tailsopony
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Oh nice it's finally posted! Been looking forward to seeing it complete. Good idea to post it on Halloween!
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That was always the plan! It's just, uh, it was originally Halloween... uh... a year or two (or so) ago.
Read it and headed to bed; good job! I kinda figured it'd be that twist at the end but it was well delivered.
11737166
Yeah, it's not exactly clever. lol. You read that quick! Hopefully it's not too, uh, whatever it is. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment!
Sergeant Shield Dreams relaxed, enjoying the hooves of her friend run across her back. Even though she spent significantly less time at firm attention in post — it was hard to muster that constant morale, when the mare you're supposed to be 'protecting' clearly doesn't give a single thought to her own self care — her duties and training still took a toll, and her muscles loved the eager, exploratory massage she was getting from Cherry.
The guardmare let out a blissful moan and rolled her neck, looking to the table beside her where Atmos Vigil lie, his large, muscular body being handled by Orange. She snickered a bit, remembering the embarassment she felt when the princess had ordered her retinue to take some time to enjoy themselves and simply exist, and Dreams had impulsively asked him to join her friends before drawing a blank on his name. They'd changed shifts so many times, and yet — his size was really the only thing that stuck out in her memory. Maybe the Princess' point was right, and despite what she instinctually felt, she'd become too defined by just her job. Or maybe—
Her pondering was interrupted by another blissful, instinctive moan as her side unknotted, and Cherry's familiar hoof wandered further back to her rump. It pushed her mind into a slightly different state, and different view of the stallion next to her. In general she may have preferred the company of mares, as her old schoolmate was demonstrating... (And she remembered to let out a cute "Thank you!" for that treatment, even as she knew her perv of friend was getting plenty of pleasure of feeling her toned body), but there was still a deeper, more instinctual sense of her body that reminded her time was passing, and her opportunity to have an essential, equine experience might be drawing to a close. Looking at a handsome, virile stud — it at least let imagery of herself as a mother dance through her head. It was probably just her relaxed, comforted body, but she could feel a tingle of magic as she thought of cradling a foal, and raising and showing them the world she loved and swore to protect.
[[...I can't get any variation/inversion of "the foal has a future" to flow naturally; writing is hard; but ponies are still worth doing something for.]]
I know bits of your writing process and your distinctive motivations; there's so many artful tonal shifts, cute jokes, sincere emotion, and raw horror mixed together in here, and it's very difficult to tell what's structured the way it is because of how much I'm sure this concept shifted during writing.
It all clicks. It's interesting, it fills me with -- I don't know what words to use. It feels like none are appropriate in the face of the layers of... you wrote a good story to capture the concept; if I could do that in this comment underneath (or at least the comment portion, and not the affectionate-fixfic portion), the story would be less good.
The confrontation of mortality, inevitability; the acknowledgement of how objectifying and transient relationships can be — while also (mostly(?)) non-judgementally keeping that open to not diminish the meaningfulness of them, or that they can change form and purpose... I'm reading a bit too much into a spooky shitpost, but I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity.
Thank you for writing and sharing, continually.
Also I wish I could find this hotter; because the hot part would probably really really hot to me if I wasn't so busy being distracted having robust emotions and awe. Jerk good writer, ruining your porn with talent.
What the fuck did I just read.
That was... chaotic yet kinda made sense?
I don't even fucking know.
Don't even know if I love or hate it, thanks.
Great to read it with some nuclear winter ambience tho.
Well damn, that was very well written.
I really like the vibe at the beginning and the cold and hot theme the story has going on.
The last chapter won't load unless i download it but ill say it here. What a fascinating response to clop fics, I'm the last person who wants to read them but this is a very interesting interpretation of what itd be like for the ponies. The idea that magic died because the show ended was marvellous, and that writing fanfic brought it back (a version of it anyway). What a shame that for this universe it was a clopfic, or well for the ponies who don't wanna (or shouldn't) sex at least. Made me very uncomfortable which I imagine was the intent of the author so bravo as well.
Well that was horrifying, memorable, and maybe a tiny bit true. Maybe I contributed to the writhing with my own clopfics... Whoops.
Still, it is a life, I suppose. The fandom is smaller than it used to be, but considering where we are, YEARS after the end of G4, it is shockingly strong.
I was actually very into the fic even before the whole meta thing. While this fic was very disturbing and interesting and was good overall it wasn't the story I was looking for. That's not something good or bad I just... didn't want to read this kind of story. It brought up some stuff that I didn't quite like.
Eh, I can't help but see some self-reflection here, as well as discussion on consumerism. I am glad for you that you were able to write it out.
But ideas are a pure things in their inception, and their malleable meaning lies beyond all that—in their capability to be reflected and our ability to be inspired by them. Some things will never be tarnished because they do not truly belong to anyone; they are just something universal that is dressed in different meanings. So if you really want to go meta, 'real' Twilight Sparkle (and other ponies) remained not even in the show, to be explored and discarded, but in her concept arts and whatever inspirations the original creator had, and I doubt that we will ever be able to do anything with that.
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Glad you liked it! I really wish I spent more time editing it. I could fix a few of the chaotic side effects, but yeah. I was shooting for a lot of things. The story is too meta. lol. It's weird references all the way down to the fruit flavored ponies eating tarts while they decide on if they're hookers or not. Tarts are both fruit filled pastries, and an old phrase for a prostitute. I was trying to have attention in some scenes, and intentionally less in others to simulate how engaged the reader might be, how focused twilight was, all kinds of nonsense that I don't think came through clearly and just ended up making a bit of a cacophony of a story. I still like it. I just think it should have been better. Hmm... Thanks for the comment and thoughts, as always!
Also, I see you trying to save that nameless guard there. lol. I like it.
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The apocalypse. And a story about you! Thanks for the comment!
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It's not well written, exactly, but it is a concept I really wanted to try! And yeah, I was actively messing with how much attention each bit had. Glad you noticed! Thanks for the comment!
11737436
I was inspired by a lot of things, but yeah. To be fair, it's not just clop-fics. It's all of fan-fiction. I tried to include a little bit of everything without making anything besides horror the real focus. I really like imagining various takes/genres from the perspective of the characters in the genre. It just makes it all seem so strange to me. And I guess I was definitely shooting for that, so yay! Weird the chapter didn't load though. I don't like that. Is it visible now? Thanks for the comment!
11737533
Hey, somebody's keeping the lights on. Might as well be us. Even if we're somewhat antithetical to a pony's continued experience as a kids TV show. lol. Thanks for the comment, and thanks for contributing in general!
11737632
Sorry about that! I generally make people uncomfortable. It's a blessing and a... wait, no it's just a curse. I get similar comments on a lot of my stories. Thanks for the comment though! Hopefully the next thing you read is what you wanted!
11737720
Definitely some self reflection, but also a take on fandom in general and not specifically just clop. Yes, the original ideas/media still exists, but not the same zeitgeist of the show. What I mean is that the collective experience has changed, and it's changed because of many factors to include the change in primary content creators over time-- fandom vs original TV show crew. If you were to show Lauren Faust's Twilight sketch to a person nowadays, they'll have a very different idea of what that character is now vs 13(?) years ago. That collective experience is what I'm gunning after here. Nothing's tarnished, exactly, but the experience is and can't be what it used to be. There's also a neat, and very interesting thing where ponies have become a little bit of the internet's meme DNA, and I wonder if they'll be around in 200 years in some vestigial capacity as a result. The thought is wild to me.
Also, if you want to see a dark shmooze story, check out my ex-smooze me story. It's weirdly relevant to this one (horror, tentacles) but not meta. Well, except the joke chapter. That one's meta, but not canon tot he rest of the story. Thanks for the comment!
I loved this. At the start you don't understand what's happening but the clues start snapping together and you comprehend. Very well written.
This story made me happy!
11737976
Ah, well... I might be biased here, I don't keep fandom's opinion on the characters in high regard anyway
Usually the fanon stuff is kinda subpar, at best... And it will be forgotten or reinvented, while the original work will remain unchanged... Also, you can do a lot more with the rich narrative of the canon without inventing that much. Just by expanding on it.
Will surely check out that schmooze fic sometimes, cheers
11738107
Can you help? I got some of the story. But i feel a decent amount went above my head.
This is honestly great in a sort of eldritch way.
Love the story, it was a fund Love Craft horror story that hit unusual kinks that I don't get to think about much. Great job. I would also like to see how the rest of Equestria would be twisted by that thing in the future in order to keep Equestria alive one more day.
11738651
Sure. You need to think as if Equestria and our world is linked. Hasbro and it's staff are the creators that gave lifeblood to the world of Equestria by working on it but now that the show is done. There will be no new Energy to sustain the world, no future. And so it was dying.
The Writhing is a new source of energy being pumped into the earthly veings. But, where is this energy coming? The answer is simple. It's coming from horny Anons online writing fiction. To not die Equestria began to embrace smut ( as seen by Twilight getting used by tentacles ) to keep the attention of maybe not original creators but it's brand new caretakers so there shall be a future.
Basically Smut saved the day in the worst possible way.
11738107
Yeah, Exuno pointed out that I left the author's note in the first chapter for the first 24 hours or so. So half the folks that read this had it spoiled in the first chapter. Now that's foreshadowing! Thanks for the comment!
11738219
I'm glad! Surprised, but glad!
11738651
reliczexide got you with their explanation. Super spoiler: The writhing is you. It's us. It's everybody here that's written any kind of fan fiction, or read any kind of it, or made any kind of art, or contributing to the fandom in any way. Sure, here it's interacting with Twilight as a horrifying sex dream demon, but she's into it because she has to be. And because the tags here are "Sex, Dark, Horror, Mystery". So in order for her and the rest of the ponies to stay alive, they need to be participants and engage with those tags.
It's a bit of a dig on the reader. What did the reader expect going into this story? Literally the only information provided to a reader is the short and long description, the picture and the tags.
She's vaguely aware that she's a character, and that in order for her world to keep existing she has to be entertaining. She's thought about this, and she's tried doing the "right" thing, specifically in reference to Cozy. That didn't work. So once she figures out that something is watching, she notes what they paid attention to and what they seemed to want. Turns out, it wasn't light hearted family friendly fun. The people that would click on THIS story wanted to see sex, dark, horror, and mystery. They know the world is dead, and it writhes from the description. They see the picture of tentacles and Twilight in the middle. So she has to please them in order to keep their attention. She has to be a spectacle. She even laughs at the absurdity of it, and how simple the driving interest is. She's laughing at us. There's more meta nonsense, but that's a lot of what's happening. I really wish I spent more time editing it...
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The other ending was way more drawn out and explored that a little. There were cults to things, and mostly ponies just went about their lives as close to normal as they could with high priestess Twilight Sparkle ensuring something interesting was happening at all times. Also, she makes extra special care to learn pony's names, and ponies are encouraged to use their names frequently in conversation. Just in case something is watching...
The rest of the princesses participated in the situation to some degree. Except Flurry. She felt like this was a betrayal to everything they once stood for, and she sort of becomes an anti-villain. She's a cultural bad guy because she refuses to participate in the spectacle that's the new normal, and lives by the old values.
The story was more fun, but it lost a lot of the meta stuff I was going for, so instead Cherry and Orange were born as two of the most generic fuck buddies I could come up with. They're a funnyman/straightman duo, they round out the trio (earth, pegasus, unicorn), their names are vaguely sexual, and they have little needs beyond the obvious.
Maybe I'll write about a fucked up equestria in one of my next stories. Could be fun.
11738942
This! But also horror! Can't forget that a lot of what made the fandom popular was stuff like "Cupcakes" "Forest of the blanks" and "Rainbow Factory". Between the smut and the horror, this fandom really took hold. Not to mention all the cool not horrifying stuff. And it's not just about the writers and content producers. It's a about the consumers of this stuff, too. lol.
What the fuck???
Yeah you had me with the concept of a dying world, but I did not need to read that debauchery.
I liked the set-up in the first part of the story....I do not care for it turning into a clop fic. Not because I mind clop fics, but because that was a good horror/dark story set-up.
I just finished reading the first chapter of this story, and I have to say, my senses were tingling big time very early on. The moment Twilight felt like the world was dying, I had thoughts of where this might be going as well as thoughts of where I'd take it if I were writing it.
My first thought was that all the ponies were going to slowly turn into just plain real-life ponies like we'd see here in our world. I then messaged my writing partner with the following:
Within moments, I realized this was not where you were taking the story. Then I got a massive chill as I contemplated a scenario where the ponies could somehow sense what was happening to their world via our world and our interests in their world. Not only interests, but art, music, writing, videos, and so on. We create their world. I've always taken this concept seriously and have always been fascinated by the potential of writing such a story myself. Because I believe pretty strongly that as authors, we essentially create life. And that life is not aware of our influence... In a very literal sense, the God/Man dynamic is extremely similar to the author/character dynamic. So there's boundless potential for interesting stories that focus on this concept.
My suspicion grew more and more as the story progressed. And I have to commend you, author, for your very well-crafted teasing into the concept. You didn't hit us over the head with it right away. You subtly teased it into existence, which I find rather impressive. I even doubted that my suspicion was certain until the moment Discord revealed what he knew about the world. That's when I knew. So I messaged my writing partner again:
Also, you've gone and admitted what a lot of us have figured out back in Season 7 or 8 but many still deny... that the show completely went off the rails and caused the fandom's death. It was doing really well for a fair number of years and had every chance of continuing. I myself jumped ship back in 2019 and haven't watched anything of the show beyond half way through season 8. And everyone tells me season 9 was a dumpster fire that killed what was once an amazing fantasy world. Two seasons of near-perfection. Six if you ignore a fair number of dud episodes. But once 8 started, it was all over.
I'm very impressed with the amazing introspection going on in the writing of this story. Though I am hesitant to continue reading because I don't want to see it devolve into a clopfic. In my view, and I'm sure I'll get downvotes for this, clop is an infection upon this community. Not because I'm being prudish or anything, or even that I'm against erotica, but just look at the proliferation of that vs quality storytelling. Any community with this percentage of porn as its mainstay content is not a healthy one. And it absolutely was not always like this. It feels like a rot of sort, creeping in, killing the fandom (or perhaps... merely being a symptom of the death of the fandom. It feels like what's going on in this story. And in some ways, I suppose if this story does turn into a clopfic, it's not a meaningless one like so many out there -- but rather, a harshly real reflection on what our beloved fandom has turned into. That's how I suspect it will go at any rate. We'll see.
All in all, very impressive first chapter! This is the first story I've begun reading on fimfiction for years. Thank you.
Finished second chapter. It's very well-written. Personally, I did feel like Twilight's characterization slipped toward the end, where she quite suddenly abandoned virtue. Though that's one possible way things can go I suppose, and I respect that this is your story and you make the rules. Personally, if I were writing it, I would have kept Twilight (as the POV character) as the last bastion of virtue in a rapidly decaying world, dismayed as she watches things fall apart around her. The depravity could be something that starts with a few and then spreads out, but to begin it with the story's protagonist threw me off balance, personally.
Overall, still very impressive and highly introspective. I like your concepts and style, but I'm not confident that I will continue to enjoy the content itself. I might pick this up later and see how chapter three goes. But I've been recommending the story to my community with the hopes of striking up conversation about the meta aspects of things. Thanks again for your contribution.
11737976
Nah it's fine dude I just don't really like the meta aspect because it's mostly the author is often trying to sound smart and they end up just... not being that. This worked here in a way but I was hooked before that and I guess if I knew about the meta thing I wouldn't have read it. I guess this was good for you and me in a way.
11739230
Season 9 really isn't as bad as people say it is. It's a "grass is always greener" sort of thing. People always say the 'new thing' is bad, because they're looking at the past with rose-tinted glasses.
Personally, I found season 9 amazing, and the finale was one of the best i've seen. The show has always fluctuated in quality, but the highs are consistently VERY high. If you can bring yourself to try it out, I do suggest that late season 8 and season 9 are worth a viewing.
11739428
Of course, I respect your decision to enjoy it. It just is not what any of us wanted.
It's not simply that I was told it's bad so I avoided it. I was told explicitly the kind of content that it has and it absolutely wasn't something that I'd want to see. My team and I very much wanted MLP to go a certain direction, and it did for a while during the Faust years as well as a couple of the other early writers. That vision for MLP was exactly the thing we wanted. The show was all about the high fantasy elements. Alicorns in particular were very important to all of us. They were portrayed as demigods essentially. The pinnacle of power. Twilight's fight with Tirek portrayed (once) what that kind of power looked like.
But then the show diluted itself with a myriad of new (and progressive) writers who had other designs for the show. It became obvious that many of them either weren't even familiar with the early seasons or actively disdained that vision and wanted to completely change the tone and themes of the show into something we hated. Characterizations were changed. Politics entered the scene (honestly, why?). It lost that high fantasy magic and became mundane and dull. I didn't quit because I was told it was getting bad. I quit because I watched it become something I felt was awful and lose all the good qualities it started with.
Quick example: I knew the moment Twilight's school entered the scene that things were going south fast. The show became less about the ponies and tried to be 'inclusive' to all these other creatures. Even the term "everypony" itself got changed to "everycreature" which honestly is cringe as hell and does not roll off the tongue properly. The focus kept getting shifted to new poorly developed characters rather than taking the ones we already had and expanding on them. Most of us expected the witness the CMC growing up. It was hinted at for so long but never delivered. I could go on and on about the amazing things they could have explored with the people and places we were given the first two years alone. But this reply is getting too long already.
Also, as a writer building an expansive extension to what MLP started with, the changes the show made directly contradicted a lot of things in my work. When I began writing, it was with certain themes in mind. The show abandoned those themes, making itself alien to my work.
Nice twist from "just" dying to eldritch promises of hope. Wonder how that will turn out.
11739642
While I will not deny S8 had a bit of a progressive bent - and I have a tendency to massively criticize that kind of writing, I will say - I feel like S8's finale did it right. Neighsay had genuinely good, if misguided intentions. The moral wasn't 'shut him down and scream in his face', it was 'find the common enemy you both share and work together to help him realize he's wrong', which IMO is a fairly good message, and is amazing compared to what I was expecting (pure evil strawman). Yes, he was bad - but well intentioned.
S9 had less of a progressive bent to it IMO, though I may be projecting that a little from it having Chrysalis reusing old tactics I had already headcanoned her using which the progressives would like, so uhhh...
There was still plenty of high fantasy too. Grogar as a concept gave great lore (which I will admit seemed half ripped from Zelda, but still, Zelda's high fantasy) - we got a villain episode which was absolutely golden, and so on. Some episodes were more political than others, but it wasn't consistently political (important IMO), and often looked at issues with nuance.
Also, if you haven't watched the episode "Sounds of Silence", from the perspective of someone who dislikes progressive messaging, it's amazing.
11740543
I did see (and enjoy) Sounds of Silence, yes. Perfect Pear was even better! A surprising treat.
Though when the show just insists on dismantling the image you've built for characters you genuinely care for, it becomes intolerable. "Horse Play" was one such episode. Holy cow, was that bad.
At any rate, despite the fact that certain isolated quality episodes exist late in the show's run, by and large, it essentially betrayed the spirit of the early show, which was where our writing was focused. We became increasingly disillusioned with the whole thing and then found sweet release in just giving up the ghost and committing to our own independent IP. But because we wrote in the MLP world for so many years, we ended up with two massive stories (Flurry in Time and Black Feather) that we decided might as well get finished and published here, despite the fact that neither one of us enjoys writing pony anymore and very much want to get on with our own IP called Equinox.
Though not having a ready-made fan base brings its own challenges, it's really worth it. We view our time writing pony as essentially a growing up period, learning the art of storytelling and preparing us for the big leagues of professional independent publishing. And believe me, it's a lot different. You have to come up with everything yourself. No pre-established characters and setting. The feeling of freedom is also exhilarating and at times frightening. But very much worth it.
We still have nostalgia moments for the show, don't get me wrong. In fact, the thought has crossed my mind a number of times to take the time to make a selection of "personal canon" episodes for it that all gel together and represent a quality fantasy universe that we might even enjoy again in the future or recommend to others. The fandom itself has produced some simply astounding content that we continue to highly praise, such as "Lullaby for a Princess", "Children of the Night", "Fall of the Crystal Empire", and so on.
So MLP isn't entirely blacklisted in our minds, but it is difficult to think too much about it if we get reminded of its slow and steady demise in the later seasons. It's rather like watching your beloved grandparents succumb to Alzheimer's over a period of time. Perfect Pear and Sounds of Silence become like those moments of lucidity where they recognize your face and you can enjoy their company for a day, just praying they will come back to their real selves. But ultimately, the moment is gone and and the impenetrable fog returns. You still love them, and you wish it hadn't happened, but they become different people that you no longer recognize and the relationship you once had with them has passed. It eventually becomes painful to even think about them and when you do, you prefer to only think about the good times, before the darkness set in.
Holy hell what a setup! Now you start the space race, Twilight!
Umm... are we the viewers of the show the gods of creation? I'm getting that vibe from twilight's thoughts, here, and I've never been comfortable with that idea, to be honest.
Hokay, that was fucked up in the best possible way. :D Damn, such imagery!
Maybe a hot sexy way? :p
So... gonna be honest. Was this well-written, yes. Great imagery and idea and execution. The thing is, it just can't click with me. I'm 85-90% what's known as a 'Doylist'. Basically I go with, 'it's a fictional world and the characters/world don't exist but as fiction'. Twilight and the others aren't gonna fade because the fandom and/or show writers have moved on. The stories are there. It's there and made up now.
it's why Deadpool and She-Hulk slide off of my mind. They're not 'breaking the fourth wall'. The actors or actresses are reading lines. The writer wrote the words and whatnot. Again, well-written. But this just isn't for me!
11739060
Sorry about that! I thought the tags were pretty clear!
11739063
Seems to be a common complaint for my stories. Somehow even the comedies end up as horror. Sorry!
11739642
Man, this is getting a lot of flak for being a clopfic! lol. Glad you liked what you read! Still, the explicit clop is like one section in chapter 3, and it's all very much intended to be horror not, uh, actual clop. It's graphic horror with a sexual bent, IMO, not exactly clop. But a lot of folks didn't quite catch that, or I guess y'all get off on some really weird stuff. lol.
11739300
I'm not trying to sound smart, I'm just shooting for "not clumsy". lol. I think I failed. Appreciate the comment/input though!
11740223
Poorly. It turned out poorly. But #notdead, so maybe okay? Thanks for the comment!
11741239
and everything in between
11741303
Thanks for the comments! Sorry it didn't click for you. While I admit it's a little, uh, commentary on the fandom, it's (as usual) not my actual beliefs. Just an interesting inspiration that I wanted to poke fun at. Part of the "joke" was that I wanted to ake the reader the writhing, and slightly uncomfortable. I'm a jerk like that. Still, love your comments and insights, as always!
11745058
Hey, it's your story. Do it however you like.
11745058
Yeah that's how I see what you've done as well. It's definitely not sexual for the sake of being erotic. That's really the only reason I clicked on it because it was pretty clear from the outside that this wasn't just another smut fic.
What I really appreciate though, and I hope I interpreted it correctly, is that the sexual content itself is meta... as in, the "new magic" that is keeping Equestria alive is akin to the fact that clop is most of what's keeping fimfiction alive. (if that can be called living)
And the fact that you've portrayed it as something that took over pretty much lines up with the way clop has taken over the fandom to a large extent. Not completely of course. But it seems to be the fuel that keeps the fire going. And overall I think you did a pretty good job making an indictment on the state of MLP with this fic. Again it's probably not exactly how I would have done it, but it definitely does what you set out to achieve. I would have liked to explore the decline of the fandom from the perspective of Twilight being one of the last holdouts of the old 'virtuous' ways, only giving in at the very end. But I think your interpretation works perhaps better because let's face it, Twilight herself is not immune to being turned into a sex object by so many writers.
11745058
Maybe I should clarify. I think it makes people sound smart. I think you're honest in your creative process. Have fun mate this was a good fic regardless.
11741262
It's quite obvious to me that the "gods of creations" are actually...the creators of the show. At some point, it even says in the story that they don't have "funding" anymore, and it's even hinted that the "gods probably wanted to crate something more contemporary" aka the new mlp gen 5.
It was...interesting, I guess?However, not my cup of tea. Don't get me wrong, not because of the "porn" or something like that, but I lean towards the apocaliptic side of stories, and since this story started like that, I imagined we will see how the ponies reacted as the ending slowly approached. Maybe my version is cliche, but this version feels somewhat childish and a bit strange, like "oh haha equestria is dying but we found a new source of power:smut". Like, the premise is so ridiculous that I don't know if I should be mad, laugh or applaud you
Wow that was disturbing and strangely I understand the metaphor, MLP got turned into a whore complex by Fanfiction Writers.
And that’s how Equestria was (re)made.