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Trick Question


Here, feel this.  (Patreon & book n/a.)

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Three dark comedy finalists from The Writeoff Association's "It's Your Funeral" contest.


Dying for Attention: Trixie is late to her own funeral.

Celestia's Vacation: Luna covers for her sister's absence.

A Deal to Die For: Applejack goes coffin shopping.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 138 )

These are some clever chapter names!

LOL! I loved this one the most!
Oh, how I'd love to see a sequel to when Celestia returns and discovers what Luna did at her dear sister's funeral :pinkiecrazy:

The lulz are real!!!!

Flim and Flam essentially just signed their death warrant.

All they have to do, right now, is wait for five to ten business days for Applejack to follow up with it, and send them six feet under

I'll have to read this, though the title of this reminded me of Mel Brooks.

Oh gosh!:rainbowlaugh: I'd say this is Lulu getting back at Tia for throwing this on her. The flagpole thing is hilarious. Just...:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:. That's honestly all that can be said about this. Awesome.

:fluttershyouch:

...Well, that's one original way to go out. I'll grant this version of Trixie that much.

I am certain we can all rest assured she died doing that which she loved most.

God damn, that is absolutely perfect

You know, I'm fairly certain that wherever she is, Celestia is going to look at the newspaper to see about her funeral. Imagine her shock when she sees the picture of what her sister did right below the headline.

:trixieshiftright: - At least The Great and Deceased Trixie delivered a shocking performance.

7057879 Man can you imagine people giving her gifts after this, after learning this is what she loves the most?

The third story flows better now, nice work there. I liked the other two stories quite a lot during the last round and I think t improvements were quite nice (except for the removal of the word ass. The contrast in what was a formal eulogy was funny IMHO, but this one works too).

Thumbs up.

The first I didn't really like because I am too fond of Trixie, the third I didn't like because I find the idea of Flim and Flam outright murdering Ponies to drum up funeral business a bit of a stretch, but the second one is glorious. :raritystarry:

What is this....i mean it's good but why?

7058634 oh yeah...celestia would be giving luna the evil eye for days to come :rainbowlaugh:

It probably says bad things about me, but I really liked this one. I ended up rating Dying for Attention higher, because I thought it was a more ambitious story, but the line about Celestia's ass rising like a white hillock from the coffin was just perfect.

Also I love the idea of the Yakyakistani envoy sitting through this like it's the most natural thing in the world.

The "white hillock", "dying doing that which she loved most" and Pinkie Pie and Dash nearly dying of laughter?

I am in *tears* here.

Luna: Get rekt for doing this to me, Celly.

7059405
Thanks! Yes, this one certainly seems to be the crowd-pleaser. :trollestia:

I agree with your rankings. I needed to add a substantial amount of horsewords to this story to fix the objections I received in the Writeoff, as well as to tilt it E-ward. On the other hoof, Dying for Attention remains virtually the same.

I loved the Yakyakistan emissary too, partly because I left it so ambiguous. Does he assume this is normal for ponies? Can he not see past his wool? Does he have a different sense of humor? Is he better at controlling his gut reactions? Is it because of his foreign culture? Is he just really stupid? Is it some combination of these? Nopony can say. :rainbowlaugh:

This is horrifyingly perfect

I thought all of these were good during the Writeoff, but this was one of my top picks due to its sheer hilarity. It's even better now, with the longer build-up.

That ending was Great and Powerful! ...how many volts was that anyway?

7059821
It's not the volts, technically. It's the amps. Volts matter because flesh has electrical resistance, so if you don't have enough voltage a shock won't be able to affect you. High voltage is dangerous because it generally comes with high amperage, which will kill you when the volts overcome your body's resistance.

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I'm trying my hardest not to laugh. In a library. At my school. Surrounded by testing people.

7059831
Pinkie can get emotional easily in FiM. She's happy-go-lucky, but high-strung.

7059831 I would imagine it's empathy, mostly. Ponies seem to be in touch with their empathy quite a bit more than real world humans typically are, and even though Trixie was a jerk much of the time, she didn't want her to die. Additionally, a funeral is practically the exact opposite of everything Pinkie holds dear, so that probably contributed to her tears as well.

Okay. I shouldn't have laughed at this. I really tried. But...the moment Luna began her bit of dialogue, I lost it. Not only did I loose it, I absolutely lost it and scared the living hell out of my cat.

Thank you. This made my day.

Ahh, I haven't laughed this much in a while.

That said, the first half is a lot weaker. You can probably cut it down a fair bit without hurting the story.

I think Trixie just created a paradox. I certainly hope the universe doesn't break.

By Celestia's mighty sun-marked flank... that was bucking hilarious.

Please excuse my unusually (for me) crass language. I thought it appropriate.

That got dark. Did Applejack just kill them?!

7060201

Did Applejack just kill them?!

Probably not, no. I would expect her to come back and let them out after she's scared the Tartarus out of them. But they did practically commit attempted murder, so I can't say as I blame her.

7060171 I... think it's a stable loop, actually.
The electrocution stopped her heart now, so I think they're now going to send her body back in time to the alleyway to be found.
And then the funeral will happen, she'll come to the funeral, get electrocuted, get sent back and so on and so on ad infinitum.

This is why I feel so strongly we should try a 500-1000 word minific round.

At 750 words, this was a bit short on context and left some unfortunate implications hanging. At 1000 words, this is the crown jewel of this collection.

7060270
You may change my mind. Stating the superiority of my contest entries makes for a persuasive argument. :trixieshiftright:

But in that case we should probably up short stories to 1,800 minimum. Ponies are already submitting padded minifics to that round, and they should really be Actual Stories.

7060247 That works for me. It still sort of counts as a paradox in my book, but my mind hasn't quite grasped the concept yet. I need to stop thinking about it; that will do the trick.

7060247 All those years she were gone was because she went forward in time O.o I like it.

7060369
It's an ontological paradox: the duration of the loop has no source, similar to what happened in Twilight Time. It's temporally consistent, though.

It's like in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure how Rufus never introduces himself to the boys. We don't even know if it's actually his name, apart from him not correcting them.

7060247 No, it's not even a loop. It's a curl in Trixie's timeline.
1) She starts out 20 years ago. Timeports to her funeral.
2) Dies.
3) Twilight timeports the fresh body to last week in Canterlot.
4 (takes place between 1 and 2) Autopsy, funeral planned, body in the coffin
5 (still dead at 2)
6 (still dead at 3)
7-infinity (still dead)

And that was how Equestria changed its flag....

7060574
Actually, it is a causal loop. She cast a spell to take her to her own funeral, and that's how she died. Events occurring after her death were its cause.

I can't I just can't! *is still laughing along with my husband* Here! for this chapter alone an upvote!
:rainbowlaugh:

It didn't occur to me when I was voting on this originally, but it occurs to me now: Twilight didn't notice that Trixie hadn't aged a day in twenty years?

I really liked the premise, anyway--leave it to Trixie to time travel shenanigan herself to death in a quest for greater accolades.

This one got me actually laughing when I read it. I agree with the other person who said you should have left 'ass' in, though. I thought it made the perfect garnish to the situation, like a cherry on top of a big mound of vanilla... uh. It worked, anyway.

7060446 Either way, you've just ended a universe.
I hope you're proud of yourself :applecry:

7060756
I realized that was a plot hole but decided against trying to lampshade it because there's no way to shoehorn the observation without it interrupting the flow. Trixie doesn't really give Twilight any time to provide those details.

7060574
I rebutted this here 7060579 (in the wrong chapter).

7060446 I haven't read that, but I see what you're saying. I just really, really don't like those paradoxes; they kind of drive me crazy. Stable or not, it shouldn't exist, and if it didn't break the universe, it's going to break someone's mind. I've said for a while now that time travel is never a good idea, because of these paradoxes if nothing else. I liked the chapter all the same, but I try to avoid time travel for this very reason. Curl or loop or whatever you want to call it, even if it's not causing a rift in spacetime, even if it makes sense, it's frustrating.

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