber party! I've always wanted one of those.”

Twilight pulled out a book titled Slumber 101: All You've Ever Wanted to Know About Slumber Parties But Were Afraid to Ask

“I’ll just be leaving,” I said. A glare from Twilight made me stop.

The three of them began doing girly things. I lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore the giggling.

I honestly didn’t feel bad at all. Well of course I wouldn’t, it was a dream. Trapping me in a sleepover was a hell of a thing for my mind to do, though.

“This is going to be the bestest slumber party ever!” said Twilight. “Yay!”

“Yay,” replied Applejack and Rarity, rather flatly. I had noticed that they had been unpleasant to each other all day. Perhaps a little more trouble would cause Twilight to cancel the party. I could only hope.

The book indicated that they should tell ghost stories. Twilight began. “I've got one! This story is called The Legend of the Headless Horse. It was a dark and stormy night, just like this one. And three ponies were having a slumber party, just like this one...”

What am I, a lump on the couch? I swear, the instant they go to sleep, I’m sneaking out.

After the ghost stories, it was time for s’mores. I didn’t get one.

After that, they played truth or dare. None took my dare to put a sock in it. Applejack and Rarity seemed to playing to win.

Twilight seemed sad that she wasn’t included in their game. She suggested that they move on to pillow fighting. Applejack was happy to oblige, and promptly nailed Rarity, who retaliated in kind.

I watched them cavort around the room. They were certainly naked enough, but not human enough for my tastes. After getting hit hard several times, Twilight suggested that they get some sleep.

At last. I waited until the lights were off and they were all upstairs before I started to move. Unfortunately, I hadn’t counted on my legs being asleep from the long time spent under the pile of blankets. Fortunately, a fight broke out just as I hit the floor.

“Girls, it says right here that the number one thing you're supposed to do at a slumber party is have fun, and thanks to you two I can't check that off!”

“I've been tryin' my darndest to get along.”

“No, it is I who've been trying my best.”

“I hope you're happy, both of you. You've ruined my very first slumber party. The makeover, the s'mores, Truth or Dare, the pillow fight... I mean, is there anything else that could possibly go wrong?”

Just then, lightning smoked a tree right next door. A large piece of it came crashing in through the window.

I got my hooves under me and trotted upstairs. Applejack was arguing with Rarity, and Twilight was searching franticly in the slumber party book for information on how to deal with tree removal.

“Rarity, for pony's sake, stop sweatin' the small stuff and help me get rid of this thing!”

“I’m cleaning up this mess some pony made. Who was that again? Oh, right, that's you.”

They continued to argue. I quietly grabbed the tree and dragged it over the edge of the balcony and down onto the floor. I didn’t think it would go back out the window, so I headed for the door.

I got it outside, and paused to think about where to take it. Deciding to just leave it lay, I turned to go back inside. There was a sudden prickle in the air, and I felt my mane stand on end.

I woke up facedown in the mud. The rain had stopped and the sun was rising. The front door opened, and the three ponies came out, talking and laughing. They apparently had resolved their differences.

“See? We could have been having fun like this all along.”

“If only some pony hadn't been so persnickety.”

“Well, maybe she wouldn't have been if some pony else hadn't been so sloppy.”

“Ah’m sorry for being such a pain in the patootie.”

“Oh, no, I'm sure I was much worse.”

They giggled.

I’m sure their conversation was about a normal slumber party, but if I wanted to I could add some innuendo to it. Such a thing was easier to imagine since I had been out cold next to a broken tree at the time.

Twilight saw them off and turned to me. “What are you doing out here?”

“Got struck by lightning again while I was taking the tree out.”

She looked me up and down. “I’m not sure if you’re lying or just the luckiest pony I’ve ever met. Because it’s you, I could believe either one.”

“Kind of rude, don’t you think? Calling me a liar to my face.”

“Do you mind?”

“Not really.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know what it is about you. You’re an enigma, Valiant. As hard as I try, I can’t figure you out, and I can’t stop trying. I don’t know why your mind is so interesting.”

I shrugged. “Just my electric personality.”

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