• Published 7th Jan 2016
  • 12,809 Views, 217 Comments

"Okay! Who Killed Angel Bunny?" - naturalbornderpy



At a tea party with all of her friends, Fluttershy returns from the kitchen to find her beloved Angel Bunny dead on the floor. "Okay! Who Killed Angel Bunny?"

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"Seriously. I Just Want To Know."

“Okay! Who killed Angel Bunny?”

All five of Fluttershy’s friends whirled around as she shrieked at them from the entrance to her kitchen. The tray of tea and cups and some of those tiny scones she bought at the marketplace loudly clattered to the ground.

“What’s that you say, Fluttershy?” Applejack asked, as she trotted to her and attempted to obstruct her view of the rest of the room. “Don’t think I caught that right.”

“I said who killed Angel Bunny?” Fluttershy said with a deep set frown.

“Why, no one, of course,” Applejack answered weakly, before looking behind her. “Right, girls?”

All four of them nodded in unison, their lips pulled tight.

“Right, AJ!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

Fluttershy roughly shoved Applejack aside and narrowed her eyes at her friends. “So I didn’t just see Angel Bunny on the ground with a hoofprint on his head?”

“Nope! Must’ve been all in your imagination, dear!” Rarity chirped.

Fluttershy’s glare traveled to the rabbit-sized lump underneath her living room carpet. “So that lump under my carpet isn’t the Angel Bunny you hid there when I wasn’t looking?”

“Not Angel Bunny. Absolutely not,” Twilight agreed readily.

“So if I were to lift up my carpet, I wouldn’t find him there?”

“But why would you ever want to lift up your carpet?” Twilight asked.

“To see what that lump is.”

Twilight smiled thinly. “But why?”

“To find Angel Bunny.”

“But aren’t life’s greatest mysteries better left unsolved, Fluttershy? Where do we come from? Where are we going? What could that lump underneath my carpet be?”

Fluttershy ground her teeth. “Not when the mystery is who killed Angel Bunny!”

“Try thinking of it like this, then. Right now, Angel Bunny is both alive and dead, as long as you don’t lift up that carpet—”

“I got this, Twi,” Rainbow Dash cut in bluntly. “Angel Bunny’s just fine, isn’t that right, Angel?”

Both Fluttershy and Twilight turned to find Rainbow Dash seated on the couch, a foreleg wrapped around Angel Bunny’s shoulders, keeping his head upright. His eyes were closed and his tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth. There was a large hoofprint embedded on his forehead.

Yes, Angel Bunny is totally super duper! Don’t worry about me, Fluttershy!” Angel Bunny said, the hoof around his shoulders flicking his lips up and down to give him the appearance of speaking.

Fluttershy growled deep in her throat. “I know that’s just your voice, Rainbow Dash!”

Rainbow Dash used another hoof to raise one of Angel Bunny’s eyebrows. She continued talking with a high falsetto. “What? No, she isn’t. It’s totally me—Angel Bunny. Don’t you remember my catch phrase? ‘That’s not how I remember it!

Fluttershy stormed over to her. “Firstly: Angel Bunny doesn’t talk! Secondly: his catch phrase was ‘annoyed sigh’ and that was it!”

The hoof around Angel Bunny’s head went limp and his head dropped lifelessly to his side. Rainbow Dash brought a hoof to her cheek. “Oh, right. He didn’t speak, did he?”

“So it was you who killed Angel Bunny!” Fluttershy screamed.

Rainbow Dash blanched. “What? No, I mean, maybe it was—”

“Now I see what’s happened here,” Applejack announced from the other end of the room. She hurried to them with a short letter in hoof. “Look what I just found. A note from Angel Bunny. I think it’s a suicide note.”

Fluttershy ripped the letter away from her. She read aloud: “Dearest Fluttershy, I am saddened to say that I will be dying today, but I’m more than all right with it. Just thought you should know so you don’t go blowing up on all your friends or something. Got to go. Bye-bye. Maybe buy more apples in my memory?”

Fluttershy looked up to Applejack, who was nodding with her eyes closed. “Looks like that ends that bit of ugly business.”

Fluttershy held the letter up so everyone could see it. She pointed to the last line. “Signed, Angle Bunny. Angle Bunny!?”

Applejack furrowed her brows. “What? You mean I’ve been saying his name wrong all this time?”

In a fit of rage, Fluttershy threw the letter down and started pounding on it with her hooves. With a livid stare, she slowly circled her friends. “I want to know who killed Angel Bunny and I want to know now! When I went to the kitchen, Angel Bunny was perfectly fine. Ten seconds later, he’s dead! So who! Tell me!

“It was me, Fluttershy,” Twilight said earnestly.

“No, she’s lying!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “It was actually me! I—”

“Knock it off! Knock it off, both of you!” Applejack roared. She held her head low. “No more fibbing. I don’t like it and it wasn’t right in the first place. The truth is I walked over to the window while you were in the kitchen and then one crunch sound later, it turned out I stepped on Angel Bunny by accident. But only by accident, Fluttershy. I mean, all things considered, I think it was bound to happen sooner or later—six ponies, four hooves each, inside a tiny cottage full of tiny creatures scurrying around all over the place. I think it was only a week ago that Rarity stepped on one of your salamanders and threw it behind the couch.”

“So that’s what that smell was,” Rainbow Dash said. “Poor Sally.”

Fluttershy collapsed to the floor and started playing with a lock of her mane. “How could you, Applejack?” she croaked, tears welling up in both eyes. “You killed Angel Bunny.”

Applejack sat on the floor with her. “I know, Fluttershy, and I just feel downright terrible about it. But listen here—I’ll get you a new rabbit just as soon as I can. How’s that sound? Angel Bunny was getting pretty old, wasn’t he?”

“But Angel Bunny was perfect… he was special…” Fluttershy continued quietly, “He was horrible and mean and nasty and—”

Applejack jolted back suddenly. “What’s that now?”

“Angel Bunny. He was a monster. The worst monster of them all.”

Rainbow Dash climbed off the couch to be closer to them. “Then why are you even sad he’s dead, Fluttershy?”

She looked up at her with wet cheeks. “Because I wanted to kill him.”

Her five friends shared a collective gasp.

Fluttershy sighed. “I know it sounds weird, but… Angel Bunny was the closest thing to pure evil I ever knew—and that’s why I decided months ago that I had to kill him; that I had to be the one to end it all. I couldn’t live with myself if I ever hurt an innocent little creature… but Angel Bunny didn’t count.”

“What ever were you going to do to him?” Rarity asked tentatively.

Fluttershy motioned towards a text the size of a phonebook on the coffee table. “I wrote it down—all of it. Everything I was going to do during Angel Bunny’s last sixteen and a half hours on this Earth.”

Rainbow Dash gingerly flipped to a random page in the book. “Oh, wow! There’s even pictures! And this is just volume one! But some of this doesn’t even look physically possible, Fluttershy.”

“It is, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy answered. “I did the research and everything.”

Twilight grimaced. “So that’s why you asked to borrow that book on historical torture techniques.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Yes. I was going to hit him over the head with it.”

Applejack wrapped a leg around her. “Awe shucks, and here I ruined everything for you. But, hey, you never know! One of us could always come across another animal just as evil as Angel Bunny. There’s always a chance, right?”

Fluttershy begrudgingly agreed. “I guess so, Applejack. Angel Bunny was just so perfect, though. The only living being I could ever imagine horrifically murdering and being completely fine with it.”

And so, the very next day, a small funeral was held where Angel Bunny was quietly laid to rest. Attendance was low and few tears were shed, aside from Discord, Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra and Tirek, let out of Tartarus on a day pass. They’d truly lost one of the greats that day.

On the other hoof, the reception following the funeral was one of the largest gatherings in equestrian history. Drinks were consumed. Cops were called. And a new national holiday was born: “National Bunny Crunch Day”.

Fluttershy even got a new pet from one of her friends after. A puppy that immediately barked at her and bit her on the leg.

Fluttershy couldn’t be happier.

Author's Note:

Was looking at some "The Hateful Eight" reviews and they kept on using the term "murder mystery", so I thought about an MLP murder mystery. Then I thought about who I could kill that no one would really care about. And that's how this... thing happened.

Eeyup. :eeyup:

Comments ( 216 )

Well that was a nice story. But, I'm just wondering, why is Angel Bunny so evil?

Fluttershy has every right to kill Angel, and you ruined it! :ajsleepy: Oh well, at least she has a new animal to hate. :ajbemused:

I was hoping for that ending the whole time I was reading. I was not disappointed. +1.

So....that just happened:rainbowderp:

This was a thing that happened.

Pause #7 · Jan 7th, 2016 · · ·

6808085

"I think the real question is 'Who didn't kill Angel Bunny?'".

6808107 He's the shows ways of representing socialism. It seems so nice and amazing on the outside, but then you when you switch to socialism/let Angel Bunny into your home, you realize that it's actually terrible. It suddenly starts demanding far more than it could ever give, demanding billions in taxpayer money/carrots. Even still, it continues to look lovely to the outside world, which is one the most insidious aspects. It corrupts young minds, making the next generation into socialists/want to pet bunnies. There is one up side however, as shown in the story: the ability to being able deliver the death blow. And like Fluttershy to Angel Bunny, the U.S.A is just waiting for the perfect moment to nuke Sweden into oblivion.

poetic justice :fluttercry: you stole my thunder :applejackunsure: sorry about that

Angle Bunny is Angel's Nice Twin, Applejack. Everypony knows that.

6808197

Huh, I guess that makes sense. Sad, it just had to make all the bunnies in the world look worse.

Well, looks like fluttershy's shed is useless now. :trollestia:

6808262 except for the puppy that bit her.

We are gathered here to pay tribute to Angel Bunny XIV, a good friend and loyal companion, who should have been able to duck faster. Isn't that right, Angel Bunny XV?

I killed the wabbit

what

Seriously, I don't even.

And this is why I'm convinced the desolate wasteland future in the finale was the future where ANGEL won...

6808875 Welcome to the club.

Derpy you little edgelord I love you.

6809057
derpy is the best. There's a reason I follow the guy.

funny story. Favorited and liked.

This was awesome!

TGM

pfffffft.

Wonderful.

Should have killed the little bucker a long time ago!!!

I've always figure that Angel was a direct descendant of The Beast of Caerbannog.

The First Evil Rabbit and the Horrible Progenitor of Angle Bunny. The Beast of Caerbannog!

"National Bunny Crunch Day"? I'm reminded of "Weasel Stomping Day".

Faces filled with joy and cheer!
What a magical time of year!
Howdy-ho, it's Bunny Crunching Day!

This is incredible :rainbowlaugh:

I bet the climax of Fluttershy's scheme would have been to lure Angel Bunny into a shed where he thinks he's safe, only to turn on the lights...

...and the shed is filled to the brim with Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch.

I don't know why but I didn't really enjoy this story. Sorry author.

This... this is perfect. This is perfect in every way. The entire time I was all like,
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11118/111184194/4152513-7591999836-tumbl.gif

6808197 You really want to live in world without meatballs, ABBA, and IKEA?

I have a better question: It's Angel Bunny, so who the fuck cares?

But seriously, I don't think I've ever laughed this hard at a FIMfiction story. :rainbowlaugh: This was just so perfect. Like. Fave. Follow. ALLA DAT!

Bravo, sir. Bravo! :pinkiehappy:

6810561 Just have Switzerland handle those things, they're practically the same country.

Simply magnificent. Splendid. Perfect. It's glorious!:moustache:

Fluttershy held the letter up so everyone could see it. She pointed to the last line. “Signed, Angle Bunny. Angle Bunny!?”

The note was completely legit up to that point.

“Because I wanted to kill him.” HAHAHAHA!!!!

Wow...I was not expecting that, haha. :rainbowlaugh:

6811573
Nobody wacks my bunny but ME :flutterrage:
...:derpytongue2:
wait no that's not...:fluttershyouch:

It was Roger Rabbit.

6808196
Point ninenineninenineninenineninenineninenineninenineninenineninenineninenineninenineninenineninenine (insert the portal reference video.)

6808197
Goddamnit. You had to politicize, didn't you?

AJ done killed tge the wabbit. Good twist.

This stopped being funny as soon as you mentioned Sombra. Then it got slightly funny again with the reminder of "Weasel Stomping Day".

If you were going to include Sombra then mention his horn and found remains or something! ...unless he was in tuned with the Force.

6813316 Must've been Apple Buck season. ...or rabbit season.

Every time I look in the Featured box, I see the same damn name. You name, Mr. Derp.

Where do you live?

Because wherever it is, I'd like to visit that place and see if I can draw any inspiration to write a decent fanfic. Preferably for my character/buddy, Unique.

Oh, and keep the great stories coming. The more of your material that's in the Featured box, the less space there'll be for another cliche 10-minute written copy-paste clopfic!

In fact, you know what? Just just just take a follow from me, yeah? Yeah? YEAH!?! HAVE A FOLLOW YOU GLORIOUS PERSON!

You know, I kinda saw it comming, the note at the bottom of the summary pratically sold it... :applejackunsure:

“Because I wanted to kill him.”

:rainbowderp:

:rainbowlaugh:

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