“Look, girls!” Twilight Sparkle greeted her friends brightly, a brand new book bouncing around inside her aura. “Discord just lent me a new book!”
On the carpet of Castle Friendship’s lush library, Rainbow Dash stopped reading from her Wonderbolts’ guidebook to roll her eyes. “No way! Twilight Sparkle excited about a new book? Wake me up when something interesting happens, please.”
Taking the barb in stride, Twilight crossed the room to sit in one of her plush chairs by the fireplace. “But this isn’t just any book, Rainbow Dash. It’s a fact book! About draconequi!”
Fluttershy strolled towards Twilight with a faint gasp. “Really? Discord never did mention anything about draconequi before… or the fact he even liked or owned books.”
“Well, what are you waiting for, Twilight?” Rarity chirped from the sofa. “Open it up and give it a read. I must say I am more than a bit curious to learn what makes creatures like Discord tick.”
Twilight gave her a nod. “All right. Let’s see what this thing says.”
She then opened the book to read aloud
***
101 Interesting Facts About The Draconequi by Yottall Ton Ciddors
1. Although most draconequi appear to have several holes on their bodies (mouth, ears, nostrils, etc.), there is only one “secret” hole that actually functions the way it’s supposed to. The scientist known as Nobel Thought was the first to make such an odd discovery, when he accidentally went to shake a draconequus' hand only to trip at the last moment and leave his hoof extended as he fell. Until his dying day, Nobel Thought never did use that hoof again.
2. Draconequi have a deep love for ice cream. Namely, other ponies’ ice cream, but only once they’ve purchased it and have yet to take a single bite of the cold delicacy. Draconequi have also been known to purchase Neapolitan ice cream for those close to them and completely devour the chocolate section, thus leaving only vanilla and strawberry for the recipient to grieve over.
3. The creature known as the draconequi was first created when a random pony dropped a single coin in the middle of a busy marketplace, thus causing various animals to charge for the bit and smash into each other hard enough to split reality as we know it and combine into one new and fantastic being.
This theory, of course, is entirely speculation, as all first-hoof witnesses were instantly blinded by the initial collision.
4. Although it may go against their “wild and crazy” nature, draconequi do in fact like sitting down and writing lists, so long as said list has a valid reason and purpose to its creation.
5. Most draconequi’s favorite color is standard sky blue followed closely by chartreuse with a dash of amethyst and mauve. Or black. Black goes with most everything.
6. There is only one known recording of a draconequus successfully killing themselves. It involved a draconequus somehow burping, sneezing, and farting all at the same time. It is still unknown whether this self-destruction was intentional or purely by accident.
7. Doctors have said that draconequi have only a single ticklish spot on their entire bodies: their eyeballs. Rarely are draconequi tickled.
8. Doctors have also said that the organs of a draconequi are much different than that of normal creatures. For instance, inside their bodies they have a total of: two livers; four stomachs (one strictly for dessert and sweets); one and a half kidneys; and, a motionless heart the size of a marble that can (on occasion) grow three times its normal size—usually around the holiday season.
9. Most types of peanuts are allergic to draconequi.
10. One poor draconequus forgot to screw his head on one morning and was never able to find it again. So beware when a draconequi offers you head.
11. The yellow in most draconequi’s eyes is caused by them staring directly at the sun. The red pupils are due to the sun staring back at the draconequi in return.
12. A draconequus' favorite beverage is ice water. It is so normal and plain tasting, it shocks the draconequus' digestive system until they start to hallucinate and speak in nothing but rhymes.
13. A draconequus' favorite number is thirteen for obvious reasons. Because it’s higher than twelve and twelve’s a silly and smelly number.
14. All draconequi have one lone mother to call their own. They all hate her the exact same amount and collectively forget her birthday each and every year.
15. A pony once challenged a draconequus to a staring contest. Sadly, even after the pony was defeated in intense eye-staring combat, the draconequus continued to stare at the pony until they passed away over fifty-six years later. The poor pony’s offspring are currently being stared at to this day.
16. There was once a time when draconequi were free to roam the Earth:
Last Tuesday. Around lunch time.
17. Draconequi are notoriously good hitchhikers—mostly due to having thumbs.
18. Draconequi refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer, but they will accept ‘Nuh-uh, bro’ as long as it’s said as snidely as possible.
19. It is said that draconequi are up to no good when dark clouds appear in the sky inexplicably during the middle of the day.
20. Most draconequi love listening to rare and unique music not regularly found in Equestria. One such album that was never made and never recorded was “The Sounds of Silence”. You’ve probably never heard of it.
22. Draconequi hate it when lists skip numbers for no reason.
21. That’s better.
23. One hundred and forty years ago, a draconequus famously convinced a naïve colt that they were their imaginary friend and would grant them up to three wishes of their choosing. One schoolhouse fire later and that same colt was sentenced to forty years hard labor deep inside the darkest bowels of Tartarus. That particular draconequus was never heard from again. Probably because they were imaginary.
24. All remaining draconequi in the world are linked by one common goal: thousands of years ago one of them lost their favorite pen and would like it back. Have you seen this pen, perhaps? It has teeth marks on the side.
25. A census taker once tried to test a draconequus. It made for one rather pleasant and fascinating afternoon for all parties involved. Tea was served.