The “Welcome home Princess Luna” party lasted the rest of the day. Having stayed up all night for the Summer Sun Celebration, I was pretty tired. I don’t remember falling asleep, but when I woke up, I was facedown on the library floor surrounded by cake crumbs.
“Good morning Valiant,” said Spike.
“Huh? Oh, hi.” I yawned. Here I was still in Equestria, still dreaming. Strange, I’d never slept in a dream before. Did I dream while I was dreaming?
“Spike, allow me to incept you with an idea.”
“What does that mean?”
“Don’t worry about it, just listen. If you’re just a figment of my subconscious, then you know what I know. Theoretically, that means we share the same mind, and all thoughts.”
“What are you talking about?”
I frowned. “If you know what I know, then you’d know what I’m talking about.”
“Do you know what you’re talking about?”
I actually hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I suppose not.”
“So how would I know what you’re talking about?”
“Fair point.” I got up and stretched. Twilight came down the stairs from where her bed was.
“Oh, I didn’t expect you to still be here.”
“Neither did I. Longest dream I can remember.”
She gave me an odd look, but didn’t press it. “Spike, Applejack asked me to help her out a little at Sweet Apple Acres. I’ll be gone a while. You’ll have to watch the library.”
“Can’t I come, Twilight? I haven’t had any really great apples for a while.”
“I can watch the library,” I offered.
She looked skeptical. “Do you have any experience with books?”
“Sure. They have words in them for you to read. When you’re finished, you put them back on the shelf.”
“Well, all right. I should only be gone a few hours. Come on, Spike.” He climbed on her back and they left.
I was alone in the library. Honestly, I didn’t mind. Reading the books would be a great way to pass the time. I couldn’t wait to see what kind of crazy stuff my sleeping mind would come up with.
After a couple of hours, Fluttershy came in with a whole flock of birds.
“Oh,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting to find you here. I was just going to do a little tidying up.”
“Knock yourself out.” I went back to the adventure novel I had found. It was part of a series that started a great hero named Daring Do. I figured that once I got to the climax, I would probably wake up and never find out how it ended. Kind of sad, but it had to happen eventually.
Fluttershy and the birds began cleaning things. They hummed and sang while they worked.
A few minutes later, Twilight came in. “Oh Fluttershy, not you too!”
“Oh, hello Twilight. I hope you don’t mind. We’re all doing a little spring cleaning.”
“It’s summer.”
“Oh, well better late than never, right?”
“You’re not doing this for the ticket, are you?”
“Well, yes.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not accepting any favors until I’ve made my final decision. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to—”
The door burst open and Pinkie darted in, grabbing Twilight and hauling her outside. I heard some kind of song and dance number. A crowd had gathered, and they seemed as confused as I was.
“What’s going on?” asked one of them.
“Oh, you haven’t heard?" said Pinkie's voice. "Twilight has an extra ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala!”
“THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA!” the crowd roared. It sounded like there was some kind of stampede outside.
“What’s the Grand Galloping Gala?” I wondered.
A few minutes later, Twilight and Spike teleported into the room, looking frazzled.
“Quick, lock the doors!” she said. The two of them covered all the rooms, shutting windows and bolting locks. When it was all done, she breathed a sigh of relief.
“What was all that for?” I asked as we stood in the dark.
“I’ve got an extra ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala, and everypony in town wants it! We have to lock down the library so they’ll leave us alone.”
“Uh, that might be a problem.”
The lights flicked on. Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie had all managed to slip inside.
Twilight screamed. “I can’t decide! I just can’t decide. I just can’t stand to disappoint any of you.” She dropped to the floor, covering her head with her hooves.
“Twilight, sugar, I didn’t mean to put so much pressure on you,” said Applejack. “If it helps, I don’t want the ticket anymore. You can give it to somepony else. I won’t feel bad, I promise.”
“Me too,” said Fluttershy. “I fell so awful that I made you feel awful.”
“And me too,” said Pinkie. “It’s no fun upsetting your friends.”
“Twilight, it was unfair of me trying to force you as I did,” said Rarity.
“Yes!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “That means the ticket is mine!” She laughed.
“You know, you’re kind of a bitch,” I said.
The ponies stared at me for a moment in shock, before seeming to agree and glaring at Rainbow.
“Ah, I haven’t perfected my signature moves yet to show off to the Wonderbolts. I guess I don’t need that ticket either.”
“We’re sorry, Twilight,” they all said in unison.
“So what is this Grand Galloping Gala?” I asked.
All six of them began talking at once. I couldn’t pick out any individual comments, but it seemed like they all had their reasons for wanting to go.
“I can’t believe you haven’t heard of the Gala,” said Twilight.
“Hello? Not from Equestria?”
“It sounds like you could use a new experience.”
“Are you gonna take him?” asked Applejack in astonishment.
“No, if I can’t take all of you girls, I’ll just return the tickets. Spike, take a letter.”
I got the feeling that I had just been slighted, somehow. Twilight finished the dictation and Spike sent the letter on its way with a puff of fire.
“I couldn’t enjoy myself without you girls there anyway,” said Twilight. They had a group hug.
Twilight’s stomach growled.
“Allow us to treat you to dinner,” said Rarity.
Spike suddenly spit up a letter. “Hey look, six tickets to the Gala!”
The ponies cheered. Spike coughed up another piece of paper. He read, “And one for a chaperone of your choice.”
“Valiant, would you like to go?”
“Uh, I guess. I still don’t know what it is.”
Spike’s cheeks bulged again and out came another letter. He looked slightly worn out from the activity, but his face brightened when he read what was written. “And one for you, Spike!”
Everyone seemed pleased by this, and they went to dinner. I wasn’t invited.
Whatever. I had a novel to finish.
Wow! This is really good! I want more!
poor valiant
-The Doctor
For a pony with a Sueish name, Valiant is kind of in limbo.
“Sure. They have words in them for you to read. When you’re finished, you put them back on the shelf.”
-That is right up there with the line in the modern Zorro movie where the old guy asks the younger one if he knows how to use a sword and the young guy says something along the lines of "Sure. The pointy end goes in the other man."
598169 A fanfic? Sure. It's a page of words on a website, and it has ponies.
You know, I've read enough stories where the ending turned out to be all a dream that I'd probably react this way too...right up until I ended up getting shot in the gut or something...(knowing my luck, I'd end up in Skyrim, Faerun, or some other, more violent, fantasy world)
417927 The name doesn't refer to the personality trait, but rather a car called the Plymouth Valiant.
631861 not all the fanfics have ponies only the good ones does :P
meow
I almost died laughing when you wrote, "You know, you're kind of a bitch." to Rainbow Dash! Because, even though we all love Rainbow, we also all know it's true when you really think about it. fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/092/e/5/cutie_mark_crusaders___sheltering_from_the_rain_by_joemasterpencil-d4us05b.png
Not to be super cynical but... What kind of bullshit question is that??!? (I loved it!)
2380539 Glad to be of service. I'm told that the story starts to get nuts in about a dozen more chapters.
2380558 Here we go!
"You're kind of a bitch"
I was literally ROTFLMFAO for a good ten seconds :) thanks.
2866427
Exactly what I said when I saw the episode.
This is by far the funniest fanfic I have ever read!
This is exactly what I said, but I still fell out of my bed from laughing so hard. And I have a bunk bed. This deserves my Rotflolmfaomg seal of approval!
In case you don't know, this is how you separate it: Rotfl-Lol-Lmfao-Omg. Put it together and you get Rotflolmfaomg!
Well, that was awfully blatant.
3931711 But it's true!
... Wow. A story where the self-insert/random human DOESN'T try to foust themselves upon the story. Okay. Yeah, this is pretty good. XD
Oh. My. Fucking. Sides.
This was the story I've been looking for.
An insert where they're just smart enough to verbally strike at just the right moments.
They are rather mean to him in a way. Sure they gave him a ticket, but not inviting him for dinner? I'm also wondering why they are still not worrying about his mental health, but I think that part will probably come in some of the next few chapters. So I will wait for it!
7104590 They probably are worried about his mental health; that may be a big reason why he wasn't invited.
MUHAHAHAHA ITS NO LONGER 1600 ITS NOW 1601 MUHAHHAHAHAAHAHAAAA
7601211
Well if we're counting likes,
I'm 1627.
But that just spoils the joke,
Ol'joke-spoiling me, glad to be of service.
7670146 Staring a marathon of a 1/3 of a million words. I like your style.
Just found this story... a few million words? sweeeet.. I wonder if I can marathon this? Nahh, won't be able to.
8371485
Well, I think it's pretty clear that this story encourages bad decisions.
Well, when the description said it was a HiE like that, I wasn't expecting a backseat approach to it. I kind of like it. I'll read until I can read it no more!
8371485
I just week-long marathoned Letters from an Irritated Princess.
I haven't slept in six days.
HELP ME.
PLEASE.
And way too early for the fourth of july, 1776 likes.
8971797
Nice. Valiant would be proud.
Well. Stories like this were inevitable.
9646145
Believe me, I'm as surprised as anyone it's gone this long.
I decided to reread this whole crazy adventure before it ends and realized the Awnser was staring at in the face this whole time!
Its all a dream!
But whose dream is it? My money is that it’s ours. This whole fanfiction experience was nothing more than a dream, and honestly I’d be ok with that.
Or leave a like and a comment, and add it to your favorites folder.
... hey, just saying.
You know, I just realized that protagonist (if you can call him that) hasn't had anything to eat since the beginning of the story...
Oh, wait... cake... right... nevermind, I'm an idiot.
It's like the universe is trying to stay canonical, but also warping to fit around the anomaly that is Valiant