tailsopony
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Not bad. Nit bad at all
11528581
Thanks! I'm surprised you read it so fast! I was just fixing minor issues in the first chapter when you posted. Looks like nine other people read it during that time. Damn! Y'all are speed readers or something.
11528596
I am a speed reader.
I am slightly disappointed that there was no impregnation, but other than that. A good story
11528621
This is part 1 of three parts. This is literally just the intro. If you like it, then maybe I'll get around to posting part 2 at some point. The eventual intent is Arc1>introduction to degeneracy, Arc 2> slightly unbelievable degeneracy, Arc 3 >Very unbelievable degeneracy.
We'll see if there's some impreg at some point in there.
11528623
yesss!!!
Any reason you left the chapters unnamed, no offense
Holy fuck, this is the hottest thing I've ever read. Reading this gave me the same kind of adrenaline rush and tense anticipation that I had the first time I had sex. Nothing I have ever read has managed to do that before, and only one story got close.
I can truly say that this is the human-on-pony equivalent of Like Fine Wine, and if it had been written earlier in the fandoms existence, it would likely be spoken of in similar terms. For years.
You absolutely nailed the romance. The way they both spiraled closer to each other, the boundaries shifting and breaking, the shame on Velvet's part, loved every bit of it.
I mostly skimmed over first chapter because I prefer not to read these, but judging by comments, I guess I must commend the well executed idea, and hit that thumb up. Good romance with gilf is really something interesting, in theory
11528713
Don't worry! They'll be auto named on publish.
11528755
While I like this a lot, I don't think it's that good. Thanks for the compliment, though! I do have some early Fandom works that did relatively well, so I don't feel like I'm missing out.
11528775
Thanks! I really tried to emphasize the shifting boundaries, glad it's somewhat hot.
11528800
I'm sorry you weren't particularly interested. The intro is definitely odd, and that's something I worried about. The main character has too much meme going on compared to the rest of the story, and it's really not a good representation of everything else. It's sort of the opposite of al writing advice telling you to put your best foot forward. Lol. Thanks for the comment, though!
11528811
I know, i was just surprised/confused
oh, this is insane in the best possible way. :D Funny, but with the mystery and the seduction of Twilight Velvet, for lack of a better word.
11528811
You can not think it's that good if you want, but the only weakness is the first chapter, where I could guess what your intent was but can't be sure. Unfortunately, you're probably going to lose some readers there, as it's fairly long.
But everything after that is masterful. You probably don't feel that way because, as the creator, you've been overanalyzing all of its flaws for a while and haven't been focused on how genuinely good the rest of it is.
That was incredibly hot. Well-written and just... WOW! And if you try and downplay it I shall yeet my MP-05 Megatron at you... somehow... ;)
Again, so fucking hot. Just raw passion and some seduction.
God, you write kissing so fucking well. I love kissing scenes. :D
11528879
11529002
11529100
11529102
Thanks! I love when you comment on my stuff! I really like the pet-play sections, and have always liked kissing. Sometimes I wonder if I put too much into the kissing. I don't read many "seduction" type stories where it's borderline dubcon, but it's definitely one of my favorite tropes. One of the major inspirations for this one (aside from the cover) was a pic of Twilight Velvet wearing a heart necklace that says "SLUT" and sliding up the bed towards the viewer. So, I got stuck on "What if this was her cheating on Night Light, and if so how the fuck did she get so far down the rabbit hole". That's basically what this was supposed to be--her going down the rabbit hole head first. I really like this one, and it's only 1/3rd the planned story, so there should be more of wonderland to come. We'll see how long it takes me to write, though. I wrote most of this in a week of traveling in November last year, but didn't put the finishing touches on until this week or so. I tend to do things in spurts.
11528927
Thank you! It's not that I don't think it's good (This is one of my favorite recent self-written stories, up there with Tower of Diamond for me), I just have quite a few things that I could have fixed and I know are wrong/clumsy. There's some bad vocab use, I didn't do a real edit pass on this, and I wanted to overhaul some of the sex scenes. But honestly, I just decided to post it instead of workshop it forever... So while I like it quite a bit, I'm blindingly aware of what it "should be", but I don't have the time to put into it. And as you've pointed out, one of the things that needed real editing was the first chapter. I just didn't have it in me to fix all that. It's important to the story, but I didn't have to crank it up to 11. But I still wanted it to be catchy in its own way somehow. It's definitely far from an optimal choice, and I will lose readers for it. Oh well. I love the petting scenes, and now can move on with the story. One of the reasons I posted it was so that I don't workshop it forever and I can actually work on the rest!
11529243
Thanks!
Simce it's be revealed that this Anon was a female in the past life, my head canon has them speaking in Nowacking's Viny Scratch voice.
I just can't unhear it.
11529358
I'll allow it.
The story was really good, and it's easily one of the best I've read on this site in the last year or so. I hope we see a continuation of this at some point since Velvet seems to be emotionally attached to him on some biological level Despite saying otherwise. Great work!
11529424
Thanks! I really enjoyed this one, so will probably continue it at some point. People seem to like it, and generally I aim to please.
11528623
If you do post the other parts, can you post them in this story. I don't read the feed (I have 10,000) and I always miss sequels
11529467
Eh, this one's complete for what it is. I'll send you a message when I post it if you'd like, though! Admittedly, it'll be a while later. I wrote this mostly last November and have been stewing on it since. So It could be a while before I post the rest. My Feed is only at 3k right now, as I clear it every so often. lol. But yeah, I never use the feed for anything real...
Great stuff, friend. While I'm not usually a fan of second-person stories (Hard for me to connect with them,) this was very good! Probably a favorite of mine in regard to 2nd PoV. You see a lot of stories about being born into a pony body post-death, but being born into another human (with remnants of what they were as well, in regards to their behavior) is very unique from my experience! Also, Twilight Velvet is my favorite GILF (And before Flurry was born, my favorite MILF.) I love seeing her in romance stories.
While I did enjoy the sort of... "malicious intent", or at least ill-intent, of Mister/Him before our protagonist took over, I can't help but not be a huge fan of the heavy meme-ing early? Some is fine, especially since it seems like Mister is based on a very typical "Anon in Equestria" type character in a greentext you'd see on 4chan. (In my eyes, personally.) It didn't turn me off per se, but I was definitely waiting for it to be quelled/controlled by New-Mister.
Everything else though was amazing! I loved the petting scenes, as well as the misconstrued-but-maybe-not intentions of it. A great push and pull overall in each scene and chapter between the two ends of "We can't do this." and "We shouldn't do this, but... we will anyway."
Looking forward to the future parts when you get around to them! P.S. When does the collar and leash get brought out?
11529486
I love big comments! Yeah, 2nd person is a weird one for me. I don't like reading it, but I like writing it and my 2nd person fics all seem to do really well for some reason. So sometimes I just roll with it. And yeah, I also think Twilight Velvet is hot! lol!
I really wanted an editor/pre-reader to help me reign that in in the first chapter, but all I got was basically the same feedback of "Well, it's important for the story, but could you tone it down somehow?" and yeah, I did a little. Not enough, as I was well aware that it was too much, and not representative of the story as a whole. I'm 100% sure I've lost readers on this specifically because of meme-lord MC. I was trying to show how it came in waves and was super bad at first, but as time goes on they mesh more and the thoughts seem and feel less alien to the MC. At some point, they might have a really hard time distinguishing each other. But I wanted it to be super apparent that it was going on at the beginning, with the MC out of control as they don't understand what's happening. As their understanding grows, their control (and on some level acceptance) grows.
As far as the arc from "We can't do this" to "We shouldn't do this, but we will anyways", I love that sort of drama. Some of my favorite stories on this site have that as the crux of them, and it can be very hot IMO. I just don't see it very often.
As for the rest, as soon as Mister gets a chance to go into the pony sex shop. It's 100% a plot device, and going to be the source of all sorts of fun. He might need some help going into it, though as Velvet is not particularly inclined at first. Luckily, a certain corrupt accountant can be
bribedblackmailed into helping him do some shopping at some point. Maybe. She might also want some help, uh, acquiring things from a museum they visited. She's lined up to be an unwilling ally to his plight, but she's going to be kept in the dark as to the actual debauchery going down. At least... for a time.I wrote this with the intent of doing pet play as a central theme, so there is going to be some serious pet play.
11529490
Hell YES! That's the kinda stuff I love to hear about! You've got a very excited fan waiting over here for it. Also if you need another editor/opinion, I've got experience!
11529473
Nice. Hoping it comes soon because that was one of the hottest things I've ever read tbh
Unf. Another fic, another candidate masterpiece. The top of the feature box is absolutely well deserved.
The descent to degeneracy is masterfully articulated. Every step is slow enough to be appreciated, and never long to the point of boredom. The protagonists' descent moves together with their introduction to the reader, and allows us to appreciate it in full. Furthermore, little by little both protagonists slowly show small parts of their background that further highlight how far they strayed from their path, reinforcing the narrative without ever breaking immersion. Excellent pacing.
In the beginning, I didn’t realize that Velvet was talking to herself when saying “I’m a married mare”. Finding that out was a great plot twist. I’m also noticing just now that Velvet says to be happily married only the first three times in chapter one, after that she only says she’s married. That has to be on purpose and it’s an awesome worldbuilding detail.
Before this story, I’d understood pet play to be something completely different. The fetish described here is new to me, in the best way possible. There’s no violence or humiliation. There is firm assertiveness, but also respect for boundaries, limits and some form of consent. Consent especially drives the story and the porn forward together, leading further carnal degeneracy to be that much more impactful because of consent itself. This story doesn’t suffer from the lack of a non-con tag, it’s empowered by it and makes the best of the characters in a way that makes sense for them. This is the fetish I didn’t know I needed for a story tagged #porn, #drama and not #non-con.
I’m so hype for the follow ups! Even more so as the spoilers in the comments suggest that an overarching plot is already fleshed out. I’m most curious about character interactions. We know that the accountant will make a comeback, now I wonder how will Night Light find his place in this story? Will Twilight be back into the picture?
As a piece of criticism, the opening chapter was a hard pill to swallow. I mostly kept reading because I’ve read your other stories and I know what you’re capable of, not because of the chapter itself (and I’m glad I did, the fic overall is awesome). In reading the opening, I didn’t get the impression that Mister was initially confused; instead, I got the feeling he knew what he was doing and was being deliberate about it, but I as a reader couldn’t figure out his agenda, which had me frustrated. The confusion and gender identity issues do become apparent later in the chapter, but it was a struggle to get there
This is fuggin hilarious...
You did a great job with story and honestly might have to check some of your others, any recommendations?
Fuggin love Velvet by the way, wish there where more stories involving her. One GILF to rule them all.
11529499
I'm always looking for editors. You know not what you have just unleashed. I have a 30% of the way done 70k word story I know needs some serious editing that I'm bogged down on. It's Sci-fi/cyberpunk style human with pony flavored AIs causing rampant havoc. It started off as cool sci fi, and then devolved into horrifying porn. I have more porn to write for it. I think about it once a week, but I'm terrified to look at it. I also have about 20 unfinished stories that I'm just not posting right now. They're anywhere from 10%-95% of the way done. I've probably got more unpublished work than published work, because I have a hell of a time finishing anything, and I get worried about editing...
11529646
Thanks! That's awesome to hear!
11529749
Thanks for the comment! Glad you enjoyed it. I'm sorry about the first chapter. It... probably needed to be completely re-imagined. But I had a bunch of elements I liked in it, and you noticed one or two.
I love pet play, and it actually is usually a pretty mild scene. It's fairly common to have really "tame" pet play where one party just straight up pretends to be an animal for a bit, and then you fuck. It's can be a friendly dom/sub thing where the communication becomes pure body language and it really helps alleviate a lot of anxiety on both parties because the expectations are boiled down from human interactions to fairly well understood human/pet interactions. It can also be something more hardcore, and instead of a "friendly" dom/sub thing, it can be aggressive and/or violent.
I'm a fan of it across the spectrum, and here it's played as a comfort thing on Mister's part, along with playing into their... envy over Velvet's situation and, uh, body. From Velvet's perspective, it starts out as a comforting touch thing, but she's finding out that she likes the body language aspect and maybe she likes things a little rougher than Night Light usually goes. Not violent, but as Mister notes, she's a lot tougher than she seems and isn't afraid of difficult/uncomfortable activities. Mister also notes how she has a commanding presence when she wants to, and it turns out that she really likes Mister's more demanding nature when he's in the mood to be direct. Night Light would never "Order" her to do something like that while ostensibly ignoring her boundaries, he loves her too much, which is why she's never experienced something like this before, and why the sex is so wild for her right now.
The way the pet play is presented, I'd call it dubcon. Velvet is 100% into this, but she keeps expressing that she's not. It's very explicitly not expressed consent for half the activities, but her body language is telling a very different story. IRL, you can't rely on that at all. But in this story, I "know" that she's into it, and I "know" that Mister is picking up (mostly) the right vibes from her because I wrote it. (Not that I wouldn't write noncon in nearly the same scenario, but that wasn't the intent here. )
I do plan on Night Light and Twilight Sparkle to be in the story at some point. You'll see whether they're important or not when we get there. They'll need character tags at the very least. I'm not currently planning for Shining or Cadance to show up, but that could make for some grand drama as Cadance would be suspicious AF about the situation. Maybe if I really need to raise the anxiety a level. Or maybe Cadance plays the other way, and she's creepy level supportive... Anyways, don't worry about her.
Oh god. The first chapter is getting so much (deserved) flak. I really should have just re-written it, at least the first 50% of it. lol. Thanks again for the comment!
11530085
Depends on what you like. If you like non-con, quite a bit of my stuff. If you like drama, I have a few. There's at least one T-rated discoshy story that I think was great, but didn't get a lot of traction. Heres the ones I can think of by category. I might have missed a few, but I write a little bit of everything, so I'm not sure what kind of stuff you want to read.
Drama with porn -
Silicon Hearts|Empty Minds(Non-con, android, sci-fi, I like this one)
Morel Lunatics
Only at night
Tower of Diamond (NonCon)
Competent Villains (NonCon)
Cryssies Lessons in Photography (Uhh.... I'm going to call this noncon)
Feather Banging (Sort of NC. More eldritch horror mind control)
Double Down (dubcon/noncon)
Cleaned Corners/Castle (Mind control/Noncon)
Dirty whore (Actually consensual... except for the backstory in chapter 2)
Shining Armor's Isekai adventure (Uhh.... Noncon, and a very overthought shitpost. Highly recommend if you read Japanese light-novels.)
Twilight stops in time (Non-con, but not how you think)
Heart to Hoof (Non-con)
Susan/Twilight's halves (noncon)
Happy Twilight Day (Uhhh.... dubcon. Very dubcon.)
Drama with No porn (still has NSFW content, tho):
Ascension/Descension
Potion+
Just fucked up and pornographic:
Countdown (all the bad things)
This is not a love story (noncon)
Rainbow Dash gets the bad end (noncon)
Somewhat more normal stories:
Tea for two with three (T rated)
Fluttershy's peanut butter problem/Solution (NSFW/dubcon)
She should know better (T rated-Comedy)
A tail and two ponies (NSFW-Comedy)
Hair today, Gone tomorrow (absurdist comedy)
I am absolutely sure that list helped you narrow it down.
11530125
I currently have 150 Google docs of unpublished things. Ranging from a couple pages of prose to 8-9k word chapters, dozens of pages of notes and ideas, in total somewhere in the ballpark of 250-400k words just piled up at this point. I completely understand lol. I'll help where and when I can!
Got to say, really enjoyed the story. It’s not my usual type. But it was so dang hot I couldn’t put it down. I loved the details. And the gradual slip. I wish I had something more constructive then great job but great job.
115301Damn thank bruv✌️you didn't have to breakdown yer whole catalog so to speak but I definitely appreciate it
Whats with chapter titles
11530386
That's not everything, just what I remember. Probably missed some stuff. Lol. I just like what I do.
11530519
Don't worry, they'll be auto named on publish.
Definitely a good read, had to finish it by day two as I was rather hooked. Keep up the great work. I'm glad to hear this is only the first arc and I can't wait for the next arc to be posted. You've earned the follow and a thumbs up.
11530929
Thanks! It only took 10 years of sporadic posting, but I finally got you to follow me. My evil plan has worked!
11530262
Think I missed you earlier. Thanks! I'll take a great job. That's constructive enough for the moment!
11530932
Welp congrats cause I'm reading some of your other fics as well. Must say they have been great reads. Evil plan or not, the ride is enjoyable so far. Gotta find fic #3. Dirty whore was a good read, rather emotional.
Good puns are the hallmark of quality comedy, and this chapter is about 85% pun by volume.
11531147
Ooh boy... you gonna get some whiplash. I should stick to writing comedy OR porn. I probably shouldn't try to mix them. lol
11532712
Twilight will be a character. This story is primarily about Twilight Velvet, though, so Twilight Sparkle's interaction will be based around that lens. I do love some pet play, though, and it wouldn't be weird at all for me to write a Twilight Sparkle pet play story. I have a few Twilight Sparkle stories, she's one of my favorite characters to lewd. The closest to this is probably[url= https://www.fimfiction.net/story/40191/spike-has-a-really-bad-day]Spike has a really bad day , but I do have a few in the works. One has basically the same intro(but not 2nd person and Twilight stays with him), so I'm going to have to change it a little.
Is there going to be a sequel with Velvet? Among the best stuff I've read, my only complaint that the relationship does not go further.
11534428
The plan is yes. I have two more "stories" planned in this world about Mister and Velvet. I can't promise they'll have the same vibe, (Or when I'll finish them) but they are in the works.
"she didn’t care of you kept up the charade of normal petting"
I do not know what this sentence is saying.
11537104
I probably should have separated with a semicolon as a strong comma instead of a regular comma, and that "of" should be an "if"(nice catch!); but the intent of the clause is to say in a roundabout way that he didn't have to pretend to keep petting her in the safe zone, both hands were in the "bad zone" and she was fully aware.
I'm gonna add the semicolon and fix that "of". Thank you! I mostly self edit and proof-read these, so grammar errors are bound to be in there (though Exuno caught a few for me during his pre-read! Thanks, Exuno!).
11537531
Great story btw man. Too bad we didn't get to see the husband at all tho. It felt like the story was leading to a confrontation.
11539514
Не знаю, що ви сказали, але дякую за коментар і зупиніть війну в Україні!
11538538
It sure seems that way! Thanks for the comment!
It feels like “Double” could be a Mega Man X4 reference.