The Show Stoppers
I rolled over and worked a lump out of the couch. Twilight had let me back into the library after deciding that I was only a victim of circumstances.
Scootaloo had gotten out of the hospital with orders to take it easy for a while. She wasn’t going to be able to pull her friends around on her scooter, so it was good that they had something else to do.
The PEX robot had been at the bottom of the lake for a while and would need refurbishment. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were happy to take up the job. The rest of the town was worried about what the outcome might be. Three young fillies with a giant robot was a recipe for disaster.
The morning sun was coming in the window, and I eventually decided to get up. I realized that today was the day that the doctor told me I could remove the bandages I had earned while fighting the hydra.
Unfortunately, the first thing I uttered after triumphantly ripping off the tape was a pained scream as the adhesive carried away a fair bit of fur.
Okay, seriously, since when do dreams hurt? Was I actually sleepwalking while carrying out my usual morning routine, standing in my bathroom and cutting my face shaving? Did that make any sense at all? No. Neither did the idea that I was actually a pony in some strange land. Or was I just insane? No, if you’re crazy you won’t know it, right?
“Are you okay?” asked Twilight, leaning over the rail from the upper floor.
“Uh, yeah, fine. I just like to scream in the mornings. It’s a new thing.”
She rolled her eyes and pulled back from the railing. I heard a clattering outside and went to the door. The Cutie Mark Crusaders came along in the robot. Some of the parts were loose, and it still looked like that it had been submerged for a while, but they had gotten it working in a shorter amount of time than I thought possible.
“We didn’t get our cutie marks by fixing the PEX,” said Scootaloo. She took shallow breaths to avoid stretching the bandages wrapped around her midsection. I still felt a little guilty for overcompressing during CPR and cracking her ribs.
“We’re here to try being librarians!” exclaimed Sweetie Belle.
Twilight came down the stairs. “What’s going on?”
“I had nothing to do with this.”
The three fillies had already managed to make a mess. I had just turned my back for a couple of seconds, and it just appeared out of nowhere.
“Well, we sure ain’t getting’ our cutie marks bein’ librarians,” said Apple Bloom.
I saw Cheerilee approaching from outside, and I began to move away from the door. I thought I had returned the things that I, uh, borrowed from the school without being seen, but I couldn’t be sure.
“Girls, I think you're going about this the wrong way,” said Twilight. “Instead of trying to do things in areas you're not familiar with, why not try doing things in areas that you already like?”
“I have the perfect place to start,” said Cheerilee, stepping in. She had a flyer for the annual Ponyville talent show. “There'll be all sorts of awards. Best dramatic performance, best comedy act, best magic act. Surely you can find your talent.”
The Crusaders seemed excited by the idea and ran outside. I heard the PEX clanking away. They came back shortly.
“Hey Valiant,” said Scootaloo. “We’re about to start a project. What was that you were saying about passing time quickly while doing stuff?”
“Ah yes,” I said. “You need a montage. Let me help.” I got them set up with music and sent them off to do whatever it was they were working on.
I was helping Spike clean up the mess in the library when Applejack came in.
“Ah gave mah old treehouse to the girls to use. Do you know anything about what they’re doin’ in there?”
“Something about the talent show.” I showed her the flyer.
“Land sakes, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
I shrugged. “They’ll live and they’ll learn.”
Applejack said goodbye and said that she would be at the show that night. With a couple of hours on my hands, uh hooves, I decided to reevaluate my position in Equestria.
I had forgiven Twilight for her part in the loss of my robot. She’d gotten it back, after all. Besides, it was kind of overkill for me to overkill her just because she accidentally played a small part in letting the PEX sink in the lake.
Rainbow and Pinkie, the other two I held responsible, I had decided to take off of the “murder on sight” list, if not formally pardon. It wouldn’t have been easy to do anyway.
With Twilight’s magic, Rainbow’s speed, and Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense, it would have been very difficult to kill of one of them, let alone all three. The reactions their friends would have displayed also make me think twice. Rarity would nag me, Fluttershy would Stare me, and Applejack would buck me up.
I sighed, feeling depressed. I back off of three little murders, and suddenly I felt like a failure. I guess I wasn’t cut out for this kind of thing.
Now wait a minute, who says I have to go after the difficult targets? What if…what if I found other, easier, ponies who needed a good murdering? How about criminals? I could be like some kind of Pony Punisher.
I still hadn’t gotten a new pair of sunglasses, but now that was going to first on my list of priorities. This was going to be awesome.
I got pulled away from my planning to go to the talent show that night. The Crusaders debuted a new and improved robot. It was painted bright red with an evil toothy mouth. They themselves were painted like demons. Loud music blasted from a sound system they had installed.
It looked like they were trying to sing a song while cavorting about the stage in the robot, but none of the crowd stuck around to see it. I think all of them were afraid of being crushed.
Luckily, Cheerilee was a little braver and hung around to the end.
“We’ll be handing out the awards now,” she said. “Snips and Snails won the magic act category. Great job, colts. Sweetie Bell, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom won the dramatic performance category. That was very realistic, you three. I honestly thought I was going to die!”
“Can you believe it? We won!” said Apple Bloom. The three of them quickly checked their flanks, but no cutie marks had appeared.
“Maybe we weren’t doing it right?” said Scootaloo.
“We should make the PEX even more awesome!” exclaimed Sweetie Belle.
Twilight shot me a look. One that said Get this stopped right now or you’re sleeping outside.
“Um, girls?” I said. “How about you actually tone it down? Perhaps subtlety is your special talent.”
“Hmm, paint it dull grey and install all the cool stuff on the inside?” wondered Apple Bloom
“Hey,” said Scootaloo, “It could be a robot for secret agents!”
“Cutie Mark Crusader Spies!” shouted Sweetie Belle.
“Ah, but first you need to perfect your simple fieldcraft before you can step up to spy robots,” I suggested.
“You’re right! To the treehouse!” They rumbled away in the PEX.
“Well, crisis averted. For now.”
Twilight gave me a look. “Why did you give them that robot?”
“Well, they found it. As much as they’re rushing around, I figured that they could use some transportation.”
“Did you ever consider something safer, like…a balloon?”
“You think that falling out of the sky is safer?”
“No, what I mean is there’s nothing to hit up in the air!”
“Fair point.” I thought about it for a moment. “You know, I kind of want to build an airship now. Do you have helium in Equestria?”
She gave me a blank look.
“Well, hydrogen it’ll have to be, then. Oh, this is difficult. Blimp or Punisher? I can’t decide what I should do next.”
Twilight shook her head. “At least you like to think things through before doing something foolish anyway.”
“Hey, we fools are very ingenious. Sometimes it just takes just a little less sanity to pull off something completely awesome."
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sanity only weighs inventors down
all aboard the USS Democracy
I haven't finished this yet, but I'll say now that I really hope he doesn't put a superpowerful Tesla coil on a hydrogen airship. I'll see later if his ship becomes the Hindenburg II.
315404
Blades aren't weapons they are works of art.
So true. When a telephone pole fell down near my house, what do you think the first insane thing I decided to do with the metal brackets of steel... Make a sword of course. Now I'm a blacksmith.
SWEETIE BELLE IS A SPY!
APPLEBLOOM IS A SPY!
SCOOTALOO IS A SPY!
Over compressing? I thought that if you weren't cracking ribs, you weren't pushing hard enough... it's like, 2 inches you have to push down, probably more for ponies because of their rib structure.
Anyways this is a great story. The fact that you wrote this strictly for fun really shows through (that's a compliment by the way). I look forward to reading the next few chapters!
590064 Actually, you're not supposed to push on the ribs... You're supposed to push the diaphragm =3
593163 Uh...that's the Heimlich, not CPR. And fractured or bruised ribs are a common side-effect of CPR, along with trauma to the sternum.
“Hey, we fools are very ingenious. Sometimes it just takes just a little less sanity to pull off something completely awesome."
That, my friend, is the quote of the year.
Going through all of this, I think one of Valiant's theme songs should be Fuck Authority by Pennywise, even though it ranges more towards anarchy rather than democracy.
315404
Possible Bioshock reference
Technically, ribs breaking during CPR is expected. It isn't overdoing it, it is quite common, and shows that you are actually doing the motions right. Also, the sexism interaction in the dragon episode isn't quite right. Valiant only draws the distinction between the army and 6 mares- Twilight was actually sexist in her belief that there would not be any mares in the army.
520012 The Hoovdenburg II.
That was so awful, that hurt. I think I felt my ribs cracking...
Hey, we fools are very ingenious. Sometimes it just takes just a little less sanity to pull off something completely awesome
amen to that hehe
“Hey, we fools are very ingenious. Sometimes it just takes just a little less sanity to pull off something completely awesome."
I FUCKING DIED. THEN BUFFY'S FRIENDS BROUGHT ME BACK. THEN I DIED AGAIN. THEN THEY GAVE UP. Turns out, of you die UP THERE, you respawn like Minecraft.
I would advise against that.
"Valiant izz razzer... inzerezting..."
Oh HELL no.
"That's it, show's over everybody. I'd prefer staying alive, thank you very much."
Come on everyone, let's deal with the guy before he wastes the rest of our week building whatever he's up to.
"Agreed. I believe his real-life Rainblower has already caused enough damage"
"Don't be too harsh! He's fun! But... I think he's being loopy again, so we should make him sleep."
ENGAGE MISSION: KILL OFF THE MAD SCIENCE... AGAIN.
I wonder what Twilight's letters to Celestia are like in this AU?
3994645 Yippee respawn mechanics!
>>>Okay, seriously, since when do dreams hurt? >>>
Uhm... so the cuts in his mouth from the glass... and all the other crap that's happened to him thus far... caused him no pain?
Seriously, is he retarded? That's the only explanation left after several months in Ponyville, and still thinking it's a dream.
I like how the episodes are slowly getting different from the original ways they were as the story progresses!
I posted it once, i'm gonna post it again,
assets1.ignimgs.com/2004/12/21/mechassault-2-lone-wolf-20041221033704851-1013633.jpg
I just can't get it out of my mind, but I think I'm who he is in human form.vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/archer/images/e/ea/Algernop.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140524194549
4284779 the thunder may have done something to his nerves... but I think they're completly out of whack...
5657788 he has yet to make a weird sex video.
548659 can I hire you to make a claymore?
This is what you're supposed to do, really. The line between "hard enough to break ribs" and "not hard enough to work" is relatively thin. You're generally advised to err on the side of "too hard". Broken ribs are easier to recover from than brain dead from lack of oxygen.
Valiant here reminds me of old man mcgucket from gravity falls.
Might as well call it the Hindenburg to make sure.
I have been smiling at end of every chapter so far, I'm starting to wonder if the thumbs have done enough justice. This story has been awesome (so far).
Very True sir!
7417839
I was told during CPR training, "better broken ribs, then dead."
dude when you're doing CPR if you're not breaking ribs you're not doing it right.
9110297
better some broken ribs than BEING DEAD.
Next up valiant makes a fucking nuclear bomb
10252212
You may want to circle back here after you read the Canterlot Wedding chapter, but I'll leave this here for now
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/18037/7/more-dreams/the-bomb
I should take up morning screaming. Seems like a good way to start the day off right.
Never have truer words been spoken.
So, if helium doesn't exist? What does Pinkie Pie use?