Twilight is asked a question. The profoundness of it makes her intellectual mind stagger in shock.
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BradyBunch
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Meh.
At least it wasn't a bad story.
9208093
Thanks...
Odd and funny. That's what MLP is all about.
/)
9208094
Its a well written story mechanically, couldn't find and issues with structure or grammar. Plot wise, while well executed, has been done before (pony A asks pony B question, they have their mind blown, shenanigans ensue).
It's ok, at best. I did give it a thumbs up and I wouldn't have added it to a book shelf if it didn't have some merit.
Okay, who is Firestorm and why is he so stupid?
(Meanwhile in the BurningVerse)
Eclipsio was busy reading his book in the new vision pool when the voice of Firestorm came through on accident.
Coincidentally, it was the very same Book Twilight was reading, well... not exactly.
Eclipsio was peering over Twilight’s shoulder via his vision pool, he was far too busy with preparing his project to worry about literature for himself.
Firestorm’s voice came in, and the Prince responded accordingly.
“He WHAT?!” Screamed Prince Eclipsio, jumping to his feet and drawing his sword.
He screamed into the rafters of Black Sun’s base, a scream of pure fury.
”DAMN YOU FIRESTORM! ONCE MY PROJECT IS COMPLETE, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND SKIN YOU ALIVE!”
Meh, I don't know why, but I find it quite boring actually.
I just had a fucking aneurysm.
What the fuck.
9208337
Firestorm's an OC. He's acting like this because who the heck is going to stop him?
9208345
How coincidental that they both were reading the same book...
9208634
Your comments are always the best, man. I love seeing how excited you get for my work!
9208719
Eh. I can't win them all. Any idiot can go through life without taking a risk. Thanks for letting me know I can do a little better!
9208789
But was it a good aneurysm? If it wasn't, I hope you get better, but if it's because you were so taken away by this, I did something right. I shall continue to shock and confuse readers in the future!
9209123
Well, for some solid criticism for you to work off of, first there is this...
That whole bit about the moth and the light... the way it was worded, all mysteriously hinting that something is going on... I was thinking that moth was plotting something, like he was discord in disguise... Otherwise... Why divert the reader's attention towards... a moth. I mean, what does that have to do with anything? It was only made worse with the bit about how the light was shimmering, reflecting off those crystals making me think there was some magic going on there...
Another thing is how Firestorm just drags on, you are just overdoing him. The stuttering is downright unnecessary, and most of the rambling is downright pointless... Not that rambling, or stuttering can't be useful in a story, but here it just drags on until you get to the meager punchline. Maybe if there were some other characters in the room, reacting to Firestorm's obnoxious personality in there own way, or if there was something deeper and more layered going on here, it would be better.
The thing is, as for depth, you might as well go on a quest for the Holy Grail. It would be easier than finding a comedic oneshot with actual depth to it, and the other one just isn't the case. It for the most part is Firestorm being his obnoxious self, and Twilight just going through the motions with him.
Not that it is horrible, just that it is... boring.
Pff Ha! Hahaha! Fantastic! Said Rainbow.
9209219
Oh, okay. My reasoning was that if you could build up a character that you liked to read about before the punch line, it would make it so that even if the punch line wasn't very good, you would still enjoy it because you like the character.
9209987
In some cases, perhaps. It is just hard to enjoy a character who is either obnoxious, annoying, antagonizing, etc.. It could have helped if you popped in some funnier jokes throughout, or like I said, some other character interacting in the story, or just about anything which could tune down his obnoxiousness, or if that's not good, at least spread it out.
You deserve no cookies for wasting my time
9210424
Wait, did I waste your time? I'm sorry
9211085
Not you - this story was silly and deserved the upvote and fave.
Firestorm, however, is a right git for spoiling a story for Purple Smart!
921108
Of Course Not!!!
I enjoyed the story, it was funny.
I just read this story, and I can definitely tell you it is definitely random.
He needs to play "I am bread" lol
Twilight: “Ah... What!?”
Me: *Sighs*
9307217
...but did you enjoy it?
9307237
Yes. Yes I enjoy it
Well this was certainly random.
And silly
As you have requested, your Review.
it's great, it's hilarious,
You know? He just put his balls on the line and lost... as that was a pun and not an important question...
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/483/949/14c.jpg
That spoiler at the end hurt the most
!
So unexpected, so funny
This is a great story! Loved it. “Are you bread?” Hahaha! I’m gonna use this now.
Well, that was productive. XD
Keep up the good work. :)
This is both ridiculous and hilarious........
Its clear why I have never heard of Firestorm before...Twilight killed him didn't she?
Oh you MONSTER.
Spoiling a book someone is reading is a crime of the highest degree!