• Published 2nd Mar 2012
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A Dream - totallynotabrony



A not so standard human-in-Equestria story including but not limited to: democracy, tequila, and robots.

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Swarm of the Century

“Whatcha don’?” asked Apple Bloom.

“I’m fitting the PEX with manipulators.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Arms.”

“Oh.” She paused and watched me for a little while. “How come?”

“Can’t have a proper robot without ‘em.”

“I reckon.”

The library door opened and Twilight came out. “You clean, Spike. I'll go see how everyone else's preparations are coming.”

“Preparations for what?” I asked.

“You haven’t heard? Princess Celestia is coming.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to give her a piece of my mind about her tyrannical rule.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Anyway, I’m off to see how the rest of the town is doing.”

“Ah didn’t know Princess Celestia was a tyrant," said Apple Bloom.

I grinned. Educating the little filly was going to be fun.

“Ah mean, she don’t even sell tires.”

My face fell. Maybe not.

Pinkie Pie ran up just then. “Hey, do you know where I can find a trombone?”

“No, sorry. Will a clarinet do?”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “I’ve got this parasprite invasion to fend off and I really, really need something from the brass section right now.”

“Have you tried…the music shop?”

“That’s a great idea! See you later!” Pinkie ran off.

“What’s a parasprite?” I asked. Apple Bloom shrugged.

By that evening, I had both arms hooked up and decided it was time for a test. I got in the cockpit and slipped my forehooves into the controls. I figured if I could pluck a single flower from the bed near the library, that would be good enough.

I overshot, and the metal fist slammed into the side of the tree, although not hard enough to break anything.

“What was that?” asked Twilight, sticking her head out the window.

“Um, nothing.” I noticed a small, spherical creature with wings hovering around her head. “What’s that thing?”

“I’m not sure what it’s called. Fluttershy had a few, and gave one to me. It’s so cute.” Turning back to me, she said, “Why don’t you come in and get some sleep? It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

For perhaps the first time since I’d begun this stupid dream, I took Twilight’s advice. The idea of sleeping in a dream was kind of silly, but it advanced me to the next day more quickly.

When I woke up, the library was covered with the little insects, including some hovering right in my face. “Gah!” I fell off the couch.

I heard Twilight make a similar noise. The creatures must be everywhere. I swatted at the air frantically, but didn’t manage to hit a single one. Some of them began knocking books off the shelves.

“All my hard work!” said Spike in dismay.

"Where did they all come from?"

“Help me round up these little guys,” said Twilight.

“I’m trying,” I answered.

We managed to get all of them crammed into a pair of saddlebags. “We should take these to Fluttershy,” said Twilight. “She’s good with animals, she’ll know what to do.”

We walked towards Fluttershy’s house, meeting Rarity on the way. Her own saddlebags were writhing with the little creatures.

“I see we’re having the same problem,” she said.

Just then, Rainbow Dash zoomed by with a crowd of the insects following her.

“Good heavens! What are we going to do?”

“You could always take a break and listen to me talk about the new mechanical arms I installed on the PEX,” I said.

Rarity was about to reply, probably in the negative, when Fluttershy’s front door burst open and thousands of the creatures came pouring out.

My eyes went wide. “Oh my God, I knew I should have installed a flamethrower instead.”

Just then, Applejack showed up. “Here's all those apples you wanted, Fluttershy, but ah still can't figure why y'need so many.” A crowd of the insects descended on the apple cart she was pulling and picked it clean within seconds.

“What do we do?” pleaded Fluttershy.

“I’ve got it!” said Twilight. “Nopony can herd like Applejack!”

The farm pony nodded. “Ah'll rustle 'em up, but ah need everypony's help to do it. Twilight, you and Rarity wait over there. Ah'll herd the little critters straight at ya like a funnel. Rainbow Dash, you and Fluttershy stay on top of 'em, don't let 'em fly away. Valiant, stand right there.”

They somehow managed to cram all the little creatures into a giant ball, which they began rolling towards the forest. Pinkie Pie showed up and said something that everybody ignored. It probably wasn’t important.

The ball rolled neatly into the forest and out of sight.

“We did it. Nice work, Applejack.”

“Couldn't a'done it without y'all.”

“Let's get back and clean the mess they made, before the princess arrives,” suggested Twilight. We walked back in the direction of Fluttershy’s house. With a feeling of déjà vu, the door burst open and the creatures came pouring out. I think there were more of them this time.

“Where did they come from?” demanded Twilight. “We don't have time to keep rounding up these things! What do we do with this swarm?”

“The option to kill it with fire is still on the table,” I pointed out.

“Let’s call in the weather patrol,” said Rainbow Dash. “Time to take out the adorable trash.” I wondered slightly at the rhyme, but let it go. There was work to do.

Rainbow spun up a miniature tornado that sucked up all the bugs. It looked like the plan was going to work until Pinkie came along, crashing a pair of cymbals together. The tornado sucked them up, and Rainbow, trying to avoid being decapitated by the flying metal disks, lost control. The creatures escaped and flew off towards Ponyville.

“Come on!” The six of them, well actually five, Pinkie wasn’t present, ran towards town with me following. When we arrived, all the food in the area was under attack.

“I’ve got it!” said Twilight. “I’ll cast a spell to make them stop eating all the food!” Her horn glowed and she put out a burst of magic.

The insects all stopped eating for a moment. Some of them halted in mid-bite. Then they promptly began eating everything that wasn’t food.

“Every pony for herself!” shrieked Rarity.

Twilight’s face twitched and she broke into a smile. I noticed that her eyes weren’t focused on anything. “Okay everyone, we need to build an exact copy of Ponyville right over there. We've got less than a minute before the Princess arrives!”

I put my hoof around her shoulders. “Welcome to my world. Insanity feels good doesn’t it?”

Before she could reply, there came the sound of a polka. What? In my dream? I looked around and saw Pinkie with various instruments strapped to her, walking down the street. Strangely, the insects seemed to be following her.

We ran to the edge of town just as Celestia was arriving. She stepped off her carriage and greeted us.

“I'm terribly honored that you and the good citizens of Ponyville have organized a parade in honor of my visit!” Behind us, Pinkie and the troop of bugs marched by.

“Uh, yes, the parade!” said Twilight.

“Unfortunately, that visit is going to have to wait for another time. I'm afraid an emergency has come up in Fillydelphia. Apparently there's been some sort of infestation. Something about a swarm of bothersome creatures.” She got back in the carriage and flew off.

“Come back here foul dictator! I want to have a word with you!” Celestia did not appear to hear me, and the carriage did not turn around.

I sulked. “Forget the flamethrower, I should have installed missiles.”

All the strange creatures were gone. The five ponies were talking to Pinkie about something. I caught the phrase have tuba, will travel.

I shook my head. That Pinkie.

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