• Member Since 10th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

naturalbornderpy


Just a nice, polite Canadian.

T

Twilight Sparkle receives a new book from Discord chock-full of interesting and unknown facts about draconequi. How fascinating!

Nothing sinister about that, right?

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 231 )

looks intriguing my friend.

Alright, I think this story is hilarious. You are a writing god, Derpy. Also, just taking a shot in the dark: Discord is one of your favorite characters, correct? He IS mine. He's more than just the annoying troll of the show, he an actual character, who has had plenty of development, and I love him :raritywink:

Is that draconequi now called Donald Trump?

Fact 102: A single member of the species is called a draconequus. However, technically every individual of the species is a plural entity.

4. Although it may go against their “wild and crazy” nature, draconequi do in fact like sitting down and writing lists, so long as said list has a valid reason and purpose to its creation.

I see what you did there.

7153692
Fact 103: Discord is best draconequus

7153737 Fact 104: Draconequi don't actually ice-cream. They just eat it when it's most inconvenient for the pony in question.

Yottall Ton Ciddors

Nope. That’s totally not an author name I’ve seen before. Not at all.

A draconequi’s

So draconequus individuals are plural whenever they feel like it? Makes sense.

Maybe that pen is on another planet inhabited by one lone man who keeps saying that nothing is true...

CCC

Ha. After Fact 99, Twilight's going to be very suspicious if her next hayburger is really good...

Does anyone of them know Captain Jean-Luc Picard? :pinkiehappy:

45. Draconequi rarely play instruments. Rather, they play ponies. Usually like fiddles.

I would like to see art of this.

71. Once upon a time, a draconequi laughed so hard he accidentally invented comic sans. He is still being savagely hunted to this day.

Knighty, please add the ability to use Comic Sans in comments .

Eleven mouths later, the mare known as Pinkie Pie shot out.

I would also like to see art of this. The mouths, I mean.

members of PETDBERG […] have been known to vocally exclaim their distain to such individuals.

disdain?

Got one of your own?

Fact 103 (alarajrogers took Fact 102): Years before King Sombra’s reign, a draconequi accidentally started the changeling race by spilling blackberry frogurt on crystal ponies. Said frogurt was cursed. That’s bad.

Yottall Ton Ciddors thats totally not discord with the letters mixed up

Yottall Ton Ciddors...?

That seems mighty familiar.

Totally Not Discord?

A census taker once tried to test a draconequi.

I see what you did there,

P.S.: 'Draconequi' is plural. The singular form is 'draconequus'.

36. If a draconequi finishes a story with the phrase “true story”, there is usually a ninety-one percent chance that it was false. True story.

This must be a "This sentence is false" paradox, right?

In mid-read, Twilight looked up from her book for a moment to sneeze. She then wiped at her nose with a tissue.

37. Bless you.

Alternative fact: Books written by a draconequi can read your mind.

46. You can tell when draconequi are really up to no good when castles start to randomly groan and creak.

I guess something's going to happen in the next chapter, right?

47. It was a draconequi that let the dogs out. He’s very sorry about that.

Nice song reference. :pinkiehappy:

the darkest bowls of Tartarus.

I can only assume you mean 'bowels'.

Also, as has been noted, there are multiple times where you refer to a single draconequus with the plural form of the word.

I can't even begin to describe how amazing this is:pinkiehappy:

42. Draconequi love stealing and hording ponies’ fridges.

hoarding

Fact 105: It is thought that Celestia is an Alicorn...this is not quite true.

Alicorns are simply Draconequis in denial.

There is one draconequus. There are two draconequi.

That was fun. Could definitely stand a pass or two with the Edit-o-Tron, but fun nonetheless.

You know what I bet the real joke is? Every single one of those things was true, and now Twilight will never believe it.

Fluttershy spoke timidly, “Maybe the castle won’t—”

That was when the castle let out an earsplitting groan—almost as if its very foundation were quickly coming undone. Fluttershy shrieked and buried her head in Rainbow Dash’s lap.

“No one panic!” Twilight shouted to the shaken mares. “It’s only noise! So far, that’s all we’ve seen of Discord’s so-called plan. Just clouds and noise.” She sighed. “But that also means we need to keep reading more random facts about draconequi in order to fully understand what’s going on around here.”

Rainbow Dash blanched. “Seriously?”

:ajbemused: That's the best plan you can come up with, Twi?
:fluttercry: We're doomed....

54. Every draconequi comes into this world equipped with a built in teddy bear that will read to them at night.
What? Not every draconequi fact needs to be weird or mean spirited.

I wish I had a plushie that can do things like that. (stares at my Yoshi plush) Hey! Do something for heaven's sake!

64. You can tell when draconequi are up to “the worst possible thing” when it starts raining cats and dogs outside.

Yeah, things are not gonna be pretty in the next chapter. :pinkiecrazy:

75. After King Sombra’s rather violent defeat, Princess Celestia and Discord got into a small bidding war over what remained of the tyrannical King’s curved red horn. Following fourteen hours of heated bidding, Discord won the horn by a mere fraction of a bit. He literally nibbled a quarter of a coin off with his teeth in order to win.
King Sombra’s horn remains stuck to Discord’s wall to this day, where he hangs up his hat and coat after long days of doing absolutely nothing.

Sombra would be rolling in his grave...if he had a grave, that is.

79. A book just dictated a part of your life. They seem to be very good at that, don’t they?

Oh yes, they do. :pinkiecrazy:

93. A draconequi once spat a well-chewed piece of pink gum into a mare’s mouth. Eleven mouths later, the mare known as Pinkie Pie shot out. Or that’s what we’re going with because we honestly have no other clue how she operates the way she does.

Pinkie Pie also has the ability to create babies out of her own tail.

pre01.deviantart.net/47de/th/pre/f/2015/028/2/7/how_more_babies_are_made_by_beavernator-d8fr3ks.png

97. According to nearly all draconequi, Equestria does not actually revolve around the sun. It instead revolves solely around them. The runner-up answer is of course: Celestia’s plot.

It’s just that big.

It must be due to all of the cakes she ate in the past, eh? :trollestia:

7154051

42b. The Icebox Horde is the reason why the Frozen North got that way. But you didn't read that from me.

“Fact 101: Draconequi love making up fake draconequi facts—usually for stupid gullible ponies.”

Oh, Twilight. You should've known better than to read a book full of cheesy facts written by Discord. I think my favorite facts were the ones that reacted to Twilight's actions (37 and 79).

If there's one fact I want to add, it'll be this:

"Draconequi know how many licks it takes to get to the center of the Tootsie Roll Pop: one. They just eat the whole thing because they're so tiny."

7153681
Actually, probably yes. Donald Trump is currently 69 years old...
Uhh...
{Insert Illuminati Joke}

This is hilarious in the most perfect way :rainbowlaugh:

43. Draconequi have a lengthy list of “Best Pony Plots” in all of Equestria. Spots 1 and 2 currently belong to Princess Celestia’s. It’s just that big.

i.imgur.com/himZD0M.gif

62. You can tell a draconequi really likes you when they use the soft kind of rope to bind you with.

7153997 Has that joke been used before, or are you just good at word scrambles?

7154300 It seems mildly familiar, but I can't place it.

...and it was rather simple and funny.

Fact 14 made me sad.
But Fact 15 was hilarious and made it all better. Although it is about a strange creature following little foals around and staring at them all their lives, so it really should be scarier than it is funny. Yet it's funny.
My headcanon about draconequi goes that there is a race of these creatures, but they are not a race of chaos spirits. Discord has a species name, but it wouldn't make sense for there to be more than one being with his powers. So I think that a draconequus is what happens when a dragon and a pony somehow manage to conceive a child (probably a very rare or freak occurrence, kind of like a cockatrice's birth), and apart from being a jumble of different animals, they don't have any unusual abilities that you wouldn't expect them to have. Discord, being the spirit of chaos, can change his own appearance to suit his whims (we've seen him change his look plenty of times) and he just likes the way draconequi look; they appeal to his love of bizarreness. So he chooses to look like one, but since he's Discord, he doesn't actually have a species.

Cool facts. Definitely gonna keep reading.

54. Every draconequi comes into this world equipped with a built in teddy bear that will read to them at night.

Ain't that cute. I wonder if they enjoy Cupcakes on stormy nights.

50. To think, it was only sixty-nine years ago that a draconequi became so fed up with Equestria altogether that they moved to the human world to live there permanently. They are currently seeking a career in politics.

With a small loan of a million bits...

63. Draconequi rarely have offspring for one very large reason: ponies end up paying more attention to their children than to them. Upon birth, most draconequi children are swiftly transformed into regular ponies and dropped off in the middle of the woods to live out the rest of their lives.

It’s not all bad, though. They’re always given a sack lunch before they go.

A cheese string and two pudding cups. Sometimes a carton of chocolate milk.

I feel as though this is a reference to something, but I'm just not getting it...

Another Discord fic? Sombra's beginning to think you forgot about him. He came over and I spent about four hours convincing him you hadn't. :twilightoops:


(Totally joking, this fic looks great haha.)

Twilight has yet to question Pinkie and/or her family about her existence :pinkiecrazy:

:rainbowlaugh: That was hilarious! All of it! I figured Discord was up to something stupid when the book started dropping hints about him being up to no good. I might just try something like this myself, if I have the time.

Huh... I was expecting the last fact to be the Draconequi loved making fake facts, but I figured he'd tack on "True Story." By having a sentence fragment, the fact is not necessarily a lie, because he's not speaking in complete sentences, but it also has a 91 percent chance of being false, which would make it a lie.

Also, 9% of the current "facts" given cannot be false. 21. exists to prove 22. 22. Can be false, but 21. cannot be false in and of itself. 33. and 34. are actually the same reason tied by an elipsis, bringing our list of "facts" down to 100 -- which is important for the math. 37. is a simple statement not a fact. 19. 46. and 64. were meant as omens and not facts, so their validity doesn't matter when they served their implicit purpose to be seem ominous. 69. is similar to 33. 78. and 79. are also commands/omens and were never meant by the author to be taken as pure fact but as foreshadowing. That brings us to 8 not-lies in 100 "facts". If 101. is true, 91 percent of the rest of the would be presumably false, but if "True story." was tacked onto 101 that would lend merit to fact that 36 may be true and that might mean 101. is meant to implicitly be read Draconequi like making up facts, but not all facts you hear may be wrong, and that would drive Twilight crazy trying to figure out which facts were true and which weren't and if the paradox of that clashing with the original reason for some reasons to maybe be true means she's barking up the wrong tree, but that would set everything back in place so that 36. has merit again so suddenly she's back to the right tree only to find the wrong tree again, and then she'll come to hate that metaphor, which will cause her to hate trees, which will cause her to hate Tree Hugger(s).

Just as planned.

Ok... I'm done now. Got it all out of my system.

101. Superman and the Flash once had a race to the end of the universe to see who was faster. Batman won because Discord was a big fan of the Dark Knight trilogy.

It was a draconequi that let the dogs out.

This should be singular. Also the other times you did the same thing. If you're having trouble, try replacing 'draconequus' with 'dog' in the sentence. If it feels natural to use 'dog', use 'draconequus'. If it feels natural to use 'dogs', use 'draconequi'.

Caught it straight away...

101 Interesting Facts About The Draconequi by Yottall Ton Ciddors

'Totally Not Discord'

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