• Member Since 16th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Sunday


All I want is to be remembered. Not for what I've done, but because I tried to be better.

Comments ( 46 )

This is like a bad end to The Island (2005)

This year's Halloween seems to have brought out all the creepy stories that the community has been hiding.

I had my fill of nightmare fuel this year after the headless bughorse story :pinkiesick:. I'm good.

I could see Twilight doing this but Rainbow participating?

Nice job, I can feel the chills running down my spine.

That's .. dark. Like, really dark.

And I don't know if Celestia and Luna do it the same way, or if they have some other eldritch horror way of being immortal, or what.

I'm usually not into dark stuff, but this was an interesting read.

Yeah... I'll be completely honest, the ending scene is something I'm not entirely satisfied with. It's horrifying, but it's also not entirely consistent or explicable within the story framework. I think I'm going to split the final scene to a separate chapter with some changes, and write some alternate endings as well.

This gave me a good chill, congrats!

Also, I found one minor error:

The Twilight on the floor stirred and dragged herself to her feet, head completely intact.


First the headless bug story, the Day Breaks story and now this?

Its almost like its spooky season, but that cant be right…

Ooo ok story feels inspired by a certain game with 4 letters. Still an interesting quick read.

Yeah, I read that one too and I feel the same.

Hmm, the beginning reminds me of a thing I read where Twilight gets totally smashed by a hydra and her friends witness her body putting itself back together :moustache:

Twiggles needs a good bitchslap for making pony-made horrors beyond her comprehension :moustache:

Idly she followed Twilight into the market. wearing a set of saddlebags for plausible deniability.

I assume the period should be a comma :moustache:

Princess Twilight! are you okay!?

*Are :moustache:

Relief flooded into Rainbow even as her jaw fell in astonishment..

Is that supposed to be an ellipsis, or a single period? :moustache:

Rainbow hunkered in the bushes across from the Golden Oak library as the sun dipped below the horizon.

More of a minor thing, it's usually capitalized as Golden Oak Library :moustache:

Some ponies were already in bed, but she knew Twilight's better nature would keep her at the town council for hours until each mundane issue was resolved

This sentence is missing its terminating dot period symbol thing :moustache:

I assumed that the one strapped to the table was the original and the clone had her memories/personality...adjusted.

I'll get these updated shortly. Thank you!

It's left vague but that's one possible interpretation. I think I'm going to revise the ending a little tonight to make things a little more clear.

The fic https://www.fimfiction.net/story/19676/sunset starts with a similar "Extremely injury exposes Twilight as immortal" she eventually loses it. The injury is quite bad and Twilight suffers it not knowing she is immortal so it's got a body horror aspect. But the big scare is Twilight unhinged.
The sequel https://www.fimfiction.net/story/24152/for-want-of-a-dawn follows after with Twilight just managing to recover her mind before total disaster happens, then taking steps to keep her from a repete of the climax of the first story.

Comment posted by RandomCommentor deleted Nov 2nd, 2022

I love this! I, too wrote a "what if immortality for Twilight was actually horrible" and there was a secret lab in mine too, but this is an entirely different take and very well done! The ending especially is absolutely incredible and horrifying! Excellent fic! Excellent bit of horror!


The real horror is Twilight in a MAGA hat. MAGAlight

Also, creepy picture, but Twilight has a nice butt.




Terrifying without dropping out of character, and hits like a truck at the end. I give it 10 yikes out of 10.

Man, that ending was freaky. As I was reading it, I was wondering if Twilight had kidnapped her human counterpart and was making her take all the suffering. But even if that wasn't the case, reading this still sent chills down my spine. You did a great job on this, and I'm looking forward to seeing those alternate endings you mentioned.

damn you science!
the suspense was done very well

I like this version better, but I think I'm a bit confused with the "What? No. No no no!" part. Was it not what the Twilight going under expected or did she think that something had gone wrong? I assume the spell was to wake up the next version of herself and/or transfer her consciousness to it? Either way, good creepy tale overall.

Explanatory spoilers about teleportation and splicing:

There's an episode of Star Trek TNG where Commander Riker is being teleported up to the Enterprise from an abandoned planet, and the teleporter beam gets bounced around in a storm. But he makes it onto the ship okay with no ill effects and they go on their way. Several years later they return to the planet, and find Commander Riker alive, wondering why they left without him.

Each copy thinks it'll be the real one. The truth is, they both are. That's why she preemptively puts on the sleeping mask before she does the procedure, because she knows that one of her will wake up on the table and not want to be there. Read Blink by ocalhoun, which was a tangential inspiration for this.

Major spoilers for the game SOMA:

In the game basically the very same happens... twice. You discover you are actually (just?) the mind-copy of the person you initially thought you were - the guy died shortly after being mind-scanned. Halfway through the play-through you need to switch to another body/chassis/suit to continue further, and your companion happily offers to help you with the transfer. One cutscene later, just as you leave the station, you hear your own voice coming from within the (locked) room you entered before starting the transfer, demanding to be let out. Your companion explains, it is not actually a "transfer" - it is a copy process. Slightly disturbed you move on anyway.
In the finale of the game you are stuck at the bottom of the ocean, but there is the "escape capsule" containing a virtual world for you to transfer to and "live" in. So you once more do the transfer - but, aside from the capsule launching into space, nothing seems to happen. Your companion reminds you: It is not a transfer, it is a copy - and this "you" lost the coinflip - this is the you who remains stuck in the ocean and you completely lose your shit. (An short epilogue follows showing the other "you" being amazed at the virtual world etc. - the process once again worked as advertised - one you gets to escape, the other remains stuck...)

...Hot damn! That is extremely clever!

I think I liked the first ending better. It kind of implied the possibility it was a conspiracy of clones (think those two from Invincible). Basically, it implied the that TwiClone was able to create a RainbowClone that instantly conformed to her morality.

I wonder... what if Applejack doubted and tried to ask Rainbow, maybe noticed the fear in her eyes and tried to stop Twilight?

Hmm, first ending is better and overall the story had a nice Twilight Zone feel to it.

Oh, I like this. I like this very much.

Gods this is why I have a distinct fear of immortality, especially with this sci-fi feel to it. You are still you but the memories of one are stopping while the other lives. Trading lives and learning from deaths abd pain only to know the true one is to never awaken again. Oh this has got to be a favorite now because I love how sci-fi “immortality” can be so different from fantasy magic, great job!

she also did the alternate ending

Oh my god.
Oh my god
I love it!

So Twilight never bothered to ask Celestia or Luna? Because I don't think this is how the princesses do it, I mean think about it, Luna was on the moon for 1000 years, she should be dead!

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