• Member Since 15th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 28th, 2012

Robotech_Master


E

When Twilight Sparkle corrects the grammar of a short story Applejack wrote, she has no idea of the painful repercussions soon to follow.

Note: If you're confused, this story was originally posted by someone else, who thought I wasn't writing anymore and wanted to get my story more exposure, and felt the only way to get it past moderation was to claim to be the author and that I was a "pseudonym." We've had a discussion about that and I'm not angry about it anymore.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 136 )

great story! this needs to be featured!:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:

I think Applejack should be the one writing the letter, not Twi... :twilightblush: We all know Twi can get a touch obsessive at times in matters of things academic, but AJ's the one who's bucking bees at ponies for constructive criticism.

Still, nice work on this! To-the-point, but not rushed.

..This could, when edited, be an episode. :P

It can be a difficult thing to get Applejack's accent right. (This is one of the reasons I don't tend to feature her very prominently in my own fics, even though she's one of my top 3 favorite ponies) Give her too light of an accent, and it doesn't read like it's Applejack at all. Give her too thick of one, and it becomes difficult to read what she is supposed to be saying. You were a bit on the heavy side of this line, and it made me stumble over a few lines that shouldn't have been that difficult. Ideally, there should just be enough there to remind the reader that there is an accent, no more.

(Please don't throw bees at me :twilightsheepish: )

748260

And that's why I dislike this fic. Applejack is clearly the instigator of everything that's going on, and is physically assaulting/torturing her friend because she dared to criticize her story, and Twilight is the one that has to learn a lesson?

I'm sorry, but criticism isn't something evil. When someone looks through your story and points out issues, it's not because they hate you personally. They just want to see you improve. It is NEVER right to do what Applejack does here. SHE is the one that had to learn a lesson, not Twilight. It's not her fault her farm pony friend can't take some very gentle critiques.

If, say, Twilight had torn Applejack's entire story apart, stomped on it, and then had Spike incinerate it to purge its evil from Equestria forever, then I could understand AJ's position. But no, nothing she does deserves what happened.

I love the story, and I think it could be an episode, but...
THE AK'CENT WAS TOO THICK. I can't understand ak'cents of this magnitude!

This is one of the first fanfics I ever read, and now it's on FimFiction! Whoo! :pinkiehappy:

748480 We know what AJ sounds like, so maybe instead of "Ah," just write "I." She got more of a slang than an accent, for the most part (like she would say "somethin' " instead of "something," or so I was told), but I don't mind it, really. Here are some help I got for AJ's accent by DPV111:

The thing about Aj is that we all know how she sounds so no author needs to be overly concerned with imparting that. What is important is the way she talks, her phraseology and slang. For instance, a huge mistake many authors make is typing "Ah" when AJ says "I." She's not SAYING "Ah," she's saying "I," so type "I." We know how her drawl makes it sound, but typing an accent phonetically is one of the worst literary mistakes you can make in my book.

But for me, it really doesn't matter.

This is still a funny story, don't get me wrong.

748376 Maybe it would be better if they both learned something? That could be interesting. I think it was meant how some authors here go ape shit when they actually get a critic, and the author here uses the cartoon logic of the show to demonstrate that or something.

Aww, I like stories which would actually fit into the show seamlessly. Its not very often you read a good (read:good) one of those. Good job :twilightsmile:

748582 I concur. Usually throwing in 'ain't' here and there, using words and phrases like 'howdy' and 'what in tarnation', using goin' instead of going, buckin' instead of bucking, etc. makes for the easiest read and gets the point across with no problem, even for characters that the reader doesn't already know has an accent.

That is how I write AJ, Big Mac, Apple Bloom, and other southern characters, and usually that's what I like to see too.

I will say that I am not all that picky though, as long as the phonetic spelling doesn't make me have to stop and work out what is being said, than it's no huge deal.

Anyway, I like this story quite a bit, good job.

Great story bro, I really enjoyed that :pinkiehappy:

I don't mind the drawl, but i do agree with the critique that Applejack is clearly in the wrong on this one. Unless its an ironic shot at web authors that go completely :pinkiecrazy: when someone critiques their work.

Otherwise excellent. You have the tone down pat.

Great! It almost feels like a real episode!

Yup, this does seem like a real episode and sometimes criticisms can get out of hand even if its only meant to help, not hurt, so favorite and thumbs up.

although.....:twilightblush: see um the thing is I don't really know if it fits applejack, she is kind and sweet but not really the sort to hold her tongue, also she is pretty tough so it would take a lot to get under her skin I would say.

Fluttershy on the other hoof.... she is a pony who would be easily hurt by even well intended criticisms and also the sort to want to bottle them up and pretend they are not there, and she is also the sort that rage can boil out of such as when she tried to be more assertive.

The reason I know this is because she and I share a remarkable amount of traits, heck I am even nursing a turtle that was hit by a car back to health after superglueing bits of the shell back together. ( I named her tank btw tf2wiki.net/w/images/thumb/a/ab/Heavy_laugh.png/42px-Heavy_laugh.png not big surprise :rainbowwild:) but also I have wondered how if I ever get around to writing my own stories how I am going get critique since I know I don't take it well even if I really really need it.....

oh and I do think they both should have written the letter,
twilight for being a bit oblivious and of course applejack for letting things get out of control

Wait, what did Twilight actually learn? Shouldn't Applejack have been writing the letter?

this is a vary good story.:pinkiehappy:

as a Dyslexic i have a good idea of how applejack feels. :pinkiesad2:


now make it a real Episode

No.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Sincerely, the Grammar Nazis.

Saw it was featured. Congrats. :raritywink:

I remember reading this a while back.

I thought (and still think) that it's funny, but I couldn't really enjoy it for the reasons mentioned by InsertAuthorHere(748376). It's a good story, but AJ was so OoC that it almost ruined the story for me. I know it's meant to be comedy, but the things she was doing to Twilight (plus how Twilight had to be the one to learn the leason) just wasn't funny. I think what would have made this funny (in my opinion) is if Applejack did less extreme things to get back at Twilight (in other words, no attacking her with bees and such).

It has its hilarious moments, but I can't say I liked it overall... nor did I dislike it. It was on of those stories I looked at and went "meh".
Obviously not my thing.

Wow! This should be made into an episode!
Loved it! :pinkiehappy:

Applejack was a little bit ooc for me, and Twilight writing the letter is complete bullshit. :ajbemused:
It's an okay story and I enjoyed it. 6/10. Just that this made me hate Applejack more then I already do.

N. Cider? Say that out loud. :derpytongue2:

749721 A fanfic made you dislike the character from a TV show? :rainbowhuh:

749765 No, I already hated AJ. This just made me hate her more.

749786 That's... kinda weird, I'm not gonna lie. That's like hating Pinkie Pie even more because of Cupcakes.

who else would think this would be good episode material?
cuz i do
good story
you get a star and a thumb

749795 Meh, that's just how I work.

749820 Really like your avatar, by the way. I thought I was the only one here that played that game.

749835 Your avatar is pretty great too. Do you play it for Xbox or PS3?

749845 Xbox 360, but I never got the newer version, and I don't have Xbox Live. Awesome game. Did you know that the people behind BlazeBlu and Guilty Gear are coming out with a Persona fighting game?

I feel like I should make a comment about the fic so my comments don't get deleted or something... uh, this could be a sub-plot for an actual episode, and the over the top slap-stick was very funny. I also like how this is pretty much how fan authors react on this site sometimes when they get an actual review. I feel that it would be Rainbow and not Applejack ( I don't think Rainbow is vindictive or anything, but she really likes Daring Doo books, so her writing a fanfic about it would be a cute idea), but this was originally written a long time ago.

748582
"typing an accent phonetically is one of the worst literary mistakes you can make in my book"

I'd have to disagree. It should only be if the accent is a notable part of their character, but if we're treating fanfiction like any other fiction, you must assume people don't know exactly how the character sounds. Writing Ah is no different than writing somethin'-- both are used to denote that a character is very specific in that pronunciation. Similarly, Rarity's affected dahling could be written as such to bring attention to how she avoids the hard 'r', but trying to phonetically write a difference between how Rainbow or Twilight sound would be folly.

tl;dr Writing an accent can be good as long as it's substantial and part of the character. Think Twain. Should be used carefully, though-- don't make it nigh-unreadable unless the character is nigh impossible to understand.

749905 That was a little quote from someone else. I personally don't mind how AJ's dialect is used, as long as it's not from a redneck generator where they add "Fry mah hide!" to the text or something.

749896 Yeah I heard about that. Never played Persona though. I feel like that I have wasted my life because I got 100% completion in story mode on CS.
Trust me, the idea of Rainbow writing a DD fanfic has been done quite a few times.

749948

Trust me, the idea of Rainbow writing a DD fanfic has been done quite a few times.

Oh. Well never mind then.

My god, I remember this fanfic! It was the very first fanfiction for My Little Pony I ever read! :pinkiesad2: Oh my goodness, it was great on that other website almost last year, and it's great now! :pinkiehappy:

This could have been an actual episode, honest to goodness. Good job!:pinkiesmile:

748582

I kind of figured that was the story's intention, and it's not that badly handled. It's just the way the ending is framed that gives me pause.

Again, this isn't a bad story. Far from it. I laughed at some of the things happening to Twilight, and were it not for AJ not really receiving much comeuppance for overreacting to constructive criticism, it would probably have been one of my all-time favorites.

The accent's fine!
This feels like a new episode, by the by, which I'm sure people have already said, but still.

If this is supposed to be an ironic shot at oversensitive fiction authors, then why does Twilight learn the lesson at the end that giving feedback on another's writing is a bad, hurtful thing to do? Shouldn't Applejack have learned the lesson that getting defensive and acting like a jackass when someone criticizes her writing is the wrong thing to do?

Sorry, but the ending kills the rest of the story for me.

I'm tempted to dislike, because this is the worst case of OOC I've ever seen...
Sorry bro, but that's not Applejack. :applejackunsure:

I think I read this before....did you put it on da or fanfiction?

That last lesson is very important. Bee stings are a major cause of injury and discomfort in Equestria, making up 20% of all emergency room cases in the past year. Statistics provided by the Gallop Polls.

Oh, and bottling up feelings is bad, too.

That ACCENT is nearly unreadable if you don't know how to read how a 6-year-old types. :ajbemused:

It ruined the entire story, honestly. That and the fact that Twi' writes the letter? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png Seems legit.

Seems like Applejack got off easy while Twi' is the one that feels like she did something wrong, even though she honestly didn't and AJ is just oversensitive. :pinkiesick:

2/10 for the story for the above reasons.

750340
If everyone hated it, then there wouldn't be 240 likes up at the top. You shouldn't feel that you need to take down your story just because a few percent of the readers disliked it.

I have to admit that I am a little bit amused that the author of a story about taking criticism too hard is, in the comments on said story, taking criticism way too hard! This is not a badly written story. It does have the issues the others have mentioned, namely, that AJ's phonetic spelling is a chore to read, and that the ultimate moral of the story is a bit wonky. That said, your writing is solid, and you rightly can be proud of your work. I enjoyed it. :ajsmug:

I agree with insertauthorhere. This could be an episode if you included letters to Celestia from BOTH ponies. Twilight learns that even the best intentioned critiques can really hurt, and Applejack learns that bottling up frustrations can have severe consequences. Also, I would like to think that instead of Big Mac intervening, Applejack realizes that she crossed a line with the bees, having caused personal injury to Twilight, and has a bit of a "what have I done?" moment.

Harness Collar...you mean yoke?

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