Tanks for the Memories
The hospital was quiet in the late evening. Princess Luna walked through the halls until she found the correct room. The tag on the door read Dandy Sprite.
Entering, Luna saw the mass of bandages that swathed the crippled Night Guard. Dandy was asleep, and mercifully so. She looked more like a worm than a pony now, having had all her appendages ripped off.
“That didn’t last long,” Luna murmured. She held back a lump in her throat. It might as well have been her fault that this had happened. She’d sent Dandy to Ponyville.
Luna sat quietly in the chair by the window. Closing her eyes, she slipped into the dream world.
Dandy was right where Luna expected to find her. Apparently the reality of the situation hadn’t caught up with her yet and she still had four legs and two wings instead of stumps.
“Hello, Princess!” Dandy said. She looked around and asked, “Is this a dream?”
“It is,” Luna acknowledged. “I have come to speak with you about the events of the previous day. Please tell me what you remember.”
Dandy frowned in thought. “Let’s see…after you gave me the job, I headed straight for Ponyville. Everypony was nice and hospitable. Well, except for Rainbow Dash.”
“What was the problem?” Luna asked.
“Rainbow was being super aggressive. It’s like regular aggressive but with extra malice. Rarity would have described it as regular aggressive but with a cape, but she’s not a medical professional so her opinion doesn’t count for this diagnosis.”
“You were prior acquaintances with Rarity, correct?” Luna asked
Dandy nodded. “That’s right. We went to fashion school together. When I got to town, she introduced me to the others.”
“Tell me everything,” said Luna.
Dandy began.
The day had started off with a businesslike tone. It was time to begin winter and all of Ponyville was pitching in.
Rainbow, as head of the weather team, was pushing everypony to finish as quickly as possible, as was her way. Guinness was at the pub, watching their kid and their orthrus.
Doug and Ike the twin-headed dog panted with anticipation, noses pressed against the window and watching the townsponies go about the business of laying winter on Ponyville.
“Yay!” exclaimed Skyla, sitting on their back, nose equally pressed to the glass. Her eyes were on the sky, where the city and weather factory of Cloudsdale had recently moved in.
Rainbow landed outside, stomping into the pub. “Hey Guinness, do you have anything to wake ponies up and get them to move faster?”
“Like coffee?” Guinness asked.
“Anything stronger?”
“This is a pub. It’s about unwinding.”
“Ugh,” Rainbow grumbled and turned around to go back out. Guinness frowned as he watched her go. Rainbow had been rather more callous than usual lately.
Applejack and Fluttershy came by a few minutes later, asking about Rainbow.
“She went off to motivate the weather team,” Guinness said.
“I can only imagine what that’s going to involve,” muttered Applejack.
“She’s been…intense lately,” Fluttershy added.
Just then, Rarity came up the street with a batpony beside her. The two of them were talking and laughing, both wearing extravagant scarves to ward off the chillier weather.
“Good morning, everypony,” said Rarity. “This is my old friend, Dandy.”
“First Lieutenant Dandy Sprite, Night Guard,” the batpony introduced herself. “Princess Luna sent me here to be a little extra protection. She wanted me here to tip her off in case anything ever happened.”
“We get along just fine by ourselves,” Applejack said.
“I understand,” Dandy said. “I’ve heard all about the stuff you girls have done. But the Princess is just a little on edge right now.” She lowered her voice. “I think somepony broke into her office recently.”
“Who would do that?” Guinness wondered.
“Who could do that?” Applejack said.
Dandy shrugged. “One of the most secure rooms in one of the most secure buildings in Equestria? No idea.”
“Dear, perchance, have you ever heard of somepony named Valiant?” Rarity asked.
“Who?”
“Nevermind,” Rarity said, changing the subject. “Well, now that you’re here, we can get on with setting up winter,” said Rarity. “It’s a Ponyville tradition. Fluttershy here is in charge of the animal team. Applejack is in charge of the plant team.”
Fluttershy had her slaves, Rose, Daisy, and Lilly with her. She was still uncomfortable with the idea, but they did want to help with the animal team.
“What are you featherbrains doing? Faster, faster!” came a distant voice.
“And that must be Rainbow Dash, the weather team leader,” Rarity finished.
Rainbow dropped down out of the sky, still grumbling about something. “Bucking weather team can’t make things happen fast enough. It’s not like they do this for a living or anything.”
“Darling, this is my friend Dandy Sprite,” Rarity introduced. “She’s a Night Guard.”
Rainbow glanced at the batpony. “Yeah, whatever. Unless she can buck clouds I don’t care.”
“I’m a quick learner,” Dandy said.
“But would the Princess be okay with that?” Applejack asked.
“No, she probably wants me to stay with the rest of you,” Dandy allowed.
“So you’re not going to get off your lazy flank and bring the winter?” Rainbow asked.
“I can’t, sorry. No.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” said Rainbow. She grabbed Dandy by the foreleg and hauled her into the sky.
“I’m pretty sure Valiant would have something to say about forced labor,” Fluttershy commented.
“If he hadn’t already terrorized poor Dandy himself,” Rarity said.
“Nah, she seemed pretty down to earth,” said Applejack. “I don’t think he’d find much to pick on her about. Rainbow, however…”
“She does seem a bit more pushy than normal,” Rarity observed.
“I don’t know what’s come over her lately,” said Guinness.
“Why don’t we make it Twilight’s problem?” Applejack suggested. The rest of them agreed.
Dandy, meanwhile, was struggling to keep up. Her skin wings conducted heat a lot differently than feathers would have, and simply weren’t the same for handling clouds. And Rainbow kept driving her.
“I’ve never done this before!” she protested. “I’m a guard! I live in Canterlot!”
“I don’t care,” Rainbow snapped.
Before leaving the castle on Princess Luna's orders, Dandy had read up on all the Element bearers. Rainbow was a hothead, but she hadn’t expected it to be this bad. It was almost as if there was something wrong with her.
She was no shrink, but even then, Dandy couldn’t make a diagnosis while Rainbow kept pushing her and the rest of the weather team to work harder, better, faster, and stronger in bringing on winter. They were working, making, and doing it, but even after hour after hour, the work was never over.
Rainbow was losing her mind with impatience. She ended up in the center of Main Street in Ponyville screaming at the sky. “Move those clouds over! More snowflakes! I want those chilly breezes chillier!”
The girls, having heard how her hectic hate had happened, showed up with their concerns. Rainbow was intense by anyone’s definition, but she certainly seemed to be laying it on thicker than normal.
“Rainbow, we need to talk,” Applejack said.
“You’re scaring us,” Twilight added.
Rainbow whirled around. “I don’t have time for this. Winter needs to come now and nopony seems to get it! I’m busting my rump here!”
“You need to calm down,” Rarity said. “We’re worried about you.”
“You need to shut up and mind your own business!”
“You shouldn't take your anger out on your friends,” Pinkie retorted.
Rainbow swelled up with rage. “Who said anything about anger?! I didn't say anything about anger! I'm not upset! And I am not angry! Do I look angry?!”
The girls looked at each other and then nodded.
Rainbow kept swelling. That description from two paragraphs ago wasn’t figurative. She was having a runaway dragon transformation. Ponyville citizens began running for cover.
Roaring, Rainbow soared into the sky. Guinness slammed open the pub door and ran out into the falling snow, staring upward. “What happened?”
“Your wife lost it,” Pinkie said.
“Guess we’d better go get her,” Applejack commented.
“How are we going to do that?” Rarity asked. “None of us can fly.” Fluttershy was not currently a pegasus.
They watched Rainbow streak into Cloudsdale. Weather ponies scattered in all directions. Puffs of snowflakes and water vapor poofed out of the cloud chimneys and the usual rainbow trails streamed over the side. When the technicolor dragon slammed into the weather factory, however, the cloud-based building exploded.
Far above Ponyville, there was an enormous airburst of snowflakes.
Twilight shouted up the street at everypony who was not yet shut securely in their houses. “Brace yourselves! Winter is coming!”
Six feet of snow fell in two seconds. And it was winter.
They all stood around blinking and shivering in shock. Guinness finally had the presence of mind to look up and asked, “Where’s Rainbow?”
Pinkie whipped out some balloons and fashioned a pair of binoculars from them. “There she is! She’s back in pony form and falling!”
“That explosion must have knocked her back to her regular self!” Twilight exclaimed. “I hope the snow will give her a soft landing, but we have to go after her!” She paused, looked at Pinkie, and asked, “Where did you get those binoculars?”
“Party Favor, from that crazy equals-sign town, showed me how to make balloon stuff,” Pinkie said. She grinned. “I learned a lot about balloons.” Fluttershy winced.
Back to the matter at hand, Rarity said, “How are we going to get to Rainbow with all this snow?”
“We could put a plow on a couple of my duplicates and trade them out whenever their muscles tear from the strain,” Applejack suggested.
“Maybe a little less destructive, Twilight could do a rotary spell,” Rarity said.
“If Rarity would bat her eyelashes a little, I’m sure Spike could melt our way there,” Pinkie contributed.
“Rarity could melt it with her salt," Applejack said.
“Definitely not,” Rarity retorted.
“I have an idea,” said Twilight after a moment of thought. “Over by the library, we have six vehicles with enclosed interiors, strong engines, and high-flotation treads.”
They all considered it. Applejack said, “But how are we supposed to learn how they work fast enough to get to Rainbow before she freezes to death?”
Guinness held up a hoof. “I think I can help.”
As it turned out, he had read old human historical documents on maintenance and operation of tanks. Guinness was a history buff and a nerd, so it was only natural. Twilight, however, noted with some concern that reading technical documents had been a characteristic of Valiant.
However, at the moment she couldn’t afford to complain. Guinness paused to grab Skyla, and then hurried with the rest through the deep snow as quickly as they could to where the tanks were parked. Guinness cleared the snow off the top of the rainbow-painted one with a few quick flaps of his wings and then opened the hatch. “Okay everypony, watch and learn!”
After a surprisingly quick training session they all knew the basics of how to turn on the engine and get moving. Guinness led them out of town.
Twilight, and to a somewhat lesser extent, Rarity, were able to summon enough magic to control most aspects of their tanks all by themselves. Pinkie, being Pinkie, could simultaneously serve in all the crew positions. Applejack had no problem filling the seats with her duplicates while Fluttershy reluctantly accepted the help of her slaves.
The engines rumbled as the six tanks ground over the fresh snow. With a spread formation, they eventually located a hole in the snow with a comatose Rainbow at the bottom of it. The insulation of the snow had probably helped her stay alive as long as she had.
Guinness dove into the snow and pulled her out, hauling her into the interior of the tank and into the warmth of the engine. They all sped back to town.
Back in Ponyville, at the hospital, Rainbow was put in for a full medical exam. She’d regained consciousness and warmed up, and protested being in a patient bed, but was too weak to do anything about it.
The girls and Guinness sat in the waiting room for the report. The mood was tense, but not anxious. The worst part was over, but the news could still be bad. Guinness did his best to keep Skyla entertained.
In the exam room, Doctor Stable delivered his diagnosis. “You’ve got early-onset menopause, Rainbow Dash.”
Rainbow's jaw dropped. “You've got to be kidding me.”
The doctor went on. “I believe it is the cause of your recent mood swings and irritability.”
Rainbow didn’t take it well. She screamed. But mostly she cried.
Doctor Stable decided that a few friendly faces would help and went to get Rainbow’s visitors.
Rainbow was still weeping when they came in. Applejack touched her shoulder. “Alright, alright. There, there.” She whispered to Fluttershy, “How do we get her to stop?”
“She’s got to be about done by now,” Fluttershy whispered back. “Can’t be too much left in there.”
Rainbow paused and took a breath.
“Feeling better?” Fluttershy asked.
Rainbow sniffed. “Uh-huh.” She suddenly started crying again.
“Oh, you poor, poor thing,” Fluttershy whimpered. She started sympathy crying.
Like a chain reaction, Rarity said, “I can’t bear to see Fluttershy cry!” She started crying.
Pinkie joined them. “It’s just heart-wrenching!”
Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie kept crying, their weeping feeding back into each other. They all piled onto the bed, tears streaming everywhere.
Applejack took off her hat. Twilight looked at her. “You too?”
“Nope, I'm good,” Applejack replied.
Twilight sighed. “Look everypony, I know how hard this is-”
“I’m mostly sad because you’re not sad!” Pinkie accused through her sniffles.
“What? Me?” said Twilight. “What about Applejack?”
“Applejack cries on the inside, Twilight!” Pinkie said.
“It’s true,” Applejack allowed.
“But what do you mean I’m not sad?” Twilight asked.
“You probably care more about the cool science of armored vehicles we just discovered than about Rainbow!” Pinkie said.
“I’ll grant you that losing her ability to have foals is terrible, but that doesn’t excuse her recent behavior,” Twilight said. “Don't forget that she blew up the weather factory while trying to get her way. Valiant would probably call that eco-terrorism. I truly hate to borrow an expression from him, but…Rainbow is a bitch.”
“That’s my wife you’re talking about!” Guinness protested.
Twilight turned to him. “She’s a bitch.”
Guinness opened his mouth, paused for several seconds, and then closed it again.
Back in Dandy Sprite’s dream, Princess Luna asked, “But this doesn’t explain what happened to you.”
Dandy said, “I was run over by a tank.”
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I've really stopped trying to figure out what's going on at this point.
AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT!
I lost track of what's happening. I have no need to though.
The question now is does Rainbows Menopause act as a checkovs gun or not?
5931166 5931201
What I'm wondering is how you don't understand what is going on.
This story so far is hardly so confusing to garner that kind of reaction.
5932477
This one is probably a joke.
5932518
Yes.
Hopefully.
I could see it triggering her dragon response.
A callus is a toughened area of skin caused by repeated friction over an extended period of time.
Someone who is callous is emotionally hardened, indifferent to the feelings of others.
5934019 fixed
huh... I expected her to be extremely cranky and tired due to her being part dragon and wanting winter to come faster so she could sleep.
The end was an unexpected twi-
Damn it Shyamalan!
5933509 oh no, it's because I turn off my sanity when reading this and certain other fanfics, lest I go mad.
5933509 I don't see the confusion. I can barely tell the difference between this and the real show.
5934916
Understandable.
5936341
Sure.
Confused? Check.
But then again, when did making sense ever count as a factor in this story?
5943232
This is where we all rejoice that Valiant (Chaotic Good) never joined forces with Discord (Chaotic Neutral).
Although now that I think about it, Valiant received phenomenal cosmic powers, so perhaps Valiant is Discord...
Oh.
Not sure if that's better or worse.
Note to self.
Reading this story six months later after stopping is a mind fuck.