• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago


Film buff. Cartoon lover. Superhero enthusiast. MLP fan. Transformers devotee. Impressionist. Actor. Singer. Deadpan snarker. S'all good.


Twilight Sparkle.

Princess of Friendship, Bearer of the Element of Magic, student to Princess Celestia.

Just how powerful is she? And why is she the best Alicorn princess?

All her greatest foes have the unfortunate pleasure of finding out the answer...

Rated T for TOTAL COMEDIC INSANITY Oh, and SPOILERS for the MLP Movie.

Artwork by Tsitra360

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 81 )


edit: Starlight Glimmer is my favorite mare in the entire FiM shows so WHY DID YOU SCRATCH HER OUT OF YOUR PROFILE PIC? :fluttercry:

Replace "Batman" with "Twilight"

All my yes. Thanks for a good laugh.


This should be animated!

Sound like BatMetal

Complete and utter silliness written for the sake of silliness. :ajsmug:

You wasn't joking...

Good work.
I enjoyed reading it and lost it quite a few times.
(And Rarity won the round. Definitely.)

For those who liked the cover-art: An animated version!
What do you think, 7986382?

One small thing (I'm probably the only one noticing anyway):
It's "quesadillas", not "quesedillas".
(That's also the only part she is lying.)

This woulda been so much better if I'd seen Lego Batman already and heard the song :ajsleepy: I couldn't quite get the tempo in my head to enjoy the song since I had no reference.

Even so, still pretty funny!

"And I thought Starlight's reasons for evil were petty."

Starlight still queen of worst-villain-backstory, don't worry. You'll probably have to wait for "I stubbed my toe this one time" to top "my friend moved away" for villainizing moments.


"My friend was happy he got his cutie mark, so I ignored him! And while I was ignoring him, he MOVED AWAY!" Proceed to brainwash people from across the land, force them to live in fear under your tyrannical... mayorship. When defeated by righteous heroes, go into hiding, then break time and space, creating whole new worlds full of war and suffering and death. Even a world where apparently all had died, including the Sisters.

... I cannot, for the life of me, see how they thought that this was a good villain backstory, or that someone like this deserved to be redeemed.

Literally a giant baby.

Something that didn't happen:

Celestia turned to Luna and quietly asked, "When did we become background ponies?"
"Speak for yourself, sister." Luna waved a flag bearing Twilight's cutie mark. "I'm the President of her fan club!"
"That's ...so very sad." Chrysalis mumbled her opinion. "I'd cry for us all, but villains don't do that."

7987176 Well Dufensmirtz lost his toy train as a kid, like it wasn't stolen or anything, he literally lost it. So it wasn't the worst ever by hasbro, but still up there.

7987357 That's Disney, not hasbro. Plus, it was intentionally bad. It was basically making fun of Starlight Glimmer before she even existed

7987507 Just saying but no matter what you say about Starlight Glimmer. If they listen just give up. Somebody in the comments said the same thing about Starlight Glimmer on EquestriaDaily and I also said destroying a career is pretty bad. So their argument would always be her backstory is stupid. Which is why I already learned to don't question them now. So I think you should do the same if somebody replies to you saying they are talking about her backstory.

7985272 Read the profile. He/she really hates Starlight Glimmer which is also why you are receiving so much dislikes right now.

*chuckle* I can see why this ended up featured. She is not Twilight Sparkle. She is Twilight Norris. And if I had any photo editing skills, I'd supply a picture. But all I can give is this.

*Continues like the movie*

Queen Chrysalis: You have 2 choices, Twilight! Save the princesses, or catch your greatest enemy! You can't do both!

Twilight: What did you just say?

-You can't do both because-

-No, before that.

-Save the princesses or catch your greatest enemy?

-You think you're my greatest enemy?

-YES!!! You're obsessed with me.

-Pfft! No I'm not.

-Yes you are.

-No I'm not.

-YES YOU ARE!!! Who else drives you one up than what I do.


-No he doesn't.


-Starlight's not a bad guy!

-Then I'd say that I currently DON'T have a bad guy, I am fighting a few different ponies.


-I like to fight around.

Comment posted by Indigo Tornado deleted Dec 9th, 2020

Simply amazing.

I came.
I read.
I walked away Twilified.:twilightsmile:


All the other princesses are useless and Twilight is overpowered.


You are bad, and you should feel bad, but truly, this is great. Because it's about TWILIIIIIIIIGHT!

7986890 That's one hell of a burp.

I love the irony of this story, considering in the show Twilight actually got weaker since becoming an alicorn.

This story was delightfully silly, and well worth the upvote & adding to my Silly & Funny bookshelf. While the whole story is wonderful, I was sold four words in:

One generically beautiful day

:rainbowlaugh: I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe for a few minutes after reading that :pinkiehappy:

So... a few weeks later, Twilight and Chrysalis reconcile their feelings and confess their hatred for one another?

Ah, this was the very best form of stupid. Thanks for the laughs!

7988735 On a Tuesday, no less?

Comment posted by MrAquino deleted Mar 2nd, 2017

7988782 "1000 and 1 Ways to Tell if Your Son or Daughter is a Main Character"


"Mother's Guide to Raising a Main Character"
Chapter One

"Well, well, well." Chrysalis monologued with a smirk, "Princess Twilight Sparkle... it would seem you got our invitation. And here I was thinking you wouldn't show up. It wasn't hard, you know. Turns out all we needed to distract the guards in Canterlot and the Crystal Empire was cake, including Shining Armor and his stupid baby! HA! How pathetic is that? That way, we captured the three Princesses with ease, as always, and used them to lure you out here alone so we could all finally destroy you! With you gone, Equestria will suffer-"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks for the explanation, Queen Exposition." The Alicorn held up a hoof, shutting up the ex-Changeling queen in an instant. "M'kay, let's see here... so you brought along Tirek, Sombra..."

"Crrrryyyyyyyyssssttttaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllsssssssss..." The unicorn king slurred, practically aroused as he lovingly stroked a black crystal in his hoof like a cat.

"Yeah, good for you. The sirens, that Principal Cinch hag Sunset told me about..."

"Hag?!" spluttered the pompous unicorn, glaring daggers through her glasses, "Why, I ought to suspend your application for Everton! Any friend of those Canterlot High rapscallions is certainly no friend of mine!"

"Uhh, wrong Twilight, granny." The Alicorn raised an apathetic eyebrow before continuing. "Some yeti goat... thing with a stupid crown and trident and his overly-edgy unicorn minion..."

"Hey! I'm not supposed to make an official appearance for another nine months! Don't judge me!" The Storm King sniffled, clutching his trident close to him as Tempest Shadow patted his arm with a comforting hoof.

"...Garble, Ahuizotl, the Mane-iac..."

"Thought I'd escape from the comics and come into your world!" The tentacle-haired pony cackled in an exaggerated fashion, "Now that would've made for a much more MANE-raising experience, don't you think?"

"That wasn't even a pun." Twilight muttered in annoyance. "Dr Cabelleron, Lightning Dust... Flim and Flam?"

"My brother and I couldn't help but overhear that we somehow overpowered Celestia and took over Equestria in an alternate future." Flim rambled with an egotistical gleam in his eye.

"So we thought: well why not try overpowering all four princesses?" Flam finished for him, "Our sales will spread all over Equestria!"

"I doubt that, you straw hat-wearing stuffed shirts." Twilight replied snidely before looking at her last few opponents. She only got more and more confused with each one. "The Diamond Dogs... Suri Polomare? Prince Blueblood? Jet Set and Upper Crust? Spoiled Rich? Wind Rider? Svengallop? Zesty Gourmand? And Gladmane? How are any of you guys villains?" Each pony took a step forward and gave a brief explanation for their presence.

"Your friend Rarity won the Fashion Week trophy instead of me!"

"That stuck-up unicorn expected me to treat her like a proper lady! Ugh! The nerve!"

"You and your friends ruined what was supposed to be an elegant garden party for my husband and I!"

"You assisted my daughter in rebuilding her school's playground for her blank flank friends. Don't look so innocent, you may have been there for less than two seconds but I saw you!"

"That friend of yours used her convenient detective interests to take my Wonderbolt status away!"

"If it weren't for that spy magic of yours, I'd still be living the high life as Countess Coloratura's boss! But nooooo! Now I live in a cardboard box on the streets of Manehattan thanks to you!"

"Rarity and her frizzy-maned lackey made me lose all respect Canterlot Restaurant Row had for me!"

"And I lost my casino thanks to your friends and their pathetic friendship! Uh-huh-huh!"

Twilight could only stare, giving two quick xylophone blinks before finally giving her dumbfounded reply.

"So... any last words?" :ajsmug:
"Homina Homina Homina comes to mind." :twilightoops:

Hilariously satisfying! 10/10 on the :yay:itude meter!

Oh hey it's Lego Twilight Sparkle :pinkiecrazy:

Who’s scared of quesadillas? (NOT TWILIGHT!)


Funniest thing is I just watched Lego Batman yesterday. :twilightsmile:

Just gonna... go. Yeah.

What the buck...?
Wha- you know what? Never mind I am ok with this.


7989550 *Hides pony dolls.*

"WHAT!?!?!? Alfred! I don't do that girly stuff!... And knock next time!"

"Yes, sir."

*Robin Enters, dressed up as Shining Armor*

"Sorry I was late, dad. I had to get the-... Aww... Twilie beated the bad guys before I could help."

I am 100% not a mary sue?


7987357 He had tons of petty reasons to be a bad guy...and all of his schemes were ultimately small and petty. Doof needed therapy more than anything else.

Starlight, though...she went and did really bad things for really crappy reasons. Just saying.

This was good for a laugh. Well done.

:ajbemused: Oh god fucking dammit, really? Really?

Is it too much to ask for a fucking spoiler warning for The MLP Movie if you're going to throw in The Storm King and Tempest? I was actually enjoying this fic too until you dropped a big fucking spoiler with no prior warning.

Well, there goes your recommendation. It's a petty reason, but maybe people don't want to spoiled on things that they specifically want to go into blind.

Just... Either put up a minor spoiler warning, or don't put spoilers in at all. There's my goddamed critique.

And for how stupid the cameo was, if I was your editor, I'd remove it completely.

"Uhh, wrong Twilight, granny." The Alicorn raised an apathetic eyebrow before continuing. "Some yeti goat... thing with a stupid crown and trident and his overly-edgy unicorn minion..."

"Hey! I'm not supposed to make an official appearance for another nine months! Don't judge me!" The Storm King sniffled, clutching his trident close to him as Tempest Shadow patted his arm with a comforting hoof.

Is there something I haven't been made aware of?

You are aware of the MLP movie coming out right?

See, this is TRUE majesticality.

No. No I was not. Am now, I suppose.

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