• Member Since 18th Oct, 2014
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Trick Question


Being against evil doesn't make you good.

E

After Twilight's psychotic break involving the Want It, Need It spell, Princess Celestia banishes her former student from Canterlot Castle and severs all ties.

A young and emotionally tortured Twilight Sparkle refuses to face facts. The same insanity that pushed her to the brink when she made that unforgivable error in judgment now compels her to fix it. Twilight will stop at nothing to get back in Celestia's good graces.

No, that's not right. She won't stop there, either.

Written for The Writeoff Association's "Princess Not Included*" contest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 45 )

Hmm.

Good idea, but far too short.

Protip: Never forbid a pony from using her special talent. It will not end well. Especially if she barely won a fight against the antithesis of sanity last week.

A disturbing glimpse at perfectionism gone amok. Thank you for it.

Not being ambiguous at the end is weird, since Celestia's treatment of Twilight is baffling even if it's the premise of the fic. Having it not be an illusion from the door makes less sense than first half being real, and then it's implied Twilight really did expect to be a princess for some reason.

Is this going to break my heart?

8106298
If you read the whole thing, I don't think so, no. It's only in the "Sad" folders of groups that don't have a "Drama" folder.

How cyclical.

Eh, to be honest, I don't think it worked for me. The ending strongly indicates that it wasn't just an illusion, but that would require... so much stupidity on the part of Celestia that I can't get it past my suspension of disbelief. Celestia saw how powerful Twilight is and knows how unstable she is, and has already done a great job of restricting her access to high-level magic by throwing her out of the capital and into Ponyville. Why actually end the relation when just... slowly reducing contact is so much more effective? Phrase it as a "I'd like you to focus more on your friendship studies so I'm restricting your access to advanced magic books for now" or something. Give her hope for the future and then just never deliver on that hope. Heck, just end her studies and make her part of the army since she's so powerful. Keep her feeling useful so that she doesn't go off the hook once again.

I could easily be missing something. The ending has a lot of hints but is nowhere near long enough to make sufficiently informed guesses as to what has actually happened- "her inevitable princesshood" is a very important part of it, especially since she never actually indicated that she was going to become a princess in the earlier part before Celestia called it out.

It felt like... potential.

Yessss use your madness Twilight, welcome to the Mad Side!

img01.deviantart.net/540b/i/2014/335/b/e/discord_of_the_sith_by_pixelkitties-d88cje0.png

"What are you doing here?" said Celestia, without bothering to look up.
"I came to talk to you," said Twilight.
"And now you must go."
"Go where?"
"Doesn't matter to me. You failed, Twilight."

media.fakeposters.com/results/2016/05/27/h6l7hfwyyw.jpg

It was now, thought Twilight Sparkle.

Well, unicorn master race confirmed.

8106288
The intended implication is that Twilight knew the spell she'd cast was extremely illegal and very public, which meant that Celestia couldn't keep her on as her personal student. As for the princess thing, I don't think Twilight believed that; rather, Celestia was being sarcastic when she spoke of Twilight being a princess, but in response to the sarcasm Twilight ended up warping the Universe into one where she could actually become Celestia's equal.

Not excuses, just details in my noggin that might not have been clear enough in the story. :twilightsmile: The feedback is greatly appreciated.

I totally did not see that end coming, but I enjoyed it a lot! The wonderful idea of Twilight standing against her teacher and making Celestia fear is such an attractive idea to me. But the twist at the end made this story one I'll read over and over again. Well done.

8106301

Yeah.

I left the comment before I read it. :twilightsmile:

.....well, I didn't see that ending coming

Oho, sick twist! I was going to call OOC on everything until we got to the end. I like how it resolves things for the most part but leaves enough ambiguity to keep it interesting.

8106373 Your username and comment sum up my thoughts on this fic perfectly.

It wasnt horrid, but its kinda hampered by its own silliness and implausability.

Interesting, but somehow I saw the ending coming and it kinda ruined the surprise

This is really interesting. So Twilight, accidentally calling up dark magic, rewrote reality into a place where she would eventually become an alicorn and where her one big failure never happened. I'm guessing that Twilight's worst nightmare was that either her friends and family found out about this or that this actually happened. Great job!

8107034
Yay! :yay: Somepony finally picked up on the consistency element at the end. (The thing still has to do what it does, so...)

...Why didn't you submit it? I haven't exactly read the story yet, but the premise sounds good!

8107441
I can't remember. This was around the time of my ECT treatments, so I'm missing a lot of memories. Maybe I wasn't able to finish it in time, or maybe I didn't think it was a very good contender. You can submit multiple entries, I just didn't submit it for Celestia knows why. :derpytongue2:

The one I did submit to that competition (Page Two) did fairly well here on Fimfiction. :twilightsmile:

This requires such a degree of willful ignorance, malignancy, arrogance, and stupidity on the parts of the characters that it almost deserves a comedy tag.

Oh, and congrats on this getting featured! :pinkiehappy:

8107479 Are you sure you didn't? I know I have read this.

Unless you just showed it to me privately, which is possible, but yea, I definitely recall reading this previously.

This reminds me of that one cartoon...

8107976
I probably showed you alone, or at least told you about it after I didn't submit.

8108297 Maybe. 100% certain I have seen it somewhere.

8107949
Ironically, this is one of my lowest rated fics. Only Recycled ranks lower (though I really love that story).

Technically, the new one I just released is lowest-rated, but it won't be once it gets more votes. It's a good story, but it isn't going to feature. Featuring usually means "you wrote some clickbait" more than "you wrote something amazing", and a minific about Twilight being overpowered is an easy draw.

(That's not why I wrote this, for the record, but you already know that I'm sure.)

8108521 No, I get that. It's nice getting the views, though. Story publication is like throwing a party; ya want people to attend. :pinkiesmile:

8106427
Apparently, somepony hates this story so much they downvoted your comment just for praising it. :rainbowlaugh:

8106447

But without something to explain how that meal happened, it just feels too contrived.

I'm not trying to argue below (your comments are valid and very much appreciated), but I figured it might be interesting to see how I think about those same events in the story.

The fact that the reality you're seeing initially isn't the one from the show means Celestia isn't "out of character", exactly. I don't find it a stretch that she'd sever ties with a student for knowingly doing something very illegal in public that manipulated an entire city of ponies against their wills, nor that she'd presume Twilight will get over things eventually if the bandage is ripped off quickly (she'd already been threatened with punishment if she did it again, and Celie had no idea she was that powerful). In the real world, situations like this end like they do in the early part of the story. A disgraced politician isn't slowly removed from committees, they're ejected. A worker isn't ramped down from their work, they're just fired.

Having Twilight manipulate Dash to generate another Rainboom but be set up to use it to undo their friendship and use the liberated energy to edit reality would make more sense.

That's a very creative idea, and I like it! Unfortunately, it ruins the point of the story. The break needs to happen at the same place we saw in the show in order for it to make any sense when Twilight recovers at the end.

I really like Overpowered Twilight fics, and I really want to see more fics touching on Lesson Zero and its aftermath... but as 8106447 said, this really doesn't ring true for me because its whole premise depends on Celestia acting far out of character. She's a ruling princess, yes, but she rules Equestria in a far more personal and less legalistic way than any country in the real modern world. Outside the comics and that one moment in Trade Ya, we never see any the law forcing any Equestrian into an unfriendly solution. Further, Celestia really does care about Twilight even more than the average pony. So, from all that, even if she was convinced Twilight was too dangerous to continue studying advanced magic, why would she dismiss her in such an impersonal if not needlessly offensive way and forbid her from even seeing her again?

I would like to appreciate this story, and the ending is the sort that lingers in your mind as appreciatively plausible... but no, I just can't see it.

8110265
8110246
No, it's fine! I wasn't trying to imply I didn't want to hear more from you. I was only explaining my thoughts without trying to "defend" them. I still disagree with your point of view, but I have no interest in trying to change your mind. :twilightsmile:

I don't think "composition" is the right word, as that refers to the flow of the story and how the sections are divided up (it's more like a grammatical thing than a story thing), but it's clear what you mean.

As an aside, I wasn't caught by surprise on the controversy this time. Anytime I portray Celestia or Twilight with critical flaws or having made questionable or disturbing moral choices, I end up with a crapton of controversy: some readers lavish unusual amounts of praise, while at the same time other readers get crazy mad. Ponies really don't like you to mess with their idols, and to a lot of fans, Celie is more of a god than a horse. Twilight's almost as bad. You need to keep her flaws limited or you're in for a rough ride. If you write those two making choices people strongly disagree with, you'll get downvotes—even when it's in an alternate universe like this one.

One of my favorite stories (that I've written), Recycled, is my lowest-rated story primarily for that reason. I think it's great, but it's no surprise to me that 20% of the votes are downvotes.

Maybe it's just my turn to rant about purple waifu portrayal, but I would say that I kinda can believe in Celestia getting rid of Twilight, can believe in Twilight wanting to kick Celestia's flank hard for this and can believe in Twilight rewriting reality using power of the Dark Side. What I can't believe is Twilight being so calm and "just as planned" about it in the end. Although I must also notice that, as a consequence, implanting memories of these events would be absolutely brilliant way for Sombra to get under Twilight's skin (or pelt?).

Wow, I really got into that. It was interesting from start to finish, I just wish that ending had been longer.

This had potential, but you didn't do anything with that potential.

Not that ending!

It's very...okay. The characters were OoC, but not enough that one could really complain about it. The concept was good, but the potential was sort of rushed and wasted. The ending's interesting and twisty, but raises a few questions and sort of ruins the neatness of "first" ending.

8613937
I agree. I should have done this as a short story rather than a minific.

In This Story:

The letter Twilight always dreaded would come actually comes.


... and she promptly passes to the dark side, if the very last line is any indication... :D

Nice twist at the end! As for accusations of Celestia being OOC... well, that was old Celestia, wasn't it? Now that Twilight has ordered her own universe to suit her better, we have a kinder, gentler Celestia.

And... now I'm wondering if this is the only time Twilight has used that spell...

8171795 That is the question though, isn't it? It would explain things like why Twilight was let off so easily, or Starlight Glimmer, or Discord. And why Twilight is so neurotic in the first place.

The timeline we see first is the pre-canon timeline. There, Celestia was a far sterner taskmaster. Twilight was constantly tested, Celestia probably gave her more credit than 'lol, stop being an egghead. Make friends, plz!' on her finding out about Nightmare Moon and sent her to Ponyville with the understanding that her job was a cover, and the Elements would be near Ponyville. On the other hand, when Twilight made a mistake, it would actually have consequences.

Then this happened and Twilight rewrote reality, altering Celestia and everything so that mistakes would simply result in a slap on the hoof. And to make it seamless, dropped the original timeline into Sombra's bad dream. Of course, Twilight still remembers the old timeline, so she's still the same neurotic mess she was before, even though this Celestia has never done anything to justify it.

9807432
i mean it seems like less a spell more a stress reaction so i would say if she was so sure about what she was doing then she might have before and proberbly will again

10328106
Very likely.

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