What happens when you realize that your feelings for one of your friends aren't quite the same as your feelings for the rest of them? Do you just prefer some friends for others, or is it a sign of something deeper? What do you do with those feelings? Hide them? Admit them? And how will the rest of your friends react when they find out?
Twilight is going to have to do her best to find the answers, because they're anything but obvious.
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Yes, this is a story about romance, but I'm trying to use it to explore the relationships between the characters and see how they'd really react if romantic feelings ever did crop up, and how such a development would impact the cast as a whole.
Now with a TvTropes page!
There's also a dramatic reading in progress on youtube, here.
And also an updated verison of the cover, courtesy of Novel Idea.
I'll keep an eye on this...
This is good. Real good, even. Not sure why someone thumbed it down, so I took the liberty of counteracting that.
Just one small typo:
She still couldn't believe that Twilight would rather write those boring reports of hers than back cupcakes.
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I can't help but consider that outlook with a very -->
<--- look.
as regards this story, i'm mildly interested, and the fact that its a single piece so far does it favours in my books, as I'm too busy and tired to bother with anything more.
Tracked, because I am a total sucker for emotionally invested shipping.
I'll be keeping an eye on this. Shipping Twilight is always a good idea. Maybe I'll catch some pointers on how to write my own fic - although I don't suppose lessons learned from TwiJack are directly applicable to FlutterDash!
As a rather big TwiJack fan I'm definately going to keep an eye on such a well written story.
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Applespark
WOOHOO, This is fantastic!
Also, if this story doesn't turn out well...
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AMG APPLE SPARKLE FIC
There needs to be moar of these, everywhere!
I love these two together.
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This was awesome, deffinitly tracking to wait for more.
Both Rarity and Twilight were perfectly in character. If the show did ever have an episode about romance between the characters, I'd imagine it to be quite like this. Great job!
Have to say, I'm excited to read more of this, I got no problem with TwiJack...you doing a perfect job on this and I'll be tracking this. Hoping to maybe see a bit of FlutterDash or Rarity/Fluttershy or even Derpy/Rainbow Dash (which will ALWAYS be beast, and although rare is an amazing pair) anything save for Spike/Rarity...HATE that pairing with a passion. But yeah...can't for for more, keep writing strong.
Spike + Twilight
= FOREVER!!!!
(sorry, wrong message LOL...but it's true, in my view anyway)
This feels pretty close to how Twilight would react to discovering having a crush on one of her friends.
I look forward to reading the rest.
Whoa that's more feedback than I was expecting.
Thanks to those who pointed out issues. I'll keep it in mind when I work on the next chapter. Which hopefully won't be too far in the future; I really have too many projects going at once.
741048
I mean what's
about is that you've only seen the show twice (Twice through , i'm presuming/hoping?) and talk about canon consistent. Reminds me of Football Zombie from plants vs zombies - embodies everything about the spirit football, but has no idea what a football is.
)
And yes, I know who you are, to an extent. I'm one of your fans - one of the 20 or so people I follow. I've found you interesting both in and out of the writing, so I follow you in lieu of that. Haven't read a great deal of your stuff, but I never do with the people I keep tabs on - I save those for a rainy day.
Sorry for the miscommunication, I'm still tired (sleep makes me more tired??
AS for the story ----- I liked the slower pacing, the fact that Aj is NOWHERE in sight so we can anticipate and wait on an actual Twijack moment, knowing full well how adorakable its going to be.
...yep I'll follow this. Nice first chapter.
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It is that kind of response, right there, that reminds me why I love this fandom. Yay you! and those stories of yours look too damn good for my own good - Once I start a ship like that...I set sail through hell and high water, a silly grin on my face all the while. I will greatly enjoy them.
Dear Sir or madam,
Damn it you have given me another story to follow...
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Thanks for the story!
This was a really good read. What I enjoyed most was how you made the entire crush innocent. Definitely gonna watch this.
"Unicorn floaty thing"? More respect for Pinkie Pie.
I don't often read stories like this, with so much dialogue in it. It's not a bad thing, it's more of personal preference. I can't really point out anything to improve upon like that.
I do like the way you've characterized Twilight, giving her back some sanity as the chapter progressed. That was nice. I'll be looking forward to whatever comes next.
Okay, nobody freak out that the Pinkie Pie scene at the end is gone. It wasn't supposed to be here. I wrote it for chapter 2 and it got accidentally tacked on to the end of this chapter. When chapter 2 (which is currently in progress) comes out, the scene will be there, where it was originally supposed to be. It has not been deleted, only moved. Just wanted to clarify.
And yeah, Chapter 2 is coming. I've been busy lately.
Finally! A great looking Applespark fic. It's my second favorite ship (The first is Twidash, obviously
) and there isn't enough of it.
I like how this is starting. Usually, it's just love and trying to get the other to reciprocate. You made this seem like just a typical crush. Nice.
Brilliant work with the characterization, too. It fit them so perfectly. Great work with Twilight's dialogue.
This has potintial I will be keeping my eye on you
I like your characterization, but your dialogue seems to switch between viewpoints too fast - while there are areas that are clearly best pony and areas that are clearly Rarity, there's some mixed up areas that feel weird. Or maybe it's the caffine.
Tracked, likely to thumbs-up in the future, but withholding it for now just until I see where this is going.
This has drawn my interest.
Your characterization is pretty correct, im not that fond of the "suddenly falling in love" but you've caught that pretty nicely so im eager to see how this continues, GL with writing this!
I am greatly enjoying this. Twilight's discomfiture is nicely detailed, and Rarity's offhoof reference to "a shipping incident" made me laugh.
Characterization is a little..... too spot on, in the sense of stereotypes. I can see why you're doing what you're doing but it's also coming across as a... little dull. Or maybe I've read too many Twilight ships.
Think I'll keep an eye on this.
I like that you're not afraid to make the characters so very canon. I think when most people are saying this, they mean Twilight's confusion, but Rarity is very spot-on as well. Her dialogue is well suited to her character, as well as her gentle teasing, but overall, she is a supportive friend, and the conversation highlights her generous side that we don't see enough of.
The exposition that goes on within this is great. Most writers wouldn't be able to make this scene last so long, and you did it without having to sacrifice quality at any point. The reader never loses focus on the primary conflict of the story, but we still get a great definition of the setting and characters that make up the story.
Most of all, it's great that you gave us believable reasons for Twilight's feelings, and while a couple of her compliments about Applejack are a little mushy for so early in the story, it does genuinely fit the way Twilight would describe them.
Most authors are so afraid to make romance stories where the characters fit the canon, and it's because we have a misconception that the characters are too boring for romance, which is true, but that's because the characters are limited to the confine of a children's television show. This shows us the potential for a genuine romance that portrays those characters in the way they were created.
Eager to see how Applejack deals with all the attention. Good work and good luck!
Glad to see that most of you guys seem to be enjoying what I have so far.
I was a bit curious about how everyone would react to the fact that Applejack doesn't actually appear in this chapter. She'll show up in the next chapter.
@Ponlover: This is pretty much exactly what I was trying to do. Something I really like to see in fanfics is simply putting the characters in a situation and watching what happens. I don't think you have to exaggerate the characters or add a gimmick to come up with a good (or at least decent, in this case) story.
Also thanks to those who pointed out potential issues; I'll be sure to keep them in mind while I tweak chapter 2 (which will hopefully be up relatively soon). Any sort of useful feedback is greatly appreciated. Hopefully I can keep up a consistent level of quality.
Oh, and also HUZZAH!! THE FAVES HAVE BEEN DOUBLED!!!
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(Also, it would be awesome if you guys checked out some of my other stories. They aren't nearly as polished as this one, but I'm sure somebody would find them at least mildly enjoyable.)
Tracking this. Definitely enjoyed your premise.
“Although I must admit that the way you acted before his wedding was a bit suspicious.”
ifyaknowaddameen
More Twijack is always good. Gives my own fic some much-needed competition. I'll have to check this out in the morning.
This was a surprisingly engaging and, for the lack of a better term, realistic take on the Twijack shipping. Actually, make that on shipping in general. The majority of shipping stories just puts the two lovers together without fully detailing or explaining just why those two have feelings for each other. One day they just meet and BAM, love is born on a single day. From the looks of this chapter though, it seems like you're taking your time to develop their relationship, and that's a great thing.
I've always found shippings like Twijack to be rather hard to understand, because the two characters share nearly no common interests or personality traits. Don't get me wrong, I love pairings like Rarijack and Twidash, but it's difficult to pull off those pairings without making them seem forced. That's why I love how you made it clear in this chapter that Twilight might just have a "crush" on Applejack, and not full-out being in love with her. And there's really a lot of potential here for an interesting love story. Is Twilight's feelings really just a crush? If she does love Applejack, how does she find out if Applejack feels the same way? Can such a relationship like this work for long considering the two ponies' differences?
This was an excellent start to a hopefully great fanfic. Good luck with your future chapters. I will be here eagerly awaiting the continuation.
I don't really see enough of Twilight/Applejack shipping. This is something I'm going to follow.
One thing I'll point out though: "She was no expert in physiology, but she could tell that Twilight was finally relaxing." I think that's supposed to be psychology, not physiology.
943273: Thanks.
That's exactly what I was trying to accomplish: show the relationship from the very beginning, and show the effects that such a situation might have on the characters. I'm glad to know that I managed to pull it off. 
Hopefully the rest of it will live up to expectations. 
943332: Actually, that was intentional. The idea was that Rarity notices that Twilight isn't so tense; she's not as jittery and skittish. She's physically calming down as well as mentally. Guess I should have made that a bit clearer.
And yes, we totally need more TwiJack shipping. That's one of the main reasons I decided to center the story around them. The other being that I think there's enough contrast in their personalities that it'll give them some interesting interactions.
In other news, I may as well give you a preview for Chapter 2. Here's the obligatory (and hopefully not too pretentious-sounding) poetic epigraph:
Some that have deeper digg'd love's mine than I,
Say, where his centric happiness doth lie.
I have loved, and got, and told,
But should I love, get, tell, till I were old,
I should not find that hidden mystery.
--Love's Alchemy,
John Donne
Yeah, I'm well aware it really doesn't tell you much. I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.
I went into this with the "see how they'd really react if romantic feelings ever did crop up" bit at the back of my mind constantly rolling its eyes at me. I've certainly heard that before, so I wasn't really prepared for anything special.
That being said, you grabbed my attention almost immediately with Twilight being mid-breakdown (and trying to figure out how to ask Celly, no less), and I will say that so far you've done a great job at what you said you were trying. Both Twilight's reactions, Rarity's initial inability to see what the problem was and her ultimate advice. Can't wait to see how you write the other characters.
I've decided that if I ever fall in love, I want to talk it over with Pinkie Pie. If everything seems to make sense, I'll know it's the real thing.
Or something like that. There are times when it's awfully hard to tell.
That's what this story needs... You need to change the cover image to something similar but with Twilight wearing AJ's hat. =3
738202 But where is the excitement in that?
It's nice to explore the unknown.
Great chapter. Love the advice Pinkie had to give, and she totally gave it in the way befitting her character.
A couple grammar notes to point out. Twice you used a word repeatedly without a comma to separate them. First was on AJ's green, green eyes. Second was Pinkie saying 'when you're weird, weird stuff happens'. I think Mr. Cake meant to say 'cart', not 'card'. At the tail end Twilight laments 'why couldn't be somepony else', think you meant 'why couldn't it be'. I think there was another case of missing word somewhere, but I was so caught up in how awesome the chapter was that I forgot.
This is beautifully structured. It's great to see how supportive each of Twilight's friends are for what she's going through, and they all have great advice that suits them to help her. I wish I knew how to make scenes last as long as you do. To make a scene go on without growing dull or dragging is a skill most writers lack.
Eager to see what you do next. Looking forward to Fluttershy's and Rainbow Dash's advice (I can only assume we'll see them soon).
Also, for being such a great writer, and also because you're not the first person to do so, I'll let you get away with calling me 'ponlover' without correcting you. I'm beginning to regret the screen name. Didn't realize the font on FIMFiction made capital 'i' look like an 'L'.
This has been very fun, it's my fave couple AND everyone's in character. What's not to love!
You had me with Donne. The rest is just excellent, excellent bonus. I'd suggest you go through it again with a fine tuned eye for a few errors here or there, but otherwise it's nicely written, with a good flow and fairly decent canon personalities. I'm not a particularly huge fan of Mane 6 shipping (though when I am, TwiJack has oddly been one of my favorites)...but I'm super curious to see how this turns out. Definitely going in my watch list.
D'awwwww...
Anyone else think Applejack should be portrayed as the straight-laced Texan a bit more often? I mean I love the ever-accepting, loving AJ as much as the next brony, but that accent makes me envision a traditionalist Southerner.
>"like Cheerilee."
...I just had a flashback to Romance Reports. Whether it was an intentional reference or not, it made me happy.
This is uncommonly well-written, and I eagerly await more.
You get a thumb just for the description. That's something that I never do, but it's nice to see someone finally approach a relationship like this in a manner that sounds believable. Also, it was at 199, and my OCPD tendencies were KILLING ME.
Twilight, you are crazy, over organized, and somehow illogically too logical
or is she too logically illogical
TwiJack is rare
C'mon Twilight, go chase down that cowpony!!!!
Not my favorite pair, though I don't mind it... and you do it very, very well. This is well written and to be honest I mostly read it because you pulled John Donne into this and I love Donne and the Metaphysical poets and I just couldn't help myself but be curious!!
Looking forward to more!
(And... Rarity's advice was good. I really liked that she made the point that Twi's sudden interest was infatuation, and not necessarily love per se. That was a good addition, not only in that it is right/I could see Rarity saying that, but also in that it gives Twilight a paradigm of "This will all blow over" that drives her thoughts. I dig it.)
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Ya know. I've always thought that Pinkie was a lot smarter than most people give her credit for, but yeah I can see where your coming from with this one.
I like this. Keep it up!
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GIMME MOAR! (I still have popcorn left...)
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