• Member Since 20th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Phaoray


Editor of several Trixie writers while doing his own stories when possible. Fun Times. Tips are appreciated, but no pressure.

T
Source

Choosing an apartment to live in is important and requires good planning. Location, needs, cost, a lot must be taken into account when looking.

One girl looks to her animals and peace, hoping to have a quiet, fun time with her friends as she goes through high school. For her, the apartment is cheap, comfortable, allows pets, and is close to school. Perfect!

The other is looking to take over a high school, enslave everyone inside, and bring war to another dimension all in the name of proving her mentor wrong. A small, cheap apartment near the school to plan in is all she needs.

Fluttershy really should have met the neighbors before signing her lease...


Set during the year leading up to the first Equestria Girls movie.

Edited and proofread by the illustrious and enigmatic Crowscrowcrow.

Cover image made by baekgup

My entry into the Sunset Shipping contest.

Reviews of the story here, here, and here. :pinkiehappy:

Royal Canterlot Library interview here.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 64 )

That was sweet I loved every bit of it

I give a like, a favorite, and a follow

I give a like, a favorite, and a follow

That was a truly beautiful story. Take my like :pinkiehappy:

That was truly a treat to read well done.

This was pure brilliance. Great little tale.

Not bad. Made the ship work.

~Skeeter The Lurker

"And then they all kissed and got super pregnant."

JackRipper
Moderator

Excellently done.

Your writing is such that I'm honored that you have Favorited even one of my stories. Great work as usual.

8400302
Thanks! You made a good Trixie story that caused me to look up some Star Trek stuff, just hope one day you get the energy to get back to it. :pinkiehappy:

8399847

You might be getting this story mixed up with that beanis series of stories. :twilightoops:

8400668

Don't worry :rainbowlaugh:

I was just quoting from a video; this was good and excellently paced, I just thought a humorous comment would be fitting.

Can it? Wall flower? Who actually talks like this?

8400851
I'm not...sure on how to respond to that. American's? I've heard those words quite a few times in my life, be it in anime, stories, or shows. I will admit that I have heard 'can it' more than 'wallflower', but they are both words/phrases that have been in circulation for some time. :rainbowhuh:

Wanderer D
Moderator

Very nice, I really enjoyed it!

8401165
Bullies might have said "can it" fifty years ago, but it'd be really weird now. "Wall flower" sounds more like something a nice elderly teacher would say.

I mean, I don't expect people in EG fanfics to talk exactly like real life people, but it can only stretch so far before it's eye rolling to me.

The direct relationship with Sunset and Fluttershy is really cute. That said, it's hard to believe Sunset's whole "march a few hundred zombified teenagers through a portal and take over Equestria" was this long term goal she was actually working towards, rather than just a spur-of-the-moment idea Sunset had while she was whacked out on dark magic.

I can't believe you made that believable!

8401744
Sorry, was away for the weekend. But I'm just guessing you've not been around people who use those terms at all is all. I don't hear them often, but they come up in talks about proms, dances, those kinds of things *As far as the term wallflower goes*.

I've never heard anyone in real life speak like Applejack does, or Rarity for that matter, but I chalk that up to just not being around people who do.


8401907

That said, it's hard to believe Sunset's whole "march a few hundred zombified teenagers through a portal and take over Equestria" was this long term goal she was actually working towards, rather than just a spur-of-the-moment idea

Glad you liked the story, and, believe me, I find Sunset's 'plan' just as odd. However, it was a long term plan, all signs point to that as opposed to spur of the moment. She takes over the school, plans the exact night of the portal opening to travel to Equestria to steal the element of magic, knows where Twilight is sleeping and about the element of magic, a thing that didn't exist in the world when she was banished. She even knows she can turn the school to mindless zombies, somehow.

That said, I can't believe she reeeeally thought it would work, I tend to think of her 'evil plan' more as a means to get Celestia's attention, a weird cry for help even. Her reformation is so quick, her mentality flips instantly unlike others who have been blasted by the rainbow, I don't think she really expected to take over Equestria what so ever. But that's my two cents. :pinkiehappy:

8405631
Yeah, I have to agree, definitely a teenage rebellion.

Damn, this was intense. Sunset, Sunset... thanks for reinforcing my, "Good!" reaction when you got blasted at the end of Equestria Girls.

Well done! I loved this! Though, I am aching for a sequel or a little follow up, where Sunset has to confess to Fluttersy about breaking up her group of Friends, (even is Fluttershy already suspects) and about their budding relationship...

But regardless, a lovely story as is too! :heart:

រឿងនេះអស្ចារ្យណាស់! ខ្ញុំចូលចិត្តការអភិវឌ្ឍតួអង្គនិងរបៀបដែលអ្នកផ្លាស់ប្តូររវាងឈុតឆាក! ការពិពណ៌នារបស់អ្នកធ្វើអោយខ្ញុំសប្បាយចិត្តហើយខ្ញុំសង្ឃឹមថាអ្នកធ្វើបានល្អ! សូមប្រាកដថាអ្នកមិនដាក់ទឹកត្រីនៅក្នុងបោកគក់ទេ!

This was an amazingly . . . odd love story. However, you executed it perfectly, in my eyes. The storytelling was not straightforward, and that adds to this oddity of these two's relationship. In the end, no matter how badly Sunset treated Fluttershy, Fluttershy still ended being there for her, when she needed her most. I think this speaks well for the extent of Fluttershy's kindness and why that is her element.

If I am going to be honest . . . Sunset in this story doesn't deserve Fluttershy, but since we all know that Sunset will be reformed peacefully, things will end up well between the two. This was a fantastic story! Great job.

8480444

If I am going to be honest . . . Sunset in this story doesn't deserve Fluttershy

Couldn't agree with you more, it was a odd romance between a bully and the girl she was bullying. It wasn't a healthy friendship in the slightest, but that's what made it interesting for me to write. I'd never do grim dark, but a messed up relationship is quite fun to me. :pinkiehappy:

Happy you enjoyed it and thanks for the comment.

PleasebeGildapleasebeGildaplease-

u know its bad when som1 wants to see gilda

after reading

this was really good!

8489734
Stockholm syndrome?

Btw I really enjoyed this fic. Great work

I loved this so much!! Please please please make a sequel!! A story like this deserves it! :D <3

This was interesting, and good, and not enough. Hoping you eventually do a follow up to show what transpires next between Sunset and Fluttershy.

8791831
hmm...I am happy so many people liked it, this was my first story outside of anything Trixie related. But, it was mostly for some fun and to get into a contest. Plus I have so many other stories that either need to be continued, or need sequels already so I am unlikely to continue this line. A semi odd and problematic relationship between these two would prolly be fun, but I am not very enthusiastic on adding more to this at the moment. :twilightsheepish:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Intense is definitely the word for it. That beach scene was really skeevy, but I'm otherwise impressed at what you did here.

Excellent work in adding depth to Sunset's early years at CHS. That summer scene was... yeah, it was pretty darn uncomfortable, but aside from that, it's a great way of making Flutterset work.

8821183

8819025

Hmm, I am happy you both liked it. I still don't know what to think on the beach scene. It was meant to be a bit intense and uncomfortable, Sunset pushing Fluttershy's comfort levels while Sunset wants to keep the sight of Fluttershy in a bikini to herself, and bringing her to a more secluded area so she wouldn't be as freaked out over it. There was calculated caring in there, but this is a darker time in Sunset's life, so I felt I needed to make her a bit intense. Hopefully the scene doesn't jar the story, but I'll look over it again. :pinkiehappy:

That was actually really good. You did a pretty good job of giving Sunset a little more motivation behind her actions instead of just slating her as a generic villain, and the relationship building between the two of them was really enjoyable. My only real complaint would be that the beach scene seems kind of awkward and out of place, but I don't think it was enough to really bring the story down at all.

One day I'll write half as good as you.

Interestingly enough, this is one of those rare occasions where I wouldn't want a full on fanfic about this concept. This one-shot and the way it's presented is more than enough, and very well done.

And lurking in the background of it all, there's the Big Mystery of EqG: what happened to Human Sunset Shimmer?

8960743
Truly, A question all us fans have ask. Were is human Sunset?:trixieshiftright:

I saw the recent spotlight on this and decided to give it a shot.

Now I, like some of the other readers, found the beach scene just a little big jarring. Honestly, the romance element in general doesn't feel entirely necessary.

That said, the story is really masterfully written. The characters feel real, their motivations and dialogue are spot on, and the raw emotions feel poignant and unforced. You did an excellent job on the story overall. A shame I didn't get to it until now, but better late than never!

Faved. :pinkiehappy:

8960651
I did love Shimmer of Magic myself, so I feel you are pretty good as it is. I think that is a thing with all writers, I can't look at my own stories and see them as good as many others. I do need to read the newest chapters to your sequel. The last chapter "Affluence" was good, it did more with Sunset and Trixie again, like the first story, so I am hoping you do more of that as the story progresses. Kind of curious to see if more happens with Trixie's family situation, and Sunset and Trixie's career desires to boot. :pinkiehappy:

8503192
Exactly what I was thinking myself!

Overall, this was a very good read. It's such a dysfunctional, abusive relationship... and yet, there are the seeds of something better and worthwhile there.

I’ve been meaning to read this one for a little while now--since you read my RCL story, I figured I’d go ahead and read yours :twilightsheepish:

And it was really, really good!

Sunset was quite interesting here, a great deal more so than she ever was in canon at this point in her story. There were moments where it felt like she wasn’t really malicious at all, just doing nasty things because that’s what she knew she had to do, and that seemed like a fantastic spin on her.

I have to say, though, the transition to romance felt a bit jarring to me. It made some sense, I think, and it was something I could see happening during the large periods of time between some scenes, but Fluttershy adding the “crush” part to her “bully/crush” came almost out of nowhere, at least the way I was reading it.

But I don’t think that was such a bad thing. There was a lot of emotion showing in the scenes Fluttershy and Sunset had together, and several moments landed and hit hard even if I never quite bought that they were in love.

Thanks for writing this :twilightsmile:

9044944
Thanks for the comment. I probably should have gone more into her interest in Sunset, It was mainly a small lust for a hot girl who was, a year ago, seemed like a very nice person. Word restraint and my own inexperience probably worked against me at conveying the 'why' of Sunset crushing on her well enough. Next time. :pinkiehappy:

And for them being 'in love', I left that at an awkward phase since it is an unhealthy relationship they have. Neither are in a really good place for a relationship yet. Sunset has to come to terms with what she did and what her life is going to be now, hated at the school being a big thing now. And Fluttershy with how emotionally fragile Sunset will be and her own fears of attention if Sunset wants to make anything more public.

Fun times for me if I ever do a sequel. :pinkiehappy:

9083886
Ah, okay. Yeah, I think I can see Fluttershy developing a crush on Sunset for those reasons, but I guess it didn’t seem like they were emphasized enough for that to have been perfectly clear. Again, though, I don’t think that was a particularly glaring weakness--I think the appeal here was in the nuances of the relationship once it formed, rather than the subtleties of how it formed.

I would probably not mind seeing a sequel to this :twilightsmile:

9084788
I'm glad it's only a minor thing, at the moment I am contemplating making a sequel for the new sunset contest, though I still wonder if a sequel has a chance of winning.

A big thing I've been trying to understand is where the story failed in the last contest. After reading reviews and the winning stories I think it came down to a lack of intensity, perhaps? No real do or die moments or heavy conflict the characters had to work out or resolve.

Still thinking it through as the guidelines for the contest really work well into what I would do for a sequel, but I also want a chance to win so I need to correct what went wrong in this one.

Just rambling a bit at this point.

9085127
Just re-read this; I will admit to not having read the winning entries, so I can’t say much about how this one stacks up next to them.

A lack of intensity, I can see being a bit of a problem here--there’re lots of interesting moments, but the most emotionally dramatic ones seemed to only have their aftermaths shown. We see Sunset weeping, for one, but not so much of her getting to that point. Same with Fluttershy. The parts where her friends are being driven apart and such were hardly shown at all, only described afterwards, and I think that took a bit of the punch that moments like that could have away from them.

But I think that a part of that might also have just been because it was a prequel? That part where Fluttershy mentions feeling alone because her friends are breaking up, for one; it’s hardly a surprise at all, since we know going in what Sunset did before her reformation. In that regard, at least, I presume that a sequel set after this one would far somewhat better.

And, also, the relationship was... oddly drama-free? Obviously, it was unhealthy from the very beginning, but it seemed to be essentially static once it was established. Fluttershy never seemed to have strong second thoughts about it, even if she found it somewhat uncomfortable at times, being in a relationship with the school’s bully never seemed to cost her anything, and so on. The only tense part of the romance angle was presented at the very beginning and in some sense it didn’t seem to evolve much from there.

Login or register to comment